Chapter 11
Walking into the apartment I shared with Lisa, I felt nervous. I didn't want to be bombarded with questions.
"Lisa you home?" I yelled out while taking off my running shoes, but all I received was silence.
I walked around, even checked out her bedroom but no one was here.
Good, this will be easier than I thought.
I went to our small living room with my purse and sat on the couch.
I opened it and saw my underwear. I quickly got up and threw them in my room, reminding myself to put them with the rest of my dirty clothes later. Sitting back down on the couch, I grabbed my cell phone, I found the number for the diner and pressed the green button to dial. It rang a few times and Lucas, my boss, answered the phone.
Disappointed it wasn't one of the girls. He was the last person I wanted to talk to.
"Hey Lucas, I'm really sorry but I can't come into work today." I said to him.
"Oh yeah...why not?" He asked, I could hear him moving some papers around.
"Because I'm sick and I don't feel well." I told him.
"With the hours I've been giving you lately I'd thought you'd be more grateful." He said with a bad attitude and I couldn't hear anything from the background anymore.
"I am grateful, really I am but...you wouldn't want me there today, neither would the customers."
"What your new boyfriend tired you out?" He asked.
Yup, good thing I wasn't there in person because I'd be leaving with a painful hand, him with a black eye and I'd probably be jobless.
"No." I simply said trying my best to be in control of my emotions.
"Then why can't you come in?" He said. I could tell by his voice that I was pissing him off.
Might as well take advantage of it and enjoy it while it last, I thought.
"It's really embarrassing but I'll tell you, only because you asked... I think I ate something bad or it's the flu because all night I had the runs. Like seriously it won't stop, I have to go to the bathroom every 15 to 30 minutes. I'm terrified that I won't make it to the bathroom and shit myself. My ass hurts so much that I can't even walk straight and so much worse when I sit down." I said, trying not to laugh.
"Um..."
"Listen if you really want me to come in... Oh crap...I have to go again. Listen Lucas, I'll call you back when I'm done unless you want to wait..." I said, biting my tongue so I wouldn't laugh.
"Um... It's fine Amanda, stay home. I'll give you tomorrow off as well, feel better." He said.
"Thank you Lucas. Oh my gosh! Now I really have to go. Bye." I said and hung up.
As soon as I knew my phone had disconnected the call, I threw my phone on the couch beside me and started to laugh. I don't think he would flirt with me from now on which would be freaking great.
I had given him many details to form a good mental picture and now I just hoped it would stay in his tiny head so he could leave me alone.
I didn't know what I was going to do most of the day but I decided to start with a shower. I'd start getting ready even if I had hours to kill.
I grabbed my things and headed to the bathroom. Once I felt the hot water hit my head and go down my back I could feel myself relax...but just a little bit.
'You always take away her toys, why?!' I remember my mom yelling.
'Damn it Jesse! Can't you just answer me...for once?'
I remember being in the corner of the room with my knees against my chest, crying my eyes out. He had my box and it played music.
It wasn't a jewellery box but it always played the same song. I didn't care...I loved it. My mom and I would dance to it.
I can see now that it must have been strange to pretend to be happy, strange for us to dance but I didn't know anything else and my mom tried her best to make it fun for us, when that was possible.
I didn't want him to take my music box. I always wondered where all my toys went after they'd leave our room. Did he just put them in a different room? There must have been a big mountain of toys since he always took them back. Every time he gave me a new one, I thought it would be different. That he would let me keep it.
'Jesse!' She would keep yelling and hitting his back, his arms even his face.
If she made him mad enough, he would hit her back while I closed my eyes and quickly put my hands over my ears. I hated hearing the sound of his hand hitting my mother's skin.
I tried my best to cry silently because if I made to much noise, he would get angry with me and my mother always paid the price.
He wouldn't say a word and walk out the door. My mom couldn't reach it. She always tried, every day she'd pull on her chain but nothing helped. She still couldn't reach the door. She'd lie down on the floor and was able to touch it with her finger tips but not while she was standing.
I asked her if I could help because I wasn't attached to anything.
'No baby. I don't want you anywhere near him. I don't want you to get hurt. You are the most important person in my life. Please...stay far away from him as you can. Okay?' She'd say while I just nodded.
