michael's pov //
I stood in the waiting room for a while, staring blankly at the fish tank they conveniently placed in the corner of the room. My hands were balled into a fist in my pockets and my hood covered the top of my face. I wasn't suppose to be here, I was suppose to be signing papers for the divorce.
Two months ago I decided it wasn't fair for Dannie to be with someone who wasn't giving her the love she deserved so I told her. She took it pretty hard, like extremely hard. If the cops didn't show up due to a noise complaint, my clothes would've been in flames along with all my other possessions.
I crashed with Ashton for a while, letting Dannie breathe for a week until she called me saying she filed for divorce. It was all my fault, but still I was extremely heartbroken.
She wasn't Frankie, but she still gave me love that I didn't deserve and in return I went and cheated on her.
"Michael" a husky voice whispered behind me.
I turned around and was greeted by Ashton's sleepy face. It was 4 in the morning, there was just a few people in the waiting room and they were all asleep.
"The nurse just left the station, if you want to see her its now or never" he placed his hand on my shoulder, smiling weakly.
I nodded, following him in the dim lit hallway. My palms were sweating, my heart pouncing around in my chest casually banging on my lungs making it extremely hard to breathe. He was a couple steps ahead of me, occasionally looking back at me and smiling to give me reassurance that this was the right thing to do. It felt like hours before he finally stopped in front of a large window, took one good look inside before turning back to me and chuckled "Come here Michael"
I hesitated, stopping right where the window started before my feet got the courage to make it's way right next to Ashton's. I took a deep breathe before finally turning towards the window.
My eyes went down a line of the tiniest little humans I've ever seen, all wrapped in either blue or pink blankets and their eyes shut tight.
"There" Ashton pointed right in the middle to a pink blanket and my eyes immediately shot that direction. "There's your baby girl"
The moment I saw her blue eyes shimmer in the dark room the emptiness in my heart was instantly gone. She only had a few blonde wisps on her head and her cheeks were puffy but she was the most beautiful thing I have ever had the pleasure of setting my eyes upon.
At that very second I knew I would do anything for this girl, I would bleed, bruise, fight, just so she would never have to. I would give up every ounce of my being to ensure she would never know heartbreak, neglect or sadness and that happiness will always surround her. I would do so much for her and I didn't even know her name.
"W-what did they name her?" I asked, my hand pressed on the window.
"Ava"
My head spun towards Ashton "Ava?"
For months I've only thought about that name, never once told anybody, not Frankie, not Calum, not Luke, not even Ashton, that I wanted the baby's name to be Ava.
I had only heard it was going to be a girl a week ago, and now there she was. Ava, the most beautiful name I have ever heard.
"Yeah" Ashton placed his hand on my back "Ava Clifford"
I stopped, my face froze. Did he just say Clifford...as in my last name?
"What?"
"Ava Clifford, that's what Frankie named her"
"B-but b-but why?" I stutter, confused.
"They decided last minute...they didn't want her growing up confused by her identity"
"What about the media, what would they sa-"
"Fuck the media" we both turned around, to find somebody else standing with us in the empty hallway.
David.
He looked emotionally and physically drained, his eyes were hollowed out by dark bags and his skin flushed. His hair was hidden under a beanie and his hands shook at his sides. I wasn't a cup of tea either, but I didn't expect him to look dead.
"David I-"
"Don't" he clenched his fist "Please don't talk because I really want to punch you in the face right now but I won't so please shut up and hear what I got to say"
Ashton shifted slightly in front of me, David only eyeing me. I nodded, letting him continue.
"Frankie and I talked about it a few days ago before her contractions started, and yeah I was a little upset when she told me" he stopped "Actually I was livid to the point where I put my fists through the wall that separated the living room, but when I calmed down I realized if I gave Ava my last name I would be stealing a part of her. She's not even mine but I loved her way before she came out and I wanted to make sure she had the life she deserves, so we told our management. They didn't agree at first but you can't really say no to a hormonal pregnant lady who had a temper of a rodeo bull. So fuck what anyone has to say, the world will know in a couple of house. They'll know she's yours."
And just like that he left going down the corridor and disappearing around the corner.
the next morning //
I fell asleep in the waiting room, right beside the fish tank the next thing I knew I felt someone gently shaking me awake.
"Michael" they said softly. "Michael get up, Frankie want's to talk to you"
My eyes fluttered open only to find Casey looking down at me. I struggled to get to my feet, she guided me so I wouldn't fall over and knock the fish tank down.
"Rough night?" she giggled as soon as I regained my balance.
I just smiled, "Frankie wanted to see me?"
"Yeah she's in her room, why don't you go and see her I'll wait here with your fishy friends"
I nodded, rubbing my eyes as I made my way to her room.
I slowly pushed the door open, breathing in the heavy air and wiping my hand on the back of my jeans. Her room was dark, the now open door letting in the light the shined on her pale face. She had wires hooked on both of her arms her hair rolled up into a bun, her eyes looked paler, lined with black and blue and her lips cracked, but still she manged to take my breath away.
