POV: Shubman Gill
‘ Ibrahim…’
‘ Hmm?’
‘ can you make kheer for me?’
‘ I suppose…’
‘ Is that a yes or a no?’
‘ it's a yes, sir’
Shubman smiled as he stretched in the car seat and looked at the traffic. Everyone wanted to go somewhere as soon as they could, but somehow they were all stuck. Shubman watched as a woman rested his head on a man's shoulder as they sat on the bike. Someone held their sleeping child close to them as they rested their head against the car window.
He had missed this, for the past one year he has been traveling non stop for tournaments and other work commitments. No one had thought that Shubman would recover, all he did was lie in bed, surrounded by all of Ishaan's memories, his photos, his gifts, his clothes. All Shubman wanted to do was cry his heart out, and fly to wherever Ishaan was and beg him to take him back, but he knew that it wasn't meant to be. If he goes back to Ishaan, it's just a matter of a few moments before he would say something to hurt Ishaan, and he would rather swallow his own tongue than hurt the love of his life.
It took everything from everyone in his life, to bring Shubman back to reality. His friends and teammates would visit him regularly to spend time with him. Mahi and Ibrahim took a few days off and dragged Shubman on a mini vacation to Kashmir. Virat, Rohit and Sachin would come home and spend hours talking to Shubman about cricket so he would get inspired to get back on the field. His family prayed for him regularly, spending every moment beside him, helping in any way they could to make him smile again.
Shubman was now made up of all the little pieces his loved ones had given him, except for his heart and soul, which was still tangled with ishaan.
Shubman turned his attention back to the song which Ibrahim was playing.
Ehsaan tera hoga mujh par
Dil chahta hai woh kehne do..
‘ibrahim…do you…do you miss her?’
Shubman watched as Ibrahim's grip tightened around the steering wheel.
‘ You miss people that you forget, I…I haven't forgotten about her….not even for a second’
‘ I don't get it ..why did you have to let her go so soon? you could have spent some more time together….’
Ibrahim smiled and looked at Shubman who was unconsciously playing with the silver rings on his hands. Silver rings, which he never took off.
‘ the longer I had stayed with her, the more it would have hurt. I didn't want to hurt your sister…’
Shubman nodded and looked outside again, closing his eyes listening to the rest of the song.
Yeh dard-e-mohabbat sehne do
Mujhe tumse mohabbat ho gayi hai
Ibrahim rested his head against the window and waited for the traffic to move. His mind went back to the last moments he had spent with Simran.
It was a stormy night, raining so heavily nothing was visible to the eyes. Thunder and lightning struck every other minute startling anyone who was awake that late. Ibrahim and Simran were drenched and taking shelter in a gazebo, waiting for the rain to die down.
‘ Simran, why didn't you take some men with you when you went out?’ Ibrahim yelled over the sound of the rain.
‘ So I could talk to you!’ Simran yelled back.
Ibrahim folded his arms over his chest and stared at her.
‘ That was very irresponsible of you’
She shook her head and walked away, she had other things to worry about.
‘ Did you hear what dad was saying today?’
Ibrahim's heart ached as she mentioned it.
‘ Yeah…the boy is a good guy you know, I did a background check’
Simran hugged herself to stop from shivering and stared at him. She felt infuriated at how he was so unbothered by the fact that her father wanted her to meet a boy, with the possibility of marriage looming over it.
Ibrahim walked over to her and wrapped his jacket around her.
‘ We talked about this”
‘ But…it's too soon Ibrahim..’
Simran sank down to the floor and covered her face as she silently cried. Ibrahim sat near her and leaned in closer so she could rest against him.
‘ Ibrahim…we…we didn't even have a proper date. We have no beautiful memories together…we don't…we don't even have a photo together!’ she sobbed.
Ibrahim waited for her to calm down before he said anything. The rain was getting worse now.
‘ Lie down with me…’ Ibrahim said softly, after she had calmed down.
Simran lay down on Ibrahim's extended arm, face to face, her hand resting on his chest. He gently removed a strand of hair from her face.
‘ I know you think that we don't have beautiful memories together, but I think we do. Every moment we spent together was beautiful. It doesn't matter what we were doing, as long as you were there it was beautiful’
Simran sniffled and wiped her tears.
