A/N: Here we are! Another chapter the day after (ish) just like I promised. I hope you like this chapter, it's a generally happy one, so that's great. We are getting to the plot twisty stuff soon, though, so be prepared. hope you keep reading, comment if you'd like. All the love, as always xx
~L
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Louis' POV:
I was such a fucking idiot. Why had I even done it? What had possessed me to do it? Who in their right mind would kiss the guy they like the day after they finally figured it out and then runaway? Oh, right. Me. I curled farther under the covers of my bed and hugged Harry's shirt to me. His scent had left it for the most part,but it still felt like a part of him was with me. Fuck, I was such a creep. I wanted to be with him, I wanted him to hold me when I was upset, I wanted to be happy. But I couldn't do this. I couldn't like him. I couldn't kiss him. Definitely couldn't date him or do anything else. If Mark ever found out, not only would he hurt me, he might hurt Harry, and I wasn't about to let that happen.
I needed to stay away from Harry. He was too much. I couldn't control myself around him, as the events of a few hours ago had proven very well. Which is probably why I was avoiding texting him back right now. I wanted to say something like 'I'm sorry, I really like you but we can't', but for the life of me I couldn't get myself to send that message, even if I had already typed it out and deleted it at least twice. If I needed to stay away from him, and I couldn't do that myself, I needed to do something to make him hate me. To make him stay away. Yeah, that would have to do. I gulped and typed out a new message, hitting send before I could lose the nerve. The moment it went through, my eyes welled up with tears, something that I was still not accustomed to, and I buried my face in my duvet, biting down hard on my arm to keep myself from making any noise aloud. I hated myself for being so horrible to Harry, but this would definitely make him hate me, if he didn't already. Fuck, I needed to collect myself, Mark would be home any minute and if he saw me like this, he would get mad, and I didn't want him taking it out on the rest of the family. He was already going to be pissed when he found out that I ditched school, I didn't need anything else making him worked up.
I stayed in my bed, curled under the covers and trying in vain to keep my tears in my eyes. Niall had texted me several times, but I was ignoring him too. I loved him to death, but there was no way I could explain what was going on in my brain to him. He couldn't know about Mark. No one could.
I pulled myself into a tighter ball and caught a faint whiff of Harry's smell. It immediately took me back to when we had been under the stairs, how his eyes had filled with concern, how he just wanted to help. I remembered the shocked little noise he had made when I crashed my lips onto his. I remembered the feeling of just...peace and happiness I had felt when we were kissing, standing close and being with each other...and I knew at that moment that I never wanted to let him go. But I had to...we would never work.
My phone buzzed for a lengthy period of time...someone was calling me. I reached a hand out of my cocoon of blankets, my head poking out for some fresh air as well, and turned my phone over, seeing Niall's face flashing on the display. I rejected the call but texted him instead, telling him that if he wanted to come over, he could. Two minutes later, the front door opened, and I could hear footsteps climbing the stairs quickly...although it sounded like more than one person.
The door flew open and all I heard was Liam's voice, ranting and raving at me.
"You're such a fucking prick, you know that? Kissing my best friend and basically leaving him to rot and then telling him he was a fuck up and to leave you alone, AFTER YOU FUCKING KISSED HIM AND LEAD HIM ON!!! How do you even live with yourself, you little piece of...oh, god, are you alright?" Liam's voice changed immediately as he caught sight of me, and I tried, I really did, but it was too late. Hot tears spilled onto my cheeks and my chest hurt from trying to hold them back. Niall came running in behind Liam, and when he saw me, he hurried around the bed to my side and crawled in next to me, pulling me into his arms. My body shook with the suppressed sobs and my breath hitched as I tried to calm myself down.
"I...I didn't know that you...sorry..." Liam mumbled, standing awkwardly in the doorway. I shook my head, wiping my eyes quickly.
"No. You're right, and I deserve e-everything you're s-saying to me," I stuttered, another sob building in my throat. Niall had his hand running through my hair and his arm wrapped around my shoulders, comforting me, and thank god, it was working. I hated crying in front of people, especially if those people were friends with the person who was causing the tears in the first place.
