Camila didn't came home yesterday, but Dinah did, she came stumbling through the door, looking at me while I was eating my dinner, sighing deeply before she moved towards Normani's room. I guess she was right, she does come back every night no matter what.
It's been a busy morning, Ally went to school, Normani also and that left me alone with Dinah. She came out of her room looking like a wreck, she apologized to me and I shrugged my shoulders in response.
"I am not the one you should be apologizing too, I am not the one who is hurt here, you and Camila are acting like kids." I tell her and she shrugs her shoulders, taking my coffee from me and drinking it.
"I know, I just. Fuck she makes me so mad," she says frustrated I don't even know why, but it seems weird when she stares at the counter angrily but the thing that bothers me is that I see sadness in her eyes, she is not even mad or angry at Camila, she is disappointed.
"Dinah are you, are you jealous?" She laughs nervously as she runs her fingers through her hair.
"Me jealous? What for? It's her life Laur, I don't care what she does with it." Lies, she is lying and I know it, she can't fool me, nice try Dinah but it's not working with me.
"Maybe that's the thing, you're telling yourself that you don't care but you actually care more than you would like to admit."
"I can't care about her like that Laur, I basically started dating Mani a few months ago," she tells me but it all seems to fall in the right places now. The fact that I never mentioned that she likes Camila like that but she started talking about Normani and how she is dating her only proves me that she likes Camila.
"Is that why you said that Y/N was checking on you? Because she knew this?" She sighs deeply as she throws her exhausted body on the couch.
"I, well I told her four years ago," she starts but I interrupt her, "wait what? Are you serious Dinah? You like her for more than four years and you watch her as she goes from one disaster to the other?" I don't know why but I am mad at her for not telling me that she was talking to Y/N occasionally.
"It's not just that, I am always there to hug her when somebody hurts her, my arms are always wide open for her and the thing with Mani? She found out about me and Camila and she told me that I have to make her jealous, well look where that brought me? I started dating her to make Mila jealous and now I am the one who's jealous here." She explains and I want to punch myself for not noticing it.
"Found out about you two?" I ask her confused as hell.
"Well, she comes to me when she is upset and one thing leads to the other until we are laying naked next to eachother and it seems like everytime I try to say something, each time I try to speak about my feelings she fucking puts her clothes on and runs away from me." This sounds like a movie, unbelievable. We would talk more about it and I have so many questions for her but the doors of our apartment open, Camila comes inside in the same clothes she was wearing yesterday and I can see how Dinah's eyes fall to the ground, she stands up slowly and makes her way to her room.
To be completely honest I expected a different reaction from Camila but she throws her purse at the door of Dinah's room angrily. She stumbles towards the kitchen still not noticing me as she mutters, "freaking jerk, she can go lay down in Normani's arms every night but I can't go out for a dinner."
I move towards the kitchen and she stills as she sees me, her eyes search for mine like she is asking me a silent question, "did you hear that?" I nod my head and she sighs.
"What is going on with you two?" I ask her and she rolls her eyes.
"Nothing we had sex a few times and now she is with her, I try not to care you know." I shake my head in disbelief. "Had sex a few times? The last time I checked you were a virgin."
"Then you haven't checked for a very long time Lauren," she shots back, here it goes, I admit that I was a bad friend but I had no freaking choice.
"I am going to work right now and in the evening I am going to see Y/N just don't bother to come before you fix this mess. Normani told me that she's been drinking around," I tell her.
"That's her problem not mine, she's her girlfriend not me."
"Get your head out of your ass and start thinking, why would they started dating all of the sudden, why would she be jealous on Kylie. Just grow the fuck up or watch her slip away from you like I had to watch Y/N." She is silent after that, her eyes look deep in thought and there is nothing else I could say to her right now. I turn around on my heels and walk away.
Dr. Loyd's Pov:
Y/N looks exhausted today, it's unbelievable how even when she is not talking or when her eyes are not opened I can see the changes in her.
