Douglas.
Douglas kept consuming my thoughts.
I was currently in class which was my first time being in considering the first day of meeting teachers Douglas and I went out to eat. I didn't usually think of a boy this much; I never have actually. I've always been taught to not let boys keep me from my education and aspirations I had in my life. I wasn't going to let that happen, but it was strange how this guy I barely even knew had appeared in my life out of nowhere at unexpected times. It almost didn't even seem coincidental, but it was. It had to be.
Ryan Montgomery, on the other hand, had been my first 'love' and my first boyfriend. When we were together though it was all staged and manifested for my father and his father's firm.
My father was an international lawyer and was well known for his work in multiple criminal and political cases. In other words, our families were part of the elite causing us or more so our fathers to be in the news a lot. So, having both of their children date would look like we would be continuing the family business and keeping our families united. But, what people didn't know was that Ryan and I broke up a long time ago. The only people who knew were our families and the close-knit group of girl friends I had back home.
When Ryan and I first started to date we did like each other. We would sneak out late at night just to see each other and in the beginning it didn't matter that our parents' were forcing us to date. Or so, we had thought. Now, thinking of Douglas continuously made me realize there really was nothing between Ryan and I that was real.
"Mr. Mikaelson, is it?" The professor asks someone making me come back to reality.
Mikaelson? Where have I heard that last name before? Staring in the direction the teacher is looking I land my eyes on him. Making me think, how did I not know he was in my class?
Douglas looks at the young teacher who looks like he was a frat boy in college, and stops doing whatever he was doing before he was called on. The teacher gives Douglas a stern look making me feel uncomfortable for him.
Instead of slouching in his seat Douglas sits up straight. "Yes"
"Well, Mr. Mikaelson can you please tell me what happened in the last scene since you seem to think doodling is more important than my class" The professor says with an evil smile.
I don't even know where we are in the play that we've been reading. I know we were learning about Hamlet and I've read that play about a million times. We couldn't possibly have gotten far.
But, I doubt Douglas had been paying attention. He looked not fazed by the professor's words when he smiled a small smile. So, does this mean he knew where we were? I doubt it.
"Well sir, we just finished reading the scene where Hamlet's love letter to Ophelia is read by her father, Polonius, to the King and Queen. Her father reads to them this line, Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love" Douglas tells the professor with no expression at all.
I couldn't help but stare at Douglas attentively. He knew. Douglas continues to look at the professor and the professor's eyes harden. Maybe, he was upset Douglas knew where we were or maybe he was upset he looked like a complete jerk.
"Tell me what you think that line means" The professor commands Douglas.
"It means you can doubt even the most obvious true things in the world around you, but never doubt I love you. It's something a lover says to a lover about how deep their love for them is and how it is the last thing in the universe they should doubt" Douglas says and once again making the professor look like a jerk.
Almost every girl in the room had their eyes on Douglas practically drooling over him or trying to send him flirty looks. I was the only one to look away though.
"Eyes back to reading the play ladies" The professor tells the girls in the class.
Once everyone had stopped staring at Douglas I looked back at him. He was a few rows behind me, on the opposite side of the room while I was near the door. In his eyes, I could see loneliness and maybe anger but I couldn't see any love. His jaw tenses making his jaw line look define and razor sharp. I bite my lower lip. Why was he so perfect?
He makes everyone think he's trouble so they don't take interest in him so, they think he's not perfect. But, I didn't know him and I didn't know what it was that he wanted to isolate himself so much so he barely even talked to anyone. It, however, showed that he didn't need anyone in his life which was sad. It's sad to be on your own, not to have anyone to talk to. I knew how that felt.
I looked at the professor who's mouth was moving probably continuing his lecture, but I couldn't hear any words. I couldn't stop glancing back over to Douglas who seemed not to be paying attention as well. The corners of Douglas's lips turn up into a smirk.
Douglas looks over at me completely catching me off guard. Quickly, I look away trying to make it look like I was never looking at him in the first place. Stupid. Gosh, I hope he doesn't think I'm some creep.
Closing my eyes, I breathe in and out trying to control the butterflies I was feeling in my stomach. His eyes had locked on my plain brown eyes and that made me feel queasy.
Opening my eyes, I look back at Douglas over my shoulder. I couldn't stop the feeling from over taking me again because he turned his head and made eye contact with me again. He was staring at me with an expression I couldn't muster. Or, maybe I didn't want to think that what I was seeing was true.I was the first to break eye contact with him when the sound of books being shut signaled that class had ended. Grabbing, my books I put them into my leather brown messenger bag and I get up from my seat. I don't bother to look at him either afraid he'll make fun of me.
I run my hand through my hair and sigh. This was my last class of the day and already I was tired. College was taking a toll on me I never knew it would. I never thought I would be this stressed out. Before, I used to be happy to have homework but now that I have about triple the amount I did in high school it made me hate it.
Stopping in the hallway, I looked at the bright golden trophies that were displayed in the case. Lacrosse was the first trophy that caught my eye and suddenly I was remembering that day.
