So.. happy birthday, Scheherazade Pascual! And since tradition na 'to, here's her birthday ficlet. Like what I've said earlier this week, continuation ng it's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed (nandito rin 'yon sa Anthology, search for it). You must read that one first para maintindihan niyo 'to.
This one's a bit different, kasi naka second person POV and present tense. So if magulo ang ibang tenses dito, I;m very sorry. Hindi ako sanay na magsulat in present tense. Sobrang challenge sa 'kin 'tong ficlet na 'to hahaha! So enjoy!
Title from Garrett Hedlund song, Timing Is Everything. I think themesong 'to nitong ficlet hahaha
**
One year, nine months and eight days later, Andreau and his WTT parted ways.
(Everyone was thoroughly surprised about this, especially you.)
**
The ironic thing is, sa Chismis Squad mo pa nalaman ang balita.
(You're disappointed, though. Wala ka namang nakuhang information sa article. It simply said na may nagtanong daw kay WTT kung bakit hindi niya kasama si Andreau as her date in that event. Her answer? "Andreau and I already parted ways. We're still good friends and the break up is mutual." Hindi niya sinagot ang follow up questions about sa dahil ng break up nila, kung third party ba o dahil sa busy schedule ni Andreau recently.
(( tumigil ang puso mo sa third party. hindi mo kayang isipin na kayang mangaliwa ni andreau. pero si WTT? who knows? ))
Inisa-isa mo ang 350+ comments sa post na 'yon. As usual, nandun ang ever present Dreausters na todo tanggol sa idol nila (Andreau didn't cheat! Hindi siya ganon!). May ilang shippers din ang dalawa na sobrang disappointed sa break up ng OTP nila (you actually snorted at that comment. really, OTP?) Marami rin ang may sabi na ever since raw hindni nila feel na magtatagal ang dalawa, na mas deserve nila ang ibang tao.
Your favorite comment:
I've seen them together one time sa Greenbelt. Sure, they have this "I care for you" vibe. But the "I'm in love with you" vibe? None. Parang magkaibigan lang talaga ang tingin ko sa kanila ever since. Well, that's from an outsider's pov. Just saying my opinion
(( as usual, binash ng WTT Defense Squad ang anon commenter na 'yon ))
{ you hope na hindi sina kesh at mars ang nagcomment non. pero kung isa man sa kanila, sigurado kang si kesh 'yon. your roommate and soulmate has an insatiable addiction to quotation marks, after all. }
**
Tatlong araw ka na sa Miami, kasama ang Mima mo, noong pumutok ang balitang 'yon.
You're surprised (and very scared) about your mom's silence. Sure kang alam nito ang tungkol sa break up ni Andreau. Imposibleng hindi, sa araw-araw ba namang pagbabasa nito sa Chismis Squad (she even signed up to the site's newsletter for heaven's sake). You know your mom very well, spontaneous itong magtanong ng mga bagay-bagay. You didn't want to be blindsided so you practiced your answers.
I'm surprised too, Ma. Wala naman kasing nakukwento sa'kin si Andreau.
Mas okay siguro na kausapin ko siya in person. You know him, hindi mag-oopen up sa'kin 'yon kapag sa Facetime lang.
I'm sad for him! Anong klaseng kaibigan naman ako kung hindi, 'di ba? They both need time. Malay natin, sila na ulit in six months, 'di ba?
Pero kahit anong practice, anong isip mo ng mga tamang salita, hindi mo pa rin pala masasagot ang tanong ng nanay mo.
So Zade.. aamin ka na ba sa kanya pag-uwi mo ng Manila?
(That was your mom, channeling her inner Beau Perez. Ganito pala ang feeling ni Andreau sa Minutes years ago. Too bad, this is your mom, walang walkout portion 'to.)
You try to play it cool. (Tutal magaling ka naman don, 'di ba?) Aamin? Ng ano? Kanino?
Don't play dumb. Kilala mo kung sino ang tinutukoy ko.
