Nothing could have prepared me for this vision of horror. Enemy ships sink, taking the last survivors with them. But the most terrifying thing is the cries of pain from the burns. I know one who must worship.
I force myself to get out of my torpor, I do not have time to pity myself on the fate of these unfortunates. If they hadn't already died, they'd have passed under my blade, anyway. I wipe my tears and rush to the River Gate.
"Open me!" I yell and drum at the door.
I hear a monstrous uproar on the other side, perhaps they are arguing about whether to let me in.
"That's an order!!"
The door opens abruptly, letting Podrick appear. Relieved, I throw myself in the arms of the young man. I should never have left, it's a certainty now.
"I missed you, ma'am" he confides in me.
"Me too, Podrick. Me too."
I put a kiss on his cheek before I straighten up and show a strong expression, we will rejoice later.
"Where is Sansa?"
"In Maegor's Holdfast with the other women."
"Where you should be" adds Joffrey from the stairs to my right.
"Pod, get my armor. And take Arrow to the citadel, she'll stay with Sansa to protect her."
"Yes, ma'am."
The squire leaves, leaving me face to face with Joffrey. My loving husband. What he doesn't know is that the trend has reversed. I don't intend to obey, or even pretend.
"Joff" I salute him.
"Don't call me that!"
"I think we can afford some familiarity now. Since you raped me, we've been pretty close, haven't we?"
Around us comes a dead silence. Any other man in the capital accused of such a thing would have immediately been beaten. But Joffrey is is the king. So, apart from a few indignant looks at him, compassionate towards me, no one dares to do anything.
"Dog!" spits Joffrey. Stop her!"
"Clegane... I warn him with my hand already on my sword."
"You're not allowed to fight! You're just a woman!"
"I travelled all over the country to be able to come back here and protect your little white bum. I intend to fight with my men, that I am a woman does not define how I wield my weapon. How do you wield yours, majesty?"
Both indignant and disarmed, the king found his place on the ramparts by wiggling. I follow him to find Tyrion.
"Lady Stark..." he greets me with his hand.
"Lord Lannister" I answer with a smile.
"You came back..."
"I promised you, didn't I?"
"On the contrary, you left making fun of my request."
"What was it?"
"That you come back to me, ma'am."
I feel my cheeks turning purple. Unable to stop me, I raise my head towards the destroyed boats of the fleet of Stannis, hoping that nobody notices. I come back as a conqueror and here I am, blushing like a teenager in heat. It is not worthy of me.
"What's next?" I ask the dwarf.
"We fight."
"That's it?"
"We wait until they are all gathered in front of the River Gate to surprise them from behind."
"Is Joffrey ready to fight?"
The king answers nothing, he would surely prefer to put his head on his mother's lap while waiting for all this to magically end. But here, behind these soon besieged ramparts, there are men waiting to be led into battle. They need a strong king. Poor people, how disillusioned it must be for them.
"Nobody is" Tyrion answers.
I then take a moment to really look at him. How could I miss his armor?
"Are you going to fight?" I ask him.
"If necessary..."
"With that axe?"
He answers me with a little pout. Tyrion never really took part in a fight. He almost did once but was knocked out before reaching the battlefield. He also told me that he once killed a man with a shield. I don't know what it's worth, but that's all we have.
Screams came from the other side of the Wall. Stannis' men have reached the beach. The doors open so the Hound's men can attack.
"Any man dies with a clean sword. I'll rape his fucking corpse! he shouts to them."
Mechanically, I grab Joffrey's arm to take him down one floor. He must not stay too close to the ramparts.
"Let go!" he orders me.
"Shut up! I'm trying to save your life."
"I can defend myself!"
"No, you can't!"
Once the king is safe, I let go of his arm and raise my head to Tyrion.
"Where is Bronn?"
"He was in charge of lighting the wildfire, he is on his way."
"We will need him quickly."
At that point, Clegane reappeared, followed by many of his men. They retreated, which means we're losing. The Hound grabs a bottle of wine, he seems exhausted.
"Does the gentleman want a little more wine?" says Tyrion. "Grapes, perhaps?"
"And for you a big bowl of shit" he replies.
"You're on the wrong side of the ramparts."
"Half my men are dead, and the Blackwater is on fire."
"You are a royal guard; your duty is to protect your city and your king."
"Go back and fight, dog!" commands Joffrey.
"Fuck the Royal Guard, fuck this fucking city and fuck the king."
Confused, neither Tyrion nor Joffrey found an answer. So, with a smile on my face, I took the lead.
