As I step inside the shop the lady recognizes me immediately, she sents me a little smile and I nod her way.
"How can I help you today?" She asks smiling at me as I look around in search for a perfect flower for the perfect girl.
"Can I please get one Purple Hyacinth." I point at the flower and the lady seems happy that I know the name of it.
"Are you trying to apologize for something that you did a while ago?" My eyes are wide open as I nod.
"Kind of, long story short, I was a jerk." She gives me the flower with a smile on her face as she whispers we all are sometimes. I will have to agree with that.
I walk slowly towards their house as I am thinking if I should do this or not. I am still pretty mad at her, but I do want her to get better. Basically I am standing in front of the door rolling my eyes at myself. I don't think I am ready to knock, but there is no time to think when the door opens. Ally jumps when she sees me and she closes the door behind her.
"I thought that you weren't coming?" I can hear her say quietly.
"The meeting was kind of long, what about you? Where are you going?" Her smile says it all, she is pretty serious with her boyfriend, I believe that his name is Troy. I smirk at her and she nods.
"Are you not going inside?"
"I don't know Ally. I just. Somebody told me that she was talking about me in the hospital, and the woman basically called me in this country because she thought that I could help her." Ally looks shocked.
"Well, that's great I guess? Or maybe not?"
"I thought that somebody finally noticed me you know?" She is shaking her head in no time pulling me into the tight embrace.
"Believe me when I say it, they do know how good you are at your job. That's probably why you are here. They need someone to learn from, I heard that they were looking for good doctor for more than four years now. I am pretty sure that she wouldn't have called you if you weren't good." Ally knows how to make it all better. She opens the door of their apartment and pushes me inside. Good luck is all I can hear before she pushes me a bit rougher and I bump into someone.
That someone looks up and I am lost in those beautiful green eyes, here, I manage to get out as I hand her the flower. She studies it for a second before she looks at me, sorry? I nod and she shrugs her shoulders as she walks towards the kitchen.
"Lauren? Where are the girls?" I ask her and she seems surprised when I call her by her name.
'How do you know my name? I thought that you were Camila's girlfriend. Well you might not look like her type, wearing suit and tie because she hates them.'
"Wait, you don't know who I am?" I ask shocked by her statement. The guilt washes over her face as she tries to remember me so hard. She punches the chair repeatedly and I run to her side to stop her from hurting herself. Our eyes lock and I can see it in her eyes when she realizes it.
'Y/N? What are you doing here?' I am so fucking confused right now so I just point at the flower. Her face falls when she sees it.
'Sorry?' She writes on the note and I read it.
"Yeah? I am sorry for not being here for you, when you needed me the most." I can see her looking at me, her fingers playing with eachother, she is probably trying to remember when I wasn't there for her. If she realized it I don't know because she just moves towards the couch and sits down. I follow her and as I am standing there just watching her she pulls me next to her.
'There are things that I remember but I have holes in my head. I am sorry. Camila said that I kissed your cheek yesterday, is that true?'
"You did yes. I liked it though, it was sweet. Your lips are still so full and soft, mostly red which I like." A giggle escapes her lips and I am not sure if she wanted to stand up or move closer to me but her head falls on my shoulder gently. I caress her hair slowly and she doesn't pull away from my touch.
"Lauren I met a girl today at the hospital. Can I tell you something about her?" She shrugs her shoulders and nods afterwards.
"So there was this girl, she asked me about my type, I mean my type of women... and I just stared at her for a while because honestly I don't know. I don't know what type of women is the best for me, I don't care about that. When I fall in love with someone I fall in love because they make me fall, I am not choosing them based on the way they look or speak, my heart is the one choosing. I am not like oh look at her she has beautiful green eyes, I want to make her mine." Lauren giggles like a little child and I watch her as she writes something on the note. Her head falls down on my shoulder and she is gently stroking my hand as I try to read her note.
'Oh really? I am pretty sure that that's how you choose me.' She remembers? Oh God this is so confusing but I am really happy that she does.
"Obviously ... that's not how I choose you." I whisper in her ear playfully and her eyes search for mine. As they lock she mouths; How did you do it then?
"I looked at you and I knew, I knew that you were going to be different, something special. The way you looked at the pictures and the way you smiled at me when I noticed you in the crowded room was everything." I can hear her breathing heavily, her heart is beating out of control too but I don't say anything. She is playing with my fingers, watching my hand and putting hers over mine to see how they fit together.
"Lauren, I think I will always love you." I surprise myself by saying that but she doesn't mind it I guess.