Eh sino nga ba?
Your mom sighs. I'm not playing this game with you anymore. Four years, Scheherazade. Kaya mo pa bang magtiis?
{ akala mo nasagot mo na ang pinakamahirap na tanong sa buong buhay mo nung thesis defense mo. boy, you're so damn wrong about that one }
Ma.. hindi ako nagtitiis. Wala namang dapat tiisin ah?
Di nga? Kelan pa naging wala sa'yo si Andreau? Nung nagkagirlfriend siya?
Ma.. tama na. Please.
So wala ka talagang planong sabihin sa kanya kung anuman yang nararamdaman mo?
Wala nga akong nararamdaman para sa kanya. Kung meron man.. it's purely platonic. He's my best friend. That never changed.
That changed when you fell in love with him, Zades. And the two of you were never platonic in the first place.
(( that isthe first and last time you talked about andreau and that incident. himalang nakatagal pa kayo ng isang linggo sa miami na hindi pinag-uusapan ang kung anumang showbiz-related shit. your mom stopped browsing the chismis squad page too ))
{ instead of going back to manila, you impulsively booked tickets to los angeles and stayed there for two more weeks. wala kang pakialam kung maubos man ang ipon mo. hindi mo pa kayang umuwi ng pinas }
**
Masama ka na bang tao kung aaminin mong naging masaya ka sa break up nina Andreau for a second?
(( we can hear you answer anyway. it's a resounding y e s ))
Oo, naging masaya ka (no one could ever know about this). Masaya, kasi finally, nasaktan din si Andreau. Finally, parehas na rin kayong nasasaktan. (for different reasons though. but you get the gist so yes)
Finally, hindi ka na makakarinig ng mga kwento na puro si WTT lang ang bida. Hindi mo na makikita ang Heart Eyes Andreau na sa iba nakatingin (na hindi sa 'yo nakatingin). At last, tapos ka na ring magpanggap na okay lang sa 'yo ang lahat.
( you can't lie to yourself anymore. tama na siguro ang apat na taon na pagpapanggap, ano? )
Kung gaano kabilis kang sumaya, ganun kabilis din umatake ang hiya.
Paano mo nakayang maging masaya sa kalungkutan at sakit ni Andreau ngayon? Anong klase kang kaibigan? ( I think you're my biggest what if, zades // and the two of you were never platonic in the first place. )
Paano mong nagawang maging masaya sa paghihirap ng taong mahal mo?
{ taong mahal mo. god, you're saying words like that now huh? }
Ilang beses mong sinubukang tawagan at i-Facetime si Andreau para kamustahin ito kaso hindi mo kaya. Ilang tawag at messages nina Kesh, Roldan at Mars ang hindi mo sinagot kasi alam mong iisa lang naman ang laman non. Ilang beses mo ring pinigilan ang sarili mo na magbook ng tickets pabalik ng Manila at kausapin na si Andreau.
But you didn't do anything.
You didn't want to see Andreau crying over a girl. You didn't want to see him in pain because of a (lousy) breakup.
You didn't want to see him.
(( because you are not the reason for his sadness
it's still her.
Not you. It will never be you.
{ you start to wonder when will the pronouns change from she/her to you. kaunti na lang mapapagod ka na sa kakahintay } ))
**
One month, two weeks and three days after after your Los Angeles hiatus, bumalik ka na sa Pinas.
Kay Kesh ka sana magpapakita kaso sinaway ka niya. Ayaw kitang makita muna, okay? Deal with Andreau first. Don't be such a scaredy cat and FACE HIM.
You reply. Pwedeng ikaw muna ang makita ko? I'm dying to see you again!
Really Zades? Alam kong magtatanong ka lang din about kay Andreau. Why not see him for yourself?
( haha. Keisha Manzano dropping truth bombs since the day you met her )
Natigilan ka nang sabihin ni Kesh sa'yo kung saan mo makikita si Andreau.
