(LOUIS' POV)
"Congratulations Will!" I said as my eighteen-year-old son approached me in his cap and gown, holding his diploma in his right hand.
"Thanks dad." he smiled and I hugged him. His high school graduation ceremony had just ended and everyone was running around, excited. We managed to get away from the crowd and found ourselves standing out on a wooden bridge in front of the ocean shore.
"I wish Mum was here." he finally spoke.
"I do too. She was looking forward to it." I spoke softly, playing with the sleeve of my jacket.
When I asked Ashley to marry me in Paris, she said no. Something was telling her that she wasn't going to make it and there was no point in getting married. But I wouldn't let her believe that. So one year later, I asked again, and she finally said yes. I remember the wedding perfectly. We held it on a warm sunny day on the beach in Coronado, California. Both sides of the family attended, except for Ashley's father who was on an important mission, and a few of our friends came of course; equaling out to be about fifty people. The ceremony begun and all four boys walked down the center of the isle with Ashley's bridesmaids on a small path between the sand on the beach. Next came my sisters as the flower girls, looking as cute as ever. But then she came. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I felt my knees buckle and I had to put a hand on Harry for support. She looked stunning, breathtaking, and absolutely beautiful. I didn't dare look into her deep blue eyes in fear of crying. Looking back on it now I wish I had. We spoke our vows in whispers so they were kept secret from everyone else. Her words have stuck in my head since and I smile every time I picture her whispering them in my ear, smiling and giggling. Then we exchanged rings and I kissed her. No moment had ever been so perfect.
Everything was great after that, especially when we found out she was pregnant with William. It was scary, bringing a newborn baby home, but we managed and surprisingly, we were great parents. The band? Well, all things end. About seven years after Will was born our record label dropped us because we weren't making enough money, but we are all still best friends. In fact, we get together almost every weekend. It was great. And Ashley was doing so well.
Then we got bittersweet news: Ashley was pregnant with Victoria, our now ten-year-old daughter, but she was also back to chemotherapy treatments once Victoria was born. Those continued for the next ten years, up until four months ago. But then again, everything stopped four months ago, including me. The day we lost her, I couldn't bare to go home. I went through hell trying to tell Victoria and Will that they would never see their mother again, none of us would.
Things were slowly beginning to get better. I try and bring up Ashley a lot in conversations, just so she knows that I am thinking of her, because I am. Some days are worse than others, but I always go to bed knowing that she's here and now it's her turn to look after me.
"Dad?" Will asked, "When will we go home? Everyone will be waiting." Oh right, they, meaning the band and their families, were throwing a big party for Will at our flat. I told him we'd be leaving soon and he ran off to quickly say goodbye to his friends. Will was very intelligent and athletic, like his mum. He took after her and played football in high school, but chose a career path of medicine. Actually, he plans to work on trying to find a cure to certain types of cancer.
We got in the car and drove about twenty minutes. Since getting married, Ashley and I moved into our on flat on the outskirts of London. It was perfect for us because it was quiet and calm. The house wasn't huge, but it wasn't small. The kids' friends always thought it was amazing, but it was nothing compared to what we could have gotten. She preferred to send the money to people who actually needed it. So that's what we did every year on Christmas. We pulled into the driveway and got out. Since it was a nice day, everyone was gathered in the backyard. We made our way around and saw that there were about fifteen people there. Niall and Marlee, of course. They had been married for about twelve years and had a little girl named Natalie. They were the ones that were there for us the most when we lost Ashley. Marlee and her were close and Natalie loved her too. Of course Niall helped me a lot, trying to get my mind off of things. It worked occasionally. Then there was Liam, Danielle, and their son Connor. Liam proposed about three months after me. Connor was actually born on the same day as Victoria, but he was two years older. They had moved to Manchester a few years ago because they liked the area. We didn't get to see them much, but it was always nice to have them around when it was possible. Zayn and Perrie were there too. They had yet to be married, but were engaged. The wedding was set for next month. It was too bad that Ashley wouldn't get to go, she was looking forward to it. Harry and his new girlfriend of five months, Bella, had come too. I didn't know Bella that well, but Harry really liked her and she was always very sweet, especially when we lost Ashley. I know Ashley would have liked her if she had gotten a chance to know her and I really think Harry has found a good girl for him, finally. My mum and Anne were there too, like they normally were. Loosing Ashley was hard on Anne, but Mr. Styles came home for a few weeks and managed to get her back on her feet before he left for the navy again. He didn't seem to show much pain, but he was a strong man so I didn't expect much. He did however show compassion to me and the kids, which was definitely nice since they never got to see their grandfather.
"Daddy! Will! You're here!" Victoria yelled and everyone turned, coming over to Will and telling him congratulations. I stayed off to the side and hung out with Victoria.
"How was your day love?" I asked her. She looked exactly like her mother, just younger. And that was awful for me, because every time I looked at her, I wanted to cry. She was just as sweet as Ashley, and I hope she can remember her mother so she knows how much of a great person she was.
"It was great! Grandma Jay and Grandma Anne took me out for lunch and then we set up for the party." she said.