"Look...I'm sorry, you know, for yelling. But how could you hurt him like that?" Liam asked, and I looked down, trying to find the right words that wouldn't raise too many questions.
"I, uh...I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt Harry, god no, that's the last thing I wanted to do. But we...I mean I...we can't be...yeah. And I can't like, control myself when I'm around him so I...if he thinks I hate him he will stay away, then I won't be able to hurt him again." I mumbled, hoping that it would be enough. Liam's lips were drawn in a tight line, so he was obviously mad at me, but in all honesty, I didn't know what I said had affected Harry so badly. I thought I had been doing the right thing...or was I just a fucking failure at this too?
"I'm just gonna get straight to it. Harry really likes you. Like, he's head over heels in love with you, basically. And you just left him there, after kissing him. After making him feel like he meant something to you. That's all he wanted, was to be close enough to you to help you with whatever he thinks you have going on, and you abandoned him. I just don't understand. Did you not want it? Did you just want to 'play gay' or something?"
Liam was making it really hard to keep my emotions under control, but Niall was there, holding me together, at least for the time being.
"I don't want to hurt him, and if we...I mean, we just can't. We won't work...I just...I don't know, okay? I don't fucking know what I'm feeling and it's scaring the shit out of me and you aren't helping!" My voice rose with every word, and Niall shushed me, rubbing my back a little to keep me calm. Liam looked shocked at my outburst and his face started to relax a little bit.
"Just tell me one thing...did you mean what you sent to Harry?" He finally asked, and I shook my head violently. Of course I didn't mean it. How could I ever want Harry to stay away from me? If anything, I needed him. Liam sighed and sat down on my other side.
"Okay. Then I'm going to help you."
"W-What?"
"I want Harry to be happy, and it's obvious that you make him so. So I'm going to help you through this. I did it with Harry when he was struggling with the same thing, and I can do it for you too. Ni, you up for helping me?"
"Always up for an adventure, yeah?" Niall said cheerily, ruffling my hair. I made a face and shoved his hand away.
"Alright...well, first thing is to apologize to Harry and stop being all bipolar all the time. You are either nice or you're mean,there isn't much of an in between. Decide, and then we can talk about getting Harry to trust you, yeah?" Liam offered, and I nodded,wiping my nose. He nodded, still looking angry, but he put a hesitant hand on my shoulder.
"I don't know what you've got going on in your personal life, and it's not my business. But it's going to be okay, we will make sure of it. That's what friends are for, right?"
"We...We're friends?" I asked, shocked that he even considered us as such, after all the douchy stuff I had done.
"Yeah, we are. Kind of. Like a love/hate kind of friendship. I've gotta get back to Harry, but just...you need to apologize. He just wants to help."
Liam gave me one last half glare before grabbing his stuff and heading for the door. I looked down at my lap and noticed Harry's shirt still sitting there. On an impulse decision, I crawled out of Niall's embrace, gathered Harry's clothes, and called Liam back, holding them out to him.
"These are his...meant to bring them today but I just...forgot. Tell him I'm sorry." I mumbled, and Liam gave one last nod before heading out the door and down the stairs. I turned back to Niall, and all I wanted to do was collapse back onto the bed with him and be sad, but I needed to be strong. I could do this. Liam and Niall were going to help me become a better person, and not treat the guy I liked like shit, and if it all worked out in the end, I wouldn't have to be sad and scared anymore. The thought of what Mark would do creeped into my mind, but I pushed it away and locked it up. I just wouldn't tell anyone. We'd be closeted, which was better than nothing. That is...if everything worked out in the end, which, at this stage, I wasn't quite sure was a reasonable goal. After a while of just sitting there in silence, Niall announced that he had to get home, as his brother was coming to visit from Ireland. I let him go without a word, and sat in silence on my bed for a while longer,trying not to think about anything that had happened.
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I pulled myself together long enough to go downstairs and order some pizza for the whole family. I made sure that one of the pizzas had anchovies on it, because that's what Mark liked, and maybe if I pleased him he wouldn't yell at us tonight. I then sat at the table and fiddled with my phone for a while, trying not to just call Harry and apologize like crazy. No, I fucked up and this was something I needed to fix in person, as scary as that might seem. I wouldn't make it like, super public, but I would do it at school. Only place I could, really.