'Jesse! ...Jesse!' She'd yell over and over after he'd close the door and we'd hear the locks.
After hearing those locks my mother would stop shouting. It wasn't going to change anything.
She'd walk up to me and sit on the floor and put her arms around me.
'I'm so sorry baby.' She'd say over and over. She'd pick me up and put me on her legs to hold me closer while I just cried...over a ridiculous toy.
I shook my head and let the hot water wash away my tears. I was glad Lisa wasn't home. I didn't have to rush to get out of the shower. I could use all the hot water I wanted and no one would care.
When I got to my room I started to work on my hair. I wanted to look nice but not too nice. I straightened my hair and then put a little bit of make-up on.
Once that was done, I walked around our apartment and cleaned a bit. It wasn't dirty or messy, probably because I wasn't here all the time and Lisa always cleaned up after herself so there wasn't much to clean.
I saw Lisa's laptop and grabbed it. She didn't mind me using it so I opened it. I played Solitaire and watched TV at the same time for more than an hour trying to make it go quicker.
I felt like time was going so slowly. I wanted time to fast forward but also stand still. I wasn't sure if I was ready to learn the truth. Knowing both my parents and Emily would be furious but I needed to do this.
I needed to know.
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I knew I was going to be early, I didn't know by how much but most importantly, I didn't want to be late.
It was 2:30 when I saw my destination and my heart was beating so quickly. I felt the butterflies in my stomach and at the same time, I felt like I was going to be sick.
"Please let this be okay." I whispered out loud to myself.
I parked my car where I knew I wouldn't be in the way and that I could easily see the entrance.
The big sign, in front, that said, 'SaintMarcusHigh School'.
"What am I doing?" I said out loud again.
Thinking of my parents again, if only they knew I was doing this, I'd be in so much trouble. My excuse of being an adult wouldn't help me out with them but I just couldn't wait any longer.
Waiting for Anne to get out of the school felt like forever, the seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours.
"This is ridiculous." I told myself. "What are you hoping to achieve?" I asked, like I was talking to someone else.
If I'd be a smoker, this would be a great time to have one.
Around 20 minutes later, I finally started to see kids coming out of the school, I knew Anne was going to come out any minute and now my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest.
I got out of the car and went around. I leaned on the passenger door. I didn't want to miss her and this was the easiest way to see, also I'd be able to act quickly when I saw her.
A few minutes later, I saw her come out of the school with two other girls. They were all talking and it seemed like a deep conversation.
I didn't want to interrupt but I knew this was the only time I had. I knew I couldn't do this twice.
When I saw her start to walk in the opposite direction, away from me, I pushed myself off the car and decided to yell.
"Anne!"
I saw her turn around so I lifted my arm in the air to get her attention. When she spotted me I could immediately see that she was surprised.
She said something to her friends and then quickly walked towards me.
When we were close enough she gave me a hug.
"Hi! What are you doing here?" she said still hugging me.
I pulled away, "I thought I'd give you a ride home." I said, lying through my teeth.
"Oh. I'm not going home. I was going to the mall with a couple of friends."
"Oh, okay. I thought I'd give it a shot." I said, feeling disappointed and a bit angry at myself.
"I can cancel if you want." She offered.
"No... Go have fun with your friends." I told her.
She looked at her friend and showed them her hands and her fingers were separated. She was telling them to give her 5 minutes.
I saw one of the girls nod her head and then Anne looked at me.
"What made you decide to come here?" She asked.
"Well, to be honest I wanted to know how it was going with the guy you like." I said.
It was true. I did want to know so it wasn't a complete lie.
"It's going good. He's so nice and so sweet. I want him to meet my parents but he's nervous so we decided to wait."
Interesting, I thought.
"Why would he be so nervous about that? Your parents are amazing." I said.
"I know, I'm guessing it's a guy thing."
"Well...I think it goes both ways. Girls are also nervous to meet the guy's family sometimes. Did you meet his mom?" I asked, curious more than anything.
I wanted...I needed to know who that woman was...or at least her name.
"No, he's not allowed to have girls over at his house." She said and I could tell she was disappointed.
"Not even when she's there?"
She lifted her shoulders, "I don't know. I'm not sure he wants me to meet her."
"Anne, any guy...any good guy would be lucky to have you. When you're older and get married, your in-laws will be so lucky to call you family." I told her, trying to make her smile.
