Chapter 9
"You are strange my friend." I state.
"Why?" Blake asked.
"Because, you said you'd pick me up after my shift and we'd go out to dinner." I told him as he was driving us to his place.
"I did, just not in that order. I came to the diner after your shift, we ate dinner and now you have a ride." He said with a big smile.
"You said going out to dinner, not to eat at the diner. The food is...nasty. I eat there only, and honestly only if I have to." I told him.
"I know but I was hungry." He said while I shook my head and laughed.
My parents picked up my car this morning so that once my dad was done work tonight he could change the oil and also check other things. In the morning, I just had to go and pick it up. I asked Blake if he wanted to hang out and he said yes.
I had seen Blake twice since our ‘first’ conversation. He was actually funny and could make me laugh. I was proud of myself, still no sex, just trying to get to know him and I was surprised he hadn't pushed the subject. He gave me the impression that he wanted to know me as well, which was kind of strange for a guy.
I was starting to feel comfortable with him and I liked it. I hadn't lied to him which was different. Being honest wasn’t something I was use to except sometimes with my immediate family. When I didn't want to answer something, I'd say so and he'd change the subject or ask me something else.
"You owe me a beer for that…to get that taste out of my mouth." I said, just thinking about my dinner made me feel sick.
Also, it didn’t help that my co-workers had been staring our way the whole time we were there. I was starting to think Blake liked to see what really bugged me and what didn’t.
"A beer eh?" He asked.
"Yeah, a big one." I said looking out the window.
He was so quiet for a minute and I looked at him. The look I knew very well splashed across his face.
"Get your mind out of the gutter." I said with half a smile.
"Hey, you're the one who said 'mouth' and a 'big one', not me." He said with a big smile.
"Hum..." That would be great, the physical touch, the closeness, his hands touching every inch of my body, the urgency to be closer, his lips on me...my lips on him…
"Who's mind is in the gutter now?" He asked.
I looked at him and he still had a huge smile on his face.
Busted, I thought to myself.
"There's nothing wrong with thinking. Thinking can be quite good, great at times." I said.
"Yeah...um... We need to change the subject or else I'm just going to start speeding to get you to my place and do...a lot of dirty things to you. To keep the no sex rule, we need to change the subject right now." He said.
I smiled at that.
I was having some difficulties with that rule myself, every time I saw him, I checked him out. My eyes were glued to his body...his butt…his back…his shoulders...his arms...his hands...his chest…his face...even his legs and feet. I could undress him with my eyes. I had seen his naked body so many times I knew how amazing everything looked under his clothes. The worst, he knew I was doing it and I could tell he was doing the same thing right back to me.
I wasn't used to being around him without having sex. It was just what we did but now knowing him more personally, it was very different. I was starting to care and actually think about him when I wasn't with him. That never happened before. We'd have sex and once he'd fallen asleep, I'd leave. If I'd fall asleep, I'd leave first thing when I woke up. I didn't care…I just used him and then leave. I'd come back when I wanted him and do the same thing over and over again.
"Do you think that being alone at my place, we can behave?" He asked.
I bit my lip, to be honest with myself, I didn't know.
Emily said no sex…fooling around wouldn’t be breaking any rule and there would still be talking…just not the kind she wants us to have.
"I can actually picture the little hamster running on the wheel in that head of yours." He said.
Losing my train of thought, "What? …Hamster?"
"Yeah, you're thinking real hard. What's up?" He asked.
"It's nothing... We'll be fine. I still have my pepper spray." I said with a big smile.
"That's scary please never use that on me... I remember seeing a show on TV, this dude got sprayed and it looks... very painful." He said.
"Don't worry tough guy. For the moment you're safe with me." I said.
"For the moment?" He asked, looking at me.
I laughed, "Yeah."
"So two adults...you and me...no sex... sure you can do that?" He asked.
"Oh course, why not?"
"Well we are talking about you. I have control over myself but you..."
"But me what? I don't?" I asked a bit insulted.
"I'm learning that you like control. You control everything you can and sometimes without the other person knowing. You push away things and people so that you won't feel. You do the same with sex. You always needed to be in full control, which don't get me wrong, that's just sexy as hell. I realized after awhile you let me take over, you let me have some control. You always make the first move because," He said laughing a bit, "I know better than to do it. I don't want to be someone you need to push away, even if you've done it a million times. I love that you let me have some control because it tells me that you're starting to trust me…even if it's just a little bit." He said with a big grin on his face.
