A/N: Honestly, I think this is some of the best writing I've ever done. I hope you guys like it. Vote and Comment please! All the love, as always xx
~L
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Louis' POV:
"We're not done with this, young man. We will discuss this when you get home!"
I clenched my eyes shut and let the front door slam behind me, hurrying down the steps and tugging on the sleeves of my worn out sweatshirt. I slid easily into the front seat of my car, turning the keys and letting out a huge sigh. It was always like this. Morning after morning. I could never do anything right, at least, not according to him. I coughed to clear my throat and sped away from my driveway, from the stress of my home life, and headed for school. On the way, I blasted music, letting myself drown in the lyrics and the deep thrum of the bass pounding through the speakers,but it did nothing to get my thoughts off of my step-dad.
Why was it like this? He used to be really nice, he would actually ask me how my day was and take me and the girls out for ice cream. He was a proper dad...for a while. And then one day, something changed.I don't know exactly what happened, and my mum would never tell me,but he was different. He was so harsh to the girls, and to me. He treated us like the scum of the Earth, and for what reason? No fucking clue. It happened right after we moved, too. Just perfect. I got to deal with being the new kid and having a downhill home life. Exactly what I needed.
But I couldn't think about myself. I couldn't pity my situation. I needed to be there for my sisters. I had to be strong for them. And I couldn't let the kids at school know, or I would end up in the same position I had been in at my old school. And I sure as hell was not about to let that happen. Not again.
I slammed my fist onto the steering wheel in frustration. Why? Fucking why? Why did he hate me so much? I never did anything wrong.I just wanted to be myself and be accepted for who I was. But no,apparently I wasn't good enough to be his son. I was a disappointment...a failure.
I pulled into the parking lot of school, still fuming about my step-dad, and not at all looking forward to getting yelled at the moment I got home. And it was over something completely stupid that barely had anything to do with the important things, like grades or getting a job or anything like that. No...it was about something that had happened at a party...something he didn't like. If something made me happy, he hated it right off, and that was bullshit, if you ask me.
I slammed my breaks on suddenly and my whole body jolted forward as someone ran out in front of my car. I laid on the horn and the boy turned back to look at me sheepishly. I barely had time to register that he looked kind of familiar before I had my window down.
"What the actual fuck? Watch where you're going, freak!" I bellowed, driving away and gritting my teeth. I watched him in my mirror. He didn't move for a full minute, and then, his head down, walked slowly towards the school doors, not looking at anyone. My heart clenched slightly but I ignored it, parking my car. He deserved what he got...running in front of me like that...could have gotten himself seriously injured. And then I would have had to pay for the damages, and that would have been just one more thing for my step-dad to yell at me for.
Climbing the steps to school, I was accosted by my best friend. I barely had time to see his blonde head coming at me from the corner of my eye before he was on top of me.
"Niall...what the hell? It's too early in the morning, you cannot possibly be this hyper," I grumbled, but a hint of a smile quirked at the corners of my mouth. Niall was the only one that really made me smile, besides my sisters, of course. He was just so happy all the time, it was hard not to smile when he was bouncing around in front of you.
"It's a great morning, Lou! And you know why that is?" He asked, his Irish accent standing out thickly among all of the Holmes Chapel drawls.
"Why is it a good morning, Niall?" I asked. He asked me that almost every day, but I always had to ask him back or he'd get upset. He was weird that way.
"Because we are alive and I'm joining the team today, if they let me on, and I'm just so damn excited!" He nearly bellowed into my ear, and I winced but managed a small smile back at him. I could feel the muscles in my face straining at the attempt. I so rarely smiled these days that it was almost a foreign feeling to feel the muscles in my face working in that way.
"Good on you, Niall. Proud of you, mate. You'll get a proper girlfriend this time," I answered vaguely, looking off down the hallway as I spotted something. Or should I say, someone. A flash of curly hair snaked its way into the crowd and disappeared, but I could have sworn it was the guy I had almost run over with my car. Again, my heart pulled a little bit at the thought, but I pushed it away, glaring ahead. I didn't have time for feelings.
"C'mon, Lou, we've got to go!" Niall called, latching onto my wrist and dragging me down the hallway. I winced horribly but didn't even bother trying to make him let go. I just gritted my teeth as he tugged me towards our lockers. When he finally let me go to open his locker, I massaged the spot, pulling up the sleeve of my sweatshirt to inspect it. I bit down on my lip as I saw the outlines of fingerprints starting to appear in mottled black and blue over my skull tattoo. I pushed my sleeve down immediately to cover it. I didn't want Niall, or anyone else, to see it. It wasn't like it was a usual thing, but I didn't want any questions being asked. There was no way I wanted to deal with all that at school as well as at home. It was better if only I knew.
