Unedited. I know. I'm spoiling you guys with updates. Lucky you. :P
Chapter Forty-Seven
When Lan got back, the house was drenched in cold silence and tension so tight someone could probably strum it and there would be a very sad guitar sound. I was sitting at the kitchen table, staring out at the rainbow mesh tarp when the front door opened. Rey was upstairs taking a shower so when Lan called out, “Anybody home?”, she probably assumed we were both up there. I was a little lost in thought when she walked into the kitchen to find me and her squeak startled both of us.
“Jesus! Em…”
I blinked at the exclamation and was just as surprised by the tear rolling down my cheek as she was at seeing me in the kitchen. Quickly as I possibly could, I wiped the tear off as conspicuously as possible and looked over my shoulder at her. Lan was in the middle of the walk of shame but she made last night’s rumpled clothes look just as good as the night before. Her hair had been finger combed and she looked a little tired but happier than she was before she left.
“How was your night?”
Lan frowned, not buying the brush off as her eyes became shrewdly assessing as they darted from me to the ceiling and then back.
“My night was fine. How was yours?”
I nodded, that impermeable look sliding into place perfectly. “Fine.”
“Then why are you white knuckling that coffee cup like it’s a defective stress ball?”
I looked down and she was right. I was lucky the cup hadn’t broken by how tightly I was holding on to it. My hands automatically let go and retreated to my lap.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Of course you don’t.” She sat down in the seat across from me. “Stewing, that’s what you’re doing.”
“Lan…”
“And I can only guess what it is you’re thinking about. Does Ronnie know you’re down here with your mind already made up about everything? Does he know that no matter what happens between now and the time he takes you wherever it is the two of you are going next that you’ve already decided that you’re going to ultimately fail?”
I couldn’t look at her and see the disappointment in her eyes. It was bad enough that I could hear it in her voice along with disapproval. The camo green coffee mug I was holding between my hands again was just so fascinating for a few more minutes until the need to explain something got to be too much.
“I fail, Lan. That’s who I am and who I’ll always be. That is never going to change.” I glanced up at her and then back down at the mug. “I’m poison and I ruin things. That is not someone you should want in your brother’s life or your children’s. Do you understand?”
Lan picked up the mug from between my hands and put it across the table. She didn’t want there to be any distractions from what she was about to say.
“Elina, how do you think I felt when I got out of rehab? I wasn’t convinced I was the best thing for my children but the thing was I’m their mother and I will always be their mother. Whether or not I believed it, I was and still am the best thing for them because they are mine. You,” she covered one of my hands with hers, “are the best thing for someone whether you believe it or not. That someone just happens to be upstairs showering alone. My brother loves you…”
“He shouldn’t love me.” I pulled my hand out from under hers and got up from my chair. “It’s not in his best interest to love me.”
“When has love ever been in anyone’s best interest? It’s complicated and unpredictable, love doesn’t look at one person and say, ‘now there’s someone who doesn’t deserve anything but misery’. You deserve to be happy, Elina…”
I glared at her and shook my head. “No. No, I don’t deserve to be happy. You want to know who deserves to be happy? The man who died because of me. He was honorable and dedicated his life to making everyone else’s better. He deserved to grow old and fall in love with someone who wasn’t as messed up as I am. He didn’t deserve to be shot just because he loved me.” My hand was pressed over my heart where it was aching while I stared at Lan through my tears. “Being in love with me is in no one’s best interest. It’s a fucking death sentence.”
I rushed out the kitchen doorway to the backyard and when I got there, I really didn’t know what to do next. It was all collapsing around me and the road in front of me was leading nowhere. Just like with the Thorns, I’d followed my brother into this mess, blindly this time, and I was the one being left in the unknown.
I sunk down to the ground, trying to get it all together but for some reason, no matter how fast I tried to scoop it all up in order to put it back into place, everything just continued to crumble into itty bitty pieces.
“Oranges…”
“It’s not going to work.” I sucked in several gulps of breath. “Nothing about it is going to work and I was stupid to think it would, that everything would be ok if I just did the right thing and gave it all up.” I started shaking my head. “But it’s not going to be ok, is it? Everyone is going to go off, live their lives, and I’m going to become a distant memory. You got what you wanted from me and all that’s left now is to say goodbye and pass me off to a U.S. Marshal.”
“You really think I would trust someone else with your life?”
