hey wallnuts! sorry for the shortness >< ny the way, if you havn't checked out my new frerard "THE FOREST" yet, please do ♥
enjoy!!! :)
Frank and I got out of the door, holding hands.
"Where do you want to go?" I asked him and kissed his cheek. Suddenly, he stopped. "What's wrong?" I frowned and flung an arm over him. "Hm?" he looked up at me with big puppy eyes, grabbing my shirt collar and pulling me down.. He then pulled me into a rough, short kiss. "Frankie?"
"Gerard, please don’t freak out because of what I'm going to say, okay? And don't hate me, okay? Can you promise me?" he plays with the corners of my collar.
"Frank, I won't freak out. And no matter how hard I will try, you know I can't hate you. Come on…" I pet his hair, granting a disgusted look from a girl from our school who just passed by.
"We haven't been… there… since..." he couldn’t finish the sentence but I knew what he meant. I knew damn well. My eyebrows furrowed and he looked up at me.
"I knew I'd upset you…" he looks down but I pull his chin up.
"You didn’t. You're right, Frankie. We need to go there, do some sort of closure…" I say and he nods. "come on." We start walking, his tiny shoulders still tucked under my arm. We didn’t talk much on the way, I guess after mentioning the mill and being headed there our mood just seriously dropped.
As we reached the metal door to the bridge I stop, and so does Frank. I take a deep breath and close my eyes.
"Gerard, you ok?" he asks and I feel his hand grab my arm. I don't respond, I don’t nod either. I'm really NOT ok right now. He rubs my back soothingly. Somehow now, unlike any other day, his touch is not as calming.
I open my eyes to look at him, and cup his face in my hands.
"I love you Frankie." I say, and pull him in for a gentle, soft closed-mouth kiss. It takes everything I have inside of me to stop the tears from spilling out of my eyes,
We pull away and Frank takes both of my hands in his. "I love you, too." He says and rubs the back of my hand with his thumb.
"You're not okay, are you?" man, this guy can read me like a book. I shake my head and look down. He stokes my hair lightly and puts his hands on my shoulders with a tight grip on them.
"Come on, Gee. We're strong enough to do it." He says, and I nod.
"Let's go straight down. I can't risk the possibility of losing you again to the bridge…" I say and he nods as we connects out hands and go on the bridge.
My eyes are filled with tears instantly. I hold them back though, we have to be strong now. I glance at Frank and his face looks as if every emotion had been just erased off of it. He looks… kind of robotic.
But then again, what do you expect when you come to a place that holds such painful memories. You cant just be all fine when you remember your failed suicide attempt, that shit fucking hurts.
I would never do it again. Right now, I really am happy that the bridge wasn't tall enough to kill us, thank god. I wouldn't have had Frank if we died.
We skip down the metal stairs and soon reach it. The place where I found Frank laying unconscious, and thought he was already dead. And also the place where I landed afterwards.
Ouch.
It really stings my chest to be here right now. We are still standing at the end of the stairs. God, I'm really not ready to go there. The ache in my chest gets stronger as we keep looking at the spot, and I tore my hand out of Franks grasp to grab my chest strongly and wince in pain.
"Does it hurt?" he asks and I nod.
"Just….. a really bad heartache…" I shake my head and he nods.
"I understand, I feel it too. It hurts…" his eyes are glossy as mine. I take a deep breath and say
"Okay, lets go." He nods, and we skip on the stones that are rising from the lake until we reach that one big rock.
The one we landed on when we jumped to our (almost) death. We sit on it pretzel style, without saying a word.
If only anybody could feel the pain I feel at the moment…
I can't hold it, I just can't hold it. I try different tactics: biting my lip strongly, wincing painfully, shutting my eyes so hard that I'm afraid my eyelids might tear, but none of it helps, and in the end the tears start spilling, a lot of them and very quickly. Everything was actually blurry because of the amount of tears that flowed out of my eyes.
I try to keep it quiet, but fail sorely. I end up pulling up my arm and covering my mouth with it so the cries would be muffled. But he hears them, I know he hears them.
Soon, an arm is wrapped around my shoulders. I look up at him with my obviously red and swollen face, to see the most painful look I'd ever seen. Frank was feeling it, he was breaking. We just look at each other for a few moments. I try to hide my sniffles and hitched breaths, but it doesn’t work.
"Let it all out Gee… don’t hide it." He says and kisses the top of my head.
That's when I break into sobs, loud and heart breaking. Frank pulls me closer to him and starts crying as well.
God, I hadn’t noticed how good it felt until now.
I wrap my arms around his torso and bury my head in his chest. He puts his other arm around me as well and holds me tightly.
"It's okay, we're fine…" I choke out sobbingly and caress his soft face.
"I know…" he whispers and pulls me on his lap, so I sit on him like a little kid. It's really soothing, in some weird way.
We keep crying and sobbing, wrapped around each other and it was really really good. Suddenly, Frank’s phone rang loudly with the ‘bullet with butterfly wings’ chorus. He sighs and pulls it out.
“It’s Mikey.” He says and answers it, with a trembling voice.
“Hello?” he says to the phone. “w-we just went for a walk…” the next thing Mikey said, I could hear through the phone because he didn’t say it, he yelled it.
“FRANK, ARE YOU CRYING?!?!? OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE ARE YOU? WHAT’S WRONG? WHERE’S GERARD?”
“Mikey, relax it’s fine. We’re… well, you know, were we ‘fell’ from the bridge…” the next thing Mikey YELLS, I also hear clearly.
“WHAT THE FUCK DUDE YOU DON’T WANT TO FALL AGAIN GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THERE. AND WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!??!”
“Mikey, relax please. We’re not on the bridge, were sitting on the rocks. And… well… can you come here? We need to talk….” I guess Mikey chills out after Frank says it, though still full of sobs and sniffles, because I don’t hear the next thing he says.
You see, when we told Mikey about what happened, we didn’t tell him that I, nor Frank, ACTUALLY attempted suicide. I think it’s time to tell him, after all, he is my baby bro and Franks best friend. He needs to know.
“Ok, no prob. Bye. Yes, we love you too Mikes, it’s fine.” He hangs up and puts his arm back to it’s place, which is around me, protecting me from the monsters of my mind.
“Mikey and Ray are coming. We need to tell him, Gerard.” He strokes my cheek affectingly.
“I know. We will.” I say, and snuggle into him with a short sob. I put my head on his shoulder and he kisses the top of my head.
“I’m glad I attempted suicide.” Frank says. I am struck with shock.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!
My head instantly shoots up.
“WHAT?!” I yell and he puts his finger on my mouth.
“sshhh, princess. I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, if I never attempted suicide I wouldn’t have had you. And now the thought of living without you kills me. You are the reason I’m still here, and that I am happy and I actually feel alive. Thank you, so much. I love you.”
With saying that, which was probably the sweetest ting I have ever heard, he grants a bone crushing hug and a sweet, romantic kiss.
“I love you.” I say, and kiss him again. “more than anything.”
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