Chapter 14
Waiting in the car for Blake, in front of his apartment building, I felt sick. I wanted to get this done and over with as soon as possible.
I grabbed my phone and called the diner. I needed to make sure this guy was still there so we wouldn’t waste our time.
Maddy answered the phone with our normal greeting.
"Hey Maddy, it's Amanda."
"Oh hi!"
"Is the guy still there?" I asked.
"Yeah he is but I think he’s getting impatient." She said.
Well that should be just fun, I thought to myself.
"Tell him 10 to 15 minutes and I'll be there." I told her. I wasn't going to say anything about Blake coming with me.
"Okay, I’ll tell him. I'll see you soon." She said.
"Yeah, bye." I said and hung up.
Blake walked out the front door and looked really good. I'd jump him if I didn't have to do this.
He opened the passenger door and looked at me.
"You sure you don't want me to drive?" He asked still outside the car.
"I'm fine driving. Don't worry I won't get us killed." I said smiling.
"It's just when we come back..."
"Oh my God. You're seriously thought I'd kill us?" I asked, insulted.
"Not on purpose."
I rolled my eyes, "Listen, I give you permission to drive my car on the way back, if I can’t."
He shook his head and got in the car.
"You need a new car." He stated.
"What's wrong with this one?"
"It's over 10 years old, you basically have rust everywhere. If your dad wasn't a mechanic it would cost you more money to fix it than a newer car because more parts need to be fixed...replaced. I'm not saying bran spanking new, just newer." He said.
"Spanking?" Was the first word that came out of my mouth.
I heard him chuckle. "Is that all you heard?"
"Yes." I said honestly.
He was laughing and making a face, I knew he was holding something back.
"What? Say it... What do they say? ...Oh, the truth shall set you free." I said smiling.
"If we were in a different circumstance, we'd be going up stairs right now. You’d only be leaving in the morning walking a little differently."
I smiled. "That has happened multiple times." I said laughing.
"And you made me miss it!" He said loudly, shaking his head in disapproval.
"You look good, too good." I told him.
"So do you." He said. I looked at him like he was crazy.
"Are you nuts? I've been in the same clothes for over 24hours. That's not hot, that's not sexy and that's not good." I told him.
"You could be wearing a plastic bag from Giant Tiger and you'd still be hot...sexy...and good." He said getting a little bit closer to me with a small smile on his face.
"Damn you." I said biting my lip looking away from him and restarting the car.
I heard him laugh so I looked at him.
"That look is definitely very easy to read." He said.
"Hum... easy to read, fun to think about and amazing to do." I said, smiling.
"Amen." He said making me laugh and he joined in.
This guy was definitely something…again, without me knowing, he had managed to make me forget, even if it was just for a little bit. What surprised me more was, no sex. We could think about it but for the first time, he made me forget without any sexual activity.
I left the parking lot and started our way towards the diner.
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The diner was a bit further down the road and my stomach was in knots again.
I kept repeating over and over in my head that it wasn’t certain that it was Jesse waiting for me at the diner. I kept repeating it, hoping it would calm me down.
Most of the drive was done in silence. We said a little bit here and there but I felt so nervous but Blake let me think and I was happy about that. I tried to prepare myself mentally for the worst that way if it would happen I’d be prepared. If it was good news…that would just be bonus.
When we reached the parking lot of the diner, I found a spot and parked my car. I turned it off and just sat there, frozen.
"You okay?" Blake asked with his voice so soft, trying to calm me down.
I took a deep breath. "I need a favor." I said to him.
"Anything."
"This is going to sound so bad and I'm sorry." I said, when he didn't respond I looked at him and he nodded for me to continue. "Don't sit with me." I said keeping eye contact and he looked confused. "I know I told you what happened but... not everything and I'm not ready for you to know everything. If it's Jesse in there, I don't know what he knows and..."
"You don't have to explain Amanda. It's fine. I'll sit close but not too close. If you need me...look at me or just tell me. We still don't know everything about each other, it's normal. Whenever we feel ready, we’ll talk about it." He said.
"I thought you’d be angry with me." I said, being honest.
He took my hand in his and smiled a little. "I'm not angry."
I grabbed the front of his shirt with my other hand and slowly brought him closer. When his lips touched mine, I felt myself calm down inside.
I pulled away, "Thank you." I told him.
"I didn't do anything." He said.
"Yeah you did, you just don't know it." I said.
I took a deep breath and opened my car door letting go his hand and getting out while Blake did the same.
"Do we go in together or?" He asked.