I unlocked my locker and pulled my stuff out quickly. Spare papers fell out in crumpled heaps, and I just shoved them back in, not paying much attention to them. I was normally a clean person, but my step-dad was very strict at home about how clean my room was...and this was the only place that he wasn't in charge of. It was kind of a rebellion against him, and I hated it, but it also made me feel good. I'm strange like that. Luckily, Niall never asked too many questions, and that was one of the many things I loved about him.
"Well, mate, I gotta run. Supposed to be meeting with the team to see if I'm in...see you later, yeah?"
I nodded aimlessly, already walking away towards my first class. As I walked through the halls, people seemed to part for me, equal measures of nervousness and curiosity on their faces. To them, I was Louis Tomlinson, the 'Bad Boy' of the school, and I was not giving that reputation up. It wasn't ideal, but it was better than what I had been at my old school, so I just let it go. I walked into class and headed for the back, slumping in my seat with my head down. I was so exhausted, but I knew that I wouldn't get any more sleep tonight than I had the last few nights, or in fact, the last few years. I always stayed up to comfort my sisters if mum and my step-dad ever had a fight. It scared the hell out of them, and I just wanted them to be happy and safe, even if I wasn't. So I would stay with them until they fell asleep, and then I'd get to my homework, and sleep for about three hours before I had to wake up for school. Usual routine, but it did make staying awake in class a bit of a struggle.
The rest of the class filed in, and I normally wouldn't have paid any attention, but this time was different. Just as the bell rang, someone ran into the classroom last minute, out of breath. The teacher didn't even look up, but I did. I immediately recognized the curly hair of the guy I had almost run over this morning, but something was different. His hair was disheveled, like he had been in a fight or something, and he had his head down.
"Look at that, Styles! Did you get some this morning? Who was it from: Eleanor? Maybe Kendall...or Caroline, I heard you guys had some fun last week? Or was it Taylor again?" One of the boys in the front row mocked, and the curly haired guy just shook his head slowly, heading for his seat and sitting down quietly. My eyebrows drew together in confusion, and I swallowed hard as I watched him brush his hair out of his eyes, and caught sight of a bruise starting to form on his cheek. My fingers brushed absentmindedly over my wrist, but I shook my head roughly and looked away from him. It was none of my business. But now...I kind of felt bad for yelling at him this morning. I hadn't been in the best mood, and I hadn't stopped to think that maybe he had been distracted as well. I resolved that after class, I'd go apologize, even if it would put a huge dent in my reputation.
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Well, my resolve to talk to the curly boy didn't go as planned. The moment the bell rang, he was up and out of there, practically running for his life. I gathered my things more slowly and walked out into the busy hall, looking around for Niall. Maybe I should consult him about what happened instead of going straight to the boy. Niall would understand. He knew a bit about what I hid from the general public...not all of it, mind you, but enough to understand my internal conflict with this situation. But he wasn't anywhere to be seen either. I sighed, brushed my fringe out of my eyes, and walked down the hall towards my locker. Maybe he'd be there.
I was halfway down the hallway when I heard it. There was a soft banging coming from inside one of the janitor's closets. I slipped through the crowds of people and opened the door. Immediately, a person rolled out, struggling to his feet and running his hands through his blonde hair, making it stand on end.
"Niall, what the fuck were you doing in there?" I asked, gripping him by the shoulders as he swayed on his feet slightly. His face was bright red and there was the ghost of a bruise on his temple.
"The team...wanted me to...initiation was bullying a kid...I told them no, so they hit me and shoved me in here," Niall mumbled, massaging his head. "Fuck that hurt...we need to stop them!"
"Where..." I began to ask, but I didn't need him to answer me. A load of jeering laughs and voices was coming from the hallway next to ours. I sprinted down the hall, Niall stumbling behind me, until we hit the back of a huge crowd, all of whom were cheering someone in the middle on. I shoved my way through to the front and stopped dead. Three members from the footie team, a dark haired one and two others,were beating the shit out of someone curled on the floor. There didn't seem to be any reason for it, but everyone was enjoying it, and it made me sick. Before I could even stop to think about what I was doing, I stepped forward and moved in front of them, shoving them all back as forcefully as I could.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I bellowed, and the whole crowd went dead silent. The three guys looked at me like they had never seen the likes of me before in their lives. More than likely, I was the only person to ever stop them from what seemed to be a daily ritual.