I look through the papers on the desk and move towards the doors afterwards. I walk towards the nurse to give her some instructions when I hear my name, "Dr. Loyd!" I turn around to see Dinah standing a few inches away from me.
"Dinah? What's up is Camila alright?" I see anger in her eyes when I mention the girl and she just shrugs it off.
"Can I? Can I see her please? I am going to lose my freaking mind sooner or later if I don't?" Even though I shouldn't let her in, even though I promised Lauren and Camila that I will let them go see her first I can't bare the look inside her eyes. I pull her towards the door without saying a word, as we are standing in front of the bed she gasps at the sight of her friend.
Y/N is still pretty much laying in the middle of the room surrounded with machines, it's hard to get towards her bed but we manage. Dinah is standing in front of it looking at her fragile friend, the tears slipping down her face and something in me tells me that I should give them some space. "Ten minutes Dinah, nothing more," I say as I look at her and the anger she carried for me is suddenly gone, she is grateful, her hand even searches for mine and she squeezes it gently.
Y/N's Pov:
Someone is here, I can feel it, this is not a nurse or a doctor, this is not Anna checking me, this is someone I know someone I missed for this whole month.
"You look so fragile," I hear a voice and I recognize it immediately. And you sound exhausted, I answer in my head. I wish that I could hold you Dinah, I wish that I could hug you or just squeeze your hand.
She sits down beside the bed and even though I don't see her I feel her eyes on me. "We had a fight again," she says crying now. Oh damn, what did Camila say this time?
"She went on a date with your doctor, the thing that bothers me is how happy she was about it. For a second it seemed like she forgot that you're in the hospital. I came to my senses last night, I'm letting her go completely. Your docotor is a nice woman, she makes Camila smile and I am not capable of doing that lately all I do is disappoint her. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be." She stutters out.
That's not how it is supposed to be, she freaking gave you her heart, her virginity, her everything, you were her first in a lot of things and she cares. You should have told her that you love her 4 years ago just like I told you too.
"I know you're probably thinking that I should have told her a few years ago but it's not that easy," how so? I ask her in my head and I hear a little giggle.
"I don't know Y/N, is just not. I will let her be happy, she deserves it. Just like Lauren deserves your love, come back will you? Everything is crashing down around me and I am doing the thing you hate, I am trying to drown my saddness in the alcohol." I hear the doors opening again but this person comes rushing inside like a hurricane.
"What the fuck are you doing? I thought that you were in your room, but I went inside to check on you and you're suddenly gone?" Camila yells as the door close. "Camila calm down you're not supposed to yell in here." Dr. Loyd says to calm her down but the only thing that it does is get her even more upset and mad.
"I need to speak to my friend alone Kylie, can you leave us alone please?" She asks and I hear the doors closing again, in this moment I am glad that I am not alive, Camila is basically screaming at Dinah whom is just listening without saying a word. That's not anything like Dinah and I am not the only one who noticed it, "damn it just yell at me, tell me to shut up, don't give me that broken look. What is wrong with you Dinah?" Camila screams out.
"This. This is wrong with me. I need my friend, I need her to fucking text me back, I sent her over hundred messages and I am still waiting for her to reply. I can't I can't help myself but I am blaming Lauren for this, and I am scared I am scared okay? Am I not allowed to break down and cry anymore? If you don't have anything nice to say to me aynmore just leave me the fuck alone. I don't need you to yell at me, I need you to be there for me like I was whenever something was bothering you." That was totally unexpected but it was needed. I feel bad for her though, she was texting me while I was in coma hoping that I will text her back and everything would be alright.
"I, Dinah. I care about you," she stutters out.
"You have a funny way of showing it." Dinah shots back angrily.
"I am sorry. I was just, so sad."
"That doesn't give you the permission to act like this. Fuck, I waited for you to come back every night so I could hug you and kiss you and the pain would be a little smaller but no, you had to ruin it all didn't you?"
"I don't know what are you talking about, you were the one who started dating Mani," she says her voice getting back to the normal state.
"Because I wanted you to care! It wasn't even my idea it was hers, she wanted you to be jealous. But you proved us that you don't give a flying fuck about me."