There was a commotion at the door and my mum came into the kitchen, followed by my four sisters, who all seemed to be in a good mood. I pulled on a smile for them and gave them each a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. My mum put down her purse and sighed, a smile still lingering on her face. My eyebrows crunched together, but before she could say anything, the doorbell rang. The food was here. I went to the door opened it slowly, and there I stood face to face with Liam. I froze at the sight of him, my mind working a million miles an hour,trying to figure this one out. Had he lied, and now he was back to kill me since Niall wasn't here to protect me?
"I'm not gonna bite, if that's what you think. This is my actual job, but on my weeks off, I help Harry and Barbara in the bakery..." Liam said quietly, starting to open the bag with the pizzas in it that was slung over his shoulder. I winced as he said Harry's name, but otherwise did not react.
"You're not here to kill me with poisoned pizza, are you?" I asked warily, handing over some cash and taking the pizza from him. Liam cracked a half smile and shook his head.
"Nah. I promised I'd help you. And in any case, I don't think the curly one would be too happy with me if I did. I'd better go, I've got three more deliveries." Liam gave me a small nod and I closed the door on his retreating figure, walking slowly back to the kitchen and trying to comprehend what had just happened. I finally decided to hurry up, since the smell of fish from the anchovies was starting to get to me.
I walked into the kitchen to see my mum hugging all of my sisters, who all looked close to tears. I put the boxes down and they all turned to face me. My mother looked very...relaxed, happy. Something I hadn't seen in a while.
"Louis, love, I have something I need to tell you...Mark's gone. I kicked him out last night."
My jaw dropped and my whole mind just kept repeating her words in my head over and over. Marksgonemarksgonemarksgonemarksgone...
"Are...are you serious? For good?" I asked in a croaky whisper, and she nodded, coming closer to give me a hug.
"For good. I was done with his shit."
"Mum, the girls!" I chastised, but she just laughed it off,watching the girls fondly as they all grabbed pizza and headed for the den.
"What he said to you was unforgivable. It doesn't matter who you love, I'm going to support you and whatever you decide. I just want you to be happy, and if being with a boy makes you happy, then that's what I want. It's been so long since I've seen that light in your eyes, and every time I mention a certain someone, there it is. You don't have to worry about Mark anymore, Louis. You can be whomever you want to be."
I swallowed hard, a lump building in my throat. I pulled my mum in for a tight hug, whispering thank yous into her ear. I finally let go and a true smile came across my face.
"Alright, now let's throw this anchovie pizza out for the dogs...It's stinking up my house," she said with a sassy flare, and I laughed, picking it up and marching it out front to the dumpster, the stupid smile still plastered to my face. This was a new start, a new beginning, and maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all.
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Well, the happiness was short lived. I walked into school with Niall the next day, smiling and laughing at his stupid hyper jokes about food. I felt like a whole new person. That is, until I spotted Harry and Liam standing a few meters away, chatting quietly. My heart started beating really fast, and I realized that I hadn't seen Harry since yesterday when I kissed him and then abandoned him. He looked up, spotted me, and grabbed Liam's arm, walking off in the opposite direction as fast as he could manage through the crowd. The smile slipped off my face and my shoulders sagged a little.
"You couldn't expect him to forgive you just like that, Lou. You hurt him, and he's gonna need a lot more than a smile to fix that. You can do this, Lou. Just get him alone after your first class. Easy stuff." Niall said, patting my shoulder before hurrying off to meet up with a teacher before class. I headed towards my locker, hurrying down the hall to make it to class on time. My English teacher didn't really like me to begin with, and me being late all the time was probably getting on her nerves. I slid through the open door just as the final bell rang and quickly headed to my seat. For some reason, I felt like someone was watching me, but when I turned around to look, everyone was facing front, not paying me any attention. I slid down in my seat, sneaking a glance at the head full of curls at the front of the room. My stomach churned and my heart beat out of control. I could do this. I had to do it if I wanted Harry to trust me again.
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Class was over before I knew it and everyone was getting their things together to leave. I stood up, barely having time to pack my things, as Harry was already out the door and probably halfway down the hallway. I hurried after him, dodging people left and right, until I finally caught him at his locker.