‘ Why…why can't we be together…’
‘ I'm sure you father must have listed it out many times,” Ibrahim laughed.
‘ Those things don't matter to me…’
‘ it will…I don't want to date you knowing that it won't end in marriage. I can't hurt you with a heart break’
She tightened her grip on his shirt.
‘ Even if we did get married, I am older than you, people will make fun of you…we are from different religions, we have different views…we could have compromised for one or two years, but how long could we have compromised for?’
Simran knew in her mind that he was right, but she still hoped that it would work.
Meri Kismet Mein Tum Nahin Phir Bhi
Mujhko Apna Naseeb Lagte Ho
‘ listen to your father,..it's time to let go’ Ibrahim's heart broke to a million pieces as he said it.
Simran burst out crying and moved closer to Ibrahim, wrapping her arms around him.
‘ I will always love you…’ Simran's voice was muffled against his chest.
‘ I…I love you too Simran Gill’
Ever since that night Ibrahim has neither raised his gaze to look at her, nor has he raised his gaze at any other women.
Shubman sat near the dining table, having a hearty meal with his family. His mother kept putting extra pieces of grilled chicken on his plate.
‘ Mom, that's enough…I am so full already!’ Shubman laughed.
‘ Have just a few extra, baby. Look at how lean you are.’
‘ I want grilled chicken too’ Simran whined.
‘ You don't get any because mamma loves me more!’ Shubman stuck his tongue out at her.
‘ Oh whatever, I hope you choke!’
‘ That's enough’ their father said and ended their little argument.
Shubman felt happy after spending time with his family. He lay in bed, and rubbed his stomach, trying to fall asleep. He tossed and turned and eventually sat up. He looked around in the room. Shubman had moved out of his apartment and now lived with his family, in his father's house. The apartment had more bad memories attached to it than good ones, it was better for him that he moved out.
After drinking some water he settled down again, facing towards the window. His eyes fell on the photo frame on the bedside table. It was a picture of him and Ishaan. Ishaan was hugging him, his head resting on his chest, Shubman had his arm around Ishaan's waist, holding him as close as possible. When it mattered, he had neither the courage or time to frame photos of him and Ishaan, now that he did, it was too late.
Shubman couldn't go spiraling down that hole again, he closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but Ishaan was all he could think about. How Ishaan used to trace the outline of his abs when they were in bed together. How Ishaan would kiss him the minute he comes home. Ishaan's husky voice as he whispered sweet nothings into his ears. Ishaan's laugh, his fox eyes which drove Shubman insane. Shubman sat up again in frustration, running his fingers through his hair. His heart ached with these memories.
‘Tainu kinni vaari aakhiya hai, mainu val val na asmaaya kar..
Teri yaad de vich mai marjaasi, mainu enna yaad na aaya kar..’
Shubman walked around the house, sleep was eluding him tonight, no matter how much he tried, how tired he was, he was unable to get some rest. Shubman walked to the kitchen and took out a bottle of rum and sat down on the back porch. He poured himself a glass and gazed at the moon, the sight of which made his heartache worse. With a defeated sigh he poured himself another glass and took out his phone. He endlessly watched TikTok for a while before he switched to Instagram. By now he was in his third drink.
It was the usual, his friends, his teammates, random people he followed, random brands he worked with. He was mindlessly scrolling when something caught his eye. He sat up straight and stared at the post. Ishaan had posted something a few hours ago.
The first photo was of Shreyas, he stood near the balcony, shirtless, jeans hanging a bit low, holding a mug of coffee and a cigarette. The next photo must have been a few seconds after the first one, now Shreyas smiling wide, hugging a little puppy which was licking his face. The photo was captioned; home ❤️.
Seeing Shreyas made Shubman so angry, that his teeth hurt. He wanted to throw his phone away, but for some reason he clicked on Shreyas's name and decided to check his page too. There was a post from a few minutes ago.
The first photo was a blurry shot of Ishaan walking towards a Royal Enfield. The second photo was of Shreyas holding two ice creams in front of his face, as he came out of a small little shop. Shubman's blood ran cold as he saw the third photo. He dropped the glass he was gripping and with trembling hands zoomed in on the photo. Shreyas and Ishaan held their hands up towards the sky, both of them had similar black rings around their ring finger. Shreyas's ring had a blue topaz in the middle of his ring, while Ishaan's had a ruby. Shubman's eyes filled with tears, he looked down at the caption.
