While preparing to move into this new house, Sami wondered whether he would no longer feel lonely as he'd be surrounded by a family, even if they weren't his family. Perhaps their laughter and chatting would keep Sami from feeling that despair which was usually worsened by silence.
The first month went by fairly well. The newness of everything kept Sami distracted from his usual depressing thoughts. But soon, Sami was beginning to feel settled and the excitement of this new pace was wearing off.
Sami could hear the footsteps, the laughter and the teasing in the family while he kept himself locked away in his room. He wished he had a family like that. He kept the thought out of his mind for so long but seeing this family's bond was causing his heart to ache.
Again, he reminded himself of the future in which he could have a family like this, except he'd have the father's role rather than the son. He stopped himself from trying to think about how life would have been if his family was normal. Sami reminded himself that he was living the life Allah had planned for him. Perhaps if he had a bond with his family that he wished for, he wouldn't have been able to discover the beauty of Islam.
All of Sami's family appeared distant from Islam. He didn't know what was in their hearts; maybe they were closer to Allah than he could ever be. But his mother, father, sister, uncles, aunts and even cousins never called Sami to Islam. Rather, the last time Sami met his uncle, he was ridiculed for his attempts at growing a beard. It was a short wispy mess during his mid-teens. His cousins had labelled him as a weirdo long ago, when he was a shy little boy. Turning towards Islam didn't improve their view of him. They regarded him as judgmental though Sami thought it ironic.
Sami was scrolling through his phone while chewing on the drawstring in his hoodie, looking for a distraction. He could hear laughter downstairs and he was wishing he could be a part of it. Sami's head snapped up when there was a knock on the door.
"Yes?" He asked, temporarily taking the drawstring out of his mouth.
"My mum said you can come down to get your food," A female voice said on the other end of the door. Sami wondered why they didn't send one of their sons to call him, like they usually did. He kept such a strict distance from the family that he'd barely seen their daughter. It was the first time they were communicating.
"Okay," Sami said, before popping the drawstring back into his mouth. It was a habit of his which he barely noticed.
Sami stuffed his phone into his pocket and made his way to the door. When he opened it, he saw the girl still standing there, causing the drawstring to fall from his mouth. She was fixing her hijab when she looked up at him with beautiful light brown eyes and Sami wondered why he'd never paid any attention to her. She was really pretty.
"Sorry, I should go," She said, looking slightly panicked. She hurried off and Sami watched after her in a daze. Then he shook his head and scolded himself. This wasn't acceptable. He was determined to not even look her way again. Her parents had trusted him to live with them and he wouldn't do anything to risk breaking that trust.
Again, he remembered another one of Uncle Ahsan's speeches and closed his eyes as he recalled the words.
"To say the second look at a woman is haram sounds very strict and difficult, doesn't it? Well, it will sound worse when you're older. But there's more to it than that. It's the second look out of desire which should be avoided. You see, Islam eliminates the foundations of what could cause haram acts. Looking can lead to talking and talking can lead to a lot more. I've seen it happen. Besides, no one would want the women in their family to be looked at with lust and desire. It's better to save that for your wife!"
His wife. Again, Sami wondered where she might be. Downstairs? Sami shook his head again, forcing those ridiculous thoughts to the back of his mind as he made his way down to get his food.
When he got to the kitchen, he hoped she would be there. And she was. Sami looked around at the tiled walls, trying his best not to glance her way again. Suddenly he hoped she wasn't there anymore.
"And my other friend is visiting Belgium with her sister," Her sweet voice drifted across the room and Sami felt something weird hearing it. "I don't know how she got her mum to approve of that. Mum barely trusts me going down the road to the corner shop!"
"Hareem!" Aunty Nasima said threateningly though there was amusement in her voice.
"What, it's true!" Hareem said with a giggle. Aunty Nasima ignored her and turned to Sami.
"Come, take your food before it gets cold," She said, handing him a plate. Sami nodded while he took his food as quickly as he could and ran up to his room. He closed the door behind him and placed the plate of food on his bedside drawer. Then he let out a sigh and cracked a small smile at his stupidity.
How could he be so shallow and superficial, getting all worked up over a girl after only seeing her once! Or twice, counting the encounter in the kitchen. But he'd only properly seen her once. Sure, she was pretty and she had a beautiful voice, but he knew nothing about her. She wore a hijab and long dresses but Sami didn't know what she was like. What if she wasn't as practicing as she looked? Judging by the girls of today, Sami wouldn't be too surprised.
But what she was saying sounded like she was a good girl. She also seemed to have a good relationship with her mother and they were comfortable enough to joke around. She seemed nice enough. But nothing could ever happen, Sami reminded himself.
Again, he shook the thoughts away as he pulled his legs up and placed the plate of food on his lap, digging into it. Aunty Nasima sure knew how to cook. Unless, it was her daughter, Hareem, who cooked this. Sami's thoughts drifted back to her and Sami chided himself again.
