Chapter eight: His best friend David
David and I were sitting in the cafeteria in the bottom floor of the building. He had suggested we go to lunch to talk in private and I had suggested staying in the same building, as I could feel the nausea increasing. I was staring at his sky blue eyes but I don’t think he was noticing. If he did he was playing it off very well. I wondered if he knew why he had left, if he knew where he had left to. I wondered if he would tell me. Somehow I sensed as I looked at David that he wouldn’t, yet I couldn’t help wishing I had the courage to ask.
“It’s nice to see you Charlie, I really didn’t know what to expect when Jolene called me and said you needed to talk to me.” He was looking at me with the same sympathetic look that had become a mirror image to me lately.
“She told you I needed to talk to you?” I was slightly confused at how Jolene had the time to meddle in my life but figured I would explore that thought later.
“Yeah, well when she called I was already kind of considering checking on you anyways so it just gave me a reason.” David started at me with hesitation.
“Why?” I asked in confusion
“Why what?”
“Why were you thinking about checking on me?” I had convinced myself that with his exit it had voided my acquaintance with David as well. They were best friends, so much that at times I felt that David watched over me when he wasn’t there.
David shifted uncomfortably in his seat, “Well the last time I saw you, you didn’t seem so great, so… I was just worried.” He looked out the window of the cafeteria. A faint memory of David’s face pulling covers over me flashed in my mind. I had forgotten he had been there, even before Jolene had found me, and seen me in my worst state. I felt my cheeks burn as I thought of what a pathetic mess he must think I am. “You look okay now, you even look like your glowing.” He smiled his crooked smile at me.
“Yeah, it took a little bit,” I felt another rush of heat in my cheeks as tried to clear the tightening in my throat, “but I’m working again and doing what I need to do.” It was my turn to look away; I didn’t want David to see how difficult it actually had been. I knew he had seen me, rolled up in a ball, trying to combat the void that was overwhelming from inside, but he did not know what it took to get me to regain my life. David could not know this, because David would tell him, and he did not deserve to know the hold he still had on my heart. I looked back at David whose aqua eyes were staring directly at me, as if he was reading the very words in my head.
“He loved you Charlie.”
“Loved?” The past tense hit me like a giant brick
“I meant he loves you Charlie.” David backtracked and shifted uncomfortably again as I felt anger boil up inside me. Up until this point my mind raced with thoughts of him that inspired only sadness, but David’s choice of words inspired a different truth in my mind, and suddenly the selfishness of his actions hit me and my eyes began to tear with a flood of white hot rage.
“LOVES?! Did he love me when he left, without a word, without a warning, without as much as a fucking goodbye? Did he love me when he ignored my calls, when he changed his number? Is HIS love not enough for him to try to make it work? Is HIS love not enough to make him think that maybe I deserved a chance, or at least a fucking explanation?” I was drawing attention but David’s eyes never looked away from mine. “Does he love me as he sits somewhere knowing that I’m sitting here broken by his hands?” I crumpled in my seat and began sobbing into my hands. I was sure the entire cafeteria was staring at me but at that moment I didn’t care. All the sadness had morphed into hostility that was unleashed on the wrong person, and still I did not feel any less burdened.
“Charlie.” I heard him stand and felt his body as he sat down in the chair next to me.
“We were fucking engaged David. Doesn’t that mean something?” I wiped my cheeks with the palms of my hands and picked up my napkin to dry my eyes.
“Yes, it does Charlie,” he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and gently pulled me into him. I blew my nose into the napkin and a faint smell of vanilla musk entered my nose. I knew he wouldn’t share anymore about him as he allowed me to compose myself before continuing. “I’m here for you if you need something Charlie. When Jolene called she made it sound like it was kind of urgent.”
“No, not really, she just thought I should tell him.” I leaned into his chest out of pure exhaustion.
“Tell him what?” he asked in a low voice, aware of the fact that I was growing sleepy by the moment.
“That I’m pregnant.” I yawned; the emotional toll of my outburst had wiped my energy. I leaned closer into David’s chest but he was no longer there.
“What did you say?” He was standing over me but his eyes had grown into huge blue discs.
“I’m pregnant David.” I had lost my patience along with the depilating sadness and I felt myself irritated with David’s reaction.
“Are you sure?” David made his way back to his original seat across from me but his eyes remained unfocused.
“The doctor was pretty sure.”
“You saw a doctor already? You guys just broke up…” he seemed to be searching his mind.
“Three weeks ago.”
“Which would make you…?”
“Five weeks pregnant.”
“WOW!” his eyes snapped back into focus and he turned his focus back to me, seemingly x-raying my body up and down.
“Look David, I’m sorry I told you like this, but I need a favor.” I begin to wiggle in my seat, struggling to find the words that wouldn’t give me a desperate appearance.
“Wow.” His stare had located my midsection and he seemed unable to look away.
“Um, I need to tell him, I figure he has a right to know.” I crossed my arms in front of my body in hopes of regaining David’s attention.
“Yeah, he definitely needs to know Charlie.” David nodded his head in agreement. “Wow!”
“So you’ll tell him when you see him then?” I wanted to add and have him call me, but I didn’t want the disappointment of David’s response.
“What?” David’s shock suddenly disappeared and he suddenly looked down at his feet. “Um, I can’t Charlie. He’s gone.”
“Gone?” The word screamed in my head. “What do you mean by gone?”
“He, uh he said he needed time to himself and left. I get emails from him every once in a while but he doesn’t respond to my calls, or anyone else’s for that matter.” David pushed his fingers through his chestnut hair but kept his gaze on the floor.
“When?” I asked knowing the answer
“A few days after he left he had called me and asked me to keep an eye on you. He said he needed to leave and that was it.”
“Did he tell you…” my voice trailed off as I processed what David told me.
“He didn’t tell me why Charlie, I’m sorry.” David looked back up at me and I swore I saw something in his eyes, something I hadn’t noticed before. Could it be that he still loved me? Is that why he had asked David to watch over me?
“Well, you can email him then, he hasn’t answered my emails so I’m assuming he blocked me or is just ignoring them so maybe he will answer yours?”
“No, Charlie.” David shook his head and waived both palms at me. “I’m not telling him via email, no way.”
“Well how else is he supposed to find out David? Fucking telepathy?” I was getting frustrated again and I sensed that pregnancy probably came equipped with a roller coaster of emotions.
“Charlie,” David reached out and grabbed my hands and held them tenderly, “he deserves to learn about this the right way, in person, from you.” he smiled crookedly and again I felt his blue eyes held a deep secret David was not sharing with me. He stood up, walked over and lifted me into a tight hug.
I felt my irritation melt into the concern of his embrace and I dropped my shoulders in defeat. “Will you at least email him and tell him I need to talk to him?” I felt a sting as I thought of him ignoring the message.
“Of course Charlie.” David lifted my head to meet his gaze. David was his best friend and now he was here, looking over me at my e-fiancé’s request. Was that deep blue gaze David held with me a sign that he had left me, but had not stopped loving me, was that the secret I could see hidden behind the penetrating gaze? “I’ll email him right away.” David said as he squeezed just a little more hope into me.