"Harry...wait..." I panted, finally reaching him, and he glared at me.
"What do you want? I thought you told me to stay away from you." He said in a hard voice, but I could hear his words shaking just a little. It must have been really hard for him to be mean like this, but he must really have been pissed at me.
"I...I wanted to say that I'm sorry and I didn't mean what I said...it's complicated, and I don't have time to explain, but..."
"You had time yesterday to explain, but you chose to run. If that's how you are, then I don't want to hear your explanations. Bye, Louis." Harry stalked off down the hallway without another word, and I just stared after him, my whole being seeming to deflate. I knew I had fucked it up royally, but I had really hoped he'd forgive me and we could at least be friends. Guess that was out of the question. Without even bothering to get my books for my next class, I walked off in the direction of it, my head hung slightly, and ignoring the people who scrambled out of my way. I could feel their eyes on me, judging me, making assumptions, but I didn't even care. At this point, my so called 'reputation' didn't matter at all to me. What mattered was that my plan to make Harry hate me had worked, which was the exact thing that I didn't want to happen.
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And that's what it was like for the rest of the week. I tried to talk to Harry whenever I could, but he was always gone before I could get to him, and it just made me even more sad. People were taking notice of my less than sassy self, and rumors were flying. But for once, I didn't bother correcting anyone on them. It would just make it look like I was lying, and make things worse.
On the opposite side of that, my home life was absolutely amazing. We had dinner together as a family every night, we spoke happily and openly about our days, and I had time to get my work done, spend time with my sisters and get some proper sleep, which was definitely an improvement. But sometimes I just lay in bed, thinking about Harry. I really was gone for him, I couldn't help it, but there didn't seem to be anything I could do to fix the mess I had made of things. Even Niall and Liam were at a loss, and that didn't help my confidence.
Friday came quickly enough, however, and I found myself walking towards the gym for my last class of the day, keeping my head down and hurrying through the crowd. I got to the locker room and changed into the standard gym uniform: Black shorts, a white t-shirt, and black trainers. They were very strict on it, but most guys didn't even care all that much.
"Hey, Tommo, what's going on? You're not hanging out with us anymore. What, did that curly fag turn you gay?" Simon's voice taunted from the other side of the locker room, and I grit my teeth, not responding. I wanted to defend Harry, and defend myself, but I was nowhere near ready to come out, so I just kept my mouth shut for once. Some of the other boys looked at me, waiting for a retort, and when one didn't come, they whispered together, looking back at me as they headed out to the field. We were doing footie right now, which was my absolute favorite, even if I wasn't on the team. The team was a joke, in my opinion, and the people on the team were almost worse than Simon and his friends. I didn't want to be associated with people like that.
The chill of the wind rushed across the field, but I didn't shiver.I was used to the cold, having spent several nights sleeping on my roof when we had first moved here, not wanting Mark to find me and yell at me for no reason. The instructor split us into teams and sent us to opposite sides of the field. He had assigned Simon captain for my team, and, just my luck, he put me in at the front. Not that I didn't like to be in the front, but, that meant I couldn't keep my eye on him, and he was more than likely up to something to mess me up. Most of his friends were on the other team, so he was probably determined to make us lose, and make it look like my fault. I wasn't about to let that happen.
The game went by quickly, me scoring 7 of our team's 8 goals and pissing the hell out of Simon and his friends. They grumbled together as I walked back towards school, a smirk on my face. Showing them up had really brightened my mood.
Three people hurried past me, and I only caught a glimpse of them, but I knew them to be three members of the footie team. They looked pretty pleased with themselves, which was never good, but I didn't let it bother me. That is, until they turned around, and I saw their faces. They were the same three that I had stopped from beating Harry up. The tallest one, the one with black hair and a very chiseled face, smirked, and I knew something was wrong. I tried to ignore the fear rising in my throat as we walked under the bleachers and back to school, but I couldn't.