***** 2 years ago*******
"College looks good on you" A voice whispers in my ear sending goosebumps around me.
I jump hearing the voice and turn around looking at the person instead of trying to look for the library where the tour guides told us to meet them.
"Ryan" I whisper.
"Surprise" He says with a smile.
I frowned looking at him from head to toe. He didn't look like himself, but he hasn't looked like himself for a long time. Ever since I told him about what had happened he's never been like himself. Never been like Ryan.
The sweet, childhood friend I fell in love with years ago was gone and replaced with this new person. We owed it to ourselves to see if it could work if there could ever be anything more than Audrey and Ryan, but it wasn't right. Even though our parents practically forced us to date, we thought maybe if we tried hard enough it would work. We would love each other just as much as people in movies did. But, it wasn't right, it hasn't felt right in a long time. We didn't have any passion.
"You don't seem happy to see me" He frowns.
"Ryan please not now-"
"You know I can't keep doing this Audrey! I can't keep acting like this!" He yells making me jump.
Those words made something switch in me. I didn't feel right at all and I couldn't feel anything. But, he had said he couldn't keep doing this like it was torture. Maybe, it was wrong of me to do that to him I shouldn't have put all of my guilt on him.
"I'm sorry, okay? Is that what you what to hear? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, you had to know me that you had to be forced to be with me all these years. That I had put all this guilt on you! That I changed you and not for the better. Okay, I'm sorry!" I yelled with tears streaming down my face.
"Addie-"
"No! Don't call me that! Not.. Not anymore. I know you don't want to be with me anymore Ryan so just don't... Just don't call me that anymore" I say with my eyes closed.
I open my eyes and continue to let the tears stream down my face not ashamed for once that I was crying. I had a reason to cry and I hated that. I wasn't just losing my boyfriend and the love of my life, but I was losing my best friend. I used to think love never existed that it was childish. But, now I know I was right. It was childish.
I couldn't possibly fall in love again I don't even think what I felt with Ryan was love. I just don't know anymore. Maybe I was loving Ryan the wrong way, but I honestly don't know.
I don't think I can breathe. I just- I just can't breathe. The air in the room was thinning becoming impossible to breathe in. Impossible to keep me alive.
Ryan comes up to me taking cautious steps but manages to kiss me gently on my forehead causing me to close my eyes again. This was it. That was going to be the last time I felt his warmth and his touch. I wasn't loved anymore by him. I wasn't loved at all.
***** Flash back ended *****
"Audrey" A voice says breaking me out of day dreaming.
Turning to my side I look at Douglas with his eyes filled with worry. Worry? I haven't seen that emotion in so long I forgot what it looked like. I've been numb for two years and I can't get over the fact that I did that. I was so careless and so, heartless. I just hate myself so much- I'm just so tired.
"Audrey" Douglas repeats again.
"Sorry, I was just- sorry" I say with a smile.
We look at each other deciding whether or not we should continue the conversation. I bite my lower lip and look up at Douglas to see his icy greenish-blue eyes staring at me. My breath hitches making Douglas continue to stare at me. I try to look away but it seems impossible to look away from his memorizing eyes.
"I have a question," Douglas finally says.
I raise an eyebrow at him and respond back, "Okay, shoot."
"You seem to be so... Well how do I put this nicely- um... sad" He says making my heart drop down to my stomach.
"What makes you think that?" I ask curiously as to what he may respond back.
"Well, you wouldn't have that little stress wrinkle between your eyebrows", He says pointing to the wrinkle in between my eyebrows.
I frown, sadden that he seems to think I don't feel content. Being content is feeling something I can't describe I suppose. Maybe, I was sad but that doesn't mean it was noticeable, right? Oh, Douglas sure knows how to make me confused.
"I'm fine" I say stiffly.
He smiles softly. "No, you're not"
I glare at him. "You don't know me at all. You don't know what I like to eat or my favorite color and you certainly do not know if I'm fine or not. So, please don't try and act like I tell you everything about me," I sneer at him full of annoyance.
"I don't need to know every little detail about you, Audrey to know that you're not okay," He snickers back at me.
I simply roll my eyes at him and walk past him making sure to give him a look while I passed by. But, before I continue to leave I turn around and face him.
"I'm not easy like that. I have a brain and I sure as hell use it. I'm not going to swoon over you acting like you know me or you reciting something from a play. I'm always right and me being wrong is very unlikely so let me tell you this, the next time you try to swoon me, you won't be very successful" I say with a smirk.
"Oh, Audrey Greyson we will see about that" He says playfully with a smirk.
I stare at him blankly and turn around to stop staring at his Greek god-like features that make every girl swoon over him.
Douglas makes me think about him constantly especially his icy greenish-blue eyes and his plump pink lips. But, he's cruel. He seems to have a liking towards tempting me into things and causing little competitions with me.
He dares me to try things. He makes me feel this undying flame inside of me. But, he's cruel. He's cruel. He's cruel.