A/N
Guys... I'm sorry, okay?! I didn't mean to break your feels (well... I say that...) Long story short, I'm sorry and I hope I make up for it in this chapter...
Also... I'm gonna be adding media to chapters from here on out, be it songs or pictures... And it'll probably just break you more... Sorry D'x
(why do I do this to you guys... As well as myself)
Enjoy the chapter ^^
Peace out, my lovely peeps!XxX
------------------------------------------------------------------------
RIN'S P.O.V
I was having a great sleep. Nice and peaceful for probably the first time since I became a damn ghoul. However, that much appreciated serenity is soon shattered not by the call of the morning. More like the feeling of one of my ribs snapping in half. The second the agony splinters through my torso, I awaken with a pained yelp, jumping out of sleep in a matter of seconds so that I'm able to figure out what the hell is attacking me whilst I'm trying to catch up on needed rest.
However, I find myself extremely shocked when I notice that I'm still in my bed, clamped in Kaneki's arms, though his grip on me is so tight, I can barely breathe, my torso aching terribly. Shit... He must be having a nightmare! This notion is only confirmed when he whimpers again, increasing the clamp that his arms have on me until I feel yet another one of my ribs crack, encouraging a second cry of agony to tear from me. I have to wake him up; if I don't, who knows how many of my freaking ribs he's gonna break?
"K-Kaneki. You gotta... You gotta wake up!" I hiss between my gritted teeth, trying to push down the pain so that I can pull my boyfriend out of the vice-like clutches that his nightmare clearly has on him, a terrified scream suddenly ripping from him so that it can tear through the silence that was previously filled with his echoed pants. Hearing him like this is enough to break me; he sounds so afraid and alone. He's in agony. "Kaneki! It's not real! Wake up!" I yell a little louder over his wails of fear, though it hurts immensely to do so, my broken ribs complaining as I do. Well what other choice do I have? I need to wake Kaneki up before this nightmare completely consumes his mind!
Just when I think I'm gonna need to sit up and physically shake him awake, I hear a sudden hitched breath rip through the air behind me, Kaneki's arms releasing me instantly as he bolts upright. However, he soon slams his back against the wall that our bed's pressed up against, his breaths being pulled into his lungs in thick shrieks that signal hyperventilation. Partnered with the way his hands are viciously shaking, I can only guess that he's having a panic attack, his eyes staring blankly ahead as if there's something horrifying awaiting him on the floor.
With panic filling me, I crawl over to him, ever so gently wrapping an arm around his shoulder so that I can hold him against me, his entire body quivering whilst he refuses to look away from that one spot on the ground, not even noticing that I'm cradling him as softly as I can. "It's alright, Kaneki. It was just a nightmare. It wasn't real," I whisper gently into his ear, though it makes no difference; he's still unresponsive, his trembling never ebbing whilst he continues to suck in breaths at an alarming rate. I have no idea what to do. What the fuck do I do?! He's freaking out and I can't stop it!
"I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. I-I couldn't choose. I didn't mean to," Kaneki starts whimpering from under my arm, his shaking starting to get even more vicious to the point where I'm scared that he's having a fit or something. I can't just sit around and do nothing! I have to get help!
"Y-YUKIO!" I cry out as loud as my lungs will permit, though I have to stop for a few seconds to catch my breath when the ache from my ribs slams down on me hard. But it's not exactly like I should be caring about myself right now when Kaneki's sat here, tucked under my arm, probably bordering on a freaking seizure!
Thank God I can trust my brother to always show up when I call him, a frantic Yukio bursting into the room with an alert look in his widened eyes, which quickly fall upon me and Kaneki, who won't stop twitching in my hold, mumbling incoherent words under his breath, some of them causing him to randomly burst into tears, which just forces his emotional turmoil to hurtle further out of control.
"What happened?!" Yukio exclaims, darting over to the two of us and seating himself down next to a panicked Kaneki, placing his fingertips to Kaneki's neck with a focused frown, my pulse going absolutely crazy whilst tears prickle at the corners of my eyes. I'm so scared; I've never seen Kaneki act like this before. And it's terrifying. "His pulse is through the roof," Yukio states in a much calmer tone, sliding his hand under the blanket of ivory that Kaneki's hair forms over his forehead, his teeth catching his bottom lip when he pulls his palm away. "And his temperature too. What induced this panic attack?" My brother questions, trying to look me in the eye, though I'm too busy whispering soothing words to my broken boyfriend to pay him any attention. Even still, I managed to catch his question, my eyes only flickering to him for a brief moment before I turn my gaze back to Kaneki.
"A nightmare. I dunno what happened. I... I don't think I want to know," I murmur solemnly, giving Kaneki's shoulders a gentle squeeze as a tear finally leaks from the corner of my eye. I'm so desperate to cuddle up to him. To kiss his cheek whilst repeating over and over that I'm here and everything's gonna be fine. But with Yukio here, I can't exactly do that, so I just pull him closer and continue to whisper assuring words into his ear.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-I'm s-sorry," Kaneki murmurs on repeat, clutching a shaking fist to his chest as he curls up to me, allowing a loud sob to catch in his throat before he begins wailing, sorrowful tears streaming from his eyes as he weeps into me, shattering me internally. What the hell was so bad that it's done this to him?
