Louis cant help but tighten his grasp, just letting his fingers curl against Harry's hip, squeezing the skin there just so. Harry's eyelashes flutter as he leans in to the touch. Without giving himself time to think about it, Louis reaches with his other arm to wrap around Harry's neck. He aborts it mid gesture.Shit, now isn't the time. He can't do this in a shitty dressing room half an hour before they walk a red carpet. "Um," He clears his throat, his arm awkwardly suspended in mid-air. "Your necklace."
"Oh, right, yeah." Harry stutters, holding his hand out for Louis to drop it in. Louis lets it slip through his fingers into Harry's palm. "Thanks." Harry stumbles, dragging out the 's'.
Louis gives him a nod, before tapping his hip with his other hand, taking it away swiftly. "You're welcome." Louis looks up through his eyelashes, giving Harry what he hopes is a reassuring smile. Something that says I want to, but not now. Harry looks back at him, his bottom lip drawn between his teeth.
He nods softly, just once and barely there before raising his hand in a shaky motion, fist drawn with his thumb up. "Better get a move on." He murmurs, "Big night tonight."
If it's loaded with double meaning, Louis doesn't let himself think too much about it.
They get changed without any further incident, apart from Harry toppling over and sending a rack of clothes flying in an attempt to get into his skinny jeans.
"You ready?" Louis asks him, brushing himself down in the mirror and pulling the lace on his shoes.
"Yep." Harry responds, coming up behind him in the mirror. "Is the scarf a bit much?" He asks, gesturing to the silk material hanging from his neck.
Louis looks at Harry's reflection, taking in his form. "Definitely not. I'd undo another button on your shirt too, just for safe measure."
Harry laughs, rolling his eyes at Louis words. He unbuttons it anyway.
"C'mon then, hair and make up awaits."
*
They're met by the other boys in hair and makeup, Liam waggling his eyebrows suggestively at him from his chair him as he makes his way in with Harry. Louis flips him the finger teasingly.
It's quiet in the dressing room as they get their hair done, the four of them occupied by their own thoughts. Liam and Harry are always the first to be finished, Liam's short hair easily sitting however Lou wants it and Harry's so long and curly that there's not much to do except apply a squirt of styling mousse and some hairspray. The two of them wander off into the smoking area together, Harry offering Louis a quick smile and a "See you in a bit," over his shoulder as he leaves. It's such a small gesture but it's one he would have been deprived of had this been a few months back. The thought gives him just a small amount of butterflies.
Niall picks up on it immediately, turning to Louis as soon as Harry and Liam are out of ear-shot. "Whats going on with you two then?" He grins, raising his eyebrows.
Louis shrugs him off. "All he did was say 'see you later' Niall."
"Fuck off," He laughs, "You know what I'm talkin' about."
Louis sighs, rolling his eyes. "Go on then, what's Payno told you?"
Niall shoots him a confused look. "I was talkin' 'bout how closey you've been gettin'. Went for lunch, Harry sleepin' at yours, starin' at the stars-"
Louis elbows him, "Who told you all that?!"
Niall cackles at him, "Dunno if you're aware, but me and Harry are quite good mates."
"Harry told you about all that?"
"He did indeed." Niall nods, eyebrows raised knowingly.
"Well what did he say?!" Louis presses for more information, voice hushed so their stylists don't hear.
"Oh, nothing much." Niall sings, revelling in Louis' exasperated expression. "Just that he fancies you a bit."
"Fuck off." Louis whines, "He didn't say that."
"Might have been put a bit more eloquently but-"
"Are you fucking with me or did Harry actually tell you he...likes me. Like, likes me likes me,"
Niall laughs, "I feel like I'm twelve again. But seriously, Tommo. He told me about staying round yours and how you talked and how great it was to spend time with you. And he may have mentioned something about how he thinks he might have feelings for you."
