Cooper watched the three men disappear through the trees, finally allowing himself to breath. He had almost hoped that he wasn't right about Aleks being with Kyle and the others, even if he was glad that James and him had been reunited. Maybe they could finally figure their shit out. Cooper had enough of his own to worry about.
It had been hard to see Kyle again after not seeing him for so long. He looked the same, if more tired and stressed. Cooper would never be able to understand why he hadn't left with him. He suspected it had something to do with Sam being his brother, but there wasn't much love between them, so it probably had more to do with fear. Cooper couldn't understand that either.
He sat back into the brush, trying to decide what to do. He could leave like he had meant to do in the first place. Go far away and be gone for good this time. That was the most logical choice, Sam didn't seem to be giving up looking for him and if he stuck around, it was only a matter of time before he found him. But something was still holding Cooper back. It was the thought of his little sister and best friend still under the influence of a man like Sam. He knew that he had to do something, but he couldn't do it alone.
Cooper frowned, shifting his leg to keep it from falling asleep. He should have warned James about Sam, but it was too late. Or was it? He could slip over to the camp and try to get his attention, warn him, maybe talk to Kyle or Charlotte...Cooper shook his head. He was getting ahead of himself. He didn't know if Sam was at the camp right now or if he was on one of his frequent prowls through the woods. If he knew about Aleks he wouldn't be happy about it and he wouldn't let him leave if he could help it. That was how Sam was. Crazy and possessive.
Cooper had known for a while that the only real way to subdue Sam and break the hold he had on everyone was to kill him. But as the thought came to him even now, he shuddered, feeling cold. Could he really do that if it came down to it? He had killed so many zombies, but they were already dead. It would be so different to see the light go out of someone's eyes, see them collapse limp on the ground, and know that it was you who caused that. Cooper didn't know if he could do it, but he supposed he would have to.
Gritting his teeth, he stood up. He stepped gingerly, holding back a wince at his sore foot. He had been lucky that it was bruised and not sprained or broken. He seemed to get lucky a lot, but sometimes Cooper wondered just how long until his luck ran out.
....................................................................
James kept stealing glances at Aleks all through breakfast. He couldn't help it. He drank in the man's appearance as if he was dying of thirst.
Aleks looked tired. The bags under his eyes were darker, his hair was rattier and he looked even more pale than usual. He was beautiful and James couldn't look away.
To his chagrin, the other people around the campfire kept staring at the two of them as well. There was only a few, and most of them seemed normal enough but there was one woman who James had made eye contact with once and if looks could kill he'd be dead. She didn't seem too fond of Kyle either, so maybe she had anger issues or something.
James knew he was being stupid, but Kyle was really rubbing him the wrong way. He caught James staring at Aleks once and gave him a look that he couldn't interpret. James didn't give a damn what Kyle thought, but the man made him uneasy, just like this whole place.
Every now and then, Aleks' eyes would dart over to James, but they never stayed very long. He mostly kept them on the ground or on Kyle or up at the brightening sky. James itched to get Aleks alone so they could talk. There were so many things he longed to tell him, but at the same time he was terrified. Right now their friendship felt tentative and he didn't want to risk losing it completely.
But as he felt Aleks' warmth beside him and took in his milky skin and familiar tattoos, James could feel his heart swelling. Aleks was real and he was alive, and James had never felt so relieved in his life.
He put down his plate, feeling full for the first time in a while. Aleks was still eating, slowly picking at his food while Kyle and the few other people around the fire were engaged in conversation. Finally feeling out of the spotlight, James nudged Aleks with his shoulder, causing him to look over and meet his eyes at last. Such a myriad of emotions were swirling in those dark eyes that James had to collect himself before speaking.
"How long have you been here?" he asked quietly. Aleks' eyes darted away again and he shrugged.
"The whole time I've been gone," he said. "I'm not exactly sure."
James wasn't sure either. All the days had blurred together, meaningless until now.
"How did you find this place?"
"I didn't exactly find it. More like Kyle found me," Aleks explained, looking more and more uncomfortable. Suddenly suspicious, James decided to push him further.
"What do you mean?" he asked. "What do you mean 'he found you'?"