Sa Café Feliz.
(then she tells you na binili ni Andreau 'yon three months ago, a month before the breakup. Then you wonder, dahil ba don kaya sila nagbreak?
{ matatawa ka na lang. pero sana.. }
Sa Café Feliz ka kaagad dumiretso pagkauwi mo ng Pilipinas. Pagod ka na, may jet lag pero hindi mo na kayang tiisin pa na hindi makita si Andreau. Pinaulit-ulit mo pa ang speech na pinractice mo para sa kanya. Simple lang naman 'yon, the basic hi how are you? Kamusta? Speech. Saglit mo lang siyang kakausapin tapos aalis ka na, with your excuse na shit sorry I'm jetlagged see you soon?
He immediately spots you the moment you enter the café. You stare back at him completely speechless. He looks three years older now, and you wonder how you look to him.
He smiles at you, but not like that mysterious smile he'd gave you years ago. "Venti na caramel macchiato with six shots of espresso ba, miss?"
"Y-yeah. Just like the old times."
The two of you laugh. (the old times, huh?)
{ he turns around to make your drink. And that's the time you notice your knees are shaking. }
*
Hindi naging madali para sa inyong dalawa na ibalik ang just like the old times.
You changed. He changed.
( way more than you expected. It's like you are strangers to each other. }
Nagkikita kayo kasama ang ibang kaibigan, pero iba na ang atmosphere. Mas naging tahimik si Andreau, nabawasan ang pagngiti niya at sumasagot lang kapag kinakausap. You tried your best to be the Zade they met years ago, pero after few gatherings later, hindi mo na kinayang magpanggap at nilabas mon a alng Zade 2.0 mo.
That's when Andreau started to change around you, too. He noticed your new drinking habits with that disapproving look, of course. (You drink like a frat boy now, Zades.)
Hinay hinay ka nga dyan, you heard him say during Mars' birthday. Halos ikaw na kasi magbantay ng mobile bar at kaunti na lang lasing ka na. You don't drink like this before.
Tinawanan mo lang siya sabay abot sa kanya ng bagong shot glass. You were too drunk to say anything, anyway. Mas okay pa na lasing din si Andreau.. pero lalayo ka sa kanya.
( at that time, you wanted to tell him Yeah. Because I was in New York and you weren't there. Kaya nga ako naging ganito eh, partly because of you. )
(( he doesn't and will never know about that. ))
{ that is his blessing and your curse. }
**
One year, three months, twelve days after you came back to the Philippines (or approximately one year and six months since Andreau and his ex-WTT broke up), a news startled all of you.
Nagpakasal na si ex-WTT at ang bagong boyfriend nito sa Paris.
Lahat kayo (lalo ka na, malamang) ay nag-alala sa magiging reaction ni Andreau. He didn't say anything about it at first. Nagawa pa nga niyang sumipot sa birthday dinner ni Marisse at kumanta pa sa karaoke.
(Napansin mong hindi siya uminom ng kahit anong alcoholic drinks. Ah avoiding the in vino veritas.)
Ikaw ang pinakahuli niyang hinatid pauwi after ng birthday dinner. You are so nervous all throughout your drive back to your place. Masakit na nga sa 'yong makita na nasasaktan si Andreau in his own way (read: ignoring the problem and pretending everything's fine) pero ang marinig mo ang feelings nito over that matter?
You'r'e not ready for that.
Pababa ka na ng sasakyan niya nang bigla siyang magsalita.
"Good for her.. for them, actually," he says in a sad voice. "I couldn't make her happy anyway. They're both lucky to have each other now. That's all that matters, right?"
( you don't say anything. You just nod. )
**
Of course, you're Zade Pascual. Dakilang curious ka sa lahat ng bagay. You hate not knowing everything.
Pero kating-kati kang malaman ang dahilan kung bakit nagbreak sina Andreau at ex-WTT.
