Chapter Thirteen
I feel a sense of Déjà vu. I'm sitting on the bed, staring at the door again. This time I know Eli is on the other side. I heard him slide down the wall. I can't believe I actually told him all of that. I do feel a slight sense of relief, that I don't have to hide it anymore, that maybe he understands a little better why I am the way I am. I still can't believe I did it. I've never told a soul what happened to me. It's too shameful and embarrassing. I mean, how do you say something like that? I am disgusting; I am damaged and broken, yet Eli didn't once look at me like he was disgusted, repulsed or ashamed of me. Is he really that different to everyone else? I do feel a little calmer when he is around. Maybe he is different.
I woke up twice from nightmares, and Eli was at my door both times. When I looked at the clock, I noticed it was just past 1pm. I'd slept a couple hours before having a nightmare. Eli must have noticed a strange look cross my features, because he asked, “What?”
“I haven't had that much sleep in a long time...”
“Really? Wow. I think last night was good for you, even if you don't think so right now.”
I took a look at him and really take in his appearance. He looks tired, stressed and worried. I drop my head and whisper, “I'm sorry, sir.”
“Sorry? What for?”
“For keeping you awake and for being a burden...”
“You're not a burden. Don't you ever think that. And I'd rather stay awake with you than sleep. I'm thankful that you chose to trust me, Danica. Thank you.”
I just shuffled my feet, not really knowing what to say or do. Eventually Eli broke the silence, “I need to go home to get showered and changed. I'll pop in and speak to the Captain...”
I gasp, “The Captain! I didn't call in! He's going to be so angry...”
“I spoke to him last night. I had to tell him what happened. He told me to keep him updated. So I'll do that after I've been home, ok?”
“Yes sir.”
“Ok. I'll be back after that. I'll make lunch.”
“You don't have to, sir.”
“But I want to. I said I'd take care of you and that's what I intend to do. You should try to rest Dani. I'll be back in an hour or so. Ok?”
“Yes sir.”
After Eli left, I took a really long shower and then curled up with a book on the couch.
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(Eli's POV)
My head feels a bit clearer after a long, hot shower. I take a deep breath as I enter the precinct. None of the guys know I came back last night, so they all greet me like they've really missed me.
“Hey Cain, the Cap said you've been cleared for duty. I'm glad you're back. How you feeling?”
“Good, thanks. Got my trigger hand back in use.”
I chuckle, “Good to know. I'm not going to ask if there's a double meaning in that; I know there must be.”
He laughs and Ash appears. “Hey Eli. Dirty jokes going around?”
“What makes you ask that?”
“Cain's laughing...”
I smile, “Fair point. Is the Captain in his office?”
“I think so. He's not in the best mood, just to warn you.”
I wince and nod. “How come? Something going on?”
Cain pipes up, “Danica's not in. I think he can't function without her now... Anyone know where she is?”
I shrug and say, “Sick, I guess. That's the only reason I can think.”
Ash squeezes my shoulder and says, “I'll come with you to see the Cap; you might need back up.”
As we walk, Ash asks, “How is she?”
“She's ok. She's at home. Don't look at me like that. She discharged herself last night. She refused to stay in there. I just made sure she got some rest last night.”
“You stayed at her house?!”
“Shhhh, keep your voice down Ashton.”
“Dude, it's a big deal. She allowed you to stay there...”
“I don't know if allowed is the right word. She was exhausted and I don't think she was thinking about that.”
“I guess. So she's ok?”
“Yeah, well, she's exhausted but she's ok.”
“Good. You want me to go in there with you?”
“Nah, I can handle it. 'Sides, you should be working. That team needs some target practice. Get some team scenarios going on downstairs. Use the virtual training scheme. I'll check the results tomorrow. Keep an eye on Cain's aim.”
“Yes sir.”
Ash chuckles as he fake salutes and then he's gone. I take a deep breath and knock on the Captain's door. I notice that there's a huge stack of files on Dani's desk. Surely that's not all from this morning.
“Hey Cap.”
“Eli, come on in. Take a seat. How's Dani?”
“She's ok. She came home last night.”