'Good, because I am going to need you to remember that on the days when I won't remember anything about you or us. Don't give up on me then. It's going to be hard but I am ready to do this if you are? I want to get better.'
"There is still one big obstacle in our way you know? Emily," she freezes when I mention her. Her fingers stop playing with mine.
"F-F-Friend," she gets out.
'I need you as a friend right now. I know you have her, you don't have to tell me that everytime I see you. In this exact moment I remember the kiss we shared yesterday, I remember everything, but I told the girls that I don't. I wanted to tell you the same thing, but why would I lie to you? I think there is enough things separating us already, we don't need lies to separate us too. All I want from you right now is to be my friend. At least for now, I am not giving up on us.'
"Lauren, I don't know what to say anymore, can I sing? Yesterday when I was driving back to my house in a taxi I heard this song and it made me think of you." Her black hair move from her face and land on mine but I don't mind it at all, she smells divine, her eyes are set on me as she is waiting for me to sing.
Give her a reason,
A reason to love all you do.
She'll tell you secrets.
You'll tell her secrets, too
She'll tell you all her hopes and dreams
You'll tell them, too
When she says she loves you
Tell her you love her, too
But don't you run away, run away
When you get tired
'Cause this will slip away, slip away
And start a fire
That can never be put out
Oh, hurry time is running out
But don't you run away, run away
Before you tell her you love her
When she says she needs you
Tell her you need her too
You tell her clearly
Speak what your heart wants you to
Tell her she's lovely
Always tell her the truth
When she says she loves you
Tell her you love her, too
When I stop singing she is already asleep on my chest, I want to stand up and leave but I find no power to do so when I look at her. Lauren looks so calm and relaxed in this moment, a little smile is placed on her lips. My fingers are slowly running up and down her lovely arms.
From Ems : Hey baby, when are you coming home? I made us dinner. I really want to hear all about your new colleagues and the job they offered you. I've got a good feeling about this.
Ps.: Maybe there are some candles and roses waiting for you at home...and maybe just maybe someone is wearing a new sexy underwear just for you❤
I sigh as I read this, even though I am in no mood to do this I am basically running away from sex for a bit too long. I will have to give in sooner or later.
To Ems : I'll be home in a few minutes I promise. I've got the job but I really don't want to talk about it. If that's okay with you? But I will gladly look at this sexy lady who's waiting for me
From Ems: Okay, I am more than ready for you baby
Good, because I am not, I think to myself. I really don't want to move away from this position, having her on my chest feels like heaven. But I do have a girlfriend waiting for me in bed. As I try to stand up I feel two strong hands pulling me back down.
Lauren's eyes open slowly and she jumps away and throws a pillow at me when she sees me. Her eyebrows are furrowed together in confusion as she is holding something in her hand to protect her. What are you doing here? Go away, you've hurt me enough! Is written on the note she throws at me.
"Lauren I ... how am I the one who hurt you? You cheated on me. Why am I even trying to apologize for that." I can see the hurt in her eyes, it seems like she is remembering things, just like I wanted her to. But the memories aren't all that pretty when her hands fly from her sides towards her head. She is pulling on her hair, the tears slowly falling down her cheek as I step closer. Stop hurting yourself, I whisper in her ear quietly as I hug her tightly.
We sit down on the couch again, she is breathing heavily and it takes a while before she is calm again. After a few minutes I hear a little snore coming from her, I lay her down on the couch slowly and put a blanket over her. I can't leave her here alone so I am waiting patiently for someone to come back home.
Camila comes back an hour later, looking at me with confusion inside her brown eyes.
I don't have time to explain what happened because I am already late and Emily is not going to be happy about it.
When I come home I can see the light coming from inside, I move slowly towards the door and open them quietly. The dinner set for two is waiting for me, the candles are all over the place, two of them are placed on the table next to the red roses. There is a little road made from flowers and candles that leads into the room. I walk towards it slowly and as I open the door I can see her sleeping on my bed, dressed like goddess.
I move towards the bed, already throwing my jeans on the floor in the process as I climb next to her. Her eyes are open in confusion and she seems scared but I pull her on my chest and she sighs happily. We can still do it if you're up to? She whispers but I shake my head.
"You should sleep beautiful, you deserve it. I am sorry for letting you down again," I tell her sincerely but she puts a finger on my lips. It's fine, she says quietly as her lips touch mine slowly. We kiss for quite some time, but I can't feel anything special about this kisses. Just when I was about to fall asleep with her in my arms I can hear my phone vibrating in my pocket.