“You’re not going to have a choice,” I whispered. “Unless you’re a Marshal as well as a FBI agent. It’s not going to be up to you about what happens to me. And I should’ve known that from the beginning. You only have control for so long until it’s someone else’s turn to take over keeping the addict safe.” I sat down on my ass and stared at the grass. “Because let’s face it, you’re not going to give up anything for me even though you love me and you would have to if you chose me. No one in their right mind would do that.”
Rey sat behind me and like a few times before, he encased me with himself. He wrapped me up so tightly that one would think it would make it harder to breathe but for me, it made it easier.
“You need reassurance,” he finally whispered after I’d calmed down a little. “And I need you to trust me. I’m not allowed to tell you what happens next, not yet. I haven’t been given the clearance but I can assure you that goodbye isn’t coming as soon as you think. Not by a long shot.”
“I don’t know what that means.” I rested back against him and that just made his arms tighten a little bit more. “I don’t know what any of it means anymore. You’re talking in riddles like Houston tends to.”
“You should’ve stayed in bed with me this morning. I can guarantee you wouldn’t be this upset if you had.”
I pushed my fingers in between his and squeezed. “Even if whatever it is you’re planning doesn’t work out, I want you to know…”
“Oh, shut up, Oranges. Enough doom and gloom for the morning. It’s exhausting me so I can just imagine what it’s doing to you. Save it until at least after lunch.”
“And what happens when there isn’t an after lunch for us?”
“Then I’ll let you cut off my balls and hand them to me. Fair enough?”
“I think I can work with that.”
He kissed my cheek before saying, “Just so you know lunch isn’t going to be the same time as yesterday. It’s going to be about an hour later since we have to pick up your brother but I’ll make sure there’ll be snacks…”
The drive to pick up my brother was done quietly. Neither the driver nor the guy in the passenger seat said anything to us or about the fact I was curled up against Rey. After my little melt down that morning, neither of us had ventured far from the other for long and it was something Lan noticed with a smile but didn’t comment on. The black SUV appeared in the driveway around ten thirty with us leaving fifteen minutes later. I feel asleep for a short spell during the trip with my head on his chest and my hand clasped tightly in his. There were no more nightmares, at least for now, and I didn’t start to worry again about what would happen next until I woke up as we were pulling into a closed rest stop. It was where we would meet up with Vince and after that, it was still unknown.
The driver and the passenger got out without being told. One went to go search the building while the other stayed by the car. I sat quietly with Rey and wondered for the millionth time why he’d taken me to see his sister. I knew it was his way of telling me he loved me, a way for both of us to accept that we loved each other. But how was that supposed to work? And wouldn’t it just hurt more in the long run knowing?
“Oranges?”
“Yeah?”
“I need to talk to you for a second so sit up for a minute.”
I really didn’t want to because ever since we pulled into the rest stop, tears had filled into my eyes as I worried over how to say goodbye. Because I was still convinced I would have to even though he’d asked me to trust him that I wouldn’t. I did as he asked and disguised checking for tears by wiping a hand across the eye that was pressed against him. Thankfully there were none and I brushed it off by tucking hair behind my ear.
“What’s up?”
I glanced up at his face before dropping my eyes back to our clasped hands. His grandfather’s ring still sat around his left ring finger and I focused on that for now.
“We need to talk about what’s going to happen next.”
“That time already?” I tried to joke but it was an obvious failed attempt. “Yeah. I guess we should.”
“Hey.” He cupped my cheek and tilted my face up. “It’s going to be ok.”
“I think you’re lying.”
Rey just shook his head and reached forward to pull a file out of the seat pocket in front of him. He let go of my hand so he could open it and fold the cover back. “This is your new deal, the one I told you about.”
“Rey, I don’t want to talk about deals right now.”
I sunk down in my seat and stared out the window, watching the guy who went to check out the building come back.
“This is important, Oranges.”
“How can that be important right now?” I looked at him and that shifting of my eyes had the gathered saltwater dripping down my face. “You take me to meet your sister, tell me you love me, and now I’m supposed to say goodbye even though you said I wouldn’t have to and on top of that I’m supposed to let you go. And all you can talk about are deals…?” I shook my head. “Unbelievable.”
I stuck my thumbnail back in my mouth to chew on and went back to looking out the window.