"Giving the little faggot what he deserves," said the one on the right, sneering. The middle one, the one with dark hair and very sharp features, elbowed him and mumbled, "Don't use that word, mate," before rounding on me.
"He was asking for it. He got in my way, knocked into me."
"Doesn't everyone do that in these hallways? I doubt he did it on purpose. Now clear off. All of you!" I directed the last part at the crowd and they sighed disbanding and mumbling about a party crasher other things I'd rather not mention. Niall was still there, though, and we both knelt next to the boy. He remained curled in a tight ball, small whimpers of pain coming from him. I placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and he turned his face slowly. Bright green eyes full of tears were staring back at me, almost masked by the mass of curls on his head. I knew without a doubt that this was the same boy that had been in my class, the same one who had run in front of my car. I felt something strange happening in my chest and I shook myself mentally. What the fuck?
"You're alright, yeah?" I asked, my voice sounding much softer than it normally did. It was a similar tone to what I used with my sisters at home. Niall's eyebrows knit together in confusion and the boy looked up at me in surprise. He pulled himself into a sitting position and wiped his cheeks forcefully, not taking his eyes off of me. He looked...almost scared of me.
I could hear voices whispering behind me, and it suddenly hit me: I was in school, where people could see me, where people were judging me. I jumped to my feet, the concern melting off my face as I adopted my school persona.
"Well, what are you crying for? Get up and get to class!" I growled at him, turning on my heel and stalking down the hallway,leaving Niall behind, still kneeling next to the boy. The group of girls that had been watching me moved quickly out of the way, looking frightened.
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I spent the rest of the day silent, not talking to anyone and eating lunch alone. Thank god I only had two more classes after lunch. But then I had to go back home, and I definitely wasn't ready for that. So I caught up with Niall at his locker and asked if he minded going for a walk with me. He obliged of course, but he seemed pretty quiet. It wasn't until we were off school property and heading towards downtown that he spoke up.
"Umm, so...the boy you left behind this morning..." He began, and I sighed.
"Look, do we really have to talk about him? I had a bad morning, almost ran him over with my car. It was an accident, I promise. But then...let's just not, OK?"
We were silent for a time, and then Niall spoke again, quieter this time.
"His name is Harry, if you wanted to know."
I looked over at Niall, but I didn't say anything just yet. The moment Niall had said his name, the same feeling I had experienced earlier fluttered inside my chest. I clenched my teeth, forcing it down, and Niall kept talking in a very careful voice. "He...umm, he told me that no one has ever stopped them before, and...he wanted to say thank you."
I pressed my lips together. My heart was swelling with how kind this Harry was. Even after me treating him like shit basically all morning, he still had the heart to thank me.
"I...well, I..." I stuttered, and Niall let out a short laugh.
"I'm sure no one would judge you if you were a bit nicer at school, Lou. I know you can be, I've seen your soft side. It suits you much better than this hard bad boy act you put on..."
I held up a hand and he shut up immediately. He knew better than to talk about it like that. He knew why I did it.
"I just think you should apologize to him, that's all. You kinda just left him there..."
"Well, he shouldn't have been crying," I mumbled, hoping he wouldn't hear me, but I wasn't very good at mumbling, apparently. Niall scoffed and turned away, not looking at me.
"Come on, Ni, don't be like that...OK, alright, fine! I'll apologize. But only because you asked me to..." I grumbled, and Niall grinned, jumping on me in a hug.
"I always win, Tommo," He laughed, and I shoved him playfully. We walked around town for about an hour more before I looked at my watch and sighed. I needed to get home and help my sisters with their homework and such.
"Ni...um, thanks for walking with me. I needed it. See you tomorrow, yeah?" I asked as we approached my street, and he nodded, giving me a clap on the shoulder. As he walked away, I heard him mumble,
"There's the soft Louis I know..."
"Shove off..." I called, but it was playful. It's not like I wanted to be this bad guy that everyone was afraid of. I wanted to be myself. But that would get me nowhere. I found that out the hard way.
I approached my driveway and bit my lip. Here we go, I thought to myself, and I headed up the steps, unlocking the door and letting myself in. There was the sound of many girls talking at once,and laughter rang out from the kitchen. I allowed myself a small smile. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad.
"Hey, girls! How was school?" I asked as I made my way into the kitchen, and they all jumped up eagerly.
"Lou!" They all cried, throwing themselves at me in a huge group hug. I tried to hug them back as best I could with all of the stuff I was carrying, but I managed it somehow, and it put a huge smile on all of their faces.