"Dinah, why would you do that? You had me at your feet. I was falling so hard," Camila stutters her voice breaking a little when Dinah interrupts her, "was? Here it goes right, look if you are here to break my heart in pieces again you can just leave. You can't break what's already been broken."
"It was never my intention to hurt you."
"But you did." Dinah shots and the room gets silent after that.
"I know that this might not mean anything but I am sorry," I hear a little voice that is followed by a deep sigh.
"Don't go out with dr. Loyd again then, let me take you out. Let me fix this mess that we're in. Let me be the shoulder to cry on when things get hard again. You don't even know how much I miss this dork and how much I need you to hold me because I am falling apart slowly. I can't watch her like this, this is not the Y/N I know Camila, this is just a shadow of that girl." I don't hear an answer I just hear a chair that moves, two deep sighs and a sound of a gentle yet passionate kiss that fills the room. Both of them giggle and I want to be happy for them but something in me breaks, the machines get wild and I can feel myself slipping away from this hospital bed.
"Y/N?" Camila yells, "Dinah get a doctor, listen to me you little dork, you're not allowed to go anywhere, do you hear me? We need you!" She yells but after that I can't hear anything anymore.
I wake up probably a few hours later but the thing is that when I open my eyes I am looking at myself from the end of the bed. I can see Lauren sitting beside my bed, she grabs my hand and even though I wanted to feel her smooth hand I felt nothing.
"You almost died again. What did I tell you daughter? You're not supposed to die yet." My father's voice rings in my ear as I find myself nodding in agreement, I don't want to die, I don't know what is happening but I am sure that I don't want to leave yet.
This is the first time in a month that I laid my eyes on her, Lauren looks so fragile, so tired broken all at once, I can see Kylie telling her something but it seems like she is not there, she is not even listening anymore, she is looking right through the doctor her head nodding in agreement to the things her mind doesn't even recive.
After a few minutes she sits down on the chair next to me, her hand intertwinig our fingers and I want to feel something so badly but I am faced with disappointment when I don't feel a thing. I walk towards her, my hand automatically reaching for her shoulder but my hand slips right through her.
I walk around the chair to face her and that's when I see it, I see her face covered with tears, I look at my body laying on the bed and I slap my cheek, wake up you bastard, wake up she needs you.
"Can you live? Can you live for me? Or for yourself, if you don't want to live for me please live for yourself. I am so utterly, madly and completely in love with you, but all that I seem to do is hurt you and I am sorry, I am so sorry that everytime we met I leave a bigger scar on your heart. Call me selfish all you want but I need you, I want you back, to hold you in my arms, to cuddle you in, to kiss your lips, I want to dance under the thousands stars, I want to take you out on a real date, I want to tell the world that you're mine, I will scream it from the top of the building if that would make it better, I need to see the love in your eyes, I have to be able to hold your hand every second of every day, there is no tomorrow for me if tomorrow has to be without you baby. On the days I can't see your eyes I don't even want to open mine, there is so much more for us outside the world I can feel it, you just have to come back to me. Can you just move a muscle? Squeeze my hand? Smile? Give me a sign that you're here because the thought of losing you is killing me slowly. I miss how you woke me up early in the morning so we could watch the sunrise together, I miss how you kissed my forehead and put your arms around me protectively. I even miss us when we were fighting because even though we were angry I could see the love shining through your eyes. Please don't ever scare me like this again okay? I won't be able to make it, who will be there to sing me a song when life will get tough, who will be there to caress my back and tell me that everything is going to be okay, who will be there to hold me, who will be there at 3 am when I will need a talk about life, our long conversations will always remain in my mind. I miss you baby, please stop being stubborn and come back to me."
I look at her and then back at me, I start shaking my body furiously, wake the hell up idiot, wake up wake up! I yell at myself but I guess I only made my situation worse, my body starts to shake in the bed furiously and I find it hard to breathe. Lauren runs out of the room to get a doctor and when she does they drag her outside and I hear Kylie say, "I am not losing you today!"