"... And who do you think you are?
running 'round, leaving scars
collecting your jar of hearts,
and tearing love apart?
You're gonna catch a cold
from the ice inside your soul
so don't come back for me...!
Who do you think you are...?"
-"... Hey... listening... at all...!?"
Connor frowned in his nap, not opening his eyes and switching positions on his seat. His phone had been on shuffle for about an hour and half, and the music that played on his headphones had been changing constantly, but he hadn't noticed so far. He was doing his best to ignore the sounds of the ruckus around him, and being pretty good at it.
-"... Dude... already... there... off...!"
Eventually, ignoring Joe's yelling voice three inches away from his ears became an impossible task. With a dozy head from his light sleep, Connor opened his eyes, yawned and stretched his arms, almost hitting Joe in the process, who was hovering above him from his place in the backseat. Connor removed his tiny headphones and turned around to face him with a mocking smirk.
-"Dude...!"—Joe complained—"You almost hit me!"
-"Shocker."
Connor's eyes went adjusting little by little to the lightning, and he then remembered he was in the bus on the way to Lake Yule Park with the rest of his class. He took a glance to his left, and saw Lilly peacefully snoring with a drool of saliva down her chin. Had she been Alexis, she'd probably be awake already, way before him.
Caspar, who sat behind him next to Joe, was up already as well, and from the look on his face, quite shocked that his bag of gummi bears for the trip was empty all of the sudden. Connor assumed Lilly had been joking when she said he took one of those for long bus rides, but as it turns out, Caspar is that childish.
-"Hey...!"—Joe complained as if offended by Connor's dry response.
-"Why did you wake me up...?"
-"See for yourself, bloody asshole!"
Connor obliged, and turned to his right and looked through the window.
The wet-from-the-rain road was gone, and instead there was an earth track that seemed to dwell into the forest. The sky announced it was around five in the afternoon, which meant they had been on the road for two hours. They had arrived to their stop.
-"We should leave the bus."—Joe said—"It's a long walk, I hear."
Joe went back unto his seat, and Connor turned to Lilly. He started shaking her slightly, not wanting to frighten her.
-"Lilly... Lilly, we're here..."
Lilly let out her last snore, before finishing with a graceful snort that woke her up all of the sudden, like an old man would. It was pretty funny, with her baseball cap not being able to hide how messy her hair was being at the time. She started darting her eyes around for a moment, a little panicked on where she was, but as soon as her eyes landed on Connor she relaxed.
-"Here already...?"
-"Yeah."—Connor answered just as bitter.
-"Awe, man..."—Lilly started—"I was just having the craziest dream... I was like being chased by tigers or somethin', and then Dwayne Johnson pops up and..."
Connor wasn't usually the first one to listen to other people's dreams, but well Lilly was one of the few ones he did listen to. However, his attention got averted when he noticed that Troye raising from his seat three rows ahead on the other side of the bus. He had taken the ride alone, apparently, wearing his headphones and not really interacting with anyone. Connor saw him act that way and thought immediately of the first day he saw him, leaving the bus station when he and Alexis had arrived in Yule. For a brief second, Troye turned around and met his eyes with Connor. Just for a brief second. The second after that, the blue eyed mystery gas station kid was already off the bus.
-"... Anyhow I'd never made out like that with anyone before, much less such a hunk! And I gotta admit he was pretty good at it, though generally I don't go down with alien superheroes that—hey, Connor are you even listening!?"
-"Huh? Oh, no. Not really."
Lilly rolled her eyes. At least she knew he would always be truthful.
-"Your etiquette is very rusty bad boy."
-"It never really mattered. Anyway, we should go with the rest."
Connor and Lilly left their seats, just in time for Caspar to notice a couple of gummi bears lying below Lilly's seat and exhaling a prolonged 'Oh man, not again!' which Joe seemed to find extremely amusing. They gathered and joined the rest of the class outside, where they stood around in half a circle facing the dirt road. In front of them were Mr. Cole, who was directing the expedition, a school nurse, and... Mr. Hartman, who had also been sent there by principal Hart. He never seemed to catch a break. Mr. Cole had something other than a Hawaiian shirt on for once, and actually was wearing what appeared to be a decent hiking attire. His dreadlocks remained tied on the back of his head as usual.
-"Ok kids!"—Mr. Cole announced with a loud clap of his hands—"It's about a twenty minute walk or so until we reach the lodge and the campsite, and when we do, first thing is to unpack and set up tents! We don't want anybody rushing off anywhere until then! There, we're meeting the park staff, who are going to explain us a little about this reserve, especially..."
Connor wished he had been paying more attention to the itinerary, because let's face it, it was probably sort of kind of important. But he couldn't. There were too many things that didn't let him.
First, there was the sound. The sound of everything. Just from standing there in the middle of the wooden path, he could tell that every inch of every corner was alive, whether blue brown or green. The chirp of crickets, birds singing. An owl or two. The sound of water running down the stream. The sound of leaves in the wind, falling on the forest floor...