He shoots me a disapproving look, so I quickly say, “She discharged herself, sir. Despite my protests.”
“And how is she doing, really?”
“She's exhausted. I told her to rest up and I'm going back there after seeing you.”
“How long does she need to recover?”
“The doctor reckons about a week, 10 days maybe.”
“Tell her she's got this week and next week off. Don't let her argue. She'll be back here tomorrow if we don't put our foot down. I don't know how I'll manage without her to be honest. She's like my right hand now. I had to actually check my planner today...”
I smile and say, “She does have a way of wriggling into your life without even realizing it, doesn't she?”
“She sure does. I know I probably don't need to ask, but you'll take care of her, won't you Eli?”
“Yes sir, I will. I'll be back in tomorrow. I've given Ash some training to get the guys stuck into. Cain has to make sure his aim and speed are back on track.”
“Good. I'll let you know if the team gets flashed. And get some sleep yourself, Eli. You look like you've been ten rounds in the ring.”
“That bad, huh?”
“Ok, maybe not ten rounds. About 6 though.”
I chuckle and stand up. “Thanks for being so understanding, Cap.”
“Don't even mention it. Dani's part of the team, we take care of our own.”
I nod in thanks and take my leave.
When I get back to Dani's, she looks like I've just woken her up.
“Sorry, did I wake you?”
“No sir.”
“Another nightmare?”
She drops her head, so I know it's true. “You want to talk about it?”
She shakes her head, so I change the subject completely. “Spanish omelets?”
I see the corners of her mouth twitch and that makes me smile. “Take a seat ma'am. I'm your waiter for today. Would you like some coffee?”
“Yes please, sir.”
I wrap a towel over my arm and put the coffee machine on. I swear she almost chuckles at my antics. The thought makes my heart swell a little. She seems a bit more relaxed in my company. Maybe she just needed to talk to someone; get it out in the open.
“So, I spoke to the Cap. He says you're not allowed to come into work for 2 weeks. He said it wasn't a suggestion.”
“Ok.”
“Really? He thought you'd put up a fight...”
“It's an order, right?”
“Yes.”
She shrugs and I'm just shocked. All I can manage to say is, “Wow.” Not that I thought she'd argue with me, but I did expect her to say she was fine or something.
She gets up to put some music on; I think the silence scares her a bit. As we eat, I tentatively approach the subject of last night. “How do you feel after last night, sweetheart?”
“I don't know.”
“Do you feel any better after talking about it?”
“I don't know. Eli?”
“Yes baby?” She's picking at her fingers, like she's nervous of something.
“Do you hate me now?”
That would be why she was nervous. That must be quite a worrying thought for her. “Hate you? Why would I hate you?”
“Because I'm disgusting...”
“No, you're not disgusting. You're hurt, yes. But you're not disgusting. Don't ever think that.”
She drops her fork and brings her knees up to her chin. She looks like she's going to go off on a rant, so I just sit there, hoping she'll let something out. She can't keep everything pent up, it's not good for her.
“You're a cop, Eli. You must have some idea what happened. How can you not think I'm disgusting? How can you not hate me? I hate me....”
She gasps, like realization has just set in and she hears what she just said.
I'm pretty sure I see her flinch, waiting for something. I whisper, “Dani? Don't ever be frightened to say what you're thinking. I always want you to be honest with me. I want to help you, I want to know what you're thinking. Especially with those kind of thoughts. I need you to know it's not true. You're not disgusting and I could never hate you. It wasn't your choice. You were a child and the people that were supposed to protect you didn't do their job. That's not your fault. None of it is your fault. You have to believe that. I will make you see that, no matter how long it takes.”
She doesn't respond, but there's not really much she can say I guess. It's not like she's suddenly going to change her opinion of herself. “Dani, I want you to promise me something. Promise me that whenever it gets too much for you, you'll talk to me. I don't want you to do this alone any more. Can you promise me that?”
“I'll try, sir.”
“Thank you. That's all I'm asking.”
END of Eli's POV
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A/N: Sorry if it's short. I had to end it here to move on to the next part. I just adore Eli. He's just so amazing. Thank you for all your support. You guys are amazing too :)