It's strangely refreshing to hear Niall talk about it as if it's no big deal. Like he's just talking about it the same way he'd talk about anybody having feelings for Louis. Like it doesn't matter that it's a boy, or that it's Harry.
"I'm only telling you this because I think you need to know." Niall continues, "He's scared shitless, Tommo. Like, he thinks he's readin' you wrong. He doesn't wanna frighten you off."
Louis lets his head loll back against his seat, closing his eyes for a moment. "He's not reading me wrong, Niall."
"Yeah, I know." Niall responds, simple as that. "Go get him I say."
Louis sighs heavily. "I'm workin' on it."
*
They're one of the last acts to arrive on the red carpet, yet the atmosphere is like they're the first. As soon as they step out of the car onto the carpet, a million flashes erupt before them, screams and yells coming from all around. Their handler shuffles them all over to their correct spot, and they line up together in front of a wall of paparazzi. Louis finds himself zoning out as the photographers get their pictures, yelling their names and pointing at places for them to look. Harry's stood one spot away from him, next to Niall. Louis finds himself wondering what would happen if he got in between them and slung an arm over Harry's shoulder in front of all the cameras. What's the worst that could happen? He doesn't get to find out because before he knows it they're being directed over to a group of reporters for interviews. However, chancing his luck, he alters his step so that he ends up stood next to Harry in the interview line up. Harry looks at him, a look of surprise on his face before it changes to a smile.
"Alright this is for E! boys, it's live so watch what you say and don't swear." Their handler addresses them before waving the camera crew over, giving Louis an extra look of warning. Oh, fuck off. Louis thinks.
The interview starts and Louis listens to the rest of the boys take the lead in the mindless chatter, how excited they are to be here, that they're so happy to be nominated, how grateful they are. He tunes in again though when the interviewer asks, "So there's a big tour starting in July, what can we expect from you? What does the future hold?"
And shit, isn't that a question. Louis tends to think about things only as they occur in the present, he's had to to be able to survive the fast paced lifestyle of the band. Thinking about months or even years ahead is a foreign concept and it's fucking terrifying.What does the future hold? How is he possibly going to handle everything thats been going on in his mind these past few weeks for therest of his life. It's not going to go away. He's not going to wake up one morning and be the heterosexual poster boy he's been sold as for most of his adult life.
"Umm..." He hears Harry begin.
It's Harry too, that's something that's going to be there forever. A red carpet in front of a camera may not be the best place for a realisation, but as Harry said, God works in mysterious ways. He's going to want Harry forever. He's wanted him since the moment he met him and he can't imagine that coming to an end any time soon.
"A fun tour, I think. I think we're all, um, really looking forward to it." Harry tells the interviewer. "And uh, we're working on a new album. And yeah, maybe there'll be some surprises along the way. Who knows."
Louis adjusts his weight, leaning to the side and just brushing against Harry's arm with his own. "Yep." Louis dares to add on to the end of Harry's sentence before the interviewer moves on to the next question. Harry nudges him back briefly, Louis looking down at the ground and trying to mask his smile.
The rest of red carpet is over in a flash, they take pictures with fans and do a few more interviews before they're ushered inside the venue. They traipse inside and find their seats, Louis contemplates sitting himself down next to Harry, but he looks back at management behind them and decides that maybe he should pick his battles wisely. He pauses and lets Niall scoot in-between the two of them, rolling his eyes and shrugging nonchalantly when Niall gives him a questioning look. When they're all seated, he leans back behind Niall's back, poking Harry's shoulder and whispering his name.
Harry turns around, meeting his eyes with a doe eyed grin. "Yeah?"
"Hi." Louis whispers, shrugging back at him.
Harry furrows his eyebrows with a smirk before whispering back "Hi."
"Okay, bye." Louis quips, before turning back in his seat, ensuring that he makes direct eye contact with management sat behind him, raising his eyebrows in a gesture that feels like what are you gonna do about it?