We were almost at the door when I heard something. It was very faint, and hard to tell through the mumble of voices, but I could have sworn that I heard whimpering. I stopped and let everyone push past me, heading inside and out of the chilly wind, and listened hard. There it was again...I ignored the guy holding open the door and headed off to my right, where the noise seemed to be coming from.There was this little area between the gym part of the school and the rest of the classrooms, a small grassy area enclosed on three of four sides by brick walls, and the small noises of pain seemed to becoming from there. I dreaded it, but I peered around the corner, and my heart sank. Harry was there, his back to me, curled in a ball and holding his side. His body was shaking with what I assumed were sobs, and it pulled at my heart. Forgetting about the fact that he basically hated me, and that I was in school where anyone could see me, I ran to him and knelt down, pulling out my phone and texting Liam and Niall at once.
"Harry, what happened?" I whispered, touching his shoulder lightly. He turned and looked at me with big green eyes full of tears, and at the sight of me, he started crying harder, trying to get closer to me. That was the exact opposite of what I had expected, but I carefully pulled him into my arms, letting him bury his face on my shoulder to cry. I slowly inspected his body, seeing bruises forming on his arms and face. His hand was still on his side, but when I tried to move it, he whimpered and shook his head.
"You have to let me look at it or I can't help you," I whispered, and he slowly moved his hand, letting me lift the edge of his shirt. The skin below was mottled with dark forming bruises and it was also bleeding in spots where the skin had broken. Without even thinking about the cold or the fact that this was my only clean gym shirt, I tore the shirt over my head and ripped it in half, wrapping it carefully around Harry's waist and tying it off, applying light pressure to it to stop the bleeding. He winced and let out a small moan, but I shushed him kindly and kept the pressure there.
I heard footsteps behind me and Niall and Liam came running around the corner, looking confused and scared. I looked up at them helplessly, and Liam knelt down next to us, taking Harry into his arms and running a hand through his curls gently, whispering to him.I stood up and backed away with Niall, figuring that now that Liam was here, Harry wouldn't want me anywhere near him. Moment of weakness and all that. I shivered, the wind whipping over my bare chest.
"We, umm...we can take him to mine...it's closest to school and I have a car...if you want, of course." I offered, and Liam looked up at me. I knew that he probably didn't think it was a great idea, but he nodded.
"Gotta get him out of here, looks like a storm is coming in. Let's go! Niall, help me out, will ya?" Niall walked over and got Harry's arm around his shoulder, and Liam took the other side, both of them guiding Harry out of the alley and across the field to the parking lot. None of us had our stuff, and I didn't even have my clothes, but it was no matter.
We piled into the car, and as I made my way through the parking lot, I could hear Harry whispering something to Liam. I caught sight of Liam's face in the mirror and he seemed like he was trying in vain to keep his mouth shut. Obviously Harry had said something that shocked him or didn't please him. But that didn't matter either.
I pulled into my driveway and ran for the front door, unlocking it quickly as Niall and Liam helped Harry out of the car. Harry's face was a nasty green color, like he was going to be sick, so I pointed out the bathroom the moment we were through the door, and they got Harry in there as I ran to the kitchen for the medical drawer. As I pulled out bandages and peroxide to clean Harry up, I could hear him retching into the toilet, and it made my stomach churn, but I ignored it as best I could. When I entered the den, Harry was sitting miserably on the couch, holding his side and looking very embarrassed. Liam was beside him, arm around his shoulders, and Niall was presumably cleaning up the bathroom. He was too good of a person to leave it a mess. Harry mumbled something to Liam, and Liam looked at him with an expression that said, 'are you sure?' Harry nodded once, and Liam slowly turned to me.
"He wants you."
I tried to keep my mouth from dropping open, because that was one of the last things I expected, but I swallowed and nodded, getting up from my chair and heading for the couch. Liam stood, patting Harry's shoulder, and left to help Niall, who, by the sound of it, was having some problems reaching the cleaning supplies.
I sat down next to Harry, keeping a good bit of space between us in case he just wanted me here to yell at him, but he didn't speak. He just looked at the supplies in my hands warily.
"I...umm, I wanted to help...thought maybe you might want to patch that up..." I stuttered, and Harry's green eyes landed on mine before he nodded slowly, laying down on the couch and wincing slightly, his hand flying to his side, where my t-shirt was, now speckled with blood. I untied it and started to clean the wound. Harry's hand shot out and clamped down on my wrist, but I kept cleaning, my other hand rubbing soothing circles on his shoulder to calm him down. Once it was clean and bandaged, I offered to go get Liam, but he shook his head.
