On Monday I decided to skip Geometry. I could not face Mr. Greywood right now. So when Geometry came, I just wandered the hall with my friend Joel.
Joel and I have been friends since sixth grade. He’s one of my best friends ever. He taught me how to use little explosives, and make household weapons. He was a loner so I decided to take him under my wing.
While we were in the sophomore wing we were talking about how much we hated Justin Bieber.
Have I ever mentioned how much I hate that little brat? Minnie listens to him all the freaking time. I looked at her ipod once and just about every song was by Justin Bieber. That kid really needed to freaking die! Maybe Joel and I could place fireworks in his room while he was sleeping. It was perfect. But there would be bitchy fan girls after us. Christina made me read her fan fiction love story about him, it really sucked.
“My sister keeps on ranting about his new website.” Joel was saying. “Have you seen the advertisement for it on YouTube?” “Yeah, it’s damn stupid.” I replied. “They might as well make an ad for dating, marrying and fucking that little girl.” Joel started laughing. “Yeah, he’d—I mean she’d be like...” He did an imitation of a high pitch voice having an orgasm. I started cracking up. “Yeah, she’d be perfect for any lesbian: high pitched voice, lesbian hair and all.” “Too bad he changed his hair.” Joel said. “Now we can’t make fun of it anymore until it grows back.” We talked and made fun of Justin until the bell rang.
At lunch, I sat at my usual table with all my best guy friends, Joel, Nick, Danny, Jake, and Jim. We always sat in the very corner of the cafeteria where no one could see us. We called it, “The Reject Table”. We always have so much fun there. We throw all the disgusting pickles at the wall once a week, and no one has even bothered to clean it. We were all planning to go to Danny’s house on Wednesday, when suddenly, someone grabbed my shoulder. I turned around to see Christina with an annoyed look on her face.
“I have been looking everywhere for you! Come on, there’s something I have to tell you, so come on!” She took my wrist and dragged me off. I gestured toward the boys that I’d be back in a minute.
Christina knew I was hanging out with a bunch of rejects, and she was trying to change my style by making me hang out with her friends.
She dragged me out of the cafeteria into the Social Studies wing where Emily was waiting against a wall. “You’d better have a good reason for dragging us here.” I scolded. “Of course I do.” Christina responded. “What’s the news?” Emily said with an excited tone in her voice. “I just won tickets and backstage passes for Justin Bieber’s next concert!” Emily and Christina screamed for joy. And why did she think I’d be interested in this?
“And I have three extras so I want to take you guys there!” Emily and Christina screamed even louder. “Sorry, not interested.” I said. “Not... interested?” Emily said like she was going to explode. “Casey, this is the chance of a life time; meeting the hottest pop star ever, in person!” “Well, Casey is coming anyway.” Christina proclaimed. My mom was probably going to make me go so there was really nothing I could do. “I’m having Gianna come with us. She is psyched!”
Gianna was Christina’s older sister who was twenty-one years old and just like Christina. I half expected them to be twins when I first met Christina.
“Where and when’s the concert?” Emily demanded. “It’s near here and it’s this Friday at eight.” Thank god it wasn’t on Wednesday. “Just don’t tell any of the girls this okay? I don’t want then to kill you.” said Christina. They both once again started screaming. Emily was trying to breathe. I just casually strolled back to my table.
Friday came a lot quicker than I thought. I called Christina and told her I wasn’t feeling well. “Well, I’m coming over to visit right now!” she said over the phone. “No Chris...” “I’ll be there in one second!” she hung up. Then someone burst through my door. I turned to see Christina. “That was really fast.” I stated. “You’re not sick!” she exclaimed. “Seriously, I have my period!” “I checked your waste basket, no blood. Now come on, we have to get ready!” she zoomed out of my room. There really wasn’t anything I could do right now.
I dressed in a loose t-shirt and my boy’s jeans. I was going to be myself. My mom knew I was going to a stupid Justin Bieber concert and shoved me out the door. “Have fun!” she called in a singsong voice.
When I was in Gianna’s car, they started blabbering about Justin. “Oh my gosh, like, when I was on JustinBieberSomeday, I just like, knew that this would happen, like, I typed in like, ‘Someday I’ll meet Justin Bieber’ and my dream is coming true! Like, I was like so jealous of that girl on the little commercial on YouTube and I was always like, ‘That’s supposed to be me bitch!’ and now that will be me in like a few hours!”
We picked up Emily and they started blabbering about him even more. I was not paying attention; I was looking out the window.