It's definitely immature, but it's been so long since Louis has felt that urge to be mischievous. To actively challenge the forces separating him and Harry. It's been a long time since he let himself remember they were there in the first place. It's gonna be okay, he thinks as the lights go down and the music starts, we're gonna be okay.
They win their first nomination, of course they do. It's for Top Group and even after all these years Louis has to shake himself a bit when he realises just how successful the band is. It's bittersweet because there's no Zayn and Louis' heart aches just the smallest amount when Liam mentions him in their acceptance speech. He adds Zayn to the mental list of people he needs to talk to about Harry, regardless of how things unfold between the two of them. Although he has a pretty good feeling about tonight.
The next award is for Best Touring Artist and unsurprisingly they win that too. The four of them make their way back to the stage and in the commotion, Louis taps Harry on the shoulder, mouthing "wait for me," when he turns around. Harry stumbles a little, letting the other boys walk in front of him so Louis can walk next to him. Louis goes all soft inside when he catches Harry grinning at the floor.
They make their way onto the stage and Louis doesn't have to look, but he's feels Harry's warmth against his side, their shoulders knocking together. He's in high spirits, so he takes the mic and thanks the fans, reiterating how much they love touring. When he's finished, Harry leans in to the mic, face inches away from Louis'. He absolutely has to distract himself by turning to laugh at nothing with Niall otherwise he might have been tempted to lean in and plant a kiss on the soft skin of Harry's cheek.
They spend a while back in their seats, just watching the show and talking between each other. It's nights like these were Louis realises how much he really does love these boys, how thankful he is to have them in his life and for all they've achieved together. Louis has always been a big believer in fate and all of this might have a lot to do with it. They have to get back on stage one last time to present an award and Louis scoots in between Liam to stand next to Harry, just because he feels like it. The award goes to John Legend and the four of them hurry off to the corner of the stage for him to say his acceptance speech.
Louis watches Harry dart off to the side of Niall and before he knows it he feels him come up behind him. His breath catches in his throat when Harry leans in a fraction, just close enough to whisper into Louis' ear. "You smell really good."
Because that was necessary. Louis feels himself shiver as Harry's breath ghosts over his neck and god how much longer is left of this fucking award show? He's dying to get to an after party, get one or two drinks down him, just enough to give him that extra sliver of confidence and water down his inhibitions. He'll find Harry, maybe dance with him in the corner, away from prying eyes. Wrap his arms around his neck and press their chests against each other.
He's pulled from his train of thought by security walking them off stage and into the backstage press room. They've got a few more interviews to do before they can leave and Louis can feel himself getting antsy already.
He walks with the other boys in a daze before he finds himself in front of another wall of camera's. "Could you all just stand on the x for me?" The photographer asks, taking a few test shots, the flash making Louis blink.
They fumble together in front of the camera, smiling and joking around as he gets his snaps. There's one more interview they have to do and their handler leads them over to the correct spot.
It seems to go on for fucking ever. It's a small consolation when he notices Harry fiddling with his suit and tapping his foot likes he's impatient too.
Louis isn't paying too much attention to the interview but he zones back in just as Liam says, "Every time we speak, there's these two brothers," He gestures to Harry and Louis.
Louis can't help himself, he raises his eyebrows far enough to shoot of his forehead before scoffing and replying "Brothers?"
It might be one of the least subtle things Louis' ever done, he doesn't really care. He notices Harry bite back a grin and suddenly he cares even less.
The interviewer keeps rambling on about new songs and new tours and Louis wishes he could just hand him a press statement and leg it. Liam's blathering on too, telling the interviewer the ins and outs of their album release dates and Louis wants to shake him by the shoulders and tell him to hurry the fuck up. Finally, the interviewer wraps up the interview and Louis cant help but let out a laugh when Harry prematurely thanks him for having them before the interviewer is even finished speaking.
"Uh yeah." The interviewer stumbles, "Thanks for your time guys."