"I want you here."
My eyebrows shot up in surprise, but I settled back down on the couch. I pulled a lone piece of gum out of my pocket and handed it to him. He took it carefully, unwrapping it and putting it into his mouth slowly. I fiddled with my hands in my lap, not sure what to do. Harry seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then he sat up and moved closer to me. I automatically put an arm around his shoulders and he bit his lip, his eyes welling with tears again.
"No, Haz, don't cry. It's alright."
"They didn't even have a reason to, they j-just said they were bored. I try to be nice to everyone, I just wanted to see if they wanted help setting up the field for practice and...they..." His voice broke and he wiped at his eyes, trying to make the tears go away. I could tell that he felt embarrassed to be crying in front of me, so I wrapped both arms around him and held him close, fighting the urge to kiss his curls, and also trying to ignore the butterflies that had started up in my stomach. Harry smelled like his clothes did...like vanilla and a bit musky, and I tried not to be creepy and smell him.
"It's alright...I've got you. I won't let them hurt you."
"Lou, m'sorry. Didn't want to be mean...but you...you ran away and I didn't know what else to do, and I knew I couldn't just forgive you cause it hurt..." Harry mumbled into my chest and I felt my heart pull once again.
"I...Harry, I don't...I didn't mean..." I tried to say, but I couldn't find the right words. I wanted to apologize for real, but I couldn't think of anything to say.
"Just...tell me one thing, Lou." Harry whispered, and my stomach flipped at the nickname. He sniffed, wiping his nose gently, and then looked up at me with very round eyes. "Did you feel it?"
"Did I..." I asked slowly, not completely sure what he meant.
"When you kissed me, I mean. That feeling deep in your stomach and the faster heartbeat and the fireworks and just the spark. Did you feel it?" He looked at me, deadly serious, and I didn't know what to say.
In all honesty, my mind had gone blank the minute my lips had made contact with his. His lips were so pink and plump and kissing them had been on my mind since the minute I had seen him. And once I realized what I was doing, I did feel it. All of it. Everything he had described and more, much more.
I realized that Harry was still staring at me, waiting for an answer, and I cleared my throat awkwardly, but my voice still came out as a whisper.
"Yes...I felt it."
Harry's face seemed to relax a lot, and he sat up straighter, pressing his lips together to hide his wince. "Me too..."
I knew what I was supposed to do now, what any guy in my position would do, and that was kiss him. But I couldn't make myself. I felt like he just wanted me to admit it and then he'd go back to hating me. But he didn't move, and his face was still inches from mine.
"Kiss me...please..." He whispered, and I could feel his breath ghost across my lips. I blushed, but did as he asked, wanting it almost as badly as he did. The moment our lips touched, it was just as Harry had described it. Butterflies, heart beating out of my chest, fireworks, all of it. My hand moved up to cup his cheek and I deepened the kiss just a little bit. His lips were so fucking soft and gentle, I couldn't get enough of them. He seemed to feel the same way, because his hands were on my waist, pulling us closer, even though we were both still seated on the couch and at a very odd angle to be kissing at. I opened my lips just a little bit and felt his tongue already poking into my mouth. I let my tongue tangle with his and the kiss became more heated, both of us breathing heavily through our noses, as we didn't want our lips to part at any time. I finally had to pull away, gasping for breath and leaning my forehead against his.
"That...wow, that was..." I said breathlessly, and Harry finished my sentence for me.
"Beautiful."
I leaned in to kiss him again, but there was clapping from behind me, and Niall and Liam reentered the room, looking quite satisfied.
"This is just gorgeous, guys, simply fantastic," Niall said in a very nasally voice, trying to sound like one of those art critics on telly, and Liam nodded.
"We didn't even have to lock you guys in a room like we had planned. This is great."
Harry blushed furiously and wrapped his arms around my waist. I let him snuggle into me, a dazed smile coming over my face, and Liam mouthed, 'so so gone, I'm telling ya,' to me with a wink. I rolled my eyes and pressed my lips to Harry's curls. Mark was gone and I had Harry...and that was all I needed.