The light was just coming through the windows when I awoke. I thought I had heard the door bang so I got up to investigate but there was no one there.
My neck was sore and my back ached from sleeping on this crummy couch and I felt sick to my stomach. I sat back down on the couch and held my head in my hands and I started to cry. What the hell was I supposed to do now. There was no way I could go back to him, it was definitely over.
I hit my forehead with the palm of my hand 'Idiot, you're an idiot' I shouted to myself 'a bloody fool'. I'd let now myself be taken in by him and his lies again and again and again. What was I supposed to tell people that he'd cheated on me again and on our anniversary, I would be a laughing stock.
Just then the door opened and Marian walked in, 'Hayley love, what are you doing here,' she said and then she looked me up and down. I was still in the same clothes that I had left in yesterday and as she observed my tear stained face and she said 'Oh no, he has'nt', I just nodded and burst into tears. She held out her arms and I willingly walked into them and I sobbed into her shoulder as she embraced me.
'What I am supposed to do now?' I sobbed.
'You pick yourself up and you carry on, don't let him ruin your life. Don't let him see you cry.' she answered.
'He already has seen me cry and my life, I changed my whole life for him, I left everything to be with him and now I have nothing. I am such a failure, I'm a fool.' I was still sobbing.
'He is the fool not you and don't you speak about yourself like that anymore. You are beautiful, you are clever and you are young. ' she said as she stroked my hair.
We sat there for around one hour well she tried to calm and soothe me.
'Look I have to go, I'm due in court soon. Go to my place sort yourself out and I will meet you back here this afternoon' and she handed my her house keys. I willingly took them, hugged her hard and thanked her. 'I see you later then' I kissed her and walked out the door. Following the rain last night the air was fresh and crisp. Small puddles had formed in the street and I had to jump over them, as walked to my car, I was still wearing my slippers.
I put the key into the lock and as always had a five minute struggle to turn the lock, he (my ex) never had time to look at it for me and I had not got around to taking it to a garage yet. I kicked the door in frustration and as if by magic the key turned and I opened the car door. I was just about sit in the drivers seat when I noticed something under one of the window wipers it was a flower, a yellow daffodil in fact, one of my favourite flowers. I smiled and picked it up, 'How did you get here.' I asked it as I twirled it in my finger. It definitely was NOT my ex, he would never buy me daffodils, he thought they were too common and too cheap.
I tucked through one of the button holes on the cardigan I was wearing, got into the car and started to drive to Marians place. The roads were relatively clear and she lived nearby so I was there within five minutes, I jumped as my mobile rang and tears welled as I looked at the caller id, it was him, it was my ex. I sat there staring at the screen watching his smiling lying face flash right before me. Then it stopped.
>You have one new voice mail> appeared on the screen and then it I received a text message
His face again began to flash on my phone I just sat and watched it and started to cry. I remembered taking that picture he had taken me on a surprise romantic break and we had driven to New York and done all the traditional sight seeing, bought the tourist crap and had a really good time. We stopped outside some bar ordered a few beers and a variety of finger foods and he put on the 'I heart New York' t-shirt we had just bought. I had thought this was hilarious as he was a 'designer guy' every thing had to have a name and be expensive so I had taken a picture to mark the occasion. It was my favourite picture of him, he looked care free, relaxed and he looked happy.
>You have two new voice mails> replaced his picture and again a text message.
>Hayley, please call me. Where are you? Let me come and get you and bring you home. I love you, please just talk to me, hear me out. Hayley please. I'm going to call you until you speak to me>
I was angry, I wanted answers and I wanted to know why. I picked up the phone and I started to call him when a smooth voice in my head said 'just switch it off' and so I did and I threw it on the passenger seat, got out of the car and went into Marians house. The house as usual was spotless, not a thing out of place and not a speck of dust anywhere. It was not a big place just a small two bedroom but I guess it was enough for a single person.
I showered wrapped myself in her big fluffy dressing gown, laid down on the bed and fell into a deep sleep. In my dream I was with my ex we were in our, his, lounge and we were kissing. All of a sudden he pulled away and started to kiss a brunette that had just appeared from no where and he turned to me and said 'Get used to it, you will always have to share me' and I started to cry. Suddenly I had strong arms wrapped around me and I noticed they were covered in tattoos. One hand went up to my face and he began to stroke my lips with his thumb, his other arm was completely around my waist and then he whispered into me ear 'I will look after you, come to me' his voice was smooth and velvety. I recognised that voice I thought it sounded like Mr. Hotties and then I woke up. I traced my thumb like he had in the dream and I felt aroused.