“Casey, are you seriously gonna wear that?” Emily questioned me. “...Yes.” I answered. They started laughing. “Do you know how stupid you look?” Christina said. “Ouch.” I said sarcastically. “You can try on some of my clothes! Then you’ll look better.” “I think I’m fine just the way I am.” I protested. “You don’t want people to think you’re a lesbian, do you?” “I’d rather be called that than wear your clothes.” But Christina won the argument so she made me try on her clothes.
“Okay, we need to do: Your clothes, shoes, hair, nails, and makeup.” “Can we skip the nails and makeup?” I asked them. “No!” said Emily. “This is not me guys.” “Just try something new for once!” Christina protested. After about 2 hours of making me look like a prep (which I wasn’t!) I was finally done.
I looked at myself at the mirror. I was wearing: A pink, sparkly shirt that said on the front, “I love Justin Bieber” on it, and his face from his “Baby” album and the shirt was extremely low cut (I had to make sure I stained this shirt as much as I could), a purple miniskirt, fishnet stocking, black knee length converse, lots of sparkly bracelets, my slightly wavy/curly hair had been straightened, it had hot pink, purple, white and gold hair extensions (They forced me to put them on.) in it, for my makeup, I had on lots and lots of eyeliner on, black mascara, pink blush, lip gloss that was supposed to taste like cherry (which it didn’t), and for my nails, I had on fake French nails that were probably about 3 inches long, they were painted with sparkly pink and purple nail polish and the ends were painted white. Whew!
“I look like a slut.” I said. “You look amazing!” Christina sang. They themselves looked like me almost, except not as much eyeliner. We had pizza before we left.
For the whole car ride, Gianna, Christina, and Emily were screaming to the top of their lungs Justin Bieber songs. I had my ears covered. I did not need to deal with this shit. They were singing this:
“Ohh wooaah
Ohh wooaah
Ohh wooaah
You know you love me, I know you care
Just shout whenever, and I'll be there
You want my love, you want my heart
And we will never ever ever be apart
Are we an item? Girl, quit playing
We're just friends, what are you saying?
Say there's another and look right in my eyes
My first love broke my heart for the first time
And I was like...
Baby, baby, baby oooh
Like baby, baby, baby nooo
Like baby, baby, baby oooh
I thought you'd always be mine”
Then I couldn’t take it anymore. I yelled, “Shut up, you annoying bitches!!!” but they kept on going. I was going to kill myself if I heard one more verse. I tried to turn on the radio, but Gianna turned it off. I wished I’d brought my ipod.
“Girls, we are here!” Gianna exclaimed. They all screamed except me. “Oh, no.” I thought to myself. Tonight was going to be torture. I wished I brought some kind of explosive to kill that kid.
“Excuse me.” Gianna said to the guard in a black suit. “We have backstage passes for Justin tonight.” “Okay, what are your names?” he asked. “I’m Gianna Barker, my sister Christina Barker, Emily Trophere, and Casey Williams.” Gianna said our names as she pointed at each of us. “Wait here ladies.” The guard said. He walked through the door we were by. Gianna, Christina and Emily all screamed and screeched. “Oh my god, I can’t believe it!” Gianna exclaimed. “Me either!” “Oh my gosh!”
We were backstage now. They were screaming and jumping up and down. Just then, I had to use the bathroom. “Guys, I’m gonna use the bathroom.” I said before I left. I was on my way to the bathroom, when suddenly someone bumped into me. “Watch it bitch!” I hollered. I thought it was some fan girl. “What?” the person said. I looked to realize it was none other than the one and only Justin Bieber.
“I said watch it!” I repeated with more anger in my voice. “Whoa, calm down!” he said gesturing me. “I’m sorry; I wasn’t looking where I was going.” “Well next time, make sure you don’t die.” I replied.
“Nice shoes by the way.” He said. “Oh, they’re not mine.” I said casually. “They’re my friend’s whose over there.” I pointed toward the girls who were staring at us in disbelief like their eyes were gonna explode any second. “Well you know who I am, don’t you?” he said. “Yes I do Captain Obvious.” I said sarcastically. Why was I even striking up a conversation with this guy? He started laughing. “Well everyone here knows who I am but uh...” he trailed off. Then I noticed something. He was... blushing? What?
“Y-you know you don’t have to call m-me by my full name do you?” “I know that.” I replied. Was this guy falling in love with me too? It wasn’t even creepy. It was weird. “I didn’t know you were straight.” I said. I just wanted to get this boy-girl away from me. “Well I am, baby.” He said. Wait. Baby? Where’d that come from?
