Hey there, my cute followers!! Here it is the new chapter of Brand New. As the last one, it is going to be bittersweet, but don't kill me, ok? Soon, trust me, soon Leonetta will see the light of day. Additionally, this chapter is a bit more shorter, but more deep and introspective. I hope you like that and don't think it's too dense and get bored, but I think that, where tt'he story has come and where the feeling came to, it needed to be more like that, they needed to be scanned. So, here it goes!!
Yes, finally it was Monday. I could go to Studio and be with my friends. I was getting my bag to go when León said:
- Good morning, Violetta.
- Gosh, you scared me! - I opened widely my eyes and brought my hands to my chest.
- Gee, am I that ugly? - He giggled.
- Of course not. - I shot, blushing right after. He was hot, damn... way too far away from ugly.
- Shall we go? - He said.
- Yes!
Our way to Studio was quite awkward. I mean, we were only talking about the weather, TV shows, Studio, not about us. Not about what had happened the morning before, when he said he loved me or when he said we couldn't have a relationship or when he said there was the possibility of we never seeing each other again. No. We were talking about random stuff and that broke me up inside. I was dying to look into those hazel eyes and say how much I loved him, but it would make things even more difficult for both of us, and the last I wanted to do was to hurt him. When we arrived, I was totally drowned in those thoughts, so lost in them, León had to snap his fingers right in front of my eyes.
- Oh, sorry. I was distracted.
- Are you okay? - He asked me, smiling lightly.
Do you know when someone asks you if you are okay and you only want to spill out everything and cry, but you can't, so you fake a smile? That was one of those times. Do you know when you're in tears and broken-hearted inside, but you put your brightest smile on your face and people think you're fine? That was one of those times. I lighted the best smile I could and nodded vigorously at him.
We walked together through Studio's hall and I tried to drive my mind to another direction and think of how I missed that place, how I missed the feeling of belonging to that very same place. I spotted Fran and Camila, and also the boys, who greeted me with cheers and hugs. They were happy that I was back, so was I. Even Pablo, Beto and Angie came to welcome me, and that was very sweet. In the middle of so many loving people, I could only glance at León and notice the way his eyes smiled at me and that felt good, to know he was happy that I was happy.
- Thank you so, so much, guys. This means a lot, really! - I smiled.
After that sweet hello, I went to my first class of the morning. I was glad it was the singing class.
*******
Me, Francesca and Camila were sitting on a free table of a local cafe when the León subject came up.
- I saw you two together, walking past the Studio entrance. - Fran started, as usual. But I wasn't in the mood for that.
- Please, don't come with that again, girls. You don't know how my weekend was. - I said in an icy and rough tone.
- Oh, sorry.
They were hurt by the way I said it, so I took it back quickly.
- I'm so sorry, girls, I didn't mean to be harsh on you, it's just... things aren't going exactly as I thought they would. - I sighed, bringing my hands to my face.
- It's okay, but what happened? - Camila had a concerned look in her eyes, as well as Fran.
I struggled to hold back my tears as I was coming back to that talk through my memory. The softness of his voice, the pain in my heart. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to say it all because I needed someone to understand me. But then, entering that cafe, there was him, with his wild hazel eyes and cute smile, perfect, disarming me at the most, as always. So, no, I couldn't do it. I couldn't say it with him there, not with him. I would fall apart. So did I. Tears streamed down and I ran out of there, leaving Fran and Cami clueless. I still heard León calling my name but only made it worse.
I rushed forward an unknown destination, a peaceful place to stay, to cry out as I wanted, to let out all the frustration and pain I was feeling. Although, there was no place like that and the only one that could bring me such peace and calm wasn't there and was the source of all those feelings, so that place couldn't be an option then. I ended up heading to my house, but as I stood in the front door I realised that that was his spot too now. I glanced at the sky. It was already getting dark, so I decided to walk inside and have a soothing bath to relax. I was in too much stress.
*******
After a warm, calming shower and a nice dinner, I dressed to my pajamas and started writing on my diary. I really needed to speak to my mom.
Dear mommy
Right here, right now, you are the one thing I'm needing the most. I'm back to Buenos Aires, but trouble and pain are too far from having an end. I get the whole thing of the «no dating deal», however this not being easy at all. We are only in the first day, I can't even imagine how my life will be from now on. How am I supposed to deal with this?
I love him, mommy, and I know he loves me too, I cannot be away from him, he is asking too much. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm the selfish one here. He is only trying to protect both of us from more pain. And maybe that is one of the many reasons why I love him.
Even today I couldn't tell the girls what is going on because I saw him coming to us. I panicked and started to remember the friend-zone talk. This is harder than I expected and, as I said, we're only in day 1. I wonder how this will end.
Love you, Violetta
I read was I had written and flashbacked that talk. He said «I love you. Don't ask me why, I just feel it in my bones, in my heart and head. But, I can't go further than this, we can't. I am not going to risk both of us to suffer if I have to go to the USA. I don't want you to suffer more about losing someone in your life.»
