Dev.
My heart hammers wildly in my chest as his eyes meet mine. He looks kind of disheveled, a little sad, a little angry even, but there's a determination I've only seen once or twice before, and only when he's about to prank me. The thought makes me nervous and I discreetly wipe my sweaty hands on my jeans.
Move legs, move. And so they do, carrying me slowly but surely to his table. I stop in front of him, my mouth a little dry as I look at him. He doesn't say anything and neither do I. What was I to say, anyway? We stay like this, in awkward silence, for a moment or two, before he gestures for me to sit. I take the weight off my feet, sitting down heavily in the wooden chair. More staring. More silence.
Thankfully, before it gets too awkward, Brooke bustles by. She's a slightly plump, hearty sort of woman, with short, curly blonde hair atop her smiling face and ruddy cheeks. She's only a few years older than Celia, but, unlike my sister, decided to quit college after her bachelor's degree, choosing instead to work at the restaurant her grandmother had lovingly started in her name. It ended up being one of the best cafés in town.
"Devon! Sweetie, is that you? I thought I heard you were back" she said cheerfully. I looked to him to see his response and found, to my pleasure, that he was smiling. It felt good to see him smile.
"Brooke! I remember you. Kind of" he laughed and she chuckled, turning her attention to me.
"And Gwen" her eyes crinkled "It's been a while since you were here" I smiled too
"I've been grounded for a bit, couldn't really get out" I laughed. She grinned, and I had the sneaking suspicion that she already knew. Brooke knew everything that happened in town. She didn't say anything though.
"I suppose it'll be the usual for you?" she asked me. I nodded. Marbled cake and coffee. She turned to Devon who ordered some coffee too. Jotting it down, she tipped an imaginary hat and hurried off to address another table.
My grin faltered when I turned to him. Sure, she'd covered the sticky moment, but what if this whole meeting was a series of sticky moments? I'd need more than one Brooke to cover all of them.
"So..." I said, picking at my sweater.
"So" he answered, not rising to bait. It was clear that there was no way he would clean up this mess.
I peeked up at him. Up close, he didn't look any much better and suddenly, uncomfortably, I was aware that I was the one who did this to him. Maybe he doesn't want anything to do with me after all...In which case, it would be best if I saved us both the pain and just handed him what he wanted.
"SorryI was late, I was a little delayed. Anyways, here" I said, rummaging in my bag and drawing out the picture. His scowling face looked up at me from it and I felt a sudden rush of fondness.
"I'll have my book back now, thanks" I rushed the words together, attempting to conceal these feelings. His brows furrowed and he frowned.
"How'd you know about the book?" he asked, confused.
I rolled my eyes, pulled out the post-it and waved it under his nose. However, this did nothing to un-confuse him, only serving to puzzle him further. He read the note and then his expression cleared, as if he understood something.
"She didn't..." he mumbled
"Who didn't?" I asked. The confusion had shifted to this end of the table. He shook his head and slid his hand into a pocket, drawing out a bright orange piece of paper.
"I assume you didn't write this" he said, pushing it across the table to me. I took it from him, our fingers brushing as I did. He pulled away quickly, as did I. I didn't look up at him, choosing instead to engage myself with this note, which read as follows:
We need to talk. Brooke's Café, 4PM?
- G
"I didn't" I said as realization dawned on me. This wasn't my handwriting. Sure, to an outsider, it could pass off as my own, but to someone whose handwriting it was, this was definitely a fake. And I knew exactly whose it was.
"Celia" I said
"Cornelia" he gestured to the note I'd gotten. So our sisters had planned this. My heart sank.
"Right" I was struggling to hide the disappointment from my voice. So he didn't want to see me after all. He'd been drawn here by the thought of me apologizing. Not because he wanted anything to do with me, he just wanted a score to be settled.
My thoughts were further confirmed when he leaned back in his chair and sighed, "I guess I better get going then" He looked to Brooke, obviously to signal that he didn't need that coffee any longer. No.
"Wait" I said, before I could stop myself. He looked at me, surprised but steady. I took a deep breath,
"Maybe we should talk" I mumbled and he raised an eyebrow. Leaning forward, he interlocked his fingers.
"So talk then" he said, his eyes narrowing slightly. It came out as frosty as the air outside. He seemed to realize too, but there would be no apologies from him this time. No, it was my turn.