I thought for a second, "Um...count to…I don’t know, ten? Then come in." I answered, not knowing what to say but he nodded.
I walked to the diner's front door and went inside. I saw Lucas looking at me and I got nervous again.
As my boss walked towards me and looking at me from head to toe, he said, "You must be feeling really sick…you look like crap."
"Thanks, every girl loves to hear that." I told him.
"What are you doing here?" He asked.
"I’m spreading my germs." I said with a smile. When he didn't respond I said, "I'm meeting someone here." And I started to look around.
I didn't recognize anyone, so I looked for Maddy.
When I saw her I started walking away from Lucas and made my way towards her.
"Hey." I said to Maddy.
"Hey, oh my...you look awful." She said.
"Thanks." I said sarcastically. "Did he leave?" I asked her.
She looked around, "I didn't see him leave, probably in the bathroom or something. He was sitting at the booth, table 7." She said, I nodded and walked towards the table.
There was a cup of coffee and a half eaten piece of apple pie on the table. I took the opposite seat, to sit in front of him. He was facing the front doors, I guess to see everyone who came in while I could see everyone who was entering and leaving the bathroom.
When the door to the men's bathroom opened and Jesse stepped out our eyes immediately connected.
He walked over and sat in front of me.
"I was wondering if you were going to show." He said and I didn't say a word.
I kept telling myself that I was at my workplace and I couldn’t just yell at him and threaten him even if I really wanted to. My anxiety was making the palm of my hands sweaty and I felt sick. The fact that I could smell his coffee grossed me out and it wasn’t helping with my nausea.
"Are you going to say anything?" He asked.
I heard the bell announcing that the front door to the diner had opened and knew it was Blake. I guess he counted to a hundred or waited until I sat down but I didn't need to look to know it was him, I could feel his eyes on me.
"What do you want, James?" I asked Jesse.
He smiled a bit, "I didn’t know if you’d come…"
I nodded my head in agreement. "Yeah, I get it. I guess only idiots would choose a name that resembled their own to pretend to be someone else."
I don’t think he liked my comment because his smile was completely gone and he looked angry.
"Wow." Was all I could say, father and son looked so much alike. I don’t know if it was the lighting in the diner or…
I felt like a movie had turned on in my head, all the moments of my childhood or the ones I remembered, those times when Jesse would look at my mom or me in that way. The look I only knew as trouble was coming. I couldn’t run away or hide because there was no place to run and there was no place to hide. He always found me and I’d get in more trouble.
"What?" Jesse asked bring me back to the present.
"The resemblance is…" I started to say but I didn’t know how to finish my sentence.
"So you really know who I am?" He asked.
I didn’t want to answer. I wasn’t here to give information or if I did, as little as possible. I was however here to get information.
"I know who you are, just like you know who I am. Why are you asking Anne, my co-workers…who ever else about me?" I asked him.
"I want to know about you…about your mom." He answered.
"Why?"
"He put everything on the line. My dad risked everything for both of you. He didn’t even think of my mom and how it would make her feel… I guess I want to know why you…your mom. What made you guys more special in my dad’s eyes and not my mom?"
"Are you serious?" I asked. When he didn’t answer, I tried my best not to laugh and answered him. "My mom wishes she had never met him when she was younger. She didn’t ask for it and she definitely didn’t want it either. Your…dad was completely insane…a monster. What made us more special? Nothing, I would have gladly passed him onto you guys but he would have been the same monster that he was. You should be thankful he’s dead and not hurting other people."
"I know what he did was wrong…" He started to say but I cut him off.
"Wrong?!" I said a bit too loud. "Wrong isn’t the right word for what he did." I said trying to keep my anger under control.
"Fine, wrong is the wrong word to use…" He said. "I just want to know about him… I read the police report but I don’t want to upset you or…piss you off even more than you already are." He said.
I felt my heart rate kick it up a notch just hearing him say the words police report.
"I’m seconds away from having a freaking heart attack and the chances of me calming down right now are highly doubtful." I said to him.
He took a deep breath and so did I.
"The report says what he did to your mom... There are no names or anything. Did he ever...to you I mean..." He said looking down at the table.
"What do you mean there are no names on the police report? How did you know it was us?" I asked, ignoring his question.
"The names on the police report where…I don’t know, it had a big black line over where the names were. My mom has this shoe box with pictures in her room. Some of her and my dad but some where with this blond girl, it says my mom’s name and Angela Webb on the back of the picture. It took a lot to get information from my mom, which wasn’t much. I looked up Angela Webb on the internet and found it got changed to Angela Gibson."