"Hey" I whispered creeping up to her side as she let out a weak smile. She rubbed my arm weakly, electricity shook through my veins making the tiny hairs on my body stand up.
"It's good to see you" she spoke quietly, it was odd to see her this way she usually was the fire in the room but her flame was going out. "Did-did David speak to you?"
She held my hand suddenly but I let her, resting both of our hands on my thigh. "Yeah...it really does mean a lot to mean Franks...thank you"
She smiled, closing her eyes but her hand still firmly intertwined with mine.
"Did you...get to see...her...yet?"
I nodded, my smile plastered from ear to ear
"She's beautiful Franks"
"You're....going...... to be a.....great dad" her breathing got heavier and slower making my heart race with anxiety.
"Frankie, are you o-"
"Michael" she placed her other hand on top of mine "Promise me...promise me...you won't let her...feel unloved.."
"Frankie I don-"
"You won't make...her feel...like she...screwed everything....up"
"What ar-"
"Promise me...Michael please promise me" she opened her eyes, and for some reason they looked different. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I felt like I was falling in love all over again.
"Frankie, I promise." I kissed her hand and she smiled.
"I love you Michael Gordon Clifford" after those words were let out into the world, mine fell into pieces.
Her monitor started beating rapidly, her hand went limp in mine, cold even. I panicked shooting myself up from the bed only to see her heart rate went flat, I shook her pleading for her to open her eyes until a doctor came rushing in pushing me to the back of the room.
I couldn't hear anything but my frantic screaming as nurses surrounded her bed as they tried their best to get me out of the room but everything in my body told me that if I left her now, I would be leaving her forever so I fought, pushing them off my arm as I tried to run towards her.
"FRANKIE WAKE UP! FRANKIE WAKE UP AVA NEEDS YOU!" one final push from a male nurse sent me into the hallway and into Casey's arms. Ashton rushed over, helping me to the ground as I kept repeating those words.
"Michael! Michael please!" I looked into Ashton's eyes, they were wet and filled with sincere sorrow that's when I buried my head into his chest as we sat outside the door crying.
"Ava needs her" I sniffled "I need her."
"I know" Ashton kept repeating holding me tight, I felt Casey rub my back before she too collapsed and sobbed with us.
....
The doctor's talked to us after they took her away, it still felt so surreal for me. Almost like I was in this sick nightmare and I kept punching my thighs to wake myself up..but the thing was the more he talked the more real it all became.
She had gone into septic shock, the doctor said it was a normal cause of death after childbirth and they tried the best they could but it wasn't possible to save her, he said it as if it was okay that she was gone. I held in my anger as he continued to talk, saying a social work would come shortly to give us advice about the whole situation but it's most likely Ava would be in my care.
We sat in the waiting room, nothing but dead air between us. Everyone rushed over and joined us as soon as they heard the news.
I looked around at the dull room, Beth was in Luke's arms in the corner tissues in her tiny hand as Luke looked blankly at the floor. Calum and Nicki sat next to each other, their arms sharing the same arm rest as they continuously shook their heads in disbelief until finally Nicki stood up and inhaled a short breath before collapsing on the floor only to be caught by Calum who crouched on the floor with her. Casey and David stood in the center of the room, supporting each other from also collapsing on the floor. It seemed as if they were the ones who were crying the most, as Max stood next to them rubbing David's shoulder his other hand covering his mouth. Cody even took the earliest flight down here only to find his baby sister gone, he had slid down on the floor burying his head in his knees as soon as he heard and hadn't moved since. Ashton sat next to me, blinking away tears and what was I doing? How was I feeling?
To be completely honest, I didn't feel anything. I was numb, my body was numb and I fucking hated it. I should be feeling something, I should be bawling my eyes out because the girl who I had given myself completely to was gone and now....I don't know who I am.
But I know who she was, she was the only thing I knew.
She was this girl who's beauty made you scream inside but at the same time made you lose sleep thinking of all the moments God spent making her so fucking perfect.
She was this girl who you didn't think you'd ever fall for in a million years but then you find yourself getting excited for the next time you see her again.
She was cruel but tender.
Blunt but poetic.
Intimidating but comforting.
Ambitious but careful.
Confident but insecure.
She was the biggest contradiction that has ever walked into my life, the scariest thing I have ever encountered, the most nerve-wrecking, heart breaking, confusing, frustrating girl that has ever crept into my heart but I'm so fucking glad she did.
Every heart break, every argument, every stop, every sacrifice I have endured was worth the moments where I knew she loved me back. Because her love had the power to break your heart but mend it all at the same time, it was the most satisfying, electrifying feeling in the world.
And it physically ached to even try to grasp the idea that the feeling would never return to my body..that she would never return to my arms.
But in the most selfish way possible, the one thing that will forever burn a hole in my heart is the thought that there would never be an us.