I knew he was right, I tried my hardest to control everything around me, even when it never worked. Pushing people away was my specialty. At the same time it made me wonder, how could he see that so clearly after only having a few conversations?
"How did you do that?" I asked.
"Do what?"
"What you just said, how did you come to that conclusion?" I asked.
He turned his face off the road for one second only to say, "I pay attention."
Once his eyes were back on the road he said, "But a better question would be… Can you do the same? Sometimes pushing people away makes you oblivious to others and their lives."
"I probably can't do the same but you have an advantage...my father." I said.
"True."
"For tonight, I think we'll be fine. I'll take the couch." I told him.
"The couch?"
"Yeah," I said laughing, "I'm not sure if I trust myself with you alone in a bed. It's asking for trouble."
He was silent for a minutes when he decided to respond, "True." he said with a smile not even looking at me.
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When we finally got into his apartment, I was tired except all I could think about was everything and anything but sleep.
"Are you thirsty?" He asked walking towards the kitchen.
The way his butt moved in his jeans was enough to drive me crazy.
"Yeah." I said.
Most people think men are more dirty minded than women. I don't agree, but that's just me. I could think of sex 24 hours a day and not get bored, if men were dirtier than that...
"What do you want?" He yelled from his kitchen.
"Um...you." I said, mostly to myself but I knew he heard me really well when I heard him chuckle.
"Same here, but what do you want to drink." He said back, this time looking right at me.
"Anything." I answered, not really caring.
"I can make coffee."
Just the thought grossed me out. "Anything but that... Water's good." I said.
A minute later he was back with a glass of water and a glass of orange juice.
"You're like a kid." I said trying not to laugh.
"O.J. is good for you. Healthy... Why don't you like coffee?" He asked.
"What makes you think that?"
"You either refuse it or take a sip and you’re done with it. It's not hard to tell." He said.
"When I was little, I'd watch my parents drink their coffee basically first thing when they woke up. My dad would wake up my mom and after kissing her good morning she'd say, 'coffee, strong coffee', I thought it was...I don't know magic." I said laughing.
"And?" Blake said.
"My dad went to work and my mom and I were doing...I don't remember but I took a sip from her coffee. I hated it. I spit it back into her cup. It was the nastiest thing I had ever tasted. Since then, I can take a sip or two but that's it or else I feel sick." I told him.
"Did you tell her you backwashed into her coffee?" He said laughing.
"I didn't have to, she saw me." I said laughing harder.
"Oh man." He said still laughing and shaking his head.
"I should know this but since you're never here when I wake up... Are you a morning person?" He asked.
"Sometimes, it depends." I said.
"On?"
"Nothing it just depends." I said.
"Okay."
"Why do you want to know?"
"Because I'd like to know what kind of mood you'll be in the morning." He said with a big grin.
"Smiling I hope."
He laughed, "Not that kind of smile." He said.
"You're not like most guys." I said to him.
"You're not like most girls either." He said with half a smile.
"No sex is usually the main thing about us...now...we talk. You don't make a move, either do I but...why don't you make the move?" I asked, being bold.
I was nervous for his answer.
"I guess if I did and believe me I want to but...I don't want to go back to what...whatever we were. I like talking to you, getting to know you. You never let me before so for right now...I'm taking advantage of that." He said.
"Well...I didn't think about it like that." I said honestly.
"Amanda, what do you want from me? Honestly." He asked.
"Um...I'm not sure how to answer that. I want to keep talking to you, I'm finding out that I like it. The sex is...great, amazing... A friend, maybe...um." I stopped there.
"Um...continue." He said.
"This is so embarrassing… Maybe...more. One day, if we're still friends and it's going good...that I can or that I know I can trust you." I said, hoping it was enough.
Talking wasn't my strong suit and he made me talk like no one else ever had. I wanted to tell him the truth but...I still wasn't certain if he was trustworthy, so I didn't. Maybe one day, I told myself.
"What do you want from me?" I asked back.
"Anything and everything you give me." He said, without taking a pause to think about it.
I looked into his eyes to see if he was actually being honest with me. His dark ocean blue eyes staring back into my hazel eyes. I could see he wasn't lying, or think he wasn't.
My father always telling me I had good instinct. At the moment, I just didn't know.
"Honesty, no lies." I simply said.
"I agree. Absolutely." He said.
I broke eye contact and looked at the floor.
"Are you going to run?" He asked.
"Huh? Run where?" I asked, confused.
