Chapter One Hundred Sixteen
Eli's P.O.V.
As I step toward Dani, the words come flying out of her mouth, "They're here! I saw them! They've come to take me! Please don't let them take me!"
"Shhh, it's ok, baby. There's no one here. You're safe here."
"No, I saw them! They were right here! Please don't let them hurt me anymore!"
"It was a nightmare, baby. They aren't here. You're safe. You didn't see them..."
"I saw him; I know I did. I know you don't believe me, but he was out there."
Dani is really scared. She truly believes she saw something out there. Either the nightmare was so real she thinks she saw someone, or there was actually someone there. I can't ignore her fear, especially if there really is something out there.
"I'll get Ash and Arrow and we'll do a perimeter check. Would that make you feel safer?"
Dani shows just how frightened she is when she says, "What if they get me when you're not in here?"
"How about you lock yourself in the bathroom and I'll come and get you when I've checked everything."
"How will I know it's you and not someone pretending to be you?"
"I'll sing the song I usually sing to you. That way you'll know it's me. Can you do that?"
She nods.
"That's my girl. Let's take the blanket with you, huh? You're shivering."
I lift her off the ground and carry her into the bathroom. As I set her down on the chair, she whispers, "Please don't let them take me. Please..."
"I'm not going to let anyone hurt you, baby. I promise. I'll be back soon. Don't open the door until you hear my singing, ok?"
She nods and I wait to hear the door lock before leaving the bedroom.
Ash and Arrow aren't far from the bedroom door when I step out of it.
Arrow sees my face and questions, "LT?"
They know it's serious.
"Perimeter check, both of you. She thinks she saw something and I'm not willing to risk any of our safety by chalking it up to a nightmare."
They nod and my pops says, "I'll keep watch inside, just in case."
We scan the perimeter, but we don't see anything until we get to the window outside Dani and my room. There's some cigarette butts in the flower bed. None of us smoke, so they definitely don't belong to any of us. I carefully bag them up so I can take them in to Tom for analysis.
Arrow meets Ash and myself by the window, "Well, if there was someone here, they're long gone by now."
I hold up the bag of butts and say, "There was someone here. She was right. I'll get these to Tom and see what he can find. Don't mention anything to her about this. We'll be out of here tomorrow and she doesn't need to be worrying about this. We'll just have to make sure we're not followed anywhere."
They both nod and we head inside. As I'm about to step into the bedroom, Arrow says, "I'll take Beth home. I'm going in that direction anyway. Just make sure Dani's ok. I don't think you'll want to leave her now."
"Thanks man. Stop by the precinct tomorrow. We've got to go through the details and add some final adjustments."
"Will do."
Dani is still waiting in the bathroom and she doesn't open the door until I sing 'Gravity' to her. She's a little bit calmer now, but she's still on edge.
"No one there. It's all safe. The guys and I checked everything and we're all good."
"Maybe I really am losing my mind."
I can't let her think that, but I also don't want her to worry they've found her. It could just be a random person walking past. I won't know anything until I get some results from Tom. "No, you're not losing your mind. Maybe it was just someone passing by or something. We'll be out of here tomorrow and you won't have to worry. Babkin is dead. No one knows you're here. Why don't you get into bed and I'll go get cleaned up."
"Don't leave me, Eli..."
How can I deny her request? I don't think I'll ever be able to say no to her.
"Can you sit in the bathroom while I get ready for bed?"
She mulls over it for a few seconds and then she nods. It's times like this I notice just how much Dani has changed. Before, she would have freaked out at the prospect of me changing in the same room as her. She sits on the toilet, with the lid down, as I change. I glance at her, and she's staring at the floor, picking at her fingers. She's not completely comfortable about this situation, but she's managing far better than she would have previously.
Once my sweats are on, I say, "I'm done."
She looks up at me and I notice her gaze lingering on my shirtless upper body. I smile internally. She's noticing that more and more as the days go on. The thought makes my heart flutter a little, but I need to make sure I keep 'little Elijah' quiet for now. As much progress as Dani has made, I don't think she's ready for that step.
As we settle in bed, I hold Dani close and I feel her running her fingers over the freckles on my chest.
She whispers, "I'm sorry, Eli. I'm paranoid and I scare too easily. I apologize for that. I know you guys think I should be better by now, but it's not that simple for me. I am trying, but sometimes the memories take over and I can't stop them."
I sigh, "I know, baby, and I understand that. I'm not going to lie to you; it is frustrating, but more so because I want you to be free from all of this. I will always stand by you, support you and do whatever you need me to do. Don't ever think I won't be there for you, but sometimes it upsets me and frustrates me that you aren't free from this burden. I know it won't ever fully go away, but I'd like to think it'll get easier for you at some stage. We just have to battle on through until that point happens."