"Shh... It's okay, Kaneki. I've got you. You're okay," I say in a gentle tone, rubbing his shoulders whilst I work my thumb into his back, though I keep the motion soft so that it's just enough to calm him down. And, though I don't expect it to work, his trembling suddenly starts to fade, the grip that his hands have on me lessening a little as he pulls away, eyes wide with either fear or relief.
"R-Rin?" He whimpers, another tear tumbling from the corner of his eye as he just stares at me, as if he can't believe that I'm really here in the first place, his bottom lip quivering for a few seconds before he practically dives onto me, letting out a choked wail as he clings to me. Encompassing his fragile form in both of my arms, I hold him close, hushing him whilst giving Yukio silent permission to leave, a crooked smile catching on his lips as he stands. I think he knows that I've got this now that Kaneki's come out of his little freak-out session.
The second Yukio shuts the door behind him, I distance myself from Kaneki a little, staring into his swirling, silver irises that shimmer with tears, his teeth gripped onto his bottom lip to stop it from trembling as it was just a few moments ago.
"What happened, Kaneki?" I inquire, using as small a voice as possible so that I don't trigger another panic attack, his watery eyes flickering down whilst he sniffs, clearly unable to get over whatever he saw in his dream. Respecting that he doesn't want to talk about it, I hold him close to me, tugging him into an embrace that he quickly accepts, his arms lacing around me as he just cries into my bare chest.
"I... I had a nightmare. And what happened in it... It was like when... Like when I was... T-Tortured," Kaneki chokes out, my blood suddenly running as cold as ice the second I repeat those words over in my head. Tortured?! Kaneki was... He was tortured?! But... But why the hell would anyone do that to him?! Who the fuck would ever want to hurt him?!
"You were tortured?" Is all I can say, unable to look him in the eye or even speak without making the tears that slip from my eyes extremely evident, though my voice still manages to waver with the pain that's filling it. I just can't imagine why anybody would want to do that to him. Why they'd to that to my Kaneki? Feebly nodding against me, he clings to me tighter, gasping in a sob as he snuggles his features into my chest, as if it'll help him forget about the memory if he reminds himself of the present enough. So I help him, rubbing his shoulders with a soft motion, planting a kiss in his hair.
"Y-You didn't really think my hair was naturally white, did you? And my nails... How many people do you know with black nails that haven't been painted?" Kaneki whimpers, pulling away from me a little so that he can lock gazes with me, his kakugan glowing through the darkness that shrouds us. I don't know what I thought in all honesty. I guess I just never payed it any mind.
"If you wanted to call me a dummy, you could've just said it," I mutter with a wonky smile, Kaneki breathing a chuckle that's quickly followed by a sniff, his lips hesitantly pressing against my own, stopping me from watching a single crystal bead race over his cheek, which I cup in my hand to pull him closer to me, deepening our kiss. I swear to God, he gives me the scares of my life sometimes. I guess it keeps me on my toes though.
"I... I was so scared it was real. I thought I was back there, Rin. It... It was awful," Kaneki explains when we pull out again, his fingers nervously fumbling with the fabric of the covers as he nibbles on his bottom lip, which I lightly pepper with my own for a brief second, my palm cradling his shoulder.
"Well it wasn't real. You really think I'd ever let something like that happen to you?" I ask, even though it comes out as more of a statement than anything, a crooked smirk slipping onto Kaneki's lips as he looks upon me from under his eyelashes. "I may be a dummy, but I'm not completely useless," I joke, encouraging a small giggle from Kaneki that lifts my spirits a little. At least he's starting to feel a bit better.
"I think that's debatable," Kaneki then chuckles, causing my eyes to widen before they settle into a mocking glare, only making Kaneki to laugh more, his finger jabbing into my chest for a second before he spontaneously tackle-hugs me, nuzzling his nose into my neck with a light giggle. "I'm only joking," he whispers, a small smile tugging on my mouth as I stroke his hair with my palm, my other pressed against my stomach due to the aching ribs that are currently crying for relief; with Kaneki pretty much on top of me, I'm in a shitload of pain. Broken bones usually take a little more time to heal, though it's only by a few extra minutes.
Even still, Kaneki notices the way that I'm wincing and pulls out, a small pout resting on his features. "What's wrong?" He questions, sitting himself up so that he's merely straddling me, his butt (which is only clothed in his boxers) resting on my lower abdomen, dangerously close to my crotch. I think his tackle-hug just got a lot more suggestive... At least in my head. Damn... His pervertedness is rubbing off on me!
"Nothing," I lie, though I know that Kaneki's figured out I'm not telling the truth from the second he takes a look at my torso, instantly able to see the bruises that have formed around the ribs that he broke, the violet splotches extremely evident in the dark since my skin's so damn pale.
"I did that?" He asks numbly, unable to look me in the eye as he bites down on his lip, crawling off of me so that he can tuck himself under the covers, shyly tugging them up to his eyes so that all that pokes out is his guilty gaze and wild, white hair. "I'm sorry, Rin. I didn't mean to hurt you," he whimpers, my eyes rolling themselves before I clamber under the shell of warmth that the covers create, my arms wrapping around him and hugging him close to me, the ache that my ribs send across my torso making me wince a little. But I can deal.
"I'm not hurt. But you need sleep. Don't worry about a thing; I'm never gonna let anyone touch you, alright? You're not gonna go back to that place, so don't worry. I'll be right here the whole time," I murmur, cradling him softly as he gently nods, my lips pressing into his hair before I curl myself up, resting my features in his neck. "I promise you, Kaneki. Nobody will ever hurt you again."