There was a fragrance that filled the air. Trees? Mud? Flowers? Who knew. It wasn't unpleasing or extremely addicting. It was just different from the big cities, from the tainted fumes of cars, oxygen and carbon forever plaguing the air you breathe.
The sky was grey, and on the horizon in the direction of the lake it was a bit orange. The sun must have been starting to set. Connor's sight got trailed off from his teacher and focused on the people around him. Troye was not so far apart from him; he was listening intently to Mr. Cole, being the good student he was. The only person who was really alone and far apart was the last person Connor expected to see that way. Alexa was standing by the edge of the forest, facing away from them, and letting her fiery hair flow evenly in the wind.
-"... So, without any further ado, let's get going kids!"
Just as the class started moving uphill, Connor grabbed a hold of Lilly's arm.
-"... Lilly, wait a sec."
-"Augh, dude, what is it? We gotta get going y'know..."
Connor looked back at Alexa's direction. She was walking as well, carrying her backpack, only extremely slowly and isolated from everyone.
-"... I think you should hang back here with her."—Connor said, looking at his friend with a very serious look—"You two are sharing tent anyhow, and she seems pretty alone..."
-"Dude... I don't know..."—Lilly said doubtingly, and genuinely concerned—"I mean it's not that I dislike her that much but-you know, we aren't exactly the best of friends."
-"Listen, I know it sounds odd, but... I feel like you should give it a try."—Connor said to Lilly in a whisper, as they walked—"Come on, I'll owe you one."
Lilly looked back at Alexa, and then at their leaving companions. She huffed in frustration, shaking her head in slight disagreement.
-"Augh, what gives..."
-"Thanks, Lilly."
-"Shut up. I'll make you have it if this goes wrong."
-"Don't worry about it, I know. Tell her something funny about how you stole Caspar's gummy bears or something."
Lilly nodded and started to walk in Alexa's direction, but just before she did, she turned back and looked at Connor one more time.
-"You know, since I'm doing this"—she said—"I think that you can make it up for me by going and making up with Troye yourself."
Connor frowned in confusion.
-"Troye and I didn't fight..."
-"Yeah, yeah, whatever, but something's odd. Just... I don't know, I take care of my tent partner and you do the same with yours."
For some reason, Connor thought that Lilly meant something different from what he had understood out of 'take care of', but the minute he was about to ask her, she was off on her way to Alexa, and from the looks of it, the two of them started a rather silent, awkward, yet ongoing conversation. Connor sighed in relief and headed uphill. He figured he had to keep his word to Lilly. But thankfully for now, there was nothing else to worry about.
---
The clutter of backpacks with stuff besides books was a different noise from what one would hear on a regular school day, but like it had been stablished before this was no ordinary weekend. After about fifteen minutes or so of the walk and listening to Caspar and Joe's non-stop attempt at jokes, Connor had started to see why this park was a natural reserve.
The trees seemed different from the ones in the city. They were all mostly evergreens, but they were quite tall and had a way stronger smelled than any other he'd ever seen before. The forest trail they were following to the campsite passed through a tiny river which supposedly went all the way to the lake. They had to cross a fallen tree-bridge through it, and some of the more city kids were complaining out of their minds (including Joe). Connor, however, felt almost in his element. He knew he didn't really have much battery left in his phone already from all the music he'd been listening to, and that he would most likely be unable to charge it through the weekend, but that didn't stop him from taking a countless amount of pictures on the way. Pictures of the trees, pictures of the squirrels and beavers that seemed to roam about. Even pictures of the classmates laughing. Connor admittedly was having way too much fun with those especially.
Finally, they arrived the famous lodge.
Three wooden, average sized one-floor buildings stood in front of them and next to a large clearing that had several stone rings lying about. For the campfires, Connor figured. A little to the left of the cabins there were two larger ones, which he assumed were the restrooms, and if headed that way downhill one could eventually reach the lakeshore. Connor could see it from where he was standing.
Most of the people's first reaction was either drops their bags and rush into the bathroom, or drop their bags and run into the cabins. Mr. Hartman's was one of the latter, whilst Mr. Cole and the nurse that had come with them spoke with the park rangers and the people in charge that had just been waiting for the party to arrive.
-"Wow, this place is neat!"—Joe exclaimed, looking at their surroundings and amazed at the idea of spending the weekend there—"We're gonna have such a blast!"
-"Meh... My gummy bears..."—Caspar lamented.
Connor rolled his eyes.
-"Dude. Get over it."
-"But they were mine! Why does Lilly always take them away from me...?"
-"Let's check out the cabins!"—Joe jumped from excitement—"Oh I bet they have hunting gear!"
-"In a natural reserve?"—asked Connor sarcastically.
-"I mean who knows! People must get bored here, aye!? C'mon guys, let's go!"
Joe pretty much dragged Caspar by the arm, his taller friend still in mourning from the lack of his candy. Connor shook his head and, seeing a chance, wandered off in the direction of the forest trail that was beyond the campsite.