Just then, he gave me a big hug. I was totally caught off guard. I glanced at my friends. I was positive they were going to become blind from their eyes exploding. Emily fainted, but they didn’t notice. I glanced back at the jiggaboo that was hugging me, and then once again caught off guard; he held my head and kissed me!
What was this? What was up with all these guys wanting to kiss me against my will? I noticed that there was only a girl’s bathroom and nom men’s room. What seemed a while, I managed to push Justin away from me.
“Why is there only a girl’s bathroom?” I asked. “Oh, well since there are like, a million girls here tonight, there’s only a girls room.” He answered. “Where do the guys go?” “Outside.” “Okay...” I awkwardly replied. I could imagine some security guards taking a whiz outside.
“Oh shoot.” He said looking at his watch. “I have to be on in a few minutes so, can I give you my number?” I really didn’t want his number. “Great!” he exclaimed before I could answer. He wrote it down on a piece of paper and handed it to me. I didn’t have any pockets so I decided to hang onto to it until I decided what to do with it. “See ya! By the way your hair is really soft!” he said before running off. That was awkward.
I returned to my friends. Emily was still passed out. “Oh my god, oh my god oh my freaking god y-y-you just—oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD, CASEY YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD CASEY YOU JUST FREAKING TALKED T-T-T-T-TO OH MY GOD JUSTIN BIEBER OH MY GOD OH MY GOD Y-Y-Y-YOU J-J-JUST HUGGED A-A-AND K-K-K-KISSED HIM OH MY GOD CASEY YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW FREAKING LUCKY YOU ARE TO JUST DO THAT TO LIKE THE MOST FAMOUS GUY IN THE WORLD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard one sentence with so many oh my gods in them before.” I said. Christina took me by the forearms and shook me violently and basically repeated what she said. Gianna was still frozen in shock.
“OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD YOU DID NOT TALK TO JUSTIN BIEBER HUG HIM AND KISS HIM LIKE OH MY GOD CASEY I AM LIKE SO FREAKING JEALOUS OF YOU YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO GET KISSED BY JUSTIN BIEBER HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD OH MY GOD CASEY I WANT TO KISS YOU RIGHT NOW TO GET SOME JUSTIN BIEBER GERMS ON ME BUT THAT WOULD MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A TOTAL LESBIAN!!!!!!!”
“Chris, you need to get a grip!” I yelled and I slapped her in the face. She immediately calmed down and stopped shaking me but she was shaking herself. “It’s no big deal anyway, I hate that boy girl and you know it! Besides that was plain creepy what he just did!” “H-how could you say that Casey?” she stuttered. “Yeah Casey, how could you?” Gianna asked. “W-what’s that in your hand?” Christina asked. She took it before I could tell her. “Yes, it’s Justin’s number.” I said without emotion. Christina went back into hyper drive. Gianna fainted.
“OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THIS IS JUSIN BIEBER’S NUMBER CASEY YOU ARE SERIOUSLY THE MOST LUCKY GIRL IN THE UNIVERSE YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT NOW OH MY GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Here, take it!” I yelled handing the piece of paper to her. “I don’t want it anyway!” “YOU DON’T WANT JUSTIN BIEBER’S PHONE NUMBER OH MY GOD CASEY I AM SO DISSAPOINTED IN YOU YOU GET JUSTIN BIEBER’S NUMBER AND DON’T WANT IT OH MY GOD THIS IS LIKE ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE OH MY GOD CASEY THIS COULD BE THE ULITIMATE CLICHÉ FOR YOU YOU COULD GT MARRIED HAVE KIDS EVERYTHING OH MY GOD CASEY ANY GIRL WOULD DIE FOR THIS MOMENT OH MY GOD!!!!!!!”
“Is everything all right ladies?” a voice said. I turned to see a guard looking down at us. “Yes sir, it’s just my friends are excited.” I said. “Okay well, the show is starting in a few minutes.” He said before he went off.
I purposely stuffed my face at the dessert table during break backstage because:
1. I was damn hungry and thirsty
2. To get Justin away from me.
I didn’t even care if I stained my clothes or broke my nails or smudged my makeup. But as I was stuffing my face, Emily took me aside and told me, “Casey, don’t be eating so much, you’ll ruin your makeup!” “Like I care!” I exclaimed. “I’m still really hungry!” “No! No more eating for you tonight!” “So you want me to starve, mom?” I asked. Why did she think she was the boss of me? “I’d rather have you starve than look so horrible for Justin!”