"I need you on the battlefield, Clegane."
"You should leave while you still can."
"I chose to come back, my fate is sealed."
"Good for you" he says before disappearing.
No one dares to hold him back; he could crush us with only his two inches. We look at ourselves without knowing how to act. We just lost one of our fiercest soldiers. I could replace him, and much more, only I don't know how to activate my powers without one of my friends suffering before my eyes.
♐︎
Time seems to have stopped inside the ramparts. Since the Hound's departure, most soldiers have lost confidence, aware of what lies ahead. If I were in their shoes, I would react the same way. The enemy is more numerous, prouder. He has a leader that we do not have.
These men did not swear allegiance to Stannis because he promised to fill their purse. No, they're all deeply convinced that Stannis will be a good king. We... Have Joffrey.
The poor little one looks distraught. He has just realized that he will have to take part in the fight. And that killing a man, as happy as it will be – sadistic as he is – will prove more complicated than ripping off the wings of a fly.
So, when Lancel Lannister, his cousin and Cersei's henchman, asks him to go and take shelter in Maegor's Holdfast, the king jumps at the opportunity. I grab his arm before he disappears into the crowd, forcing him to look at me.
"You cannot run away."
"I can't do that."
His voice breaks at the end of his sentence. He's really scared. All right. But everyone here is scared. Everyone is shitting their pants because we know that half of our companions will be dead by sunrise.
"Joffrey" I insist. "These men need their king, they need someone to lead them."
"You who are so brave, do it, if you enjoy it!"
Surprised, I raise an eyebrow. Did I hear right?
"Do I have your permission?"
"I don't care, do what you want and let me go!"
"With pleasure, majesty!"
When I let go of him, he almost fell. I could bear more of his weight than I thought. That's a nice metaphor for our marriage.
I turn to Tyrion with a big smile on my face. He doesn't give it back. He must think it's out of place for the situation. But I cannot help but rejoice because, now that I have the king's green light, I will be able to fight without worrying about gossips.
Unfortunately, no one seems to join me. Joffrey's departure undermined them, they gave up. Some have already laid down their arms. They need someone to give them back the hope that Joffrey boarded with him when he left.
"I will lead the assault" I announce.
Not surprisingly, the protests are being heard from all sides. I understand them. I have been away for days, weeks. I left them to their fate. And now I come back, smiling, expecting them to follow me without thinking. That's a bit much, I'll admit.
Moreover, and this is a point that should not be overlooked, I am a woman. The rest of my kind are hiding in Maegor's Holdfast waiting for the men to do the dirty work. I should not be here. Except that, and it would please my mother, I must fulfill my duty.
"Don't think I'm giving you a choice" I'm yelling. "We have no choice! The enemy is on our doorstep, climbing our ramparts. Will you let him in?"
I wait a few seconds before resuming, answering my own question.
"Of course not! Because you are not cowards. You are soldiers, you wear your king's emblem! King's Landing is just waiting to be defended! Because once they're here, it's your town they'll take, your houses they'll burn, your wives they'll rape!"
I raise my sword above my head and shout: "Then we will fight!"
A name rings out among the crowd: "The Queen of the North." Do they call me that? Do they really celebrate a Stark Queen? Aren't we supposed to be enemies?
This is not the time, I will answer these questions later, in my bed, when we have won the battle.
"We can't go out that door" I tell Tyrion. "What's next?"
"I know the way" he says as he walks past me.
"Are you going to fight?"
"Yes, for you, my queen."
I follow the half-man without protest and, during these few minutes of peace before the great battle, I find myself imagining my life if I had married Tyrion.
We would have travelled across the continent, without ever settling anywhere, making ourselves welcome among the richest lords. One day he would have inherited Casterly Rock and the time would have come for us to settle down and build a family. He would read me the books we would have stolen from the Citadel before sleeping, I would teach him to hunt in the woods surrounding the castle. All my torments would be but a vague memory.
"Majesty" a voice calls me.
"Yes, Pod?" I answer, still vague.
"Your shield."
"I don't need it."
"But... You may get hurt."
In front of me, the doors open, and the Lannister soldiers rush outside. My last vision before turning to Podrick is Tyrion running in front of everyone else. I realize he may die tonight. For me. Could I live without him?
"I'll figure it out."
My pulse is accelerating, my eyelids are getting heavy, I think I'm losing consciousness. It never happened to me, never like this. The sound of battle is ringing in my ears, but I can't move. I have to fight! I can't leave Tyrion! Not now!