"So you thought of my cousin and starting using her?" I asked him, still trying to control my anger.
He looked down at the table again. "She was my only chance to get answers. She’s nice…"
"She’s too nice and deserves a hell of a lot better than someone who uses her for answers. So Anne told you I worked here?" I asked him.
He didn’t say a word, just nodded his head.
"Did you tell her any of this?" I asked, nervous for his answer.
"I didn’t tell her anything. When I ask too many questions she asks me why I want to know but I never told her anything. "
"And how do I know that? How do I know you’re being honest right now? Am I supposed to take your word for it? …since you’ve been so good with that so far." I said sarcastically.
"I swear I didn’t tell her anything… I know little pieces of information but nothing big."
If I was ‘reading’ him correctly, he was being honest but then again…what did I know about reading people.
I took a deep breath and remembered the question he had asked me before, "He never molested me, if that’s what you were asking. Got pushed more times then hit. He was more mental with me. What I saw and what I heard... He wasn't..." I shook my head trying to get the image out. "If I were you, I would ‘close the book’ and move on. The information you want or you think you need, I'll save you the trouble you don't need it. I'd run from anything involving him. He wasn't nice or decent. He was pure evil. You don't want or need to know him. Just be better than him." I told him.
"The Articles said that both of you…" He started to say but I cut him off.
"I’m sorry, what did you say? Articles? What…what Articles?" I asked him, completely confused.
"When you and your mom were found, there were some articles in the newspapers." He stated.
For the first time I sat down with him, I was completely lost and confused. Was he lying? My parents would have told me about them.
"There were no articles in the papers." I told him.
"Both you and your mom’s name weren’t mentioned but my dad’s name was printed very clearly…I saw them. I guess that’s why my mom didn’t give me his last name."
"Yeah right and giving you his first name is so much better?" I asked.
"I’m not saying it was right, I just think she liked the lie much better than the truth. I can’t blame her for that." He said.
"Which newspapers were the articles in?" I asked him.
"I honestly don’t remember the names."
"How many of them?" I asked.
"I found three." He answered.
Why didn’t my mom tell me? Did she not know? What about my dad?
I know it was probably to protect me but, I needed to have the upper hand right now and I didn’t. That’s one thing that hurt the most. They should have told me about those articles a long time ago or at least before I came here tonight.
Coming here to protect everyone and not having all the facts was more damaging to us than anything else.
"Was your mom mentioned in the articles? Or that she was pregnant with you?" I asked.
"No, we weren’t mentioned in anything." He said, looking sad about it.
"What did the police report say?" I asked making sure we had the same information.
"When the investigation was closed, my mom asked for a copy of the report. I know they’re not suppose to give it unless it’s a car accident or something like that but…she got one, probably because she learned she was pregnant with me and they felt sorry for her. She wanted to know what happened. I found it awhile ago and read it. Like I said, there weren’t any names on it except my father’s and there was a thick black line covering names and addresses." He said but I cut him off. I didn’t feel like listening to excuses or him repeating himself.
"What did it say?" I asked again.
"That my dad took your mom. Locked her in a room for 5 years with…I don’t remember the words but she had something around one of her ankles. You were born. They thought you were his daughter but I guess with evidence it showed you weren’t. Your mom was…raped and beaten during those 5 years… You both were found because he killed himself outside the room. Someone heard the shot, called 911." He said quickly. I knew he must have read that report so many times, the way he spoke was like he was saying it from memory.
I took a deep breath, making my self relax a bit. We had the same information or the information my mom told. I didn’t want to ask him in what area his dad shot himself. If I did, I knew it would only attract attention to that ‘area’ but most suicides with a gun was a shot to the head.
"How does your mom know my mom?" I asked.
"Huh?" He asked.
"You talked about pictures… How does your mom know mine?" I asked him.
"Um..."
Taking another deep breath, I asked, "Were they friends?!"
"I don’t know! Probably before everything happened! She doesn't know I'm here. She doesn't know about…everything I know." He said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"She doesn't know I'm friends with Anne. Definitely doesn't know I spoke to you at school, same with being here."
I bit my tongue to make sure I wouldn't talk.
When he noticed I was still waiting he brought his whole head down.
"They don't know each other. They knew each other or that’s what it looks like. She doesn't talk about it, the only reason I know is because of those pictures. I got the impression they were all friends." He said.
"Your last name... no one heard it before." I said.
"You told?" He said, freaking out.
"Where does your last name come from?" I asked, ignoring his question.