‘He said yes! And then immediately dragged me out for a midnight ice cream errand’
He stared at the photo, still unable to believe what he was seeing. This must be some sort of joke, he thought to himself as he went back to Ishaan's page where there was a new update a few seconds ago. Shubman felt the wind get knocked out of him, as the photo loaded.
Shreyas was with his hands resting on Ishaan's waist, pressing him against ishaan, kissing his jaws. Ishaan's hand rested on Shreyas's biceps, he had his head tilted slightly back as he laughed. The photo was captioned;
Adhoori thi zara si, main poori ho rahi hoon,
Teri saadgi mein hoke choor.
Shubman looked closely at the photo, the rings were there. Shubman felt his heart stop for a few seconds. He shook uncontrollably, trying to stop himself from breaking apart. He looked all around trying to swallow back the tears, but eventually burst out crying. He wanted to see Ishaan one last time. Shubman got up shakily and ran to his father's room, and banged on the door.
‘ What… What's going on!’ his parents stared at him wide eyed, grabbing him by the shoulders.
Shubman slipped down to the floor and wailed out loud.
‘ He's getting married, dada! My Ishaan! ISHAAN! he screamed, startling everyone around him.
‘ Kaka your feet are bleeding!’ Simran screamed as she came towards him.
Shubman hadn't realized that he stepped on the broken glass as he ran. He looked back at the trail of blood and a shiver ran down his spine.
‘ The color of love is red’ Shubman remembered Mayank saying that in his last letter to Shubman.
‘ Baby, what's going on?’ his mother held his face and turned it back to them.
‘ Ishaan…Ishaan is getting married. He's getting married to Shreyas’ he sobbed into his mother's arms.
A moment of silence passed between them.
‘ Shubman, this had to happen…you need to…you need to let it go’ his father softly said to him.
‘ No Dada, no, no, no. I …I want to see him. Call …call Ibrahim, I want to go now’
Shubman tried to stand up, winced in pain and slipped down into his father's arms.
Shubman sat in bed, hugging his mother, still silently crying. Simran and his father stood near the bed, they felt anxious, they didn't want Shubman to go bad again.
Ibrahim walked into the room, to their surprise he had Mahi with him. Shubman stared at Ibrahim in confusion at Ibrahim, who was out of his uniform, in normal clothes.
‘ Mahi Bhai..?’
‘ We were together when you called,’ Mahi said.
‘ What's going on sir?’ Ibrahim asked, worried.
Simran explained it to them.
‘Sir, we already know what will happen if you meet him’ Ibrahim said softly.
‘ I just. …I just want to see him one last time..’ Shubman whimpered.
‘ Shubhi…’
‘ maybe you should go and see him..’ Mahi interrupted Simran.
They all turned towards him shocked, Mahi knew perfectly well what would happen if they met.
Mahi let out a deep sigh and ran his fingers through his hair.
‘ Shubman meeting Ishaan, it could be the closure that he needs right now. He's still….he's still attached to Ishaan…he needs to go and break those threads so he can move on…’
Shubman felt glad that at least someone was supporting him, but soon his happiness turned into fear.
‘ What if. …What if I hurt him?’ he quietly asked.
‘ Write him a letter…everything you haven't been able to say to him, write it down and give it to him, pay your respects to your love, and let him go…’ Mahi sat down beside him.
‘ How can…how can I let him go..?’ Shubman cried, covering his face.
‘ Shubman Gill, you learned the art of cricket, now you need to learn the art of letting go …’
‘ Jaane do, wo afsaana jisse, anjaam tak laana naho mumkin, use ek khoobsurat mod dekar chodna acha hai’
Shubman leaned back and wiped the tears from his face. His eyes went over to Simran and Ibrahim, who stood side by side, but forever apart. They survived the separation, maybe he could too. It made his heart ache non stop knowing that he can never speak to Ishaan properly, never touch him, never be in his presence without hurting him. He cursed Mayank with every breath he took. He hoped that even in the grave Mayank would be tormented, like how he is getting tormented now.
‘ When…when can we go?’
‘ Whenever you are ready’