after getting really worked up and almost having an anxiety attack I calmed down and we talked more. she decided upping my dosage should be a good start.
"now hazel I have a question, when was the last time you inflicted bodily harm?"
"5 days ago."
"when was the last time you attempted suicide?"
"a couple months ago."
"when was the last time you contemplated suicide?"
"it's kind of something that's in the back of my mind a lot . it's always been an option for me and I think about it a lot ."
"I have a suggestion..."
"yes ?"
"I think it would be highly beneficial if you went into residential treatment here at the hospital."
"uh ah I'm scared. I'd miss everyone . what would Alex think ?"
"this is your choice to benefit you . Alex and I talked and he said if you think it will benefit your mental health then yes."
"when would I go?"
"tomorrow.
"I-i- think I should go."
"I think you made the right choice."
"I hope so."
"then we are all set and I will call Alex about details hazel ." she smiled
in the car ride home I was silent .
we went into the house in and the cold September air felt nice blowing through my window .
I called Max
"hey cutie" he answered
"uh hi Max."
"why so glum chum?"
"I'm going into residential treatment tomorrow." I mumble
"by choice ?" he gasps
"yeah."
"why would you do that ! how could you just leave me like that ? just gonna dip out after all the fun we've had ? am I not good enough for you ? do I not make you happy !?" he yells and cries
"no no no . I'm doing this for me." I cry
"what about me? what about us ?" he screams
"if I don't go there may never be an us or a me at the rate I'm going ! and if you can't understand I need this for my mental health then there will never be an us !" I screamed then hung up .
instantly the tears started to flow and I finally realized I loved him and that I was in love with him .
jack walked in a couple minutes later
"hey darling I heard the news." he sighed
"I wanna get better ."
"I know kid I know." he ruffled my hair
"I'm gonna miss you."
"yeah me too . I heard yelling are you okay ?"
"Max didn't take the news well." I sobbed
"then you don't need him."
"oh but I do ." I sighed
"it'll be okay kiddo" he ruffled my hair again and left .
AUTHORS NOTE ~~~~~~~~~~
sorry for the wait I've had a lot going on but sorry it's short . hopefully another update tomorrow :) love you all lots <3