DS8Uncovered #LuMa #BearCouple #DaggerSeries
CHAPTER 25: I DO
LUNA'S POV
A few years ago...
Ibinaba ko ang hawak ko na eyeliner. There's no doubt that I would look like an emo clown if I didn't stop now. Himala na ngang nagawa kong pantayin ang kilay ko kahit na kanina pa nanginginig ang mga kamay ko. There's no way I'm going to risk it with eyeliner.
"Am I really doing this?" I whispered to myself.
There's a pit in my stomach that hasn't gone away since I arrived here in Los Angeles. The place where Magnus and I decided to get married.
Mas magiging madali sa pamilya namin ipaliwanag kung bakit sinikreto namin ang kasal. We've met here a couple of times because of work, and we can just tell them the place meant something to us.
It's been awhile since that one rainy night. That night when Magnus looked at me for what felt like a long time after I said those two words to him. That night when we both stood in the cold until he gave me his answer.
Which brings us to now.
We could have gotten married at that very moment, but I decided not to. I told him that I wanted to give him time. It's not like it's not a life-changing matter. Pero ang totoo ay binibigyan ko rin ang sarili ko ng pagkakataon na umatras. I'm giving myself a chance to do the right thing and not get him involved with my problem. And it seems that he was aware of it too. Dahil mula nang araw na iyon ay hindi siya napapagod ipaalala sa akin na hindi pa rin nagbabago ang sagot niya.
"It's not supposed to happen this way."
My reflection went blurry when my eyes clouded with unshed tears. I wasn't just nervous because I was about to do something insane. It was because I'm also incredibly lonely.
I might not be as romantic as most women are, but since I met Magnus, I have imagined countless ways that this day would happen. In those scenarios, I am happy every time.
Every time, my family is with me. Every time, I'm marrying for love.
I fell in love with Magnus at first sight, but I can't say that I'm marrying for that reason. I am marrying him because I need him, and he's marrying me because he's taking pity on me.
Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa singsing na nakapatong sa harapan ko. Sa tabi niyon ay puting envelope na may sulat kamay ng ina ko.
She left letters to me and my siblings that should be given to the person we will choose to love someday. Pinagpupustahan pa namin iyon dahil gusto naming mahulaan kung anong klaseng tao ang sa tingin ni Mama na babagay sa amin.
Hindi ko alam kung sino sa mga kapatid ko ang binasa na ang sa kanila bago pa nila nakilala ang taong pakakasalanan nila. I do know that most of them didn't open it, even though when we ask each other, they always say that they did as if to show that it doesn't matter to them.
But it does. Which is why I can't bring myself to open it.
I love Magnus. The moment I realized I did, I instantly thought of the letter. Dahil walang ibang to sa mundo na ito na gusto kong pagbigyan niyon. But I can't burden him with it. Not when I know that he's aware of what it means.
"I'm sorry, Ma," bulong ko sa hangin. "I want what you wanted too, but I can't have that now. Ayokong mawala na hindi payapa sila kuya. I don't want them to think that I was robbed of a chance to be happy. I want them to see that I'm okay, that I fell in love, and that I spent what time left of me with someone I love. And in a way, I would... because I love him. I really do. I just can't ask for more than that anymore."
It took me a moment before I managed to gather myself and start finishing my makeup. I cannot cry today. I need to stand by my decision. I need to do this.
I could have had a big wedding with my family with me, but I can't have them be in my wedding, fake my smiles, and pretend that everything is for real. It's already difficult without all that facade.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is up in a soft, low chignon, with a few tendrils framing my face. I'm wearing a white satin midi dress that is tight-fitting with a low back and bishop sleeves.
My phone buzzed after a few minutes, and when I looked at it, I saw that it was a chat message from Magnus telling me that he's waiting downstairs. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at muli kong tinignan ang salamin na nasa harapan ko. "You can do this. This is what you want."
Without giving myself to hesitate again, I grabbed my bag and the ring, slipped them on, and then I stood up to leave my hotel room. Hindi nagtagal ay narating ko na ang lobby ng hotel kung saan hindi ko na kailangan hanapin pa Magnus dahil naghihintay na siya sa akin.
I have always found Magnus effortlessly handsome. I've seen him in suits a lot, and yet there's something different about him today. Especially with the way he's looking at me right now.
"Ready?" he asked when I stopped in front of him.
I didn't trust my voice, so I just nodded. Walking side by side, we walked out of the hotel and onto the waiting car. Pinagbuksan kami ng driver niyon at pinauna ako ni Magnus na makapasok. I felt heat radiate from my skin when he touched my arm to help me get inside.
Hindi nagtagal ay parehas na kaming lulan ng sasakyan at umandar na iyon patungo sa courthouse kung saan gaganapin ang kasal namin. He knows someone from there, and since we all have the documentation needed, all we have to do is show up.