"I wish I was like you. You're perfect. You're life is always perfect." She said and I laughed.
"Oh my goodness, if you only knew. Anne no one is perfect, no one. Sometime it may look that way but, it's all an act. Perfect doesn't exist. So many people try, but it doesn't work. No one is made to be that way. If someone looks perfect...ask them and they will tell you that they have so many problems, so many issues. Self perfection, can never be attained because if we could, then what. There would be no point in living because there would be nothing more to gain. No more goals, no more dreams...no more of anything. I never want to be perfect. I fight everyday and try to be normal even though I know normal doesn't exist either. That's one of the greatest things in life, also the greatest downfall." I said smiling.
"But you make it seem so easy, like you have it all together." She said.
"Like you said, I make it seem...but it's not. Do you have his mom's name? We could maybe Google her..." I asked, hoping but pushing it.
She nodded her head and she kept looking in the direction of the school doors. I saw her posture change when a guy came out.
"Oh my gosh. Do you want to meet him?!" She asked, so excited and completely forgetting my question.
"Um..."
"Jesse!" She yelled and waved her hand in the air getting his attention.
When I saw him start to walk our way, I put my head down and just looked at the ground.
My heart was beating out of control, I felt dizzy like I was going to pass out.
My head was screaming, 'Oh my God! Oh my freaking God, he's walking this way!'
I could see his shoes as he got closer but I didn't have the courage to look at his face.
This is the reason you came here Amanda, come on look at him! I ordered myself.
I raised my eyes just in time to see him hug my cousin.
When his eyes finally met mine I stopped breathing.
I tried to look and take in every detail of his face.
They had the same eyes but so did a lot of other people. For the first time I made myself remember Jesse's face, right before I shot him. It was the only time I could remember every detail of his face since I had relived that moment so many times.
Their eye color had the same brown. Looking at his chin, they were similar.
He looked like the same Jesse back from that house except the Jesse in front of me was obviously a lot younger.
He way he was looking at me, I could see he was curious but also at the same time a bit confused.
My mom's voice in my head telling me, 'No one asks to be born or choose their parents. He's innocent, just like you baby.'
I took a deep breath because I knew no matter what the outcome would be it wouldn't be his fault.
Anne looked at me and then back at Jesse.
"Jesse this is Amanda, my cousin." Anne told him.
His big smile went down a bit and his face showed a bit of a shock, like he knew my name.
"Amanda, this is Jesse." She said looking at me.
I forced a small smile on my face and brought my right hand forward like I was taught to do.
He put his hand in mine, "Nice to meet you Jesse. It's about time I can put a face with the name." I said trying to hold my smile.
My heart was beating out of control.
"Same here." Jesse said letting go my hand.
Confused with his statement I looked at Anne.
"I told him about you, I hope that's okay." She said.
Paranoia and anxiety filled my head.
"Oh yeah? Like what?" I said trying to sound normal. I looked at Jesse, trying to take his entire features in.
The way he was looking at me, I was almost positive he knew who I was. I had never seen his face before, that I knew but he had heard my name more than once and I wasn't sure if it had only been with Anne.
"Well not just you, my family... and your family..." She said and my head turned and looked at her.
"My family?" I asked, reminding myself to keep breathing.
"Yeah he was curious about everyone...since we are so close." She said.
Did she talk about my mom? Why would he want to know about us?
I decided to be bold since Anne was close and with so many other kids around. He wasn't the type of guy I'd ever want to be alone with.
"What made you interested in my family, certainly if you haven't meet her parents?" I asked Jesse.
"I'm curious I guess." He said, not taking his eyes off of me.
It wasn't like he was undressing me with his eyes like some of my customers at work. He was just really paying attention to me.
"Yeah, he is really curious." Anne said laughing.
I felt scared and nervous for Anne. Not for her safety he'd have to be pretty stupid to do anything to harm her, but for his intention. The vibe I was getting from him was intense but she didn't pick up on it.
Maybe I can get information while I'm here.
"Does your mom work in the area?" I asked him.
"Um...yeah about 15 minutes away." He said.
"What does she do?" I asked.
Come on mom genes let's kick it up a notch with the questions.
"I probably shouldn't say."
"How come?" I asked.
"She doesn't like her job and she's embarrassed by it."