"That's great sweetie! Do you want some cake?" I asked her and she nodded quickly. I laughed and got up, making my way over to the yummy cake waiting on the table. I cut her a piece and handed it to her before she ran off to Perrie so she could show her.
"Hey mate, how are you doing today?" I heard someone ask. I looked up and saw Niall there. Marlee was back talking with Danielle. I'm guessing Niall was tired of the girl talk.
"I'm okay, actually." Niall and Marlee were always checking up on me, just to make sure I was handling it well. I was most of the time and when I wasn't, they were always there to help.
"So, how are you guys doing?" I asked him, trying to change the subject.
"Great. Do you think you could take care of Natalie for a week or so? Me and Marlee's wedding anniversary is coming up and I really want to take her somewhere special. I was thinking Hawaii. She's always wanted to go there."
"That sounds cool. I'm sure she'll love it." And I never get to do that for Ashley anymore.
"I hope so. I haven't really done anything for her in a while and... she's just so amazing. She's such a great wife and an even better mom. I love her so much."
"Yeah, I bet she is." I sighed. Didn't Niall get that bragging about his perfect wife wouldn't help me?
"Oh, sorry Louis. Anyways, what did you get Will for graduation?"
"It's a surprise. Hold on, I'll go get it." I ran in the house and entered my bedroom. I walked over to the desk and unlocked one of the drawers where I kept important things. I shuffled things around, looking for the key. Yeah, I got Will a car. Technically, Ashley and I both did. We had been planning this for a while. I still couldn't find the key so I began to pull things out. I finally found what was in the way: the photo album Ashley had made me back on our first anniversary. I picked it up and began to look through it, flipping through all the old pictures. Finally I found one I didn't recognize; a new one. It was all four of us in her hospital room. I checked the date at the bottom: February 21, 2036. That was three days before she died. I flipped it over and expected an empty page. But instead, there were four envelopes under the plastic slipcover. The words on the front of the envelopes were in her handwriting. I slowly took them out and looked at them one by one. The first read: To Will on his graduation day. The second read: To Victoria on her wedding day. The third confused me. It simply said: To her. And the last only said one word: Louis. I had never seen these before, but I think I was meant to. I set the other three down and looked at the one with my name on it. I slowly ripped it open and took out the crisp piece of paper. I took a deep breath and began reading, almost instantly feeling her presence.
My dearest Louis,
I love you now as I write this, and I love you now as you read this. In our time together, you claimed a special place in my heart, one I'll carry with me forever and that no one can ever replace. There are moments when I wish I could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but I have a feeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well. So I take the memories as they come, accepting them all, letting them guide me whenever I can. The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. It's possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems, and that in time, the grief . . . lessens. It may not go away completely, but after a while it's not so overwhelming. Sometimes you have to be apart from people you love, but that doesn't make you love them any less. Sometimes you love them more. I remember when I came in with tears in my eyes. You always knew whether I needed you to hold me or just let me be. I don't know how you knew, but you did, and you made it easier for me. You're a hero and a gentleman, you're kind and honest, but more than that, you're the first man I ever truly loved. And no matter what the future brings, you always will be, and I know that my life is better for it.
I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours. You are, and always have been, my dream.
You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. I treasure each side, just as I have treasured our life together.
I’ve been given a lot of time to think lately and in that time, I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be. Just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can't get any better, it can. That’s how I felt with you. The choices I made, the things I said, the things I did, it was all for you. And when I made those choices or did those things, we were so happy. Those were the best moments.
I find myself quoting the Bible when I say that love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. I love you, not just for now, but for always, and I dream of the day that you’ll take me in your arms again. But for now, all I wish is for you to be happy. I want you to find someone special again. People who've been in love once usually do. It's in their nature. I’ve written a letter for the women you fall in love with, and when you know, please give it to her. I bet you’re thinking that this will never happen or you will not ever be able to do this, but you can. And I want you to. Give the kids the mother they need. Give yourself a second chance at happiness.
Spending time with you showed me what I’ve been missing in my life. This is not a goodbye, my darling, this is a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go and know you’ll be happy again. I love you with all my heart.
Your best friend, right wing, and wife,
Ashley
I was crying. Full on crying. I could imagine her saying this as I read this. But I couldn't believe it. Hearing her words and seeing her writing, it made her feel alive again. And for a quick moment, everything seemed to normal. And then, just as quick as it came, it was gone. But she was wrong. I wouldn't fall in love again, never. There was no one left in the world as great as her. No one could be a mother to Victoria or Will like she was. No one could ever make me happy like she could. I looked over at the letter that said To Her. Now understanding who it was for, I decided to read it. I carefully opened it so that it could easily be sealed again. The tears started flowing after the first six words.
To the woman my husband loves,
If it seems odd for you to read these words, please believe me when I tell you it feels odd to write them. Then again, nothing about this letter feels normal. There’s so much I want to say, so much I want to tell you, but I find myself struggling and I’m not sure where to begin.
I can start by saying this: I’ve come to believe that in everyone’s life, there’s one undeniable moment of change that suddenly alters everything. For me, that moment was meeting Louis. Though I don’t know when or where you’re reading this, I know it means he loves you. It also means he will want to share his life with you, and if nothing else, we will always have that in common.