"She made it up. She said the name Roberts was tainted enough."
"Then why the hell would she name you Jesse?" I asked. That didn't make any sense. Usually parents name their child with a great name that they love and are proud of. If you name your child after someone specific...you don't name them after a monster.
It took him awhile to answer but his answer surprised me. "Like I said before, she loved him...I guess."
"Was he alive when you were born?" I asked, that was the only good reason I could think of.
"No, he died before I was born." He said.
"So she named you after him knowing everything he did?" I asked, trying to make sense of it.
He didn't answer, just slowly nodded his head.
For the first time I actually felt sorry for him. What kind of idiot would put that name on their child?
"When you’re legal...you should change it." I told him, which was the only thing I could think of to say.
"What's your mom's name?" I asked.
He lifted his head and gave me complete eye contact.
"I don't want to say...I don't want to get her in trouble." He answered.
"Tell me, if you won't we will find it. It won't be that hard to find. They were friends before all hell broke loose, my mom will figure it out." I told him. Hoping it was enough to rat out his mom. I wasn't lying it would only take a lot longer without his help.
He brought his head down again and I barely heard him say, "Francine."
"What's her last name?" I asked.
"Same as mine, she doesn't tell me anything. Why do you think I’ve been doing this on my own? She can talk about him but she doesn't like it. Everything else...it's like she erased it." He said.
"What about her friends?"
"We live outside of town, not a lot of people and she doesn't have a lot of friends. If people knew, they’d judge her."
I couldn't really blame them. It's one thing not to know before my mom was taken but knowing after, giving her son his name...if our mothers were friends before she definitely didn't come by my dad's apartment once we left that horrible house.
"Why did you come here? ...To my workplace?" I ask, clearly showing my irritation. All of his decision he had made so far made me angry.
"Where else could I reach you?" He asked. "Was I supposed to ask Anne for your number?"
As much as it pissed me off he had a point.
"I never want to see you back here, do you understand me?" I told him.
"As much as it makes you angry, he was my father." He said.
"And I'm sorry for you."
"I don't need your pity." He said through his teeth.
"What do you want?" I asked, pronouncing each word clearly.
"I want to know about him. He was...my dad...he can't be all..." He said trying to find the right word to finish his sentence.
"Monster." I said finishing it for him.
"He wasn't like that all the time. My mom has great stories, nice things to say about him..."
"Well... I'm going to be blunt..." I warned him. "...her stories are probably all lies, if there is truth in them...good for her...because we didn't get any of it. What I know about your...dad...you don't want to know. Trust me. You don't want to know how evil he could actually be. You don't want to know because that's all you'll think about. Do yourself and the whole freaking world a favor, be better than him. Trust me, it won't be that hard." I told him.
"Amanda, please." I barely heard.
"You read the police report. There’s nothing else to know." I told him and he nodded his head.
The only thing I could see as damaging to my family and me was if I told him the truth about his father's death. I didn't know if they could even put charges against me since I was 4 when I killed him but now being 20 years old and knowing the truth...it was probably different. Also I’d be putting my mom in trouble since she lied to cover it up from the start. I knew it was against the law to lie on a statement.
"You should let it go because anything my family would tell you would only break you. I guess I'm lucky…I heard stories but I don't remember most of it, only some things." I said, hoping he would leave it alone but of course...
"I don't believe you." He said making eye contact again.
"Excuse me?"
"I understand you don't want to remember, I get it. You said the resemblance of my father and I, when I sat down, which means you remember his face. You also knew when you were at my school. What was said before you left confirmed it." He stated.
Crap, why did I just lie? Better yet why did I get caught in a lie?! I paid too much attention to the past and not enough in the present. Blake was right when he said, 'when you’re too busy pushing people away you don’t notice what’s in front or going on around you…'
Taking a deep breath, "Fine...I remember a lot but not everything. None are them are happy memories. I don't remember one full day where I wasn't scared or one day I didn't cry...I was four when I saw the freaking sun outside. All my memories won't do anything good for you, because none of them are. I saw your...dad...smile a few times and most times it was because he wanted something or because he knew in advance how sad, angry and unimportant we'd feel. You don't want to know the...guy that was in that house with us. I was four...I can't imagine what it was like for my mom. No one looked for us because he told them my mom was happy, living a wonderful life and didn't want to talk to anyone and he never spoke a word about me." I told him.
When he didn't say a thing I continued. "I see his face daily and it's not because I want to, trust me on that…but none of my memories will make you smile. If you're a good kid, just live your life but you need to leave all of us alone. I hope your mom's a good person, I don't know her and I don’t recognize her name but... You can either live with what you know right now or live with the stories your mom told you."