"What's going on in here? Get back to your work, now!" bellowed a voice from just behind me, and I turned as all four of my sisters scrambled back to the table, picking up their pencils and keeping their heads down. I tried to keep my face neutral, even though inside I wanted to throw down my stuff and attack the man now standing before me.
"Good afternoon," I offered politely, and his eyes fixed on me."How was your day?" I tried again, trying to put a positive spin on things, but today was not my day, apparently.
"It sucked ass. Now unless you want me to get angry, I suggest we continue our discussion on the problem this morning..." Mark saidin a dangerous whisper. I dropped my bag at my feet and tried not to roll my eyes, which proved much more difficult than I thought it would.
"Look. I really don't want to argue about this, especially in front of the girls...can we please talk about this later?" I asked, trying my hardest to keep my voice even. He sneered at me.
"I don't give a fuck if they hear about it or not. So I'll ask again...did you or did you not kiss that boy at a party last week?"
I flushed dark red and avoided all eye contact with anyone. My sisters looked like they were still working, but not a single pencil was moving. They were listening. I swallowed hard.
"I...I was drunk. I didn't know what I was doing." I answered slowly, and I forced myself not to move back as Mark took a step towards me.
"You mean to tell me that my son is a faggot?" He growled in avery angry tone. It was taking all that I had not to hit this man right now.
"If you mean that I have an interest in boys, then yes. That's exactly what I'm saying." I spoke boldly and with pride, even though I was terrified out of my mind.
"Why you little..." Mark began, coming right towards me as though about to hit me, but at that moment, my mum came through the front door, letting it close behind her. We all froze, and Mark backed off, glaring at me and giving me a look that clearly said 'say anything and you're a dead man.' See, he was never like that around my mum. Just us kids. My mum didn't know a thing about it, because I wasn't stupid enough to tell her. If I ever breathed a word of it, she was sure to get hurt in addition to his horrible behavior towards us, and I was not going to let that happen.
She came into the kitchen and Mark smiled warmly at her, going to hug and kiss her hello. I looked back at my oldest sister, Lottie, but she just shook her head and bent low over her work.
"How was your day, sweetie?" She asked him, letting him peck her on the lips. I picked up my bag and walked forward to give her a hug and a kiss hello.
"Hello, Lou, darling. How about you, how was your day?"
"Umm...not bad, Mum. I have a lot of homework to do...mind if I go upstairs and get started?"
Mark glared at me, as though he wasn't going to let me get away that easily, but my Mum nodded and patted my cheek.
"Of course you can, honey. I'll call you for dinner, alright?"
I smiled and pecked her cheek quickly before basically sprinting for the stairs. I made it to my room in record time and slumped against the door, my eyes closed. I was so fucking tired of him getting on my case all the time. First the tattoos, then my hair, and now about some guy. Yeah, I had gone to a party. Yeah, I had been drunk, and yeah, I had kissed a boy. But I had liked it, even if I was too drunk to remember much else of the party. Being drunk sometimes made me forget about how horrible Mark was to us. And what was so wrong with having feelings for guys?
It seemed like hours later, but I finally crawled up off the floor and dragged myself to my bed, collapsing on top of the covers. I was so exhausted...I just wanted to sleep...
There was a knock on my door and I groaned softly. Why couldn't he just leave me...
"Lou? Lou, it's Lottie...can I come in?"
"Yeah...yeah, sure, Lots." I called, and the door swung open, my oldest sister slipping inside and closing it behind her. I closed my eyes and rubbed at them, trying to make myself more awake.
"I...I heard what dad said...about that boy you kissed."
I pressed my lips together, the sadness and fear and anger all coming back to me at once, and I squeezed my eyes shut. I did not cry. Ever. Especially not in front of my sisters. They needed me to be strong.
"I...Yeah, it happened, Lots. And I liked it a lot." I replied, my voice muffled because my hands were now covering my face as I tried to wake myself up.
"Well, that's not a bad thing. You can like whomever you want." She said matter of factly, and I almost hugged her right there. But I was just too tired.
"Thank you...means a lot...sleep...need to sleep..." I mumbled, my eyes drooping almost as soon as I got them open. Lottie patted my arm gently and smiled at me.
"Sleep. I know you need it. I'll tell him a story...say you got sick or something. If Mum's around, he won't say anything.Just...lock the door, OK?"
I nodded and got up slowly, following her to the door. Before she could go, I pulled her into a one armed hug, trying to say all I wanted to say without actually speaking it. She seemed to get the message, for she squeezed me back and then walked out quietly. I closed and locked the door behind her, and I barely made it back to the bed before I passed out, too tired to even function anymore.