He hadn't seen if Lilly was back yet (he sort of wanted to avoid having to hear her rant about how she and Alexa just didn't have anything in common), and he felt like being alone, so he walked in the direction of the path, completely oblivious on where it would lead. A little private adventure, to say something at the least, before being busy singing tribal songs and looking for birds, which at this point seemed to be Mr. Cole's idea of a fun weekend.
Connor thought about how weird it was to be doing such a thing. In previous schools he'd been to, he would only go on road trips to museums or stuff of the sort. Never out in the country like this. Given he had never been in such a remote town as Yule before. The only other place he'd live at that had been like that was his home town in Minnesota. And every memory about that place gave him an impossible heartache, so he never thought about it. But with the forest, the lake and the smell of rain it was impossible not to think about it, and with every step he took Connor felt more and more like he was eight years old again, in one of his wooden track walks with people whose faces he'd already have forgotten if it weren't for the photograph he carried on his back pocket.
'Enough mourning', he thought to himself, 'Alexis would slap the shit out of me if she could hear me right now.'
On his walk, he took a couple more pictures. At one point, he crossed part with a green little bird that stood alone on top of a bush's empty branch. Connor stood from a distance not to frighten it, and took a couple of nice shots, smiling to himself. He wasn't usually the bird kind of guy, but something told him he'd have to take at least one pic of that bird.
When he had come to a point in which he thought it was a mistake to go on the track on his own, fearing he could get lost, he reached the end.
And it was worth it.
A meadow extended in front of him. A clearer, way larger than the one the campsite was set in, in the middle of the forest. Full, on every corner to the very end, with full-bloom sunflowers.
Connor didn't even know sunflowers could grow in the wilds in Wisconsin. But if he had been searching for a winning shot for his camera roll, he'd gotten it.
He walked into the field, which turned out a bit complicated since the flowers and the tallgrass went as high up above his waist, but once he had gotten the hang of it, he placed himself in the field, facing the red sun up in the sky, in a very long far away. He closed one eye and, with the other on his phone screen, took the shot.
Bingo.
-"... So you like photography, huh? I'd have never figured that out."
Now, Connor wasn't the type to get easily scared, but on this rare occasion, he lost his shit.
With a gasp and spinning on the spot, Connor turned around too quickly, accidentally taking a picture of Troye with his phone, losing his balance and falling on his ass.
-"Hey there! Watch it!"—Troye said with wide eyes—"I wasn't ready to get a picture taken!"
-"Fuck! You watch it!"—Connor complained, rubbing his head on the place he had hit it with the turns-out-not-so-soft-ground—"Why'd you sneak up on me!?"
-"Hey, I didn't sneak up on you! I thought I'd say hi, but I didn't want to ruin the moment..."
Troye extended his hand for Connor to grab and help him get up, but Connor did so on his own instead. He didn't like being ridiculed one bit.
-"So... how did you find this place?"—Troye asked.
-"Came upon it."—Connor said, dusting off his trousers—"By accident. Wasn't looking for it at all."
-"Well, it's quite the find..."
Troye stood for a moment in front of Connor, mesmerized by the view. He no longer had his bags with him, and his large white headphones were hanging around his neck. The sun shone upon his face and he was so absorbed by the view, it was the perfect time for a picture. Connor took the chance, seeing he wasn't focusing on him at all, adjusted the camera angle, and took the shot.
-"There's a good one."—Connor said, mostly to himself.
-"Huh? Wait, you took another picture of me!?"
-"Hey, beat it. It's not like I post them online or any shit like that."—Connor said, brushing off the Australian—"Besides I take pictures of everyone. I like to for fun."
Connor got a bit distracted himself seeing the details on the camera, Troye saw his chance, and snatched his phone.
-"Dude!"
-"Just let me see them! I won't delete any, I swear."
Troye scrolled through the phone's image gallery, not pausing for a moment and not changing his facial expression. Connor just stood there, looking at nothing in particular, quite annoyed that somebody else was seeing his pictures. Like his journal, they weren't something he particularly like to share.
-"... These... these are pretty solid, man."
-"... Huh?"
-"The pictures!"—Troye showed the picture of the bird to Connor—"You are good at them! Why don't you join the photography club?"
-"And get sent to another club thanks to you? I don't think so. Don't have time for so much shit."
Connor had been as dry as one could be with his comment, but it only managed to make Troye chuckle. The Australian went on scrolling through Connor's camera roll, until he reached the very beginning. And there, he found some pictures he found rather odd.
-"Hey."—he said out of the blue—"Is this...?"
Connor peeked over his shoulder to see what had Troye so confused. And sure enough, it was the pictures Connor took of Lia the day he first got his phone and saw her with Troye in the mall.
'Shit'.
-"Is this Lia?"—Troye asked—"And wait... is that me?"
Connor took his phone back with little effort. He thought about lying his way out of the picture, but he knew it was pointless. So instead, he just sighed and frowned.
