"Mmm," I wake up, hugging Luke close to me. His back plastered to my front wearing nothing but our skin.
"Good morning, baby." I feel him flinch. Huh, maybe I woke him up and startled him. I press myself even closer; my morning wood dying to bury itself deep inside him.
I hear a dry "Good morning," and just I as I begin to sway my hips as if I was fucking Luke, he jumps off of my embrace and out of bed looking like a lost rabbit in the woods.
"What the fuck?" Luke murmurs, "This wasn't supposed to happen. No, no, no. This wasn't supposed to happen."
My heart breaks hearing him say that. After last night I thought he'd forgiven me. He told me he missed me and he held on to me as if the love he feels for me isn't lost.
"I have to get out of here."
"Wait, Luke," he walks toward the door. "Hey, no, please, don't leave. I..." I don't know what he's thinking or what's going through his mind. "I want to get breakfast with you. We could shower and go for breakfast before I drop you off for your classes like we used to."
Luke and I had gotten into a routine of me dropping him off on the days we had a similar schedule. His first class was a little before I had to go in, and his last class ended around the time I was done with work, so it always made sense.
"Before you drop me off?" He questions with a frown on his face.
Have I read this wrong since last night? When Luke looked at me last night like he used to, I thought it meant he came to his senses and forgave me. Or maybe not completely forgiving but that at least we could be good.
Now, though, I think maybe it was wishful thinking.
"Yeah, before I drop you off like we used to. I miss it."
Luke responds with a dry chuckle that holds no humor and I try to prepare myself mentally for whatever he's going to say.
"Peter, you and I?" He moves his finger between us, "We're not ok. Last night didn't mean what— It didn't mean we're ok. That I'm not hurt."
"But you came to me and I thought—"
"You thought, what?" he interrupts, "Did you think your dick could magically erase what you put me through? Yeah, no, that's not happening. I have to go."
Before I open my mouth to respond he's out of the bedroom and I'm not even out myself when I hear the slamming of a door at the end of the hallway.
I get ready for work in slow motion wondering if this pressure in my chest will ever go away. It's like a mix of bronchitis and an anxiety attack. I'd had them each separate but never knew together they would spell 'heartbreak'. Or at least that's what this feels like.
I want to catch Luke before he leaves. I need to talk to him and fix whatever happened between last night and now. But I guess I took too long, because I make it downstairs just in time to see his car out of the driveway. All I have left is Marco and my stupid pain. And fucking Gabe that can't seem to take no for an answer.
"Congratulations are in order?" Marco says in the form of a question.
"Congratulations? What can you possibly congratulate me about?"
"Well, for starters, that your house is still standing after the massive banging it took last night. You two should consider having noise canceling headphones for your guests. Out of all the things I never wanted to hear, you, fucking Luke into the wall while he calls you daddy, was probably first on the list."
My eyes widen the more he talks. Especially because he does it so seriously you could never tell if he's messing with you. "He never called me daddy," is the only idiotic thing my brain can think to say. "What else are you congratulating me on?"
"You're back with Luke. That's great, man!"
Yeah, not great at all, Marco.
"What's up with the face?" He asks.
"No, Marco, we're not back together. And I have a bad feeling about this."
I tell Marco all that's pertinent to know about last night and he makes a yikes kind of face. He then tells me about Beth and apparently she's turning out to be quite a bitch we never knew about. We both work today so we end the conversation quickly saying our goodbyes and each looking like we're going to war. Him because of his wife, and me thanks to my own undoing.
The rest of the day goes by excruciatingly slow with me working with human resources to move Gabe away from me and pawn him on to one of my partners, and thinking about Luke and how much has changed since I made the biggest mistake of my life.
When it was time to go, I couldn't run out of work faster.
My commute back home is dull; uneventful. Today has been the most unremarkable day of my life, you know, putting aside that I'm losing Luke and I don't know if I'm ever getting him back. My plan is to arrive home, hope Marco gets there before me, and somehow convince him that I deserve my husband and he has to help me fix my marriage.
And who knows! Maybe it takes his mind off of his idea to get back to Beth. I can't let that happen after she messed with what Marco loves the most—his kids. As his lawyer I plan to take everything from her.
So yeah, my day is uneventful. Uneventful, uneventful.
Un–E–Vent— Shit!
Shit, and why?
Why is Gabe's car in my driveway next to Luke's? Why out of all the days, it has to be the one I feel the least confident and the most terrified. I can't lose my husband. I can't lose my marriage for anything in this world, but especially not because of Gabe.
I park my car and don't even take the key out of the ignition running to Gabe's car before he does anything stupid like knock on my door. I walk toward the driver's side cursing when I see it empty. This can't be happening. For fuck's sake, what the fuck did I do? Why, why, why?
The car is empty, the front door to my house is closed. Is Gabe inside with Luke? There's no other answer, is there? I pace the pavement with my hands through my hair wondering how I'm going to fix this fuck up. What can Gabe be telling Luke? No. No, I have to go in and stop whatever is going on.
Just as I decide to face whatever's coming, the door opens and Gabe jumps me wrapping his legs around my waist before I even realize what's going on. My reflexes act quick and I catch him with my hands on his ass and when I look up, I see Luke's eyes and the deceived expression that will be so hard to remove from them.
"Gabe, what the hell are you doing?" I put him down, almost dropping him to the floor. "What are you doing here?"
"What do you mean? I missed you. I came to surprise you."
"I don't fucking want your surprises!" I shout. "I told you we're done. I've told you every day this week. We're done. We're through. I don't want anything with you!"
"But, babe, you've been ignoring me lately. I just want to talk. There's this cruise I want to go—"
"Shut. The fuck. Up!" I scream at him not caring that neighbors could hear me. "I'm tired of you asking for my money. I'm not your husband. We aren't together. Get it through your head and I swear to God, Gabe, this is the last time I'm telling you. Leave me alone before I fucking fire you!"
Gabe fumes and stomps in place, "Fine! Your loss. You don't deserve me anyways."
He keeps whining but I've already left him behind. All I want is to talk to Luke.
"Luke!" I run upstairs when I don't see him anywhere in our open floor plan. "Luke, baby, what... What did he tell you? Please don't believe him. Please don't—"
The door of his room flings open and within seconds Luke is on me. Hitting me. "I told you not to bring him here, Peter. I fucking told you. How does he know where we live?"
I speak all over my own words trying to explain what happened. Gabe hasn't been here. Not since he told me not to bring him. I explain and explain but he doesn't seem to listen. "Luke please, please baby, say something."
Luke looks up with hopeless eyes that hit hard on my heart. "Why, Peter?"
I start to say something before I realize it's a rhetorical question.
Why, Peter?
That's a question I've been asking myself lately. Why? Why was I so stupid? Why did I give up the best thing to ever happen to me?