"Ok."
She places a quick kiss on my chest, which causes a jolt of electricity through my skin and into my heart. I think this girl is going to be the death of me, seriously. More and more I'm struggling to keep my body in check and I quickly shift to another position, in case Dani notices the change in me and panics.
I try to divert Dani's attention by saying, "You ready for the move tomorrow?"
"Yes sir. What time do we sign the papers?"
"7am. We have to go into my mom's office before work and then they'll release the keys. My mom will sort out the removal company and our stuff. We can go straight there after work tomorrow."
"Ok."
"Are you excited?"
She shrugs, "I don't know what that really feels like."
"Ok. Are you happy for the move? You're starting to recognize that feeling, right?"
"Yes, I am. To both. I'm pleased we're getting the new place."
"Good. Me too. You need to get some sleep, sweetheart. Are you going to be ok now?"
"As long as you're here, then I'll be ok."
I fall asleep with Dani curled up in my arms. I could be imagining it, but I swear she's holding on just a little bit tighter tonight.
Dani's P.O.V.
I'm awake before the sun rises. Eli's arms are wrapped around me so I glance at the watch on his wrist. He never seems to take that thing off, actually. The time reads 4:27. I don't really need to get up yet, but I decide to grab a shower. I won't be able to get back to sleep now. I get out of bed carefully, so I don't wake Eli. As I shower, I contemplate his words from last night. Am I excited for the move? I'm not sure I know what that feels like, so I try to remember how I felt whenever I did something nice with my parents. Accessing those memories makes me smile and I do something I haven't done in a very long time. I look at myself in the mirror.
The last time I looked at my reflection, it was a very different person looking back at me. I look more healthy and, dare I say it, more happy than I ever have. I still look tired, but not completely exhausted like I used to.
I don't realize how long I've been standing in the bathroom contemplating life and Eli's voice on the other side of the door startles me.
"Baby? You ok? You've been in there a while."
"Sorry. I'm fine."
"Can I come in?"
I unlock the door and let him in, but I can't make my feet move to step out of the room.
Eli smiles at me, "Moving day."
I send him a little smile and whisper, "I think I am excited."
"I knew it. I'm excited too. I need to pee, babe. You can stay in here if you want. I really don't mind, but I don't know if that's what you want to do."
I feel my face flush at the thought and I scurry out of the room. That leads my thoughts elsewhere and I wonder if I make Eli uncomfortable. He's been acting a little differently sometimes and I wonder if my weird behavior makes him feel awkward around me. So when Eli appears again, I say, "Eli?"
"Yeah?"
"May I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"Do I make you uncomfortable?"
He literally freezes and I notice a slight panic on his face. That's not a good sign. He doesn't usually show much emotion, which means I've caught him off guard and he's shown his true feelings on the matter. I feel the tears start to well up in my eyes, but I manage to stop them from falling.
His words are slow and deliberate as he asks, "Why would you ask that? What makes you think that?"
"I do, don't I? That's why you haven't answered. Oh my goodness! I am so sorry. I knew my behavior would make you uncomfortable. I'm such a bad person. I never thought of the consequences it would have for you. People must think all kinds of things about you when they see me react like that to you. I really am sorry..."
Hands on my shoulders snap me out of my little rant and I startle at the action. My heart starts to race before my gaze settles on Eli and I realize it's him. Once my breathing and heart rate are a little more normal, Eli sighs. He rubs one hand over his face before speaking.
"Ok, so you'll have to forgive me if my words don't come out the right way here. I don't want you to think any of those things you've just voiced, so I have to try and find a way to explain this without making you uncomfortable or letting you believe any of that stuff."
He pauses and then clears his throat. He seems nervous, something Eli never lets on that he feels. This must be bad, so I prepare myself for the worst. He can't want to leave me, right? He just said he's excited about moving in to the new house. I hold my breath, expecting the worst.
Eli takes another deep breath and then speaks. "I don't care what people think about how we act or you act around me. I know the truth and that is all that matters to me. I don't want you to feel like you have to change your behavior just to please other people. You've had far too many years of being pressured into things. I don't ever want you to feel like you have to do something because people are pressuring you. The way you act doesn't make me uncomfortable, Dani. I apologize if I make you panic here, but I need to be honest with you. I want you to remember that I'm not going to hurt you or make you do anything you're not ready for, ok? I love you, so very much. I think you're beautiful inside and out and the progress you have made just makes me find you even more beautiful. Because of that, my body is starting to figure things out. I know that's not what you want to hear, but I don't want to lie to you. The reason I'm acting a little differently is because I don't want you to notice the change and panic. I can, and will, control myself. I don't want you to worry that I'm going to try anything, because I won't. I want you to be completely sure and comfortable with that step. I'm sorry if you feel uneasy because of me now."