-"Yeah it's you two."—he said—"Those were from the day Grace gave me the phone."
-"... Yeah I remember that day."—Troye said—"Lia and I met at the mall... it was after the gig..."
Troye seemed to have gotten off topic, but shook his head violently when he remembered what was at hand.
-"Wait, but—why did you take a picture of us?"
-"I told you."—Connor said flatly—"I take pictures of everyone."
-"I mean yes, I saw it, but—"
-"Why? Does it bother you? Why are you and your girlfriend too good for my pictures? It's just a photo anyway."
Troye remained silent.
For the first time, Connor had called Lia his girlfriend, and he remained silent.
-"Oh, that's new."—Connor remarked sarcastically, taking a hand to his chin—"No 'but she's not my girlfriend'?"
Troye frowned.
-"Like that's any of your business."
-"Nope. Not one bit."
Whatever was the reason for it, Troye seemed to get rather upset with the subject, and meant to protest about it, but suddenly a ringing noise came from his pocket. He searched in it and took out his phone, Lia's name appearing on the screen. He looked at Connor with a face that said 'this proves nothing.'
-"Yeah, yeah, pick that up."—Connor said—"Don't want to keep the lady waiting. We should head back, let's go."
Troye's chance to protest was gone that easily, as Connor was already making his back way to the forest trail and the other answered his phone, talking to his girlfriend on the other end of the line.
If the next two days were bound to be like this, Connor was in for one hell of a ride.
---
Thankfully, Mr. Cole and the few camp attendants that were helping him had their hands full, since Mr. Hartman had decided to conveniently disappear, so Connor and Troye didn't get any trouble for wandering off or anything of the sort. However they did have trouble raising the tent, which they had to do on their own and without any help since everyone else was wandering about already, and it became a lot more complicated than what it should've been thanks to Troye being on the phone constantly with Lia. Connor would have filmed the thing to mock him later, but his phone battery had decided to finally die, and he didn't feel like making line along the rest of the nomophobes (no mobile phobia, as he had learned in English class with Ms. Ballinger, was an actual thing) in order to get one out of the three outlets available to charge their phones in the dining hall cabin. All about it sounded like an unnecessary pain.
Unthankfully, there came a time after the ruckus had settled down and Mr. Cole and the rest of the staff had miraculously found Mr. Hartman (he had been trying to hit on the nurse in the infirmary), which meant that the activities were bound to begin. Mr. Cole told the entire class the idea was that they would work on finding the species they had discussed in class tomorrow on Saturday, while today it would be more of a relaxing day. They would do campfires on the night, and until then, the idea was for the entire class to relax and spend the day either playing soccer on the field next to the campsite or rowing canoes in the secured lake zone not too far down. Every inch of the place was heavily guarded, so there was no chance to get lost. In fact, Connor figured that his little adventure from before had been a one-time thing entirely.
The shower schedule was around eight, which was when they could use hot water. Other than that, it wasn't a thing. The showers were pretty much like a large locker room back in school, except wooden and a lot less private. Most didn't fancy the idea of using them one bit. Connor didn't mind, he was used to have no privacy whatsoever. Caspar did seem fine with it as well, though Lilly and Joe both seemed rather baffled.
Speaking of Lilly, when she finally did find Connor, she didn't seem as mad or frustrated as he had first predicted.
-"You know, she's actually surprisingly bearable."—she said, while the two of them watched sitting on a bench how Caspar chased after Joe after the latter had snatched a sandwich Caspar had somehow managed to hide in his luggage—"I'd always figured she'd be a pain, you know head cheerleader and what not. But you know what? Her sarcasm may just as well prove me wrong."
-"... Looks can be deceiving."—Connor said, while Caspar had managed to tackle down the much quicker Joe and successfully retrieve what was remaining of his half-eaten sandwich.
-"You really think that?"
-"Sometimes."
-"What was the first reading you had of me?"
Connor had to think about his answer. Not because he was concerned it could offend Lilly or anything, he knew she wasn't like that; he just needed to take a minute to actually remember what it was. At this point it almost felt like he'd known Lilly for far longer than a little bit over a month.
-"... The class clown."—Connor said, finally reaching a conclusion and seeing how Caspar cried over his sandwich, which somehow had ended up buried in the mud.
-"Say what?"
-"When I first saw you, in English, I thought you were the class clown."
-"And do you not still think that?"
-"Well... yes. But you know. I kind of know you more than just like that."
Connor rarely made a nice comment like that, and Lilly smiled at it.
-"Well Alexa isn't that bad, I guess."—she said—"I don't know where she is right now, though... It's very considerate of you to ask me that, you know? To check up on her."
Connor raised an eyebrow.
-"Why was it anyway?"
-"... I'm not sure."—Connor said, drifting his sight a bay—"I guess I just felt bad for her."
Lilly scoffed and frowned, clearly getting some memories about something—or someone, she didn't really appreciate.