I was trying not to fall apart, quickly drying my tears, when he knocked on my door and called me. I felt that, if I dared to say a word or make a sound, I would burst into cry, so I stayed quiet, waiting for his next move. He opened the door and, when he saw me bent down, he rushed to me.
- Hey, Vilu, what's going on? - He asked me. But, by that time I was already sobbing. Somehow, managed to stop crying with that intensity, so I took a deep breath. He was still asking me what was the matter, but I kept saying no with my head, afraid that with one single word another tear would stream down again. - It is about us, isn't it?
I looked at him. His eyes were shining with less light, they carried a shade of darkness, probably because he was worried about me.
- I wish I could tell you that no, it's not about us... but yes, it is. - I mumbled.
He swallowed me with his muscular arms and then I cried so hard I could feel my eyes hurting. He was trying to calm me, but then, slowly, I realised I was in his arms, I knew I was, I just hadn't realised that. So that was an enough calm pill. I looked up to him and tried to make his eyes meet mine. Once I achieved it, I smiled and flashbacked those two nights, those two special nights. I felt my heart pounding and a huge sense of guilt suddenly striked me. His eyes were lying not only on mine but also on my lips and, as much as I wanted to kiss him, I decided not to make things worse, even more complicated, so I backed away and ran out of my room before it was too late.
I rushed downstairs to the backyard, I needed some fresh air. Outside, it was kind of warm and the stars, as well as the moon, were already showing and slightly lightening the dark sky. I brought my hands to my face and thought of how everything led back to him, an image, a gesture, a word, a song... anything. I saw him coming a few seconds later.
- León, please, I need to be alone. - I said, turning my back to him.
- I know you do, but I just want you to listen to this and then I'll leave you.
I faced him and notice a few tears floating in his eyes.
- I made the decision of keeping myself from you... and we both made that promise. Although, it hasn't been easy to keep up with that. Not for me and, obviously, not for you. You are very important to me. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever came across, so I don't want to lose you. I just want you to know that I love you, but I can't make you suffer by losing someone you care about, again. I know one day I'll be flying off of here and, when that happens, I don't want to take you down by the weight of a serious relationship... that will be lost. But, I love you, okay?
His eyes were glistening as little shining stars and my heart was pounding hearing those loving words. Again, he said he loved me. Tears were ready to fall down, but I struggled to make them stand still.
- I know you do. And I also know you're doing this to protect me. I just wish this hadn't to be so complicated. - I faced him. That was when I couldn't bare it anymore. His eyes, smiling of satisfaction as I said those few words, were knives to my heart. He hugged me as he had never done.
- I am so sorry. - His voice sounded weak and that weakened me.
We stood like that for a while. Even if we couldn't be together, even if kissing wasn't aloud between us, that hug was somehow everything. Only that made me happy.
- You will always, always be my princess. - He said, as soon as our eyes met again.
- I know. - I managed to smile at him.
- That is my pretty girl smiling around. - He said, and we both giggled.
- An that is my guardian angel, protecting me and making me happy.
He took my hands and that sent electricity through all my body.
- Right here, right now, let's promise each other we'll never leave this love. Let's promise that one day, when things aren't this rough, it will meet accomplish. - He said, with a deep tone in his voice, adding seriousness to those words.
- Yes, I promise. - I smiled.
He hugged me again, sealing our pact. I wasn't able to say how, but that honest talk made feel so much better. I concluded that telling the truth is always the best choice, keeping your feelings for you is the best thing you can do to destroy yourself and that spilling everything out with no regrets is the best thing you can do to feel free of heavy thoughts. He exchanged looks one more time and, then, we both left upstairs. We entered my room and he pushed back the covers of the bed, so I could easily slip into it, and that' what I did. He turned on my bedside nightlight and turned off the ceiling one. When he did all that for me, he sat next to me and gave me his hand.
- Now, I want you to sleep well and have some rest. Tomorrow will be another day. - He softly said, kissing me on my forehead. It was not the place I was expecting, but at least he did that. - Goodnight, princess.
- Goodnight. - I said as our hands were slowly going out of touch.
He stood for a few moments at the door, smiled and then he closed it. My eyes went to sleep, but my mind kept replaying those sweet moments. I couldn't believe in all that, in how tender he could be, even after doing such a promise.
- Now that I have to keep up with a pact, I will do my best to be just friends with him. I won't cry no more, I won't suffer anymore because I still have him. I'll save my tears for when he's really away. I love him, but I don't want to let him down.
As thought that to myself, I sighed in self-commitment. It would going to be tough, but totally worth it. Why? I remembered those words he said while he making the promise: «Let's promise that one day, when things aren't this rough, it will meet accomplish.» Our love would meet accomplish. We were going to be together someday. That was my safe hope, the one I would not forget, the one I would lock and mark on my heart. He was the one... so he was my guarantee.
Don't kill me, please!! What do you think about this? What do you think will happen next?
Love you :)
PS: Tomorrow is my birthday!!!! I'll turn sweet 16 ;)