“Excuse me.” A voice said behind us. We both turned around to see a guard. “Are one of you Casey Williams?” “Right here.” I said. “Well, you’re wanted backstage by Justin miss.” He said. Emily screamed. “Really? Can I come?” she asked excitedly. “Well, Justin asked for Ms. Williams only. I’m sorry.” I then followed him. Wonder why Justin wanted me. He probably want to gush over me some more.
“Hi! I heard your name was Casey.” Justin said when I arrived to him. “Who told you?” I asked. “One of my body guards.” He answered. “But anyway um, I was just kind of wondering if maybe you wanted to uh, hang out sometime?” Wait wait wait! He wanted me to hang out with him? I wondered how many things he had to attend to. Why would he pick one day from his probably busy schedule to hang out with some girl that hated his guts.
“Great! So at uh, 4 tomorrow?” I didn’t even get to answer the question! I opened my mouth to say I wasn’t available tomorrow but once again, he didn’t wait for an answer. “Great! I’ll see you tomorrow. Besides, I already magically know where you live and no one will be at your home tomorrow. Bye!”
“What do you mean you don’t want him to come over!?” Christina shouted. I told her what happened on our way home. Everyone was staring at me like I was had three heads. “I hate him Chris!” I responded with force. “He’s an annoying bitch who needs to grow up!”
“Casey, don’t you understand?” said Emily with emotion. “This is the best cliché yet! You have to let him come over! You went over to Mr. Greywood’s house and he kissed you romantically.” “Wait, how do you know about that?” I asked. “Duh, over a hundred people read the last chapter.” Emily answered. “Okay...” I said awkwardly.
The next day, Joel called me to see if I wanted to come over to his place, but told him I couldn’t because I had plans. “What do you have to do?” he asked. “Because,, she has a date with Justin Bieber!” I heard someone squeal in the background. “Wait, who was that?” I asked. “It’s me, Christina!” she said over the phone. “Why are you at Joel’s house?” I asked. “Because, people are reading our conversation this very minute, silly! Oh, and someone wants to talk to you! Hang on! Oh, Justy-poo! It’s her!”
“Hi, Casey.” I heard Justin Bieber’s voice on the other end. “How’d—Wha—you— what are you doing right now?” I asked. “Talking to you.” He replied. “I know what you’re doing. You’re sitting on your bed talking to me; cute shirt by the way.” “Wait, how did you know I was sitting on my bed?” “Out here!” I looked out my window to see Justin sitting on a branch on a tree. He put on an overly excited face and waved to me. I turned away.
“I can’t wait to see you!” he said. “Yeah, me neither.” I replied. Obviously I didn’t mean it. “Well, see you later?” “Yeah, bye-bye baby!” said Justin. He hung up. I looked out the window to see if he was still there. He was of course; he blew me a kiss and he fell off the tree. I hoped he died. I wasn’t going to check.
I dreaded 4:00. I made sure I did the most boring activities to make my time of peace go by slower. I was inside the house doing laundry, when the doorbell rang. Oh shit, I thought. “Mom, can you get that?” I called. “No, you have to get it!” she called back. “It’ll be more romantic.” “No, there’s no way I’m getting that!” “I’ll get it!” Minnie shouted. I tried to find a place to hide as Minnie raced to the door. I hurried into the storage closet that was attached to the staircase where all the board games were.
“Oh hi, Justin!” I heard Minnie say. “Hi, where’s Casey?” He asked. “She’s in the little storage room hiding because she’s nervous because she’s in love with you!” I busted out of there. “I am not in love with him Minnie!” I protested. “Oh Casey, you’re so funny!” Minnie scoffed. “Okay everyone, Justin’s here, we have to get out so they can have a romantic time together!” Mom and dad hurried from upstairs and they scurried out the door. “Have fun honey!” dad called out. Then Minnie stepped outside and closed the front door.
Justin took out a random notepad and glasses. “Okay, at 6:00, we have to go to a fancy restaurant that I rented out for the two of us, at 7:00, we take a romantic walk at the park, then at 7:30, we have to sit on a bench, and I have to confess my feelings toward you, then we kiss romantically, come back here, and make out for a while before we sleep in the same bed together.” He removed his glasses and tossed his notepad.
“Can we skip the sleeping together and making out part?” I asked meekly. “No! We must do everything on this list; otherwise this chapter won’t be good enough!” he proclaimed. “Whatever you say.” I replied. “For the time being, we have to talk about ourselves and I have to complain to you how bad being a celebrity is like in all stories which are all completely fake and exaggerated.” He said. We talked for the time. He told me all about himself; I didn’t tell him anything about me.