-"She's certainly a lot easier to bear than Lia..."
Lilly shivered at the mention of her archenemy. Well, Connor wasn't certain they were archenemies, but they sort acted like it and surely enough they weren't friends, not even mutually by Troye.
-"You two really will never get along, won't you?"—Connor asked—"Not even for Troye?"
-"Pfft. I've never forced Australia to like people I've dated and knew he hated! None of us made him do that!"
-"Yeah, but he's your friend, and none of you seem to like Lia one bit. Did she like do something to you or...?"
Lilly's face showed discomfort. Connor had figured whatever Lia had done, it had to do with her, given what he'd heard from Alexis' complaints from her in the drama club during play rehearsals. However, not all the pieces fit together quite yet.
-"Well it's not like she's done anything to the guys!"—Lilly blurted out, referring to Joe, Caspar, Will and Oli—"I mean they don't like her because she latches unto Troye too much! I mean she's always with him, every minute of every second!"
Connor searched for Troye with his eyes, eventually finding him sitting alone in a bench far apart, still on his phone with his girlfriend. He saw what Lilly meant. He wasn't even looking at Joe and Caspar's showdown (which was pretty darn entertaining), nor did he either look for him or Lilly after they had set the tent. He was completely withdrawn.
-"Yeah I can see that."—Connor said, then turning towards Lilly—"You know today he didn't deny that she is his girlfriend."
-"Really? Oh, geez..."—Lilly said, disappointed and taking her hands to her head—"This is bad... I mean, if it was bad before how will it be now!?"
Connor was about to respond with a witty comment, but before he got to it Troye had headed over to where he and Lilly sat, looking a little bit red of embarrassment.
-"Heeeeey...! Look who decided to remember his buddies...!"—Lilly called out, patting a seat next to her—"Come here, Australia, let's watch the children play."
-"A-Actually"—Troye stammered—", I was kinda hoping you two knew where... er..."
Connor sighed in exasperation. The last thing he was in the mood for was stuttering. Alexis was the only person allowed to unnerve him with that.
-"Spit it, Mellet."—he said.
Troye sighed with his eyes shut, and then looked at them questioningly.
-"Does either of you know where the power outlets are?"—he asked sternly—"My phone just ran out of battery."
Connor and Lilly exchanged an 'Are you kidding me' look, eyebrows raised and eyes rolling. Just in time for a sudden shriek of pain from Joe, who had been knocked down by Caspar on the mud, as an act of revenge for, and I quote, 'spoiling the greatest sandwich in the history of sandwiches.'
---
Just for the fun of it, both Connor and Lilly spared themselves from telling Troye any information about the power outlets. They figured out together that he could use some time away from his virtual romance. Instead, the rest of the day was spent with some more excursions down the forest trail, one to the lake (Joe fell into the water), and a not-so-flattering dinner. By eight o'clock, they had all already eaten and it was time to hit the showers.
Being a foster kid his entire life, Connor was an expert in communal showers, and they always had one rule: you either go in or go last. It wasn't exposure that bothered him, but crowded bathrooms were always an issue. So, if one isn't quick enough to be the first in line, then it was usually safer to go in the last toll. He figured that in the time being, he'd wait in his tent, and set up his sleeping bag.
The sleeping back, along the backpack and the other things he had taken with him to the trip (a flashlight, some fishnets and wire and a small pocket knife which he had to keep hidden because it was absolutely forbidden) were all bought for him by Grace on last minute. She had gotten quite excited with the idea of Connor going camping, even if it was for just a couple of days. Connor figured he'd never use this much gear again in his life, so he would leave it behind at Grace's place the day he'd have to leave.
Yeah, Connor didn't think that he would be staying in Yule. Not because Grace was a bad person or he would get into trouble. He simply no longer thought it was his luck to get this lucky.
As he laid on his stomach on top of his sleeping bag, Connor wrote stuff in his little notebook, which he know called a journal. It was starting to become more of something like that. He had started writing more regularly, and that meant he got to talk about his day and the things he had done and with what people.
Which meant, naturally, he had to use aliases.
Not for him, because what was the case? But for every person he mentioned, he didn't want to risk them reading and realizing stuff they shouldn't. So instead, he called them names.
Alexis was Al, like she had always been. Grace was called 'Awkward', and Mikey was called 'The Roommate'. They weren't the nicest names ever, but they sort of fitted. Lilly was 'Superwoman', hence her favorite comic book hero, and the members of The Brits were each called for their respective instruments ('Drums' for Joe, 'Bass' for Caspar, 'Guitar' for Oli and Will was called 'Glasses'), well, all except one.
Connor had already gotten so used to calling Troye the Mysterious Gas Station Kid that he had somehow called him that same name over and over in his journal out of habit. He had even made an acronym for it: MGSK. It was way easier and even more mysterious.
At some point around nine, a recently showered Troye entered the tent, prompting Connor to stop his writing and put the journal away amongst his stuff.
-"Hey."—Troye greeted—"You've not been to shower yet?"