Then he realised that things in his new accommodation might have just gotten complicated.
***
Over the last couple of months, Radia had finally found a best friend. A real one this time. She knew this because she could start a conversation on whatsapp at any time she wanted, about whatever she wanted and she never felt uncomfortable. She never felt judged by Zayna, or any sort of discomfort.
The other great thing was that Zayna had the perfect balance of being practicing but fun too. Zayna was usually quiet and reserved with most people and she could easily have been mistaken for being completely innocent. But she had surprised Radia with her sense of humour and responses to Radia's jokes. Radia could never tease her other friends like she teased Zayna, and Zayna always gave back as good as she got.
It was a rainy day outside and Hannah was unwell so Zayna and Radia sat in the cafeteria without her. Hannah disliked the cafeteria and she would drag them out whatever the weather for a lunch she would find pleasing. It was the first time Radia met someone who loved food so much, but could barely finish her meals. Lucky for Hannah, she didn't need to try and stay slim like Radia did.
"I think I might be gaining a little bit of weight," Radia said, pinching her stomach under the table.
"Yeah, I saw you struggling to get through the door," Zayna replied.
"You're so lucky, you could just walk through the crack between the doors when they're closed," Radia responded with a smile. Zayna was small and skinny and though Radia thought her frame suited her very well, it was the only thing she found to pick on.
"At least my size comes with advantages!"
"But who has the love handles. They're called love handles for a reason," Radia said in her pathetic attempt at a comeback.
"Neither of us have love handles," Zayna replied, biting into the second half of her sandwich.
"Actually I think I kind of do but I'm not so bothered about it. I'm more worried about my skin! I switched my face wash to tea tree a few months back but it's kind of stopped working now," Radia said, expressing her worries while she pushed the last few pieces of pasta around her plate.
"Tea tree is good but it's also really strong. It kind of dries your skin out. Have you tried clean and clear?" Zayna asked and Radia was grateful Zayna was honest. She didn't give a fake and sweet reply complimenting Radia's skin. There really wasn't much to compliment in that area.
"Yeah, I tried the daily wash for a while but I felt as if the microbeads irritated the acne so I stopped."
"What about witch hazel?"
"Tried it. It's like tea tree."
"Freederm?"
"Isn't that expensive?"
"I don't think it's that expensive. I'll buy you some if you want."
"No, it's okay. Hopefully my husband will accept me with my acne," Radia said with a sigh.
"Well duh! Why would a guy reject you because of that? You have way too many good qualities for something like skin to matter."
"You'd be surprised, Zayna. I remember one guy laughing at, as he called it, volcanoes on my face."
"That's terrible! He probably liked you," Zayna commented and Radia looked back at her, confused.
"I don't know how you came to that conclusion but okay."
"Trust me!"
"Doubtful, but fine. I don't want to waste the rest of our remaining ten minutes arguing about this."
"Fifteen minutes. You need to sort out your watch."
"Five minutes forward helps me be early everywhere!" Radia argued and Zayna rolled her eyes.
"If you say so. By the way, how's Nadia feeling now?" Zayna asked, remembering that Radia's sister was sick. How could she forget when Radia told her in horrid detail about her having to clean up the vomit on the floor in the bathroom. She was furious that her sister couldn't take just one step further and save her the trouble.
"It was Hadia. And she's better now."
"Why do you all have practically the same name?" Zayna complained.
"Ask my genius parents. Even they don't get our names right. They're constantly mixing our names up!"
"That happens in my family too. My mum always calls me Aisha or Safia before she says Zayna. I use to get annoyed but I'm used to it now," Zayna said. "Oh, that reminds me, my nephew and niece are coming around today!"
"Which ones?" Radia said in excitement. She'd never met any of them but she'd gushed over photos and heard all their silly stories.
"Adam and Maria! Musa, Sara and Zidan came last week."
"Does Zidan still hate Adam?"
"With a vengeance! I feel so sorry for poor Adam. The guy's got enough worries with his eczema and allergies but now he has to deal with Zidan snatching toys off him and secretly poking him and making him cry. By the way, you've got to come and meet them!"
"Yeah, I really want to. I wonder if Zidan and Zaki would become friends. Or would Zidan try to torture him too?" Radia asked with amusement.
"No, he's just jealous of Adam for taking away his Aunt Safia."
"Aww, jealous babies are so cute. And before you say anything, I regard children under the age of five as babies," Radia said.
"They're cute but they sure can be annoying," Zayna replied, gathering the wrappers around her as she prepared to leave. "Hey, are you busy today? After work I mean."
"Not really. As in, not more busy than usual."
"Then you should come around!" Zayna said excitedly. "Meet Adam and Maria."
"That would be so cool! I've never met boy and girl twins! Actually I have, but they weren't babies so it wasn't as fascinating."
"They're like a miracle which fascinates me to this day," Zayna said, getting up.