I looked at the clock it was 2pm, I jumped up quickly got dressed ran to my car and drove to work as I entered the office Marian was already there holding a huge bouquet of flowers,
'OO they are lovely. Do you have a secret admirer?' I said
'They are not for me, they are for you' she told me as she handed them to me. I took them from her, they were heavy due to being in big glass vase so I placed them quickly on the table. There was a card attached with for Hayley written on the front.
I looked at Marian, 'Are they from the cheating bastard' she said and I shrugged my shoulders 'well quickly open it. The suspense is killing me' I tore the envelop open, pulled out the card inside and broke into a huge smile.
'To properly say Thank you for saving my life. All my love Winston.'
Marian was looking at me with a puzzled look probably due to my huge smile, 'Well'
'They are from the hottle.' I replied
'Hottie?' Marian curiously asked me.
I laughed and explained how I had met Mr. Hottie.
'Well, at least you have something to distract you from...' and she stopped as she saw the expression on my face change. She turned and realised why, he was here 'my ex'.
She turned and started pointing at him 'Get out and Get out now'
'Please', he begged, 'Please Hayley just talk to me for five minutes. That's all that I ask, please Hayley.'
Marian was blocking the door and she would not let him in. 'It's your call' she said to me.
I nodded, 'OK let him in'. I could see she was not at all pleased with this but she did as I asked anyway and she walked passed me informing me she would be in the kitchen if I needed her.
I looked up at him and folded my arms, 'what do you want?' I asked him sternly.
He took a step forward and I took a step back. I held my hand out to him, 'that's far enough. I can hear you from here plus there is nothing you can possibly say to get yourself out of this one.'
'I don't know what to say to you, I don't know why I did it and I really don't understand how it happened. I don't remember much' he told me.
'Well then, let me refresh your memory. She was riding you like she was a female version of John Wayne. You were massaging her breasts while moaning and shouting 'That's it baby, keep going baby, yes, yes.' I had begun to cry but I still managed to shout it at him, the image had been burned in mind and I could not get rid if it.
He sat down and put his head in his hands and he too started to cry.
'I need you leave now,' I told him, 'it's over'. I forced myself not to look at him by keeping my eyes firmly fixed to the floor. I could not look at him, one because I was disgusted with him, again and two I knew he the possibility was there that he could win me over. He had before.
'I love you,' he told, 'let's pack up our things and move somewhere else. We can go back to England if you like. I told you I will do anything, Hayley, anything at all.'
'I need to collect my things, when are you working so I can come and get them?'
He shook his head, 'I'm working tomorrow night, Hayley please know that I am truly sorry.'
He got up attempted to hug me but I pushed him away, 'I love you' he whispered in my ear and then he left.
The bell rang as the door closed behind him, he turned and looked at me so I looked the other way and when I had looked back he had gone. Marians hand came to rest on my shoulders. 'You OK! sweetie', she asked me. I shook my head and started to cry.
'Come let's close early and get a take way and one or two bottles of red'. She led me out of the door and we walked to her car.
We decided on Chinese and we got the banquet special offer there was a huge amount of food and I am embarrassed to say we managed to eat it all and drank two bottles of red wine. It certainly took my mind off things.
'So you were telling me before about Mr Hottie. Did you tell me everything.' she asked.
'Oh no,' I completely forgot to call and say thank you for the flowers and I've left them at work with the card and his mobile number.' I wailed. The visit from ex had completely thrown me off track, I meant to call Mr. Hottie and I was going to just as my ex walked in.
'It's better, call him in the morning and thank him, you don't want to appear desperate. In fact I think a break up bonk is just what you need.'
I laughed hearing Marian say the word 'Bonk' I think the wine had gone to her head.
'Mr. Hottie is hot,' I told her 'He has jet black, curly floppy hair and the greenest eyes' I started to yawn and promptly fell asleep. I did dream of him but he was standing to far away and for every step I took forward he took one back. I felt like I was losing him and then I awoke. My phone was ringing it was my 'ex'.
'Yes' I spat, 'Do you know what time it is?'
'Hayley, please come home, I need you in my life, my love' he slurred.
'You're drunk. Go to sleep.' I snapped at him and I ended the call. He called straight back 'Hayley, please come home to me.' he was crying.
I remember the last time we had gone through this and it hurt just as much only this time he had made a bigger fool out of me. He had begged me then as he was doing now and at that time I had slowly forgiven him. I had made him throw out the bed and we bought I new one, there was no way that I could sleep on it, we went to therapy together and it seemed to be going well, we were getting on better and had decided to go out for a meal to celebrate the day we had met and he threw it horribly back in my face. Here we were again and I did not want to go through it again. I switched off my mobile went to bed and cried myself to sleep.