-"No. I was about to."—Connor answered, grabbing the backpack he had prepared with his change of clothes in it, along with a towel—"Is there still people there?"
-"Yeah, but it's the last toll I think."
-"That's good enough."
Connor made way for Troye to come into the tent, and in the process of crouching and squatting, something fell from the back pocket of his pants.
Connor didn't notice, but Troye sure did.
With a slightly shaky hand, Troye reached out and picked up the piece of paper from the floor, staring at it intently. Connor was getting done organizing his backpack, when he stopped out of curiosity on what had Troye so silent. And when he notice, he felt his body go cold.
Troye looked at the photograph in his hand, the one Connor always carried along with him, along with his silver wristwatch. The one in which, if he looked closely and paid a lot of attention, he'd notice that the boy in the middle, the one with the widest grin, was actually Connor, a long, long time ago. And that the people around him, were his...
-"... This... This picture... These are..."
Connor snatched the picture out of Troye's grasp, way quicker and much more furiously than he had ever taken anything from anyone before. Troye stared at him with surprise, not able to comprehend the gravity of the situation. Not able to understand how sacred was that piece of paper to Connor.
Connor's breath was uneven and short, and he glared down at Troye with fury. Deep down, he knew there wasn't a point to be mad at Troye, he hadn't done anything wrong. But right now he wouldn't listen to his voice of reason.
-"... Connor, was that your...? Two brothers, and sister...?"
-"Don't ask."—Connor said flatly, with barely any sound to his voice—"Just. Don't."
Connor started to exit the tent, but Troye wouldn't have it.
-"Is this why you ran off the other day? Because your family and mine are—?"
-"Fuck why don't you STAY OUT OF IT!?"
The look in Troye's eyes suggested he was more hurt than sorry, but still meaning to get to the bottom of this. Connor didn't know how much longer he'd be able to endure that look without wanting to punch him in the face, so he did them both a favor and left the tent. If they had to share for two nights and this was just the first one, it was probably best to avoid spilling blood and staining the tent.
The green eyed boy headed with a quick pace, ignoring anyone who approached him, to the common men's bathroom. A long, cold shower was what he needed. And that's what he got. He put his stuff on a bench in front of his stall, closed the curtain and just laid under the water for as long as he could. He did manage to get some warm water, but he preferred the cold sensation on his skin better. It had always felt more relaxing to him, and had always managed to get him to calm down the best.
It didn't make any sense to be mad at Troye.
But his entire life, ever since he had been a foster kid, it had been a sin to him to discuss anything of his past life with anyone other than himself. To Alexis he told only once, and that had been it. He didn't even explain it all, just the important parts so that she knew about his demons in case he needed her help, just as she had told him about hers.
But to no one else had he ever said a word. Not even to Lisbug, the ever so persistent guidance counselor, who against all odds had managed to bring out what was left of trust in him.
So why should Troye be any different? Why did he have the priviledge of knowing about Connor's shadows, and no one else did?
The simple answer is that he didn't.
So that settled it, and like that it would stay.
Connor eventually did manage to relax, and before he exited the shower he opened the hot water faucet to avoid freezing to death. To him it had never been quite the problem, he had always managed well with the cold. All too well, some would say, but it was always better to be safe than sorry.
He got changed, let out a sigh, and exited the bathroom around nine thirty, literally the last boy in the entire camping trip to leave the showers. Some of the camp assistants that were making guard near the bathrooms gave him a rather disapproving look, and Connor flipped them off mentally. They probably thought he was jerking off in the bathroom or something. Like he was stupid enough to do that. That was Joe and Caspar's job, not his.
After hanging his wet towel on the laundry area, Connor headed back to the campsite, surprised at finding that mostly everyone was already asleep and all but one campfire weren't lit. And as it turned out, obviously, the one that was lit was his very own, which was in the center of his and Troye's tent, Lilly and Alexa's and Caspar and Joe's.
He walked towards the fire, finding Joe, Caspar, Lilly and, surprisingly enough, Alexa, all sitting around it talking and eating what appeared to be marshmallows. All but Lilly, who was taking bites off a granola bar. The minute they spotted him, Lilly called Connor over.
-"Hey, bad boy!"—she called for him, signaling a spot right next to her and Joe—"Over here!"
Not having anything else better to do and not wanting anything to do with Troye at the moment, Connor went directly towards the campfire and sat on the designated spot.
-"Heeey! See who's here!"—Joe cheered.
-"About time!"—Caspar grinned.
-"Well look who it is."—Alexa said, playing with her hair—"If it isn't the new kid."
Connor gave everyone a general greeting smile. It sort of felt weird. He hadn't been on a campfire in over a decade, and these people all seemed like they did it every weekend. Even Alexa, who wasn't at all on their social clique, seemed to be enjoying herself.