Ilang beses mo nang sinubukan tanungin si Andreau about that. It was like he was giving you a chance to ask him a few times. Pero nauunahan ka lagi ng takot. As much as you want to know the truth, may maliit na parte sa puso mo na umaayaw. Why rehash the past, right?
(come on, ayaw mo lang talaga masaktan, 'di ba? Wag ka na ngang magsinungaling dyan.)
Hindi ka rin nakatiis. Imbis na si Andreau ang tinanong mo, pumunta ka kay Mars.
Ayaw pa niyang sumagot nung una, pero naawa siya sa 'yo.
Want to know the truth? Actually nung una ayaw niyang sabihin sa'min kung bakit eh. He was just.. sad. Nakabreak siya nun from projects kaya naging busy siya sa Café Feliz. She didn't want him to buy that café, may gusto ata siyang ibang investment at ayaw ni Andreau non so.. they fought about it.
You think it wasn't a big deal, but Mars added something.
He was happy with her you know? Sabi ko nga sa 'yo dati 'di ba, yung tingin niya kay girl tulad din nung tingin niya sa 'yo dati. But.. that didn't last. After you left.. it.. kinda faded away? After nilang magbreak, he told me na masaya naman siya with ategirl.. but. Not that happy. Gets mo ba? Masaya siya pero.. may kulang daw. Apparently ganun din pala ang feeling ni Ate kaya mutual yung breakup.
And lastly,
Ang saklap ano? Magkarelasyon kayo pero hindi kayo ganung kasaya. One of the saddest feelings ever.
{ saddest feelings ba kamo? Expert ka na ata don ah. }
**
You date. Of course you do.
( Narindi ka na sa pangungulit nina Mars at Kesh at gusto mo na lang manahimik. Si Andreau? He didn't say anything. )
There were few guys who weren't serious, and a copuple of guys who coud have been, and maybe one or two who almost were. They were great, so so great that you saw a potential. But.. you found faults with each of them, eventually diminishing every chance of a something.
(The truth? They smiled too much, laughed a bit louder than you want, stared not long enough. They couldn't make you laugh and cry and..
Who are you kidding, anyway? You keep comparing them to him.)
((moment of epiphany: there's no one who could make you feel that way.. ever. only him.))
{ and that's your biggest curse.
**
Andreau never dated anyone again.
{end of thought. Ayaw mo nang mag-isip pa ng kung ano.}
**
Two years after you came back, nagulat ka na lang na biglang bumalik kayo sa normal ni Andreau.
( tumalab ang kung anumang ginawang black magic nina kesh at mars. )
The just like the old times came back naturally. Parang bumalik sila sa college. Halos araw-araw silang magkasama, lalo na sa Café Feliz. (hello, bumalik ka pa nga sa pagiging barista, 'di ba?) Lahat ng namiss mo about sa inyong dalawa, the conversations, the laughter, the silliness.. bumalik lahat. Tuwang-tuwa naman ang mga kaibigan niyo sa development niyong dalawa. Bumalik na rin ang dating Andreau na kilala niyo: nakikisali at nakikiasar, tumatawa.. at.. masaya.
As expected, Chismis Squad sparked the rumor mill again. Sunud-sunod na blind items at articles tungkol sa relationship niyo ang lumabas, na mas malala pa ngayon dahil ikaw ang tinuturong dahilan ng breakup nina Andreau years ago. Wala na kayong ginawa sa rumors. Masyado na kayong matanda para patulan pa ang mga balitang walang katuturan at walang sense.
Dumating ang Charity Ball and to everyone's surprise, hindi ka inaya ni Andreau na maging date nito. (Hindi niyo pinag-usapan 'yon. Sadyang hindi ka niya tinanong at wala ka ring planong sumagot ng oo.) Chismis Squad made a long article about this, full with some speculations about your relationship. Kesyo break na raw kayo, kesyo front lang kayong dalawa dahil hindi pa nakakamove on si Andreau kay ex-WTT... the bullshit things na paulit-ulit na lang. (umay na umay ka na. wala na ba silang maibalitang iba?)