"What's her name?" I asked.
He smiled and brought his face down a bit. I don't know if he was laughing at me because he knew what I was doing or just plain shy.
"Oh! I have to go they won't wait for me anymore. I'll see you tomorrow." She said to Jesse and turned towards me giving me a hug.
"I'll see you soon I hope." She said to me and I just nodded.
"Okay, sorry but bye guys." She said and left.
I looked at Jesse and he just looked at me.
"That was nice of you to come and pick up your cousin from school." Jesse said.
Since it was just us I started feeling very nervous. There were still people around but not close enough to hear our conversation.
"Our family sticks together." I told him.
"No matter what?" He asked.
"Exactly, no matter what." I wanted him to admit he knew me, admit he was Jesse's son. Not just for me because I already knew. His expression on his face when he heard my name and being a Gibson, like Anne, there wasn't many here with our last name. That told me his mother knew about my mom and me. I just didn't know who or how.
He was silent for a few seconds when he brought his face down. With every second passing by, I could see more and more the resemblance between father and son.
"Did you grow up around here?" I asked.
"Yeah." He simply said.
"Well, I'm sure I'll see you again. Sooner or later." I said and turned around to walk to my car.
"Amanda Gibson...right?" He asked and I froze.
Slowly turning to look at him and I nodded my head.
Feeling nervous that I left my purse in the car...my pepper spray bottle very far away from me, I kept looking around. Hoping the people around us weren't leaving.
"Jesse... I'm sorry, what's your last name again?" I asked.
"McKein." He said and I nodded.
"That's right..." I started to walk away.
"Is there something you want to tell me? I get the feeling you do." He said.
I stopped walking again and looked at him.
"That's funny, I got the same feeling." I said getting angry.
We both looked at each other without saying a word. I could tell he was getting angry as well so I decided to push it a bit more and see what would happen.
"You should change your facial expression. You look too much like someone from long ago." I said and his mouth just dropped.
Yup...that is definitely Jesse's son, I said in my head.
I walked to my car shaking my head and smiling. Thinking of Anne who had just said something about my life being perfect...perfect my ass... When I opened my car door he finally spoke...
"Who?" He asked.
Looking at him standing there, I wasn't sure what to make of him. If he was 'innocent' like my mother said or... I decided to be honest with him. "In my family, he's the only person who doesn't need a name. Awake or asleep, I see his face." I told him.
I started to get in the car when I stopped myself. He was still looking at me.
"You hurt a single hair on my cousin's head, or body... I swear you will meet everyone you wish, right now, to never meet. Do you understand me?" I asked him, letting out every bitterness show in my voice.
Slowly he nodded his head.
"And leave her the hell alone."
He looked at me but I wasn't certain if he really understood.
"Did you hear me?!" I asked louder. I didn't look around to see if I had caught the attention of the people around us but right now I didn't care if the whole world was watching.
"Yeah." He finally said.
I got in my car and as I was driving away, I saw that he was still in the same spot, just looking at me leave.
I hoped I wouldn't see him again but...I knew better than that.
My hands couldn't stop shaking from the adrenaline going through my body. I had trouble seeing with all the tears, clouding my eyes and going down my face, even down my neck. I pulled over and just let myself cry resting my head on the steering wheel.
I wanted a distraction but I knew I shouldn't. My head...my body was screaming for Blake.
I looked at the time, knowing he finished working at the same time as my dad. He was done working for the day and probably on his way home.
I wiped my tears away and then did a U-turn when it was safe. I didn't want to just go home and do nothing.
I had made a bad decision to go to the school today, but now it was done and over.
Jesse was Jesse's son. No one could change that, no matter how much they tried.
I knew Jesse wouldn't hurt Anne since she couldn't go to his house and he wouldn't dare to go to her place now, since I knew the truth. They could only talk at school, in public places or on the telephone. I didn't like it but I couldn't do anything about it yet. I needed to go home and talk to my parents.
But for now...I wanted to forget and the only person who was able to do that was Blake.
****Please Vote & Comment! Thank You!!****
Hope you guys liked it! I had so much trouble with the spacing that I had to restart so many times...So I'm sorry if it's not perfect I tried. lol. perfect. (I have that problem too) Have a good night!
Next upload should be Thursday!
xx