They talked and made fun jokes for a good twenty minutes or so. They knew the deadline was ten o'clock, though, because supposedly the next morning they had to get up by six am sharp in order to look for the what's-his-face sparrow thing they had come all this way to look for in the first place. During that time, Connor and Alexa barely talked to anyone at all, they both limited themselves to laughing at everyone else's silly remarks. Connor did notice she spaced out a lot, and when she wasn't, she was looking at him. But she didn't look at him like someone who would want to do something with him. No, her look was a different one. Still to that day, he could not put a name to it, and to that day he was still all too intrigued. It was slightly awkward, but neither of them made any remarks on it.
-"So Troye is with Lia now, huh?"—asked Joe at some point—"Well that's a bummer..."
-"Lia? Really?"—Caspar asked—"Awe, man! I thought they wouldn't get back together."
-"Hmph. You and me the same buddy."—Lilly scoffed—"We couldn't have been more wrong, though."
-"Yeah, but... all in all, it was sort of to be expected."—Joe said—"I mean they dated all sophomore year."
-"Yeah, but they were done in the summer, remember?"—Caspar said.
-"Well I wasn't here to see it! Had to go visit the fam in England! Remember?"—Joe said, mimicking Caspar.
-"You have family in England?"
That was the first time Alexa had admittedly participated in the conversation, her attention for once focusing entirely on Joe and no longer eyeing Connor or spacing out into the darkness.
-"Well... yes!"—Joe said, surprised—"My mum and sister live there. My sister goes to college in Leeds."
-"Little Sugg here has an older sister named Zoe."—Lilly explained—"She's the Big Sugg. And to this day, still taller than this lad here."
-"Hey! She is not taller than me!"
-"Dude, she kind of is..."—Caspar whispered.
-"Interesting..."—Alexa said, going back to spacing out into the darkness, losing whatever interest she had in the conversation once again, and returning into being the distant girl with the fiery hair.
Connor thought he'd heard a noise coming from his tent, and turned around to look. Sure enough, the entry was zipped open, and Troye was walking out in their direction. Lilly noticed as well.
-"Well here comes Australia."—she said, then turning to the others—"Do not bring up Lia."
-"Geez. This is getting annoying."—Joe said under his breath—"You know one of these days we have to talk to him about it."
-"... Not today."—Connor said, not wanting to cause any more fuss, seeing Troye was each time closer.
A slight chuckle was heard from Alexa, who stood up from her seat suddenly.
-"Well, if Johnson bothers you all so much—and let's face it, she does that to everybody—then you should just say so to lovebird over there. I bet he's secretly sick of her too."
Alexa placed her hands on her hips and looked at Troye heading their way.
-"God knows I know crappy relationships."
Everybody looked at Alexa rather confused. Everybody had the same thing on their minds, but nobody dared to spoke up, fearing Alexa may react wrong.
Of course, Connor didn't care about that.
-"You mean Dallas?"
Lilly looked at Connor like she was glad to have known him once, whilst Joe and Caspar just looked shocked. Alexa, on the other hand, didn't react at all. Rather, she grinned and looked at Connor.
-"You've done your homework."—she said—"Yes, Cameron. My ex-boyfriend."
Alexa gave out a tiny yawn which she covered with the palm of her hand, and then cracked some knuckles.
-"Well I'm gonna hit the sack. I'll leave you lot to deal with your roman tragedy headed here."
She walked left the campfire, walking past Connor on the way to her tent. As she walked by, Connor could swear he saw her hair glistening.
Troye was almost upon them, and Connor suddenly realized how much he really didn't want to face him. He looked at the other three people around him expressionless.
-"I'll go too."—he said—"Long day tomorrow."
The three friends who remained seated said their goodbyes, and without any other form of ceremony, Connor walked right past Troye, ignoring him completely and went into his tent, practically feeling the daggers Lilly was staring at his back.
---
It was bound to be another of those sleepless nights in which he couldn't do anything but try and fail to sleep. It had been over an hour since he had gone into the tent, the curfew was long past, and still he wasn't able to shut an eye. Troye wasn't back in the tent yet, and still Connor wouldn't sleep. He knew the minute Troye got back, that task would turn from extremely hard to fucking impossible. His odds looked that good.
This trip so far had turned out great. Except for the fact it had only been a day and he was already unable to look at his tent mate in the eye. First was what happened at the Blue House on Tuesday, now Troye finds his family photo and he frets. If you add up the fact they had a fist fight on the first day of school, their friendship was definitely one of a kind.
However Troye is human and like all of them, he has to sleep. There was not a single sound in the air other than the chirping of the occasional cricket, and around that ungodly hour, the tent's entry was zipped open and Connor could hear Troye entering, trying but failing to be as humanly silent as possible. He didn't succeed in being silent while he changed into his pajamas, either. Connor was facing away from him as he did so, but he was very tempted to throw his pillow at Troye so that he at least got the 'shut the fuck up' message straight to the face.
Eventually, though, Troye managed to get changed, and all that was left was for him to enter his sleeping bag and attempt to sleep. But, from the lacks of sound of it, Connor realized Troye was not doing any of that. Instead, he was sitting down crossed-legged on top of his sleeping bag, thinking about God-knows-what.