"Because of what I said. Are you going to run? …will you still be here in the morning?" He asked.
I looked at him, "Got no where to run to, it’s dark and a long walk to my place… Yes I'll still be here in the morning…you're driving me to your work." I told him.
"Am I driving you to the garage or a few blocks before?" He asked. I could see uncertainty in his eyes and a bit of fear.
"To be honest...I don't know yet. I'm not sure I want my dad to know right now. There's a lot going on, family wise." I said, hoping he wasn't going to ask.
I was thankful when he said, "You could just tell him we're friends. It's not a lie, or not on my part."
I smiled at that. "That could work." I said while yawning.
"What about you? Are you a morning person?" I asked.
"Depends." He said smiling.
"On?"
"On when I’ll wake up if you'll still be here." He said smirking and I laughed.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked.
He laughed, "You're going to ask it either way...so go for it."
"What's your mom like? You know more about me than I know about you, even if it’s just a little bit." I said.
He smiled. "She's my life I guess. When my dad left, she started drinking. When she realized I was getting into trouble, acting out...I was angry, I couldn't understand why he left. I still don't. I guess we weren't his priority. Well, she stopped drinking and whipped my ass back on track. She was 'straight' after that. She made sure I did my homework, that my grades were good, watched my friends to make sure I didn't become friends with the wrong people. She made sure that I ended up good that I wouldn't be a screw up. My grandparents died when my mom was younger. The people on my dad’s side just left...just like him. Still to this day, she watches over me. Making sure I'm doing the right things and having a happy life. That's what good parents do." He said.
I smiled at that. "I agree with that."
"I know your dad but, besides all the questions, what's your mom like?" He said chuckling.
"I'm noticing I was getting her wrong. I already knew she was amazing but I'm not sure that's a good way to describe her. Her questions are because she worries, she notices things that other family members don't. She wants to make sure everyone is doing okay, that they are happy and safe. She's funny and when people sell her short," I said laughing a bit, "they notice after that she was the wrong person to mess with. Even my dad, my brothers and me...we forget but...she's good with payback. I'm not sure if she realizes it or not but she's truly the heart of the family. Somehow everything...every event has her in it. I don't think I'd be alive if it wasn't for her. Not because she gave birth to me...just because she always put me first." I said.
"Sounds like a really good woman." He said.
I smiled, "She is. Your mom sounds pretty amazing as well. I don't know if I could do that. Raise a child on my own. It takes a lot of love, courage, patience... it's amazing." I said.
"What are your brothers like?" He asked.
"They're funny. A.J. is very blunt and straight forward, mostly when it's just the family but still. Felix is...cute, adorable, shy...even thought he's 9 years old he's still like a baby to me. He's the baby of the family but I can't tell him that." I said laughing, "He would be so angry."
"I know you talked about your friends before, that you met them in High School but what are your friends like?" I asked him. I remember him telling me he didn't have siblings so I knew not to ask that.
"Well, there's Marc...he's funny and smart but like…really smart. Then Joey...he's more quiet and laid-back. Adam...talks. He can seriously talk for hours but about nothing. Ian is very much into fitness. He's a personal trainer so his body and what he eats is a big focus in his life. We're all very different...different jobs, different hobbies, different families like how we were raised but somehow we all just click." He said.
"Are you closer with one of them?" I asked, being curious.
"I’m probably closer with Joey. We don't have to do anything or go anywhere specific to hang out while the others would probably get bored but...we're still all close."
"I'm happy you have good friends. It's important." I said.
"What about you?"
"I'm good with Lisa. She's like everything rolled into one." I said laughing.
"You're only friends with Lisa?" He asked.
I could see in his eyes he had a lot of questions, none of which I was ready to answer.
"As you probably know...I have a hard time getting close to people. She is the only one I wanted to keep around." I said being honest but I didn't want to go further than that.
I knew he wanted more information but he didn’t push or ask anything else.
I yawned and he chuckled, "Take the bed, I'll take the couch." He said.
"That wouldn't be fair."
"Yeah it would, you need to sleep." He said.
"We could both sleep in the bed." I suggested.
He laughed, "Nope. I don't trust you and I definitely don't trust myself in a bed, alone with you."
"I had to try." I said laughing.
"Damn..." He said, looking towards his bedroom.
We sat in silence for a little bit.
"You're a good guy Blake." I whispered.
"And you're a good girl baby." He whispered back.
I laughed, "Don't call me baby."
"Why not?"