Aleks glanced up at Kyle who was still talking with someone, then back at James. "Exactly what it sounds like. I was a dumbass and got myself hurt. I passed out and he found me and brought me here."
"You got hurt?" James asked loudly, making Aleks flinch and the people across from them look over.
"I'm fine now," Aleks hissed, crossing his arms in front of him. "I just hit my head again and twisted my ankle a little."
Without thinking James gripped Aleks' shoulder and turned the man to face him. Taking his head in his hands gently and inspecting for injury, he was oblivious to anyone else until he brushed his thumb over a lump on Aleks' left temple and the smaller man shuddered and pulled away.
"Sorry!" James exclaimed, blushing as he realized what he'd been doing.
Aleks just shook his head, huddled in on himself again.
"Like I told you, I'm fine."
James sighed, trying not to feel rejected. He did feel eyes burning into the back of his head though and when he looked over, he saw that it was Kyle who was staring. Annoyed, James shook his head at him and stood up, brushing dirt off of his jeans.
"Is there a place I can clean up?" he asked, ignoring people's curious looks. "I'm pretty damn filthy."
"Yeah," Aleks said quickly, standing up as well. "I'll show you. Is that ok, Kyle?"
Kyle just nodded, sending James one last obscure look before turning back to the guy he was talking with.
"What's his deal?" James asked, once they were a reasonable distance away.
"What do you mean?" Aleks asked sharply, stopping and looking up at James. "Kyle?"
"Yeah," James said, hoping he wasn't annoying Aleks.
"I don't know. He's really helped me out, James. Do you realize I'd probably be dead if he hadn't found me and helped me?"
James felt a lump harden in his throat and he swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut.
"Sure, Aleks. Yeah of course I do."
"Hey, you ok?" Aleks asked, softer this time.
"I am now," James said, refusing to add context. He wasn't ready to tell Aleks how he'd thought he'd been dead.
And suddenly the circumstances under which he'd thought that came rushing back to him and all he saw was red. That fucking bastard had outright lied to him! James clenched his hands into fists, nails digging into his palms. That fucker Sam would pay for the pain he put him through.
"James?" Aleks was asking, sounding downright worried now. "James what's wrong?"
James sucked a deep breath in and blew it out, loosening his clenched hands.
"I'll tell you later," he muttered. "I promise."
"Ok," Aleks nodded, a little weakly. "We have a lot to talk about, don't we?"
"We sure do," James sighed, feeling drained all of a sudden.
"There's a place in the river where you can wash up. We can talk," Aleks said, taking the lead.
"Sounds good," James said, even though his heart was pounding at the thought of what exactly they might talk about.
......................................................................................
Clean, damp, and nervous, Aleks and James sat on a fallen tree in a patch of sunlight. It was still a chilly day, but it made Aleks feel a little better.
After several minutes of silence, he glanced over at his friend nervously. His profile was shadowed, and his expression serious. James had been extraordinarily quiet since he had frozen up with that shockingly angry look on his face. The hug and the tears had startled Aleks when James had found him, along with whatever that had been back at the campfire. James had never been so emotional or tactile with Aleks before, but he was worried that the man's anger was directed at him. He was terrified that their friendship might have been ruined, or at least permanently damaged.
The need to apologize, beg James to keep being friends with him suddenly overwhelmed him. Aleks opened his mouth, ready to grovel, but James' own voice stopped him.
"Aleks, I know what you're going to say," he muttered, looking down at his hands. Aleks swallowed, shifting around on the rough bark.
"Oh? Do you?"
"You're going to apologize. But save it, please."
Aleks' heart fell into his stomach. He had been right. It was all over.
But James wasn't done yet.
"It's me who should be apologizing," he said as he looked up, meeting Aleks' gaze. The look in those deep brown eyes was so intense, so full of something that it took his breath away. "I'm sorry for making you feel like you were always messing up, that you didn't matter. I'm so sorry for making you think that somehow I wanted you gone, that I would be happier, because that is such complete and utter bullshit."
Aleks swallowed. He didn't know what to say. James' gaze was making him nervous, but at the same time he never wanted to look away.
"James..." he managed. "I...I don't..."
"It's ok," the taller man said softly. "Just please, say you'll forgive me."