I'm shocked. For a number of reasons. One, because I didn't even think about this. I don't know how it didn't cross my mind, but I can only guess it's because I never thought Eli would find me attractive. Not that I particularly want people to find me attractive. Bad things happen when that's the case. Two, because I didn't think Eli would just blurt that all out. He's always so concerned with not upsetting me and surely an admission like that will make me be unsettled aroundhim. Before I can get any more thoughts out, Eli speaks again.
"Say something, baby. Please?"
He sounds worried, but I don't know what to say.
"I don't know what to say..."
"I knew saying something would make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen. I simply wanted to be honest with you."
"No, I know. I'm ok. At least I think I am. I know you're not going to hurt me. I guess I just didn't think about it from your point of view. I'm sorry about that. I got so caught up in the crazinessinside my head that I didn't think about you. That was terrible of me, sorry."
He shoots me a dazzling smile, "Always so concerned about everyone else's feelings. I never expected that to even enter into your mind. I deliberately tried to keep everything safe for you. I don't want you to have to worry about stuff like that. Everything all good now?"
I nod, "Yes sir. Are you ok now?"
"Definitely. I have to run an errand before we go sign the papers. You going to be ok on your own for a bit? Can you go with my ma to the office? You ok with that?"
"Yes sir. Everything is ok, right?"
"Of course. I'd tell you if it wasn't. Just have to do some running around and I didn't think you'd want to tag along."
"Ok."
He places a quick kiss on the top of my head before sending me another grin. He jogs out of the bedroom, leaving me with a whirlwind of emotions. I can't and won't take the time to analyze them now. If I do, I might get second thoughts about this whole thing.
Eli is late to sign the paperwork, which has me on edge. He's never late for anything and I worry that he really has changed his mind. Connie is trying to make me feel better and trying to reassure me, but I can't quite believe her words. Eli is never late. Just as the worry is starting to take over, Eli appears in the office, sporting a huge grin.
"Sorry I'm late."
I frown; he doesn't offer an explanation, so I don't ask. It's strange that he doesn't give me any information, but I chalk it up to being a case or something. Maybe he can't speak about it in front of people. He kisses the top of my head and whispers, "Hey, sorry. I got caught up on something. You ready for this?"
"Yes."
"Good stuff."
It doesn't take long to sign the paperwork, but we have to wait until all parties have checked the money has been exchanged. It's not long after that when we are given the keys to our new place. Connie is smiling brightly at the pair of us. She almost squeals with delight before saying, "Go visit your house! I'll sort out the removal company later, but go spend a few minutes on your own in there before the craziness starts."
As we stop outside our new house, I can feel bubbles in my stomach. When I tell Eli, he chuckles and explains that it's excitement. We have a quick stop at the house, mostly to assure ourselves that it really is ours. We walk around all of the rooms before going in to work.
As soon as we step onto our floor at the precinct, we are thrown into work. Eli has his team all in the one room, probably planning the raid. I'm still very nervous about this raid. I know I'll never be able to change Eli's mind, but I worry about the repercussions this will cause. I'm sure he won't get everyone, which means someone will always be looking for us. We'll never be safe, probably even less safe than we currently are. I know the awful things these people can and will do and I don't want that for anyone, not even my enemies. I know nothing I say will make Eli think any differently about this whole situation, so I have to keep my thoughts to myself and let him do his job. I have to trust that he's good at his job and that his team will take care of him. I'm trying to trust that, but it isn't an easy thing to do.
I don't have an appointment with Sam tonight, purely because Eli and the team have to work late and also because of the move. I am so thankful to Connie for helping us out with everything. There's no way I would have been able to deal with the removal company myself and Eli definitely can't take any time off work until this whole case is closed. Arrow's voice makes me jump when he speaks, "You look deep in thought. Everything ok?"
"Oh, yes sir. Sorry, I was just thinking."
"Did you guys get the keys?"
"Yes sir. First thing this morning."
"Cool. If you need any help sorting the place out, just let me know. I'm happy to help."
"Thank you."
I see Eli appear behind Arrow, "Dude, you got your intel?"
"Of course. Everyone else here?"
"Just our team. Everyone else is being briefed tomorrow afternoon."
They excuse themselves and head to the room where the team is waiting. I sigh before getting back to work. I so can't wait for this to all be over. My insides are eating themselves up with worry and fear. My poppa's voice whispers to me again, "Be still my svetlyak. Trust Eli and his team. I'm right here with you."
I take a deep breath and mutter, "That's easy to say poppa but not so easy to do."
I try to listen to my poppa and allow my work to fill my mind instead.