Your mom messaged you two days after the Chismis Squad article got out.
Okay na ba kayo ni Andreau? Nasabi mo na ba?
You seenzoned her that night.
**
Albert Einstein said something about this, a punchline of all sorts -- doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Oh.. that wasn't a punchline, was it?
That's insanity.
**
Then the moment arrives. Nasa sofa kayong dalawa, nanonood ng Star Wars (na finally natripan mo na rin), umiinom ng rum coke (yours) at scotch (his) nang marealize mong gusto mo nang umamin sa kanya.
( timing is such a bitch )
Maybe it's the alcohol, or maybe it's the fact that it's 2:30 in the morning or maybe because it's Andreau, and the cliche of him being your "what could have been" or maybe it's because you are his "what if".
He's in the middle of explaining some Star Wars shit when you grab this shirt and kiss him
He angles his head and deepens the kiss, and you just let it go on because you know that the moment you (he) lets it end means reality will set in again, means both of you will still be just friends or whatever in betwee), that the two of you are just drunk, confused (and yes, lonely), that he was just going through some long overdue aftershocks of a failed relationship, and that you don't know how to let him go.
{ this is a curse for the both of you. there's no blessing in this }
He pulls away and you don't say anything, just leans his forehead against yours and tries to catch his breath.
(yan ang gusto mo 'di ba? he's already in your space. you can tell him you love hi--
then you catch a whiff of the expensive scotch from his mouth and the spell breaks.
(( life's such a bitch. kailan ka pa ba matututo? )) )
You gather every ounce of your strength to pull away, and he moves, sinking back to the sofa. Neither of you say anything.
(you keep on rubbing your lips, though. as if that will erase his taste off your mouth)
You find him the next day in the kitchen, cooking your favorite French toast and making your coffee. he smiles at you as he hands you the coffee mug. you look into his eyes and you see no traces of what happened last night.
Your heart breaks.
You badly want to laugh right there. akala mo something na yung kagabi pero naaah.. alcohol made you do it. nothing more
(( you settle for that because it's easier to blame the alcohol than to tell the truth. ))
{ you are such a fucking coward, scheherazade pascual }
**
Ang problema, alam mo kung ano ang sasabihin sa'yo ni Kesh. Kilalang-kilala ka kasi niya, kayong lahat.
You could picture it in your head clearly– Kesh staring at you behind these dramatic sunglasses,Zades, in that psychologist voice that irked her since day 3 (her i'm not giving you an advice but yeah it sounds like one tone). Sigurado ka bang okay lang kayo ni Andreau? Ayoko sanang makialam pero.. I don'think that's a good idea.
Pipigian mong matawa. Totoo nga, nagiging ironic nga ang mga bagay kapag lumilipas na ang panahon.
Dati: Bakit ayaw mong bigyan kayo ng chance.
Mas dati pa: Kayo ni Andreau? Goodluck, girl. Patay ka sa Dreausters niya!
Sana pala tumigil ka na lang dun sa mas dati pa. siguro hindi ganyan ang nararamdaman mong sakit ngayon.
**
Two weeks after the kiss, nagising ka na sobrang pagod. Hindi dahil sa trabaho o kung anuman.
Kundi pagod na sa kanya. Sa inyo.
You realize things.
The last five (or maybe six? Or ten? You lost count, too.) years haven't precisely been health for you, emotionally speaking.
Because you're tired and you're done pretending and lying and you wished you weren't in love with Andreau Cortez but in the darkest part of your mind you know you're damned to him.
You've always been damned.
( But you can't just flip a switch, can you? You wish you can. It will make your life so much easier. )
**
A blessing arrived days later, though.
Your former employer offered you a new and high paying permanent position in their magazine.
Kailangan mo nga lang bumalik sa New York for good para makuha ang trabaho.