Finding my jeans in the dark is harder than I thought it was going to be. I stumble over some things laying on the floor before I pull my phone out. I lay back down and look at the new message. I catch myself smiling like and idiot when I notice that even after six years she is still saved the same in my phone.
From Baby ❤: Thank you for taking care of me, I don't know what happened but Camila told me that you covered me up.
To Baby ❤: No worries Lo, are you feeling better?
From Baby ❤: I feel like I've been crying, but I am fine don't worry.
To Baby ❤: I am always going to worry.
From Baby ❤: You shouldn't. It's getting late I should leave you and your girlfriend alone. Good night Y/N.
To Baby ❤: Night Lo.
From Baby ❤: You're not going to deny it? So you two are together right now? Why does that make me feel sad ...
To Baby ❤: Lauren don't overthink this. I am where I am supposed to be. She is my girlfriend after all, and you said that you needed me as a friend only.
From Baby ❤: I am selfish. I want you here in my arms. It's been too long. Please don't kiss her, please don't let her touch your beautiful body. You're mine.
To Baby ❤: I am not Lauren. I am not just yours anymore.
From Baby ❤: Stop talking, you're breaking my heart all over again.
To Baby ❤: Don't put the blame on me again, I am not the one who cheated. I wasn't the one who wanted to hide us.
From Baby ❤: I was scared okay? I was fucking scared. I wanted you badly but I was confused. I wasn't gay before I met you. I was straight as fuck but you turned my world upside down. I was happy when you just smiled at me, and when you were holding my hand I thought that I was in heaven. You made me feel things that I wasn't used to feel with any other person. When our lips touched for the very first time I never wanted you to stop, to stop holding and kissing me like that. Even when we broke up I was thinking about the things we did, the kisses we shared, I wanted you to care, I wanted you back. You were mine. You were supposed to be mine forever. You were my first in a lot of things and I am so sorry that I hurt you that badly.
To Baby ❤: I care, but it's a bit too late.
From Baby ❤: Don't do this. Don't give up on us.
To Baby ❤: Go to sleep Lauren. Good night.
From Baby ❤: Don't make love to her I am begging you.
I throw my phone at the wall in front of me and I am glad that Emily is a heavy sleeper. I move a bit so I can hug her fully and I sigh as I do so. No matter what her hands and her body are never going to make me feel like Lauren's do.
I wake up the next day smelling pancakes and coffee. My girlfriend is basically an angel, an angel that deserves someone who is less confused as I am. When I look over my shoulder I can see that I have a little more than an hour to get ready.
After taking a shower and dressing up I walk into the kitchen, Emily is standing in front of the cooker and I watch her from behind.
I move slowly towards our kitchen and I can see her dancing around and singing her favourite song Nothing. She looks so cute when she does this little move and her hair is flying all over the air.
Her body turns around while she is dancing and she stops all of the sudden, her lips forming a smile as she sees me. Her finger inviting me closer and closer, I place my hands on her thighs and lift her up into my lap. I step a little forward until she is sitting with me between her legs.
Her hands pull me in for a kiss and she moans in my ear 'you smell divine.'
"I just took a shower love," I tell her and she furrows her eyebrows.
"And? You're going to take another one with me when I am done with you. I like this breakfast but I would rather taste you right now." Her low raspy voice in the morning probably shouldn't turn me on like it does, but I can't really help myself. I squeeze her behind roughly as my lips attack her neck.
"Woah, are you okay? You're drifting away from me almost everyday." Emily says as she moves towards me. Does it bother you that she likes to be quiet in the morning? No, Lauren was quiet too. Yeah when you two had those romantic mornings when you spent more than an hour watching the sunset but most of the time she started the day with a little dance in the kitchen and sex on the couch. Don't remind me. You love it. Too much, so shut up!
"Okay why do I need to shut up now?" Did I said that loud? I guess you did.
"Sorry I am just nervous. My first day as a new doctor." Her lips are attached to mine in a heartbeat, she tries to deepen the kiss but I can't do it, I start pecking her all over the face to ease the guilt that's overcoming me. I turn my face towards the door ready to leave when I feel gentle hands moving around my waist to hug me one more time. She kisses me on the back of my head and I feel bad.
I feel a little push on my back and I can find myself standing in front of the door with nothing but a guilt that's eating me alive.
While I am sitting in the back seat of the taxi my phone vibrates loudly, I can see a lot of missed calls and messages. That's probably because I had to put my phone back together in the morning.
From Baby ❤
2:32 am: Look I am sorry, I was acting like a jerk. I can't sleep because I am thinking about you.
