Three months later
I could tell you about his life
And keep you amused I'm sure
About all the times hes cried
And how he doesn't want to be sad anymore
-man of the world (upcoming album)
I sat on the sofa in the dressing room on my phone. I don't know why but I was reading an article about Cara. I promised myself that I wouldn't check in on her. It's hard to leave, but then again it's harder to stay away. The article said that she had true talent and that he loved the way she played Man Of The World. I knew she wrote that song about me. He said that there was almost a supernatural feeling when she's playing it. I loved when she just played on her guitar. She would tune out everyone else and just play. She'd float away to the sound and just go to her own little world. He quoted her on saying, "Man Of The World is about a guy who has everything. Fame, fortune, true friends till the end, but it's hard on him. Because he just wants that feeling of love. I was actually going to write it about me and how I only wanted love, but I realized that that's all he wants too. And the one thing that we don't have is love." The one thing we don't have is each other. I read more into the article and saw that she was playing in London tonight. I wonder if I could sneak into her concert. I know her security pretty well. I think he'd let me in. I just need to hear her voice. I just want to see her. I don't need to touch her or kiss her. Though I really want to. I can't. I took that away when I left her. I just didn't want her to hurt while she was on tour. I guess I didn't want to hurt that much too. But I didn't think that it would hurt this much to say goodbye.
I can make the end of her show once I'm done with mine. I have to be quick though. I'll do anything to see her again.
"Hey. C'mon," Liam said. It was time to go on. I breathed in and out before I left the dressing room. I didn't want the guys to worry about me.
The show ended and I ran offstage and gave my mic to the guys and left as fast as I could. Paul followed me. He almost knocked me over. I told him my plans and he insisted that it was a bad idea. Somehow I convinced him to come with.
Paul talked to Cara's security guy and got us in. I ran and went to the wings of the stage. I could only see her back but I didn't mind.
"This next song is going to be on my next album and it's a little taste of what the new album is going to be like. I hope you like it. It's called 'Man Of The World.'" Cara grabbed her guitar and started playing. Her voice sounded so nice. Angelic to be precise. It reminded me of the song she wrote for me in Holmes Chapel. The one that was just for the two of us. We we're our happiest there. I wish I could go back. I guess I really messed things up. But I couldn't let her go on tour always worrying about me. She's so talented and I don't want to hold her back. The song ended and I quickly hid behind people so that she wouldn't see me. And she didn't. She went straight to her dressing room.
When she did come off stage, she had a big smile on her face. The fans we're still cheering her on, and I could see the high she was on. I get the same way. I watched her walk away again. Maybe I can just say hi. I told Paul and he talked to people to make it happen. He's really a great guy.
I walked down the long narrow hallway to her dressing room. I saw the sign that said "Cara Hastings" and I froze. I looked over my shoulder and saw Paul stood a few feet away from me. I turned back to the door and knocked slowly. I shouldn't be here. She'll punch me. She should punch me. I'm a jerk. I shouldn't have left her. I should have stayed. She just had surgery not too long ago. I shouldn't have done that.
My thoughts were quieted by the sound of the door opening. There she stood. Looking like a goddess. She looked shocked. "Harry," She said with a smile.
"Hi," I said simply. I don't know what I'm doing here.
"Come in," She opened the door for me and closed it behind me. "What are you doing here?"
"I was in town," I said simply. What do I say to her?
"That's nice of you to stop by," She smiled again. Making me feel guilty for some reason. I really shouldn't be here.
"So how are you?" I ask.
"Good. Touring has been good," She looked down. She was hiding something. I know that look. Maybe I'm wrong. "Going to LA in the morning for the rest of the tour," She said nodding her head.
"I'm going to Japan in a few days," Seems we're going in opposite directions. Like we always seem to do.
"Opposite directions," She said as if she had been reading my mind. "It really was nice to see you. Are you doing well?" She asked. How can she be this nice to me? Why is she always nice?
"Yeah. Man Of The World seems like a good song," I think she wrote it about me. I really hope I didn't hurt her too much.
"It um... Yeah," She laughed. It was the laugh she uses when things are awkward. I missed her laugh. I missed the way her chest rose and fell when she laughed quickly. As if her breath was almost taken away the way her face brightens up when she smiled. I miss everything about her. I saw that her hands were shaking. I didn't pay much attention because I was shaking myself. It took all of me not to touch her.
"I still..." I was going to say 'I still love you' but I stopped myself. "I still think about what you said a while back. You were drunk and I don't think you remember it, but you said something that stuck with me. You said, 'I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong'. I've just been thinking about that a lot lately. And this may be a bit inappropriate under our circumstances, but you were the one thing that kept me strong when things were going wrong. I guess I just needed a little strength tonight. Seems that today was meant to be our anniversary."
"I know," She said simply. "I don't really know what to do, Harry." She just looked down.
I walked to her and held her hand. She still looked down. I know she has fears of becoming like her mother. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have the same fears, but when I was with her she gave me hope. I want that back. I don't want to feel like this anymore.
Cara pulled her hand away after a while. "You were right for ending things. I mean we're always going in opposite directions. We're never in the same place at the same time for too long. Maybe it wasn't meant to be," I could see the tears start to form in her eyes.
"I'm here now," I said. "Please. Just for a few minutes can we pretend that nothing happened?" I asked. I just want her again. Even if it is just for a second.
"Everything happened, Harry. And you're here for how long? A day? Then you're gone again. I really wish that it was different, but it's not. I wish that we could live in Holmes Chapel together. I wish I could sing 'Don't go home without me' without crying my eyes out knowing that you'll always be gone. But we're both busy with our lives and you're not slowing down anytime soon."
"So this is really the end?" I asked frightful. I didn't want this to be the end. Please don't let this be the end.
"Please. Harry. I will always love you. Always, but you were right," She sat down on her dressing chair.
"I was wrong!" I raised my voice. She was a little surprised. "I'm going crazy without you, and all I want is you. And I don't care if we're on different planets, I love you," I tried to clam my heart rate. It was going at a crazy speed. I just want her forever. And if that means quitting, I'll do it. I love her too much to let her go again. I wanted to just throw something, so I kept my fits clutched.
"Please don't do this. You know how I feel for you. And it's been so hard. Please," She started crying. "Please. Please. Please. Please," I cut her off with a kiss. She kissed me back. Her hands found their way to my hair like they used to. "Can we make this work?" She asked.
"As long as you don't go home without me," I said quoting the song she wrote for us. The one I had been playing in my head for months.
"Promise me something?" She asked.
"Anything," I said with a smile.
"Promise me that one day we'll live in your home town. Promise me that we'll go to your parents every Christmas, even when we have kids of our own. Promise me that if I forget you, you'll still love me. Promise me you'll always follow your heart. Please, promise me that we'll always be together. Till death do us part," She asked in tears. Sounded like vows. That made me so happy.
"I promise," I said to her. She is the love of my life. My soulmate. I never believed in them until now. Her hand fits in mine, like it was made just for me. I know we haven't had a perfect relationship, but it's been truly magical. I would die for her if I had to. I wish her all the love in the world. But most of all, I wish it from myself.
Cara got up and kissed me. I could feel her smiling. I knew that I would make this work no matter what, because a life without her--is far worse than anything else in this world. And this world is cruel, but she makes it better. She spreads her love and smiles to strangers and it's a chain reaction. I know that if she wasn't in my life, I would just be a ghost. And I will always come home to her. I am so blessed to have a woman like her in my life. Everything has a silver lining when I'm with her. How could I have ever let her go?