"You're already wearing a ring."
I glanced at Magnus when he suddenly spoke up, and then my eyes dropped to my hand. "Oh... it's my mother's." Napadiretso ako nang may maalala ako. Guilt was probably written all over my face when I turned to him. "I forgot about—"
He gave me a small smile. "It's okay. I already told the driver to stop by the nearest jewelry shop."
"Mags..."
"Don't worry about it, LA."
He's good at distraction, and he knows how to do it to me. "LA?"
"Well, we need an endearment, right? You already have one for me." Nang nanatiling nakatulala lang ako sa kaniya ay umangat ang sulok ng mga labi niya. "You called me hubby bear before."
"But why LA?"
"There's a good story behind it."
Memories flashed in my mind, and I couldn't help but quirk a smile, some of the tension enveloping my body melting. "Madami nga lang meaning. Yours meant "leave me alone," if I remember correctly."
He shrugged. "It doesn't matter what it means. It's ours. It has a story because of us. It's a good way to solidify more of what we want to show them that we have. Isn't that what you want?"
"Y-Yes," I whispered.
May inabot siya sa gilid niya na natatakpan ng binti niya at no'n ko lang napansin na may bouquet pala roon ng bulaklak na tama lang ang laki. It has a beautiful mix of burnt orange, ivory, and peach, with the greens balancing them out.
"It makes me feel guilty even more," I mumbled.
He let out a sigh. "Luna."
"It's just that I could have prepared more. Ako ang nakakaabala sa'yo. Ako ang humihingi ng pabor. Ako—"
"You're not asking me for a favor, and you're not a bother. This is an agreement. We both agreed to the terms. Hindi mo tinago ang mga dapat kong malaman. Hindi mo ako pinilit. In fact, you gave me ample time to back out."
Of course he knows. He's always been quick-witted. Sometimes I think that's why he rarely talks. He likes to observe in silence, and unless he lets you know his thoughts, you wouldn't know what's going on inside his head.
"Our agreement is a bit unfair, don't you think?" I asked softly. "I'm the only one benefiting between us."
"You don't know that."
"Of course I do—"
"My mother will stop surprising me with blind dates, the people I know wouldn't need to keep setting me up with women, and it will stop the humor regarding my sexuality."
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "Someone's questioning your sexuality? Are they perhaps coming from gay men who wish you're batting for the opposite team so they can take a shot at dating you? I mean... who could blame them?"
Mahinang napatawa siya but he didn't say anything anymore. I decided to do the same, my thoughts racing about our situation.
Kahit ano pang tingin sa sitwasyon namin ay di hamak na mas talo siya. But maybe I can find a way to even the scale a bit. Kung paano ay hindi ko alam. Hindi naman pwedeng ipagluto ko siya araw-araw. Baka mas lalo niyang maisip na pinaparusahan siya ng mundo.
I didn't know how long I was looking out the window when I felt the car stop. Bago pa ako makapagsalita ay nakalabas na si Magnus na diretsong pumasok sa establishment na nasa harapan namin. It was a humble-looking store, probably too humble, with windows adorned by simple displays of trinkets. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't sell high-quality accessories. I think they operate more for tourists' quick stops.
Nang bumalik ang lalaki ay wala siyang dala na kahit na ano, pero nang mapatingin ako sa kamay niya ay nakita kong may nakasuot ng singsing sa daliri niya.
He just gave me a small smile, and all I could do was stare at him. He seems relaxed for someone who's about to marry someone he doesn't even love.
Siguro iyon ang dahilan kung bakit mas tensyonado ako. It's normal for brides to be nervous, but even with their anxiety, they are happy.
I wanted to be happy. But with the reason behind our coming nuptials, I am instead ridden with guilt and worry. I feel apologetic for what Magnus will be subjected to, and I really, really miss my family.
The car lurched into a stop, and when I looked out the window, I realized that we had arrived at the courthouse. Cold seeped right through me, and I could hear my heart thundering inside my chest.
"Everything will be fine." Nanatili akong nakatingin sa bintana pero wala akong nagawa kundi lingunin si Magnus nang maramdaman ko ang kamay niya na inabot ang sa akin. "Don't turn me into a jilted groom," he teased lightly.
"You should be the one doing the jilting."
"I have no plans to."
"Mags—"
"We're doing this. I'm not leaving, and you're not going to leave me here as well. We're going to get married. We're going home, and we'll prepare our home. Then we're going to tell your family."
"Uhh... mas mabuting hindi ka kasama kapag sinabi ko sa kanila. They might see red and decide to shoot you before I can explain to them our supposed love story."
His lips curved into a smile. He squeezed my hand comfortingly, and though just a little, it helped ease my nervousness a bit.
"Just so you know, I don't get easily nervous," I grumbled.