My name, as you probably know, is Ashley, but for most of my life, my friends called me Bo. Please feel free to call me either, and just so you know, I already consider you a friend. I hope that by the end of this letter, you feel the same about me.
Dying is a strange business, and I’m not going to bore you with the details. I might have weeks or I might have months and though it’s a cliché, it’s true that so many of the things I once believed to be important no longer are. I find myself reflecting on the essential moments of my life. I think about Louis and how handsome he looked on the day we were married. I remember my exhausted elation when I first held Will and Victoria. They were wonderful babies, and I used to lay them in my lap and watched them while they slept. I could do that for hours, trying to figure out whether they had my nose or Louis’, his eyes or mine. Sometimes, while they were dreaming, their little fists would curl around my fingers and I can remember thinking that I’d never experienced a purer form of joy. I’ve lived a full, happy life and experienced the kind of love that many people will never know.
But my prognosis scares me. I try to be brave around Louis, and the kids are still too young to understand what’s really happening, but in quiet moments when I’m alone, I cry. Though I know I shouldn’t, I’ll find myself dwelling on the fact that I never get to see my children graduate or that I’ll never get another chance to witness their excitement on Christmas morning. I’ll never help Victoria shop for a prom dress or watch Will play soccer. There is so much I will never see and do with them, and sometimes I worry that I’ll be nothing but a distant memory by the time they get married.
How can I tell them that I love them if I’m no longer there?
And Louis. He’s my dream, my lover and my friend. He’s a devoted father, but more than that, he’s my ideal husband. I can’t describe the comfort I feel when he takes me in his arms, or how I look forward to lying down beside him at night. It breaks my heart to imagine him alone. That’s why I’ve asked him to give you this letter; I thought of it as a way of making him keep his promise that he would find someone special again- someone who loves him, and someone he could love. He needs that.
I was blessed to be married to him for so many years. Now, my life is almost over and you are going to take my place. You’ll become the wife that grows old with Louis, and you’ll become the only mother my children will ever know. You can’t imagine how terrible it is to lie in bed, staring at my family and knowing these things, and realizing there’s nothing I can do to change them. Sometimes, I dream that I’ll find a way to come back, that I can find a way to ensure they’re going to be alright. I like to believe that I’ll watch over them from heaven, or that I can visit them in their dreams. I want to pretend that my journey isn’t over and I pray that the boundless love I feel for them will somehow make it possible.
This is where you come in. I want you to do something for me.
If you love Louis now, then love him forever. Make him laugh again, and cherish the time you spend together. Take walks and play soccer in the park, curl up on the couch and watch movies beneath a blanket. Make him breakfast, but don’t spoil him. Let him make you breakfast as well, so he can show you he thinks you’re special. Kiss him and make love to him, and consider yourself lucky for having met him, for he’s the kind of man who’ll prove you right.
I also want you to love my children in the same way I do. Run your hand through their hair and assure them they can do anything they put their mind to. Adore them, laugh with them, help them grow into kind, independent adults.
I’m not jealous or angry that you have replaced me; as I mentioned already, I consider you a friend. You make my husband and children happy, and I wish I were around to be able to thank you in person. Instead, all I can do is assure you that you have my everlasting gratitude.
If Louis has chosen you, then I want you to believe that I have chosen you as well.
Your friend,
Ashley Bo Tomlinson
I read the letter. I read it a good three times until I finally understood it. Everything she said, everything she asked for, everything she wanted for me and the kids, well, she was the only one that could make it happen. The friend, the women I would love: that was her. It will always be her. No one else. I could try, maybe, to see other people, but I will never, ever find someone like Ashley again. Because she changed me; she gave me perspective. Without her, I might just be dumb old Louis Tomlinson, living in a giant mansion without a care in the world. No one else could do something as great as she did. And that's why I fell so madly in love with her. She just had this affect on people, like an angel.
"Daddy? Are you okay?" I heard a soft voice. Turning my head I noticed it was Victoria. I quickly wiped away the tears and smiled at her, trying to assure her that I was fine.
"I'm great love. What are you doing inside?"
"Everyone was wondering where you were. We're about to start giving out Will's presents!"
"Alright, hold on, I'll be right there Tor."
"Okay bye Daddy." she said, before running away.
"Tor wait!" I yelled and she stopped, turning back and waiting in the doorway.
"Love you." I told her. She smiled and said it back, which perked up my mood just a bit.
That was the thing: Ashley was gone, physically. But she lived in me, in Will, and in Victoria. Everywhere I looked I saw her image or thought of a memory. In truth, a person never dies, they just take on a new form: memories. Ashley is now just a memory, but she is a great one. One that I will treasure forever.
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(A/N: I can't believe the story is over! Thank you to everyone who read, voted, commented, etc. I love you all and I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you to Nicholas Sparks as his books helped me with the letters in this chapter. Also thank you to of course One Direction, my cousin Marlee, and my friend Lea for helping me. Please check out my other story, Never Had, which I will be starting as soon as possible! Once again, thanks everyone! -Katie)