While he was telling me a story about a fan girl willing to get hit by five 16 wheelers just to kiss him, he held my hand. “Is this part of the agenda?” I asked. “Yes. But you can’t mention it for the rest of the night, everything I do is planned.” He went on.
(Author’s note: I’ll spare you the details of the romantic dinner and just summarize it. Casey purposely ate too much food and puked right on Justin’s head and he got turned on by it. I know gross right? And then, Justin gave her a necklace which Casey threw out while he wasn’t looking, and then she did everything at that scene from White Chicks when the dude dressed as the girl goes on a date with Latrell. Now, we’ll skip ahead to the sitting on the bench part of the date where Justin tells Casey about his feelings for her. Ooh la-la! J )
“Casey, this has probably been... the best night of my life.” said Justin. “I... feel like I should tell you this but, I love you.” He leaned in, and then gently, he kissed me again against my will. I couldn’t do anything because of the stupid schedule. Kissing him was like kissing my grandpa, to me; same with Mr. Greywood. “C’mon baby, let’s go home.” He whispered sexily in my ear. It sent chills down my spine.
I opened my bedroom door just to fulfill the stupid schedule. He made me back up until I fell on my bed. He closed the door. “Holy shit, no!” I said under my breath, but Justin got on top of me and smacked his lips on me. He bit my bottom lip which kind of hurt. He traveled down to my neck. “Hey, I have to use the bathroom Justin I’ll be right back.” I pushed him off me, and then made my way to the door.
When I closed it behind me, I turned to see Minnie with her arms crossed over her chest as if she were angry. “Where do you think you’re going?” she demanded. “Uh, to go to the bathroom.” I replied.
“No you’re not!” she said. “You’re going back in there, and making out with Justin Bieber!” “But Minnie, I really have to go!” I complained. “I’ve had to hold it in all night because of some stupid schedule!”
“Fine. Go ahead. But you have to come out after, or we’ll have to burst in and take you out.” She said. I was so relived to finally let it out in the bathroom. Minnie was waiting for me outside the bathroom. I nervously walked past her and back into my room.
I closed the door behind me. When I turned, I swear I was going to faint in shock. Justin was in his underwear! “Hey.” He said casually. I tried to open the door to get out, but it was locked. “Dammit.” I said quietly. He grabbed me by the shoulders to turn me around, and once again kissed me.
He pushed me on top of the bed and caressed my thigh. He ripped off my shirt unexpectedly. Then off came my pants, so I was left in my bra and underwear. Why did I have to pick today to wear panties? Why couldn’t I have worn boxers like I always do?
He turned our kiss into a French one and rubbed my back uncomfortably. I was so uncomfortable right now seeing that I was in my underwear, making out with a pop star I hated and didn’t even know. This is the part where I’d pray for someone to come save me.
Justin then pulled me under the covers. He made his way down to my neck again and started sucking on that. “Get... the hell... off me!” I said. But he went straight on.
After what seemed a long time, he finally stopped kissing me. My lips were so sore. “Do you... want... to do it?” he asked while trying to catch his breath. “Do what?” I asked. I did not get what he meant. “Y-You know.” He said as he raised his eyebrows. I then immediately got what he meant! I widened my eyes.
“No you disgusting pervert!!” I shouted. I started to get out of the bed, but Justin pulled me back in and got on top of me. I was afraid of what move he would do next. “N-no! Don’t leave baby.” He said, then settled his weight on me and kissed my neck again.
I didn’t realize I fell asleep. I felt that Justin was asleep too, still on top of me. This was probably the worst night ever! I cursed myself mentally for being so attractive. It was going to be hard to fall back asleep with this kid on top of me! This was definitely the worst day ever!
Spoof of: Upper Class Love by: Valencia63 and that stupid advertisement for that Justin Bieber website on YouTube
Author’s note: I actually hate Justin Bieber as much as Casey does, but this was really fun to make. Hope you had as much fun reading this as I did making this. The only reason I read Valencia63’s story is because I was planning out this spoof when I was writing the last chapter and was looking for some ideas. But if eventually Valencia63 is reading this, your story is good. Just not for me because I don’t like Justin Bieber. Anyway, I’ve already got the next chapter planned out, and it’s gonna be great, I promise, and it’s something I’m a big fan of too, so it’ll be easy to write this. So, until next time, I’ll see you in the next chapter! [This chapter will self destruct in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... 0!] No, just kidding! Lol. Bye!
-OddOneOut