"I wish… it would have been different. That I was wrong about what I was finding out. That he would have been his great guy and…" He was saying.
I rolled my eyes while thinking I can’t believe I’m going to say this… "So then… just tell yourself that. That he was this…great guy… Believe the stories you mom say. Just leave us be. Regarding Anne, I’m pretty sure her dad wants you to leave her alone."
"You are pretty sure?" He asked.
"No… more like 100 percent sure." I said.
"She not going to understand, one day being friends and then the next I don’t talk to her." He said, making me think.
I nodded my head agreeing with him, "It’s okay…her dad will explain it to her. He’ll deal with it."
Justin said he wanted to be involved and that it was his family too…or that’s what he was yelling at me before I left the house, well now he can be.
"I’m sure I’ll see you around…hope not but, the odds are usually against me." I said getting up from the table.
"I’m guessing your mom is going to try and find my mom?" He asked.
"I’m pretty sure you already know the answer to that. If they were friends before… there’s a lot to explain about afterwards." I told him. He slowly nodded his head.
I thought about paying for his food or asking him how he was getting home…it would be the nice thing to do. It wasn’t his fault he had a monster for a dad. Taking a few seconds to think about it, I thought to myself, who am I kidding I’m not nice and never been described as a ‘nice’ person.
I made sure I didn’t forget anything and turned to leave. I saw Blake and walked to his table.
"You ready?" I asked him. Looking at his table, he ate a full meal while I was talking with Jesse.
He noticed me looking and said, "I got hungry so I decided to do both. To protect and eat…both at the same time."
I rolled my eyes and couldn’t help but smile, "You are so strange." I said to him.
"I’m glad you’re letting go the ‘my friend’ part." He said and I was confused. When he noticed, he had already put money on the table, "You always say, ‘you are strange my friend’." He said and when I finally understood I rolled my eyes again and continued walking.
Seconds later we both were out of the diner and he said, "It’s true you know."
I looked at him and he had this huge smile across his face, like he was so proud. I didn’t understand how he could make me forget what had just happened inside the diner seconds before. I was feeling like all the stress I had in the diner was leaving my body, I knew it was only temporary but still, it felt great.
I stopped walking and let him walk up to me. When he was close enough to me I said, "You are strange my friend." And his smile vanished and it made me laugh.
I grabbed the front of his shirt and went to kiss him when he said, "You play mean and you want me to kiss you?" He asked and I just nodded my head.
He laughed and shook his head. I took a step back letting go his shirt to walk to the driver’s door when his hand grabbed my arm making me face him again. His playful smile was back on and his lips quickly went to mine. As quick as his lips touching mine, they were off. I was surprised, more so when he said, "Letting me kiss you in public is so rare, I can’t waste that…" He said making me laugh.
"You want to drive?" I asked him.
He took my keys, opened the passenger door for me and walked to the drivers door without stopping.
I smiled and took a seat then closed the door.
"Did you want to come to my parents’ house?" I asked him.
"Are you sure?" He asked and I nodded.
"Okay, then we will be picking up my car." He said.
I shook my head thinking of what he had said on our way to the diner.
Heading towards his apartment, I called my parents’ house and both my parents and Justin were still there waiting of me. I told them Blake was coming. My mom asked if he knew everything and I just said no. I just hoped they’d remember. I knew it was a big risk to bring Blake but I wanted him with me and I just hoped for once that things would be okay. Also, bringing him was one way to keep the peace. Most of them would be keeping their anger at bay since someone ‘new’ would be around.
My mom told me that Nicole was at her house with the girls. Justin and Nicole had decided not to bring them over and try to keep things ‘normal’. I was starting to wonder how much Nicole did actually know about the whole situation.
There were two things I wanted to know more than anything. Who was Francine and why no one had told me about any articles? They had to know I’d find out. As closer as we got to changing cars, I was getting more and more pissed off. I couldn’t believe they let me go off without knowing all the information… I knew I had rushed when I left earlier but they had years to tell me that bit of information and they never did.
I knew I had the right to be angry but now I wanted to know, did they lie about anything else?
****Please Vote & Comment! Thank you!!****
Yay! I kept my word! I'm so happy about that! I still have a fever...I know it's not perfect and probably has many mistakes but...whatever. As long as it makes sense that's what I care about.
I know it's Thursday but...have a great weekend! Next upload should be Tuesday, I hope I'll be back to feeling a lot better by then.
xx