Algid (#TronnorAU)

Chapter 17: Red

There was a moment when he thought he'd actually do it. Perhaps just for a second, but he was almost certain he'd reach out and touch. His body craved it. His mind felt tempted. Yet something held him back.

By now it should've been forgotten. By now he should've set his mind in other things. It shouldn't be there, still remaining with him, by his side. Eating him alive. Destroying everything he knows. Making him question all he had believed so far.

Now it wouldn't leave his mind alone.

The doubt was here to stay.

---

Connor laid on his bed, eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling. Mikey was nowhere to be seen, not having come yet from downstairs. Connor still felt too anxious, but it didn't bother him; he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. His mind was too troubled.

It was Sunday evening close to midnight, and all day all he could think about was what had happened last night in the tent.

'What the fuck did I just do?'

'Why did I do it?'

'How did it even happen?'

Connor's own questions seemed to defy logic, and none of them had any answers anytime soon. He was lost in the memories of the night before.

It had all been too hectic.

When morning had come, Connor and Troye didn't speak to each other. Around six am sharp everybody was woken up to go back on the bus and head to town. They were both up by five thirty, changed by five forty and sitting on opposite ends of the bus by five fifty. Neither had any breakfast, but Connor wasn't hungry at all. When Lilly arrived walking side by side with Alexa, looking happy and relaxed, he scooted to the window seat so that she could share his spot, and then Caspar and Joe sat behind them like they had done on the way there.

Connor's mind muted his friends throughout the totality of the return trip. His eyes fixed on the seat in front of him, switching over to steal glance's at Troye's back from time to time.

The autumn sun made his brown curls look red in the light.

'Why was he having these thoughts?'

'Why weren't they going away?'

'Why?'

'Why?'

'Why?'

When Connor arrived home, he greeted everyone, gave a hug to Alexis, said he was tired and head directly into his bedroom. Mikey didn't go upstairs, he didn't want to bother him. Everyone was convinced he was exhausted. And just as that, he hadn't left the room for the entire day, and now it was closing to midnight.

And the questions wouldn't leave his head.

'Why did he go with it?'

'Why didn't he stop it?'

'Why did he like it...?'

Connor sat up on his bed, his forehead frowned and sweaty and his breathing impaired. He felt his throat clenching, compressing and pushing down his torso. He needed to move. He needed to do something, anything. He felt like if he remained there in his bed, he'd go mad. He turned over to check on his foster sibling, just to remember he wasn't even there. He was completely alone.

He shuffled himself into the bathroom, and locked it shut. He walked dizzily, but managed to grab a hold on to the ceramic sink before he almost fell on his knees. He tried to regain his breathing, looking up for his eyes to meet the mirror.