After that it's like someone's hit fast forward, but hasn't turned it up to full speed quite yet. They're rushed through the back rooms of the venue by security and placed in a holding area that leads out into the private car park where they wait for their SUV's to arrive. The four of them and various members of their entourage spread themselves around the plush leather sofa's whilst they wait. There's a bottle of champagne being passed around, each of them taking swigs straight from the bottle, because it's Vegas.
Harry's wandered off somewhere to catch up with industry friends he'd bumped into earlier on. Louis doesn't feel the same pangs of jealousy or aggravation at the lack of Harry's presence, not like he would have done a few months ago. Harry has friends, a lot of them and sometimes he's going to want to do his own thing and hang out with them. The past few days have made Louis realise that co-dependancy feels nice in the short term, but it's unhealthy. Harry's got his life here in LA, he's got his famous friends and expensive lifestyle. But Louis feels more and more certain that there's a place for him within that. That he can slot back into Harry's life like he never left it to begin with.
"D'you know Taylor Swift is hosting an after party?" One of their security asks the room.
"Yeah!" Niall replies, gulping down a mouthful of champagne before wiping his mouth with his hand. "I was thinkin' of going actually."
Louis snorts, "Fuck off, you're going to Taylor Swift's party?"
Liam giggles from the other sofa. "Won't that be a little bit awkward mate?"
"Nah," Niall shrugs, shaking his head. "Why would it be awkward, I wasn't the one that fake dated her."
"Won't Harry find it weird?" Their security asks, taking the bottle of champagne from Niall and passing it to Liam.
Louis turns to see Harry walking in through the door, glass of red wine in hand. "Won't Harry find what weird?" He asks, taking a sip before perching himself on the arm of the sofa Liam's sat on.
Liam wiggles closer to him, patting his thigh lightly. "Niall wants to go to Taylor Swift's after party."
Harry blinks, using his free hand to sweep his fingers through his hair. "Okay?" Louis stays quiet, not sure where he fits in the conversation.
"You wont mind would you Harry?" Niall presses. "Not like she's your actual ex, right? Apparently it's gonna be sick, like everyone is goin'"
"Why would I mind?" Harry questions, rubbing his neck with his palm. "We could all go." He looks over at Louis briefly, eyebrows furrowed like he's trying to read his expression.
"I'll come." Louis blurts out, holding his palm out for Liam to pass him the champagne. "It'll be fun."
Liam raises his eyebrows, handing him the bottle. "Well if we're all up for it..."
"I can get the cars to take you straight there." Security chips in, pulling out his phone. "Probably best if you avoid camera's though." He says, gesturing towards Harry. "PR'd kill me if you got spotted on the way to your ex's party. Best that you get a separate car."
Harry rolls his eyes, shrugging. "Yeah, alright whatever."
There's still a sharp burn when Louis hears Taylor's name. It gets sharper when someone refers to her as Harry's ex. That time was so difficult for the two of them, but more importantly it was so difficult for Harry. He tries not to remember how heavy Harry's eyes had been for the entirety of the stunt, how pale and lifeless he'd been. The look on his face when he'd waved goodbye to Louis before boarding a plane to spend New Years in a strange city with strange people, thousands of miles away from home. It's another reminder of how desperately the rest of the world seems to want them to be something they're not. Wants them holding hands with pretty girls, backs turned and not looking at each other like there are galaxies in their eyes.
For all that it should fill Louis with resentment and sadness, in it's place is an urge to not back down, to prove everybody wrong. Louis' always had that in him, taking people's criticisms and poor opinions of him and using it as fuel to better himself. When music critics had ragged on the band for not writing their own music, Louis had taken it upon himself to write the majority of the past two albums. When his old boss had fired him from his job at the cinema, he'd gone back there four years later to watch himself and the rest of the boys in their record breaking movie. The geography teacher that told him he would never amount to anything, that one is pretty self explanatory.
If it has to be him and Harry against the world, well then that's only going to make them stronger.