“Don’t start being a pain in the ass now.” He pulled my hand away from my mouth and in his direction. I slid across the seat because of it and I was about to haul off and smack the shit out of him when his next words stopped me. “Arrietty Emelina De Sota has officially been reported missing and presumed dead by the local police department. She was last seen leaving the strip club known as The Red Keys which has formally been seized by the FBI. The owner, Marco Liu, was arrested for money laundering and first degree murder of a police officer. He is also being questioned about the disappearance of Arrietty De Sota. Rey Sanchez, suspected successor to the Spanish Thorns, is currently at large and wanted for questioning of the disappearance of Arrietty De Sota. He was last seen leaving The Red Keys with De Sota and is to be considered highly dangerous and armed. Use extreme caution when approaching. Vincent De Sota has been arrested for domestic assault and is being held without bail. He is also being questioned in relation to the disappearance of his sister, Arrietty De Sota.” Rey stared me in the eyes the whole time. “Arrietty Emelina De Sota no longer exists on paper and you are to be known from this point forward as Arrietty Juliana Martinez. I had to call in a couple favors in order for you to keep your first name so you better be fucking grateful. Your college is paid for. You won’t have to take out any student loans…”
“That’s not really the point.”
Rey just shot me a look before going back to his little run off.
“Your brother will remain Vincent De Sota until he finishes the deal he made with the DA and FBI.”
“Which would be?”
“Because he worked well with law enforcement and surrendered all information when asked, Vincent De Sota was presented with another deal upon being arrested and charged with domestic assault. Five years hard time in a maximum security prison with no possibility of parole. Because he is a high profile prisoner, his time will be served in solitary confinement with no possible contact with the general population.”
“But you said…”
“And I’m not finished.” He raised his eyebrows and I nodded. “The deal your brother was presented with was a permanent conditional work release from his sentence to collaborate with a newly formed task force that specializes in gangs, organized crime, and violent crimes related to before mentioned organizations. He accepted on the one condition that Michelle Malone be placed in protective custody and relocated with the task force. Reason given was they’re married.”
My eyes widened. “What?”
Rey shrugged. “Happened six months ago apparently. She never changed her name.”
“I’m going to kill them.” The car remained silent for a few seconds while I gathered up the nerve to ask. “What about me?”
His whole demeanor softened, like he was switching personas again from the hardcore FBI agent to the guy I’d just spent the weekend with. “You, Oranges, are faced with a choice. The first one being you go off and live the rest of your natural life in protective custody. You finish your degree, get a boring job with an accounting firm, and never see your brother or anyone else connected with this case again.”
“I don’t much like that option.”
He smirked. “Your second choice is you finish your degree and then get a consulting job with the FBI, your official title being forensic accountant with a specialty in gang and organized crime finances. You’ll be able to spend as much time with your brother as you want while assisting the task force he is a part of.”
“I’m assuming you’re talking about the one Houston is co-operating.” He nodded. “And what happens to Rey Sanchez?”
“The same thing that happens to Ronaldo Reyes. He’ll be sequestered for a three month period at an unspecified safe house location before he goes to his next assignment of co-operating a task force specializing in gangs…”
He didn’t have to say anymore as I literally launched myself at him, pretty much attacking him with my mouth. Not that he minded much because he took it and dished out an attack of his own. He chose me and found a way to make it work for the both of us. All the doubts I had earlier were gone along with the guilt that had crept up over the past 24 hours.
“I’ll take the second choice,” I whispered when the attack finally ended. “And if we weren’t in an SUV with an audience I’d show you just how much I want the second choice. How much I want you.”
He grinned at me. “We have three whole months coming up were we can’t go outside.”
“I think it’s safe to say most of that time will be spent in the bedroom, together.”
“You think?”
Rey pulled me back down for another kiss, one that actually had me grinding against his body. Not that he minded that much either. It wasn’t hard to miss just how much.
“I’m starting to miss that dress you were in last night,” he groaned. “It had much easier access than these shorts you’re wearing now.”
He ran rather sloppy kisses down my neck before actually doing a rather adolescent thing by trying to give me a hickie. Instead of squealing and trying to make him stop, I just took it while trying to undo his pants. When it was becoming clear that the leather belt he was wearing wasn’t coming out of the buckle, I settled for just rubbing him through the material of his pants.
I must’ve hit the right spot because he stopped with the hickie making and moaned rather loudly against my throat.
“Fuck. This isn’t the place for this.”
And yet he didn’t stop me just kept a hand in my hair and the other arm wrapped around my waist.
“Neither was the shower at the FBI safe house or the driver’s seat while you were racing for a grand of my brother’s money.” I nipped his earlobe and heard him groan in response. “Now you know how it feels.”
“We’re acting like irresponsible teenagers,” he tried to insist.
“You like it.”
“Fuck, yes, I do.” He made the mistake of tilting his hips up to meet my hand. It threw me off balance and I put a hand against the seat behind him to catch myself.