"Dev" I pulled my chair closer "Dev, I'm sorry. I really am"
And before I could stop myself, the whole story came pouring out of me. Years of hurt and hate swept through my body like an unstoppable tidal wave, a tsunami of emotion so long untapped, hidden. Unchaffingly, earnestly, completely un-Gwen-like.
"I hated you. For so many years, it was stupid and immature and it's not like you could do anything about moving away anyway, but I hated you for it. I hated you for leaving me alone and friendless, to deal with Cynthia and Kelsey and the rest of them because I really couldn't without you and I know it was so very long ago and that those eleven years are gone and that we can't change it but I really shouldn't have. I'm sorry, I really am"
I was gasping, nearly sobbing now, "And when you came back, I didn't know what to do. I was moving away anyway, for college, and you'd come back too late. I'd promised myself all those years ago that if you ever came back I'd make your life hell, but there was always some part of me that missed you. I hated you, but I hated myself more for that. I have this complex about being strong and I didn't want you to hurt me again, even if the first time wasn't even really your fault. I felt like being your friend or anything really would make me weak. I didn't-I couldn't-"
"Gwen"
"And I just-"
"Gwen" His fingers found mine. The contact made me shudder to a stop, too surprised to continue my half hysterical tirade. I looked up at him, stupidly expecting coldness where instead there was warmth. His eyes were a little bright but soft, smiling, the way I liked them best.
"Oh gods, this is embarrassing" I said looking away, but not drawing my hands back. I was back to being myself, surly, sarcastic...but somehow lighter. After a very heavy burden was gone.
My heart was dancing the tango in my chest as his thumb rubbed circles on my hand. He's holding my hand, he's holding my hand, he's holding my hand. Wait, does that mean what I think it means? What what what-
"We're good, then?" I asked nervously, my mind on overdrive as he still didn't say anything. Gah, stupid question. He chuckled lightly
"I think we're a little more than good" he winked and my face flamed as I scowled at him. This only served to make him laugh more and I pinched his fingers. He mock-winced and slapped my fingers lightly
"Ow. No violence woman" he said. I smiled happily to myself.
"Coffee and cake for the happy couple" Brooke looked ecstatic and we jumped back from each other, his face as red as mine for once. It would've been adorable, had my face not looked the same way. Not adorable. Nope. Not in the slightest.
"W-we're not-"
"Well-"
"Shut up, Dev-"
"No you shut up, let me handle this-"
"You little-"
She laughed at our bickering, only furthering to cement my belief that the ship that was us had not sunk in her mind. Do I want it to sink?
The coffee and cake was good, and we sat in amicable silence. He seemed thoughtful as he sipped his coffee, stealing bits of my cake as he went along. I pretended to be displeased, but really wasn't. When he was done, he set his mug down and looked at me, a strangely intense look in his dark eyes. It set me a little on edge, but I had an inkling as to what it was about.
"Gwen, I have my own explaining to do..." I nodded. I think I knew where this was going. He sighed.
"I didn't want to leave. I think that move messed me up a lot. It certainly lead to a couple of complications later on. That day, in the supermarket" I nodded. The bump, the medicine "I assume you know what those are for. Clinical depression and anxiety. Anger management issues. Other odds and ends." He looked a little stressed but kept going.
"I'd been going to a therapist for a couple of years and nothing seemed to be working. I still hated everything and everyone, mostly myself. I still felt empty and there seemed to be nothing there. I had friends, I had a team, but those things meant little to nothing to me. My parents started getting worried, so they switched my doctor to someone else. He asked my parents if anything majorly traumatizing had happened in my life and they answered no, of course. My life was fairly normal, apart from the crazy" he laughed a little bitterly at this "But then they told him about the move and he suggested moving back. Just for a couple of months, to see if it worked out. And so they did. It helped. It helped a lot" he was looking at me now and my eyes widened. He couldn't mean me "I just didn't expect you to dislike me as much" he laughed now and I felt horrible. If I'd just been nicer...
"I'm so sorry" I whispered. He looked surprised.
"Why're you sorry?"
"I should've been nicer and-"
"Hey, don't worry about it. If anything, your pranks made me laugh and it gave me direction" his eyes were crinkling again and I felt a sudden rush of...my eyes widened.
I like him. I really, really like him.
ᴥ ᴥ ᴥ ᴥ ᴥ ᴥ
A/N: So that's another update ^_^ See? I didn't leave you guys hanging for too long. More coming soon.
xxx
Sage