"If you ever meet my mom and I'm there, you'll see why." I told him.
"She calls you baby?" He asked, confused.
I laughed, "Ever since I was a baby. She never let it go."
"What about your brothers? What does she call them?" He asked.
"By their names." I said laughing.
"No pet names for them?"
"Sometimes but she changes them so often. For me...she never changed it."
"How come? …if I'm allowed to ask." He said.
"Sometimes the past just sticks and it's hard to forget." I said.
"What about babe? Can I call you that?" He asked making me laugh.
"Like the pig?" I said and he laughed.
"Oh...I didn't think of that one. I'll think about it and I'll get back to you on that." He said chuckling.
I nodded with a huge smile on my face. He wanted to give me a nickname.
"I've been called a lot of things but babe is not one of them." I said.
"Oh yeah like what?"
"Um…I’ve often been called a bitch, heartless, cold, a freak, crazy... but...whatever." I said looking at the floor again.
"This is going to sound really mean but I can see what they mean." He said and I looked at him ready to hit him.
"Let me finish! I'm learning that you're none of those...things. It's the 'walls' you put up to protect yourself. You let no one in, or just a few, and that way you don't get hurt. From the outside, you put distance between you and other people. It's not who you are, it's how you protect yourself. It's not bad it's just again how you are. I don't know why you’re like that...I know you won't tell me, I hope one day you trust me enough to tell me but there's no rush." He said.
"Maybe one day." I whispered and from the corner of my eye I could see he was nodding. "Take the bed, it's your place." I told him.
"No."
I rolled my eyes, "Fine. I'll take it because I don't want to argue and I'm tired." I said with half a smile.
"Lock the door." He said.
I looked at him confused. "It's to make sure I don't go in, that I'm not tempted to sleep next to you. To wake you and then...make something happen." He said with his face getting red.
I laughed, "You're blushing." I said.
"Well...kind of embarrassing to admit."
"True... Night Blake."
"Night Amanda."
I got up and took a step towards his bedroom but turned back to look at him.
I took my step to be in front of him and bent down since he was still on the couch. I placed my hand behind his neck and slowly brought his face closer to mine.
I saw his smile right before his lips touched mine. I felt his hand grab the back of my shirt.
I knew I couldn't 'afford' a make out session, I didn't think he could either. We'd end up in bed and that would make thing more complicated.
My lips moved with his. His tongue touched my upper lip so I opened my mouth just a bit and his tongue entered my mouth. As his tongue was touching mine, I was getting so turned on that when he moved a bit, trying to get closer and his other hand grabbed the bottom of my shirt on my lower back, I broke the kiss. I really didn't want to stop but I knew I had to.
Both breathing hard, I tried to catch my breath.
"Crap..." I managed to say, mostly to myself.
"Yeah." He said, agreeing with me.
I pecked his lips on last time and stood back up.
"Night." I said smiling.
"Now I'll have a lot more trouble falling asleep."
"Same here, babe." I said smiling and he laughed.
"Sweet dreams Amanda." He said.
I smiled and slowly made my way to the bedroom. As I closed the door I heard him say, "Don't forget to lock it." which made me laugh.
I got ready for bed. Blake's bed sheets were so soft and comfortable I always slept naked in his bed. I guess it was a habit.
I got in his big bed and placed myself in the middle. I smiled as I pictured his smile right before our lips touched.
It was a good way for the night to end.
****Please Vote & Comment! Thank you!!****
Did you guys like it?! I hope so and I tried to make it a bit longer, I'm not sure if it going to show or what. I added information about Blake so everyone could know him a bit better. Even though the story is about (or the main focus I should say) Amanda, I don't want to forget about Blake and I'm pretty sure you guys feel the same. ;-)
PLEASE READ : Anyone who read My Dear Angels - A Letter knows I have health issues. My meds have changed or increased is a better word. I'm hoping to keep up with the uploads on Tuesdays and Thursdays, THAT IS MY PLAN but sometimes the body/or the mind doesn't follow. I'm not saying things are changing, I'm just letting everyone know in advance that I might miss an upload now and then while I get used to the new doses. I swear...I'm trying my best and I'll continue to do so. I want to continue normally, I need to continue normally because I find writing helps more than anything else. Just the focus and concentration isn't always there. I'm so sorry but like I said, I'll try my best...it is my health and that can't be ignored.
For now...Next upload is Thursday, it's writen just have to edit before posting and I'm sure you won't be disapointed.
You all are the best. xx