He looked as if he actually believed he wouldn't. Then Aleks understood. He almost burst out laughing at the realization. James thought the same thing he had, that he wouldn't want to be friends anymore. Honestly, we're such idiots.
"I forgive you," Aleks said, the words tasting foreign on his tongue. "Of course I do."
James nodded, breaking eye contact. There was a silence as he stared down at his hands clasped in his lap.
"I thought you were dead, you know," he muttered, the words so quiet they almost floated away without being heard. "I was sure of it."
"I'm sorry," Aleks said, unable to stop himself. "For making you worry."
James nodded again. Then shook his head.
"It was terrible. It was worse than terrible, thinking that. It was like there was no point to anything anymore."
Aleks' heart was beating hard, pounding in his ears. He was so very nervous, but he didn't know why. Gingerly, he scooted over the rough bark closer to James until their thighs were touching and he leaned against the larger man, shuddering as a chill passed through him suddenly. Immediately, James put an arm around him, drawing him closer. Aleks almost cried at his touch, how warm and safe it felt.
"I'm here," he said huskily. "I'm alive."
"Yes you are," James sighed, putting his other arm around him now, pulling him into his chest. "And you're going to stay that way."
They stayed like that for a few minutes until Aleks looked up and found the large, brown eyes already trained on him.
"So we're still friends, right?" he asked. James laughed, but it sounded wrong somehow. Almost sad.
"Of course, dumbass."
"Ok," Aleks said, confused now. What did James have to be sad about? "But what's wrong?"
"Wrong?" James asked, pulling away slightly. "Nothing's wrong."
"James," Aleks squirmed out of his grasp until he was facing his friend's perplexed gaze directly. "I know you, ok? I know when you're lying to me."
James looked down, scrubbing a hand through his curls like he did when he was nervous. Aleks' heart sank. His best friend really was hiding something from him. Something important by the looks of it. Aleks suddenly felt very tired and very sad.
"I'm sorry James," he muttered, moving to get up. "But I can't..."
He was cut off by strong arms pulling him down, but mostly by the warm lips that were covering his own.
Aleks gasped, eyes open wide with shock. James' eyes were tightly closed and he clutched at the smaller man as if he might disappear, lips moving fervently over Aleks' still ones. It was too much and his brain could hardly comprehend it.
James Wilson was kissing him.
Oh god.
And just like that, sparks exploded all around Aleks and he responded, kissing back as if his life depended on it. James relaxed, sagging into him and tangling his fingers in his hair, tugging softly making Aleks sigh against his soft lips. He felt James grin in response and he held Aleks closer if that was even possible. They kissed like dying men who didn't have anything to lose but each other.
Eventually needing oxygen, Aleks bit James' lip lightly and pulled away. The kiss was broken and both men stared as they breathed raggedly, out of breath.
"I don't know why I did that," James gasped, his eyes wide and starry, searching Aleks' face for a hint of rejection that wasn't there. "But I couldn't explain with words."
Aleks shook his head, circling his arms around the larger man's neck.
"Took you long enough," he murmured, kissing him again just to make sure he got the message.
"I know, I'm sorry," James said fervently when they broke away, tangled together on the forest floor.
"How about no more sorrys," Aleks whispered, laying his head against the warm, strong chest. "You have nothing to apologize for."
James sighed, wrapping his arms even closer around him. Aleks closed his eyes and smiled when he felt lips brush the top of his head, warm breath ghosting through his hair. A couple months ago he never would have imagined that this would feel so perfect and so right.
Absentmindedly, he noted that they'd been gone from camp a long time.
"It's getting later," he said,muffled by James.
"Who cares," James said huskily, his words ruffling Aleks' hair.
"Kyle will," Aleks replied, but he was feeling sleepier and sleepier.
"Screw Kyle," came the unsurprising answer. Aleks just hummed, burrowing deeper into the embrace.
Finally, he murmured, still not opening his eyes. "But it's cold."
"I'll keep you warm," James said softly. That was good enough for Aleks. He relaxed, letting himself slip away into the best sleep he'd had since the world ended.
When Kyle found them hours later, curled together against a tree, he just smiled. Even he knew that it had been inevitable.