Cross out the part where Connor thought it'd be impossible to sleep once Troye had arrived. Having a creeper stare at you while you sleep is a much worse scenario.
But Connor didn't sleep, and Troye didn't move, all for a good while.
Until Troye broke the silence.
-"... I want to study music."
Connor's first thought was that Troye had gotten high. Then he realized that it was impossible to sneak in weed, and that Troye was too much of a wuss anyway. So he literally had no explanation on why he was talking alone in the middle of the night. Still, Troye went on.
-"I want to become a musician, a pianist. Music is my life, it has always been. To the rest of the guys it's something fun to do, but for me... it's everything I am and more."
At that point it had become evident Troye was talking to Connor, which meant he was aware the latter was awake. Connor still didn't give any signs to be listening, he figured Troye grow tired and shut up eventually.
-"But... my parents... my entire family... we don't have money. At all. Last year, they thought they'd have to move in Tyde and Sage to my grandparents back in Australia. They can't afford a fancy music school. My eldest brother is only studying abroad because he got this scholarship, and his godfather is paying for the career. I don't have that. So, in order to do that, I have to get a scholarship as well..."
Troye made a brief pause in which he sighed with melancholy. Connor was starting to hear bits and pieces of truths he assumed were mostly secret to his friends.
-"... There is a school, in Chicago. An arts school. It's the best one here up north, and I'd be able to afford it there. If I get the scholarship. But so many, many people apply... and they are all so much experienced than what I am. It's... frustrating."
Connor could imagine how frustrating that could be, not being able to have what you want most. Not like he was in a similar position at all, but at least, he understood the basic idea.
-"... Lia wants to be a musical actress. That's how we met."—Troye said—"She and I... we are a team. She pushes me, and I push her. I play, she sings. Together, if we audition as a duo, we might just make it in."
The gears clicked.
-"... We fell in love while 'practicing'... how stupid is that, huh? But we got into a pretty big fight over summer... she... she got very upset very often, because she said that I was too worried for my family. But she didn't understand why that was. She didn't understand my parents are having trouble raising three kids, and she didn't understand that Tyde had ADHD, or that Sage..."
Connor felt a cold chill rush down his spine at the mention of name of the girl who was Troye's sister. The image of her bare feet walking on the second floor of the blue house played over and over in his mind. And whatever Troye was going to say about her, it seemed to have stuck in his throat. In fact, Connor could hear him gulping down his words. What could that mean...?
-"We decided we would remain friends, because we're our only chance... but well... a lot has happened, and we decided to give it another shot."
Troye took in a breath to conclude his story.
-"And well, I know it does not compare at all to losing an entire family. Not in a million years."—Troye said—"But you know, since I found out that about you... I guess it was only fair for you to know something about me."
Troye didn't say anything else after that.
Instead, he got into his sleeping bag and rolled over, with every intention of forgetting what had just happened.
Connor would have done the same, but now, something else was playing over and over in his mind. It was Lisbug, on her latest meeting with him on Thursday, and it was her saying these exact words:
'You don't like sharing your stuff with me, and I understand that... So I figured that I'd try sharing some things about me with you first.'
Connor let out a sigh, remember the conversation he'd have with her.
An eye for an eye, and a deep dark confession for a deep dark confession.
-"... They aren't dead."
At Connor's words, Troye moved on his bed, turning around slightly to listen to him better.
-"... What?"—he asked.
-"From the picture—my... they... not all of them, are dead."
Now Connor had Troye's full attention. Connor didn't turn around, but he could hear Troye lifting up his upper torso to try and look at him.
-"... What do you mean?"
-"... My... parents, are dead."—Connor said—"But my... my two brothers... and my sister... they... they are all alive."
A solemn silence followed. To Connor, it felt like he had just broken the most sacred of promises he had ever made in his life. To Troye, it felt like he had just met Connor for the first time in his life, and it was a far different person from what he believed.
-"... Where... where are they?"—Troye asked silently—"Connor... where are they?"
Connor's eyes watered while being wide open, unable to fathom the words he spoke. But strangely enough, speaking the truth for once felt strangely soothing.
-"... I don't know."
And after that, Connor could finally sleep.
---
A/N
Salutations
First of all, Thanks so much to all of you! The ammount of messages and comments I'm getting thanks to this story is overwhelming and heartwarming, I really appreciate all and every one of you :)
Second of all, I think it's proper for me to give out a warning about next chapter's content: It's going to be mature. Non-violent and no self-harming, but if you aren't into descriptive stuff then brace yourself!! Though I'm sure most of you will probably enjoy it (I'm looking at you. YES YOU.)
So do you consider that this chapter represents a leap in Connor and Troye's friendship? Or do you think it's too mild still?
Sorry this note is kind of short, I'm pretty tired honestly haha
See ya soon, you crazy lot!
--Coffee