Kahit hindi mo pa natatapos basahin ang e-mail ng dati mong boss, nagreply ka ng Yes. I'll be there ASAP.
**
This time, mas engrande ang despedida party mo ngayon. Hindi ka na raw kasi babalik kaya sinagad na nilang lahat.
Mixed emotions ang mga kabarkada mo sa desisyon mo. As usual, si Kesh ang may pinakamaraming tanong dahil something happened between the two of you, ano? Can you please tell me!? Hoy Zades ano ba what's happening! Supportive as always si Mars at si Roldan.. sakto lang. Iisa lang naman ang gist ng mga reaction nila: dahil ba 'to kay Andreau?
Speaking of, hindi ka na nagulat na wala siya sa despedida mo. Mars asked him to come pero busy daw ito with some directorial project na hindi kayo aware. Mas okay na sa 'yo na wala siya. Mas madali.
(and one more advantage: hindi ka na makakarinig pa ng drunken confessions like I think you're my what if)
**
The unthinkable happened a day before your flight.
He texted you, asking if he could give you a ride to the airport. Ayaw mo pa sanang pumayag kaso huling beses na 'to eh, tatanggi ka pa ba?
Dumating siya sa apartment mo saktong 8AM. The curt smile on his lips greets you and your stomach lurches in dread. Hindi mo napagplanuhan 'to nang maayos. Sana pala tumawag ka na lang ng Uber, at least hindi ka masasaktan non.
Tahimik lang kayong dalawa sa byahe. Savoring the last few minutes, maybe? Ang dami mo sanang gustong sabihin sa kanya kaso ayaw mo namang bumyahe na mugto ang mga mata. Iniiwasan din niyang tignan ka, at nagkukunwari siya na wala ka sa tabi niya.
(You commend Andreau Cortez and his coping mechanisms, though. He's the king of everything bottled up.)
Silently, you watch him as he grabs your luggages from the trunk of his car. Pinipigilan mong umiyak. This is so tad domestic na naiinis ka dahil hanggang dito na lang 'to. You're leaving him for good.
"Zades?" you hear him say in that uncertain voice. "You want me to help you with these?"
You shake your head. Hindi mo na kaya pa ang sakit at lungkot na nararamdaman mo. It hurts even more to see him fighting his feelings kahit ito na ang huli niyong pagkikita. You look at him with tear eyes, and before he can say anything, you finally break your resolve for the last time.
You kiss him, slow and soft in the exact way you pictured it so many times years ago, and just pull away and let the moment linger in the air. Your hand moves down to pat his chest, and he swallows hard.
"Tanda mo pa ba yung sinabi mo sa 'kin dati? Nung bago ako pumunta ng New York? You.. told me that I'm your biggest what if," you say, the words coming our halting, and his eyes widen. "Ilang taon kong dinala 'yon, actually hanggang ngayon naman eh. Ilang beses ko rin na sinabi sa sarili ko na ay baka kaya mo lang nasabi 'yon kasi lasing ka o dahil mamimiss mo ako.. or something. But.. being with you in all these years.. lagi kong nararamdaman na totoo 'yon, na meron ka talagang nararamdaman para sa'kin. Kahit ano man yan, meron kang nararamdaman. Yet you didn't do anything. Ako rin naman eh. I was in this limbo with you for the longest time. Our friends even gave up on us. Sabi nga ni Kesh, we're a lost cause. Ang dami nating pinalagpas na pagkakataon, Andreau. I spent three-fourths of my life loving you and all I got was this.. I cannot even call this us. Call us a thing, something.
"I cannot do this anymore, Andreau. I tried. I really realy do. But really, how many times do I have to try before I can finally count it as enough?" you laugh bitterly, avoiding his eyes. Andreau just stares at you with those big black eyes of his (and they slowly b r e a k you into pieces). "We're so complicated since day one.. but I still love you, anyway."
You hug him for the last time and finally, after years of pining over him, you walk away.