“Ohkay,” I said with amusement in my voice. “I think we should stop before you start rocking the car. Then they’d really know what we were doing.”
He opened his eyes to look at me and I could tell by the dismay in them that he was really, really close. “You’re going to leave me hanging?”
“You did it to me.” I glanced down and smiled. “And you definitely are hanging.”
“You’re a tease.”
“And you don’t have a change of pants and unless you have a condom on, you would’ve had a little bit of a problem. Take it from someone who knows what it feels like to maneuver around in drenched panties. It’s not comfortable.”
His eyes closed and his head rested back against the seat. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
Wow. He was backing down. “We have three months. Which will start as soon as Vince gets here.” I pecked his rather stubborn mouth. “I love you.”
He cracked open an eye. “I love you too.”
That made me smile, not that I needed much of a reason. I was smiling already but then an idea popped into my head about how to make this work so he wouldn’t be left hanging. Granted he deserved it after not telling me what he had in the works concerning the future but I wasn’t really in the mood to be vindictive.
“How much longer?”
“Do you mean before Vincent gets here or I blow?” I popped him on the chest. Rey just rolled his eyes and looked around me to glance at the clock. “We were early so about ten minutes.”
I could work with ten minutes. I brought his face back to meet mine. The next kiss I treated as if I was stoking a fire back to life, not that he needed much help in that area. Very carefully, so he wouldn’t know what I was doing, I figured out his belt and got it undone but by the time I started on the button, he figured out something was going on.
He stopped me by grabbing my wrist and pulling out of the kiss.
“What are you doing?”
I smiled and took a hold of his face with my one hand. Both of us kept our eyes open as I attempted to kiss him again. He went through the motion slowly and I could see the wheels turning in his head.
“Oranges.”
I nipped at his tongue and ended up catching his bottom lip. The affect was the same since he let me kiss down his neck. When he didn’t let go of my wrist, I looked him back in the eyes.
“If you don’t want me to undo your pants, you do it.” He very slowly let go of my wrist. “Thank you.”
“I thought you were going to leave me hanging and that we had three months.”
I got the button undone and the zipper down before saying, “If you want me to stop, just say it.”
He just smirked. “You change your mind so fucking often…”Air hissed through his teeth as I reached in and wrapped my hand around him. “What are you doing?”
“You know what I’m doing. I want, for the first time in my life, to act like an irresponsible teenager. Do you have a problem with that?”
I squeezed while sliding my hand down and I swore he was going to come undone right then.
“Fuck, no. I don’t have a problem with it.”
“Good. Are you sure we have ten minutes?”
“Baby, I’m so turned on right now, you’re not going to need ten minutes.”
I grinned at him before kissing him, letting my tongue run across his. “Good.”
“Is this payback? For what I did that night in the car?”
“It wouldn’t be payback if you enjoyed it.”
“If I remember correctly, you enjoyed what I did…”
He was already turned facing me when this all started so it wasn’t hard to move myself down while he was talking and take him in my mouth before he could finish his sentence. We did this before both at my parents’ house and at my brother’s but there was just something different about it this time. Rey had kept his hand in my hair this whole time so I wasn’t very surprised when his fingers gripped tighter in response to my sudden action.
“Oranges…”
He was right. It didn’t take him long at all. I wasn’t even at it for a handful of minutes before I tasted his saltiness on my tongue. He was much quieter than he usually was but I was pretty sure he’d pulled out a few of my hairs in the process to remain silent. And just to make sure he was done, I licked him one last time.
“Oranges.”
I sat up and moved back to straddling his lap, not even bothering to do up his fly yet. Rey wrapped his arms around me and I wrapped mine around his neck, nuzzling my face against his skin. We sat like that for a few minutes until all the negative feelings that were left finally made its way out of me.
“I was worried I would have to say goodbye. I didn’t know how I was going to.”
Rey hugged me tighter, his whole body tensing up despite how relaxed it’d been just seconds before. “I would’ve told you before but the confirmation hadn’t come through on everything yet. I didn’t want to get your hopes up just to tell you it wasn’t happening. I didn’t mean to torture you.”
“I’m glad you waited. I think I would’ve been more of a nervous wreck if you told me early. So Michelle is meeting us wherever it is we’re going next?”
He just grunted in response and that had me laughing a little.
Alright then I would stay quiet.
This was a very nice happily ever after.
Only I shouldn’t have thought that so soon.
~ * ~
Music Selection: Lately by Tyrese