I Lied When I Said I Was Okay (frerard)

part 13- suicide note.

Ok guys, sorry for freaking you all out with the last chapter ><
keep reading, I promise it changes. I love you all, walnuts <3

 

I don’t know how long I lay on that bridge, breaking down from the inside. I couldn’t cope with what happened, and I threw up 3 times.

I managed to calm myself down a little, but I was still hurt beyond anything I could ever imagine. After I managed to stand up, I ran down the metal stairs of the bridge with my shaky and oh so breakable legs. I still don’t really get how I managed to reach the bottom of the stairs without passing out.

I walked towards Frank, slowly and unsurely. I was still shocked; hell, I was barely breathing. As I got as close to Frank as possible, I burst into tears and fell to the ground beside him. My Frankie. My

sweet, caring, loving Frankie was gone. This can’t be real.

I grabbed him and turned him to face me. His head was bleeding, and his face lifeless. 
‘’F—FFF-Frank! Wake up!” I brush hair out of his face and caress his cheek. I grab his shirt and sob into his chest loudly, hoping that he would somehow hear me.
“WHY???!!!!! WHY, FRANK?!” I yell at him, I don’t expect to get an answer. I know I can’t anymore. I look at his face. His gorgeous face, that I wanted so bad to be mine. The most gorgeous person I knew

was now dead and gone.

I kept looking at his face and crying softly. Then, I leaned closer and pressed my lips to his. I had to. I’ll never get the chance to do it properly. His lips were soft and wet, and I couldn’t help but sob into the kiss. That was my first kiss. If you can call pecking a dead guy kissing. I kept my face pressed against his, still crying like a madman. 
“I’ll miss you…” I say as I finally pull away and reach for the note. I need to know his last words.
I picked up the white piece of paper, it was stained with tears. On the back of the note, were scribbled a few words. ‘For Gerard way.’ I put my hand up and covered my mouth, sobbing and sniffing. The note was for me. Oh my god, he dedicated his suicide note to me!

I turned it around, but barely managed to open it with my shaky hands. I started reading the note, every word stabbing my hard like a cold steel blade. A few tears fall from my eyes onto the paper, and I start reading.

‘Gerard, I’m sorry. It wasn’t because of you, there was nothing you could do. No one could have helped me. And I’m sorry, I can’t even describe how much. I loved you and Mikey more than anything in this world. I will never forget you. Perhaps, if I get to heaven, I’ll tell you why I did it. I’m sure you will, but I’m not sure I’ll get there. I don’t think I deserve to.
Stay strong Gerard. My last wish is for you to get better and not end up like me. Tell Mikey, he’ll help you.
Goodbye.

Love, Frankie.’

I fell to the ground sobbing as I finished reading the note. Probably the saddest thing I’ve ever read. Oh Frankie, why did you do it????!!!!!!

I’m sure you’ll get to heaven. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met.

I couldn’t stop crying my heart out, the pain was just too much, so I decided that it’s time to do it. Time to say goodbye and end it all.

I slowly pulled myself close to Frank and put my hands on both of his cheeks.
“Listen to me Frank. You’ll be okay. Everything will be alright, you’ll see. Goodbye Frankie.” I placed a soft kiss on his forehead and kept my face pressed to his for a few seconds. After I slowly pulled away, I got myself up and dragged my body up the stairs, sobbing and sniffing and breaking down. As I got to the top of the bridge, I walked to the end of it. To the place I stood when I saw Franks body.

I looked down once again, hoping that Frank would suddenly get up in a miraculous way. But he didn’t. I let one last river of tears escape my eyes and then I move further onto the edge. The tips of my toes are now hanging in the air. I take a deep breath. And move forward. Now, a full half of my foot is already in the air. I look up and whisper ‘goodbye’ as I start leaning forward.

But then, something happened. I saw something.

Franks eyes flickered, and he mouthed the words ‘don’t jump’ but it was too late. I already threw myself over the bridge, and was headed to the same place where Frank was.

I fell for what seemed like hours, my eyes closed and my heart aching. I knew the fall was just a few seconds long, but for me it was as long as forever. The cold wind ripped through my face and froze it. I felt my hair flying back forcibly, and it felt like someone was slightly dragging on it.

As I fell, I tried to say ‘sorry’. I don’t know if it was hearable but I had to say it.

And within a second, everything faded into darkness with a sharp sting.

_________________________________________________________________________________

White. Everything is so, so white. I try to look around, but a sharp pain flows through my chest and I groan loudly, wincing and crying in pain. I hear muffled voices. I can’t understand what they’re saying, but I’m sure there’s someone else in there too. And the smell. There’s this weird smell of some sort of detergent.

Is this heaven?
I don’t think so. Heaven doesn’t smell like detergent.

I groan loudly once again and grab my chest. Soon after that, I feel something wrap around my arm tightly and a sting. A terrible sting I always hated. The sting of a needle.

And then it hit me. I was in the hospital, I survived.
Everything fades, again as the needle is pulled out of my arm.

_________________________________________________________________________________

I wake up again, this time a little more aware to what is around me. My vision is blurry, but it gets back to normal after a few minutes. Just as I thought, I’m in a hospital bed. The walls and ceiling are painted in white.

I look under the warm blanket I was in to see that I’m topless, but my chest is covered with a huge-ass bandage that makes it a little hard for me to breathe.
I don’t remember anything. I don’t know how I got here.

But it all slowly comes back to me. Franks death. My suicide. And everything is too much again, and I start crying like a baby. I slam my head against the metal back of the bed so hard that I’m sure it was heard all over the floor.

“G-Gee? You’re awake?” I hear a voice ask and I turn my tear stained face to the right, and there, on a hospital bed was laying frank. His head was covered in bandages and he was holding a book in his hands. Both of his arms were bandaged and so were mine. Probably the cuts on my wrist still haven’t healed completely.

As soon as I saw him, my eyes widened and I was breathless because oh my god! He’s alive!

“F-Frank?” I choke out In a shaky voice and he gives me a warm smile.
“I’m here, Gee. I’m so happy you made it.” A few tears run down his face.

See? I told you everything is ok in the end, didn’t I?! :3

Thank you guys for reading, leave comments and votes and the usual shit XD
I love all of my dear walnut readers <3 please keep reading, and tell me if you want me to keep writing.