2:46 am: I feel so lonely
3:28 am: I really don't want to close my eyes, because if I do, that means that I'll probably forget all that happened today
4:04 am: I remember the song you were singing to me now ... but the best part for me is probably this one...
Tell her a story.
Tell her the honest truth
You treat her better.
Make sure to see it through
Don't be just everything she wants
Be everything she needs
When she says she loves you
Tell her you love her, too
4:34 am: I want you to know that I am sorry, that's all.
I read the other texts too, some are from my mother the others from my friends and my brother.
When I arrive at the hospital Susan is already waiting for me. She takes me on a little tour around the hospital and introduces me to the doctors I will be working with. A little smile is placed on my lips when I see Anna with her messy hair standing in my team. You're the leader. Susan whispers in my ear as she moves towards her office.
It takes some time for me to realize that she gave me the young people to work with. That's not always easy but I hope I will managed. I tell them all that they need to know about me and in no time we start working.
It's lunch time when I see Anna approaching me, she pulls me towards the desk she and some other guy are sitting at. He disappears quickly when they call for him and Anna smiles even wider when we are left alone.
"So, thank you for yesterday and sorry for the lesbian question." She says while blushing I find it kind of cute.
"It's fine really. I was wondering about this girl in the room 35, is she always so calm or is the medicine making her like that?" Anna shrugs her shoulders and takes her time to respond.
"Honestly, I think the medicine is not appropriate, but nobody wants to hear a little child talking about serious stuff right? She was different when she came here, so sure that she is going to survive this, but now, she is just laying there waiting for the end ..." Anna is still talking but I don't hear a word she is saying when a lovely voice behind me calls my name.
I jump from my chair as fast as I can and just one look in her eyes can tell me that she doesn't know why she's here or why I am, she looks so lost that it hurts my heart. I try to grab her hand but she pulls it away.
"Lauren, how did you get here?" I ask worry taking over me.
'By bus. I don't know what I am doing here to be honest. When did you come back from wherever you've been for six years?' I don't let her get away from me this time when I grab her hand. I pull her towards the stairs and even though I don't know this hospital my legs are telling me where to go. When I open the doors on the top I realize that we are standing on the roof. The sun is up in the sky and Lauren's eyes are set on it.
Her body moves a bit forward and she sits down, looking up, her eyes never leaving the sun. I can see the sad expression on her face, her eyes ready to cry, I wish I could read her mind but I am afraid that I wouldn't like the things she is hidding inside.
This things inside my head, and this messages inside my phone. I don't get it. I hurts to think about it because I am so freaking confused.
I grab her hand and pull it closer to me, our fingers intertwining as she lets her guards down for the milionth time since I came back. I hate to see her this heartbroken and confused.
"If I could, I would kiss that pain away. I would try to make new memories so you won't have to think about the ones from our past. If I could I would look inside your heart to find the thing you're searching for and give it to you. Do you remember my dad Lauren?" Her eyebrows are raised in confusion when I mention my dad, but she recovers quickly and nods.
"Well, he told me something right before the angels came and took him away. He told me that I have to fight for our love. I still remember the words he said ... Respect her, trust her, that's all that matters when it comes to women. Show her that you care, be there for her, listen to the nonsense she has to tell you, laugh with her, hold her when she cries, wipe the tears away, kiss her when you can't find the right words, hold her hand and tell the world that she is yours. Buy her a flower, show her the world, take her to a party, take her sight seeing, travel with her hand tangled with yours, give her your heart and make sure to hold hers gently in your arms. If she is ready to give you her trust, don't break it. Make her proud, do the things with her that you are afraid to do it on your own or with anyone else, do it with her, it will mean the world to her, I promise. And cherish it, cherish her heart, her time, she is giving you the time of her life that she will never get back, don't waste or ruin it." The breathes she is taking are slow and loud, I can hear them without trying. Her heart beats faster than ever before.
"It's funny how I did all that, but it still wasn't enough." I let it slip from my lips and Lauren's legs are placed on each side of my thighs, her beautiful eyes staring right into mine. It was more than enough. Her voice breaks, she cries into my shoulder and I am caressing her back softly. He meant the world to you. It's pretty hard to understand her broken mumbling but I manage to get out the main point.
I don't say a word after that, how could I? The only people that know about my dad are my friends and Emily, nobody else. I haven't cried for ages but in her arms I know how to be weak and strong at the same time. My lips are pressed to her neck, my eyes closed, our hearts beating as one as we let it all go, the walls around our hearts are falling down, there is no place I would rather be in this moment. And I know it's wrong, oh God is it wrong, but my heart is holding her so tightly that I can't let go.
Let me know what you think about the story so far :)