August 27th 2025
Kansas City, Missouri
"I'll be ok Trav. You need to go to practise today if you are going to be playing this weekend." Taylor said, placing the dishes from their shared breakfast together into the dishwasher, Travis watching over the top of the kitchen island as he passed her the silverware and crockery from the dining table.
"I know, I just. I hate the thought of leaving you here on your own."
"More like you don't trust me." Taylor mumbled, but Travis heard. She couldn't say she blamed him, for not trusting her. Look what happened the last time he had left her. But she couldn't help feeling like he was wrapping her up in cotton wool constantly. Like she wasn't capable of doing things for herself. Taylor felt as if she wasn't going to be able to move on from all of this if they kept living in fear of the past. But she couldn't burst Travis' bubble. He had been so happy to see her come home and all she wanted to do was keep that happiness going for as long as possible.
"That's not what I am saying Tay." Travis sighed, coming around the countertop towards where she was standing. He wrapped his arms around her, feeling her body still cool and straight, flush against his chest. "I'm just worried that it is too soon for me to be leaving you on your own again."
"You have to at some point Trav. We can't stay cooped up in this house together forever. We will drive each other mad." Taylor knew she could have chosen a better turn of phrase than she had done but she couldn't change it now. She dried her hands on a spare kitchen towel, before making her way into the living room. "Anyway, I won't be on my own. Britt said she was going to pop by this morning whilst you and Pat were at practice to keep me company. So go on, I will be right here when you come back later, I promise."
She gave Travis a kiss, passing him his practice bag and practically pushing him out of the door, knowing that he would never leave her if she hadn't have forced him. He was far too content to just stay at home in their happy little bubble but Taylor knew that life had to go on and the way ahead was clear. Sure there would be days when things would be harder than others and it was still rocky, but she was in the honeymoon stage of her life again, and was determined to use that time wisely. To heal from the past and look forward to the future.
Brittany came round to see her, followed in tow by her two children Sterling and Bronze.
"Hey Tay."
"Hey Britt. How are you." The two woman embraced strongly, before moving their conversation into the living room with two steaming cups of coffee that Brittany had picked up from their local Starbucks on the way. The Mahomes' house was only fifteen minutes away from Travis and Taylor's house in Kansas, meaning that the pair spent much of their free time together at one of their respective houses during the season. It was harder during the off season when both her and Travis had to travel for work: Travis spending much of his time in Los Angeles filming, and Taylor in New York recording and in Los Angeles working on deals and directing videos and films she had been involved with. That was where her life had always been and will always be, no matter what.
"So.. I hate to be a broken record, I am sure everyone else has already asked you this like ten times a day, but how are you doing?" Brittany asked, sipping on her coffee she had just bought, observing Bronze's interaction with Taylor's cats. There was currently a stare off between Bronze and Meredith and neither of them were sure who was actually winning. It was a stalemate.
"I don't know. Like it's so dependant on the minute of the day. One minute I am fine and the next I am a crumpled heap on the floor, just like I was before... well you know. Travis has been so happy since I came home from the hospital and he just keeps trying to be positive. I