"Are you sure your family won't mind me coming?" Radia asked, feeling nervous to randomly turn up at a house which sounded like it was usually full of people. Zayna threw away her sandwich wrappers in the bin before the two of them made their way to their office.
"They won't mind. But stay away from my brother, Amaan. Safia used to bring Amy around and now she's married to my brother, Hamza."
"I'm pretty sure I can control myself, Zayna," Radia replied, smiling. "Besides, isn't he younger than me?"
"Age is just a number. He's practically a man now so you're going to have to stay away!"
"Don't worry, I will," Radia replied with a little chuckle as she shook her head. Zayna grinned back.
When Radia left work, she phoned her mum to let her know that she was going to Zayna's house for a little while. He mum told her to be home before Maghrib(1) as Radia had expected. But she was grateful her mum didn't mind her going at all.
When Radia and Zayna neared Zayna's house, a man came out and walked past them saying Salaam(2) to Zayna.
"Don't tell me that's Amaan!" Radia said, trying not to look behind her where the man had gone. "Because if that is, I might be following Amy's footsteps." Zayna burst out laughing. "What?" Radia asked.
"That's Yusuf, my brother-in-law!" Zayna said and it took Radia a moment to process the information.
"He's your sister's husband? He's married?" Radia put a hand over her mouth while she heated up in embarrassment. "Oh my gosh, this is so bad," She said, starting to laugh herself.
"Wait until I tell Safia!" Zayna said, walking to the door of her house as she took out her keys.
"No! You wouldn't do something like that, would you?" Radia asked, trailing behind her nervously. Zayna just gave her a mischievous grin as she opened the door and entered her house.
"Asalamu'alaykum!" Zayna called out. They heard responses from the first room on the right. Zayna stuck her head through the door. "My friend's here, can she come in?"
"Sure, it's only us girls," A voice said and Zayna motioned for Radia to enter. Radia walked in feeling anxious.
"Asalamu'alaykum," She said, looking around at the people who were sitting there. There were three young women and one older woman. Her eyes fell to the center of the room which was piled with toys and had two children playing.
"Wa'alaykumsalaam," The women around her replied.
"This is Radia, she works with me," Zayna said and then the women introduced themselves to Radia. "Come, sit down." Zayna dragged Radia to one of the sofas and they sat. Zayna called the twins over and had them shake Radia's hand.
Just as Radia started to feel comfortable, she heard Zayna whisper to the woman next to her, who Radia remembered was Safia.
"Radia thinks Yusuf's handsome."
"I never said that!" Radia defended herself, feeling her face flush.
"You want me to tell her what you said?" Zayna asked and Radia shook her head, hoping her pleading eyes would send Zayna the message to stop.
"No, please don't," Radia said weakly.
"In her defence, she thought it might have been Amaan."
"I'm so sorry!" Radia said, pinching Zayna's arm. Safia laughed.
"It's okay. I'm actually quite flattered! All these lot used to think he was just average. It's good to meet someone who finally agrees with me," Safia said and Radia felt herself relax.
"Radia wants to get married, do you have any advice for her?" Zayna said and Radia pinched her again.
"Why are you being embarrassing?" She whispered.
"It's just Safia! She's the type of person you can't be embarrassed around, isn't that right."
"She's right. I feel embarrassed so often that I don't have the capacity to make someone else feel embarrassed," Safia replied and Radia laughed a little. "The only advice I can think of is enjoy your time. Once you're married, you can never truly go back to how it used to be. I don't mean to sound gross but it's like... You can no longer miss showers and let your hair go greasy once in a while. At least, that's how it was with me. Also, once you're married, you'll regret the years of stressing about your husband prior to that. I used to think I was ugly and my husband won't love me because I'd never had a proposal or a guy show any interest in me. But now that I have Yusuf, I realise that all that time was wasted stressing for no reason!"
"But you're not even ugly," Radia said, surprised by Safia's revelation.
"I know that now. But let me just tell you that Allah has decreed for you to meet your husband at a certain point in your life. He won't come before or after the time that he's destined for you. Between now and then, use your time wisely and work on being happy as you are. If you haven't met your husband yet, then maybe he or you still need time to become the person the other will love," Safia explained and Radia felt intrigued.
"Thank you for your advice," Radia said with a genuine grateful smile. "Jazak'Allah khair."
It was one of those rare moments when words touched Radia's heart and made her see things in a different light. Sure, Radia really wanted to marry. But she knew she couldn't while her parents disapproved. Perhaps they disapproved for a reason and Radia hadn't become the person her husband was going to love in the future.
Radia decided there and then that she would stop herself from bringing up marriage to her parents again until she truly felt content in whatever situation she was in. Maybe then she could prove to them that she wasn't too young anymore.
Glossary:
(1) Maghrib – Fourth daily prayer which is prayed at dusk.
(2) Salaam – Means Peace (sometimes, the term Asalamu'alaykum is referred to as Salaam)
A/N: Such a small world :P