"I know. You're Luna Alondra Dawson. The word confidence was invented with you in mind."
"Wow. Parang ngayon mo lang ata ako pinuri," biro ko. My voice sounded weak, but like what he's been doing, I decided to make an effort to make this easy for us.
"Lubusin mo na. Minsan lang 'yan."
For a moment, we simply lock eyes, sharing what seems like a sense of camaraderie. What we were about to do was borderline crazy. Everything will change... at least the ones that I can afford to change while keeping those that shouldn't float in a space where time will need to stand still.
And yet... I can't stop myself from asking. "Tulog o ako?"
"Tayo." Mahinang napatawa ako. With the way his eyes shine with amusement, alam kong may kasunod ang sagot niya. "Let's get married, para makatulog na tayo."
Siya ang unang lumabas ng sasakyan at binalingan niya ako para tulungan akong makababa. I thought he would let go of my hand, but instead he caged it in his as we walked towards the courthouse.
Once we were inside, it was like a whirlwind of activities. We were brought into a room where someone was already waiting for us. Magnus appears to know the man who will officiate our wedding, since he quickly introduced me. Pagkatapos niyon ay may pinatawag na dalawang tao na magiging saksi para sa kasal namin.
If I'm being honest, I don't think I absorbed anything that happened after that. Mukhang ganoon din si Magnus dahil kapag nagtatama ang mga mata namin ay lumiliwanag ang sa kaniya na parang naaaliw siya. Sometimes he squeezes my hand and I do the same, and sometimes he's drawing a question mark on it with the use of his thumb, and I will look at him as if to say that I'm okay.
"Do you, Magnus Aquillan, take Luna Alondra Dawson to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and to cherish, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"
Magnus made a comforting circle at the back of my hand. "I do."
"And do you, Luna Alondra Dawson, take Magnus Aquillan to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to cherish, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"
I managed to force my lips to move. "I-I do."
We were asked to read, and we did. No heartfelt vows, just the scripted ones that are already provided. When we were done, the officiant spoke, "By the power vested in me by the state, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now seal your vows with a kiss."
Shit. I looked at Magnus in panic, but he looked as calm as he was moments ago. I felt his hands tighten on mine as if he's making sure I wouldn't high-tail and run. Marahan niya akong hinila palapit sa kaniya kasabay nang pagyuko niya.
I stilled in my place. Dati siguro ay nagtatatalon na ako sa tuwa. I'm not saying that I am not happy. A part of me that will always love him, one that was always yearning for him, is rejoicing. But the other part that is carrying the burden of the shift in my life is feeling a little bit overwhelmed.
I didn't need to worry, though. Instead of what I was expecting to happen, I felt Magnus' lips gently touch the side of my mouth. Hindi nagtagal iyon at dumiretso na siya ng tayo at bumaling sa officiant namin para magpasalamat.
It would have felt contractual, emphasizing the agreement that binds us, but Magnus didn't let me go. He kept one hand holding on to me as he talked to the other people in the room.
A few minutes later, we were asked to pose the most awkward picture I have ever taken in my life. Ilang sandali pa pagkatapos niyon ay magkahawak pa rin ang mga kamay na naglalkad na kami pabalik sa sasakyan na nagdala sa amin dito.
Hindi ko mapigilang hindi mapatitig sa magkahawak namin na kamay. His hand felt so huge on me, and yet it feels like they fit perfectly.
"Are you okay?"
I glance up at him and meet his eyes. "Are you?"
"Of course I am."
"Really? Na-realize mo bang napikot kita nang walang kahirap-hirap?" pilit na pinapagaan ang boses na tanong ko.
Doing the same thing I'm doing, he gave me a smile that I wish he wouldn't give anyone else. "Walang hirap? You've courted me for years, LA, that even a Victorian-era maiden will be put to shame."
Tumango-tango ako. "That's true. Akalain mo 'yon? Sa aming magkakapatid ako pa pala ang marunong manligaw."
"That's not surprising."
"Why?"
"You're good at a lot of things. Hindi na nakakagulat na magaling ka rin sa panliligaw." Inangat niya ang magkahawak naming mga kamay. "Looks like I got married to the best Dawson, right?"
My heart, which felt like it was wrapped in chains that were slowly squeezing, breathed a bit freer. This might be the only thing we have, but I'm glad that I have it with him. I couldn't think of anyone that I wanted to spend the rest of my days with.
Even though I probably won't be able to shake the guilt and the thought that I'm being selfish, I'll promise right here, right now, that when the time comes that I will leave this life, I will be the one to send the right woman for him. One that he will love with all his heart, the way I love him with my everything.
I don't know how that could be possible, but my mother did it. Somehow, she managed to send the people that are now standing beside my brothers. I will do the same.
It would be the last thing—the last gift—that I could give to the only man that I will love in this life.
____________________End of Chapter 25.