(of course, you cry.)
{ what the people around you think? aah.. that's a touching goodbye kiss. what a beautiful couple!
what you think: i'm so sorry, andreau.
what andreau thinks: ?????? }
**
After years of circling around and all those hidden fucked up emotions, the ellipsis of your love story ends with a full stop.
{ ending your story is easier said than done, isn't it? }
**
The thing is, you can always add a next paragraph, or a next chapter, or even make a series of books because your story didn't simply end there.
(Love stories as epic as yours and his don't end with a full stop. You both deserve much more than that.)
The next chapter of your book will look like this
(spoiler alert: this happens. of course, you're zade and andreau. who's gonna stop you now?)
:
You're in the middle of unpacking and decorating your flat when you heard the annoying buzz of your doorbell all over your place.
(kakarating mo pa lang sa New York a day ago at hindi ka nag-eexpect ng bisita. kung meron man, wala kang planong kausapin 'yon. you somehow deserve to grieve, right?)
For some reason, hindi ka nainis at pumunta ka sa pinto para silipin kung sino 'yon. You secrety hope na pizza delivery guy lang 'yon na nagkamalli ng pinuntahang flat.
But when you open the door, you realize something.
It wasn't always like in the movies Andreau made you watch years ago. Hindi mo na kailangan ng boombox at ulan, kumanra ng Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You sa field o mangharana habang nasa loob ng eroplanoo. Sometimes, it's just someone standing in front of your door because.. you somehow know he will be there. (he will follow you there, anywhere)
(( okay, maybe you are lying a bit. ilang beses na nangyari 'yan sa movies pero this time, reality is way much better than fiction, right? ))
"Hey," he says, straing at you with those almost bloodshot eyes. You are more surprised to see him wearing the same clothes he had on when you last saw each other. Pagod na pagod siya pero nakangiti siya.
God you missed that bright smile on his face.
(his special smile for you)
"Hey," you echo back, unsure of what to say next. Kung anu-ano na ang gumagala sa utak mo, all sorts of positive and negative, and y--
"We just saw each other yesterday--"
"Two days ago, actually."
"Oh right. Two days ago. And.. you said that you love me."
Your heart pounded wildly inside your chest. Akala mo inaatake ka na sa puso. "Y-yeah. That I did.
"But you left me before I could say something."
You do everything to calm yourself in front of him, but deep inside unti-unti ka nang namamatay. You aren't expecting this to happen. Tinapos mo na 'to sa Pinas, 'di ba? You didn't sign up for a next installation here in New York.
"Oh. Really?"
He nods slowly. "Yes. Kaya ako nandito.. para sabihin sa 'yo, ipaalam sa 'yo na.."
"Na?" (shit, ano nga ulit ang speed dial number mo for 911?)
"You're not my what if, Zades. You never were."
"Huh."
Andreau takes a step forward and you let him consume your personal space.
"You are my rock. My constant," he wipes the tears that you don't even feel off your face. "Just so you know, I'm in love with you for almost three-fourths of my life, too. You're everything I didn't know I needed. I won't forgive myself it yo--"
You cut off his speech with a kiss. You don't need his explanation before. You're happy. He's here. He's finally here. With you.
He chooses you this time.
And he loves you, too.
( well.. you might need his words.. maybe much later?
Andreau breaks away from your kiss, laughing. You stare up at him in confusion. You just kissed him and all you got was a laugh?
"I'm sorry," he apologizes pero natatawa pa rin siya. You punch him on the arm. "Ineexpect ko kasi na itataboy mo ako. Kanina ko pa iniisip kung anong gagawin ko pag nangyari yon. I only have my phone and wallet with me so..."
"For the record," you interject, cheeks hurting from smiling widely. "I love you, too."
Before he can ever say more stupid shit,, you grabe his collar and soul kissed him.
(That kiss seals the deal. Neither of you will run away from now on.)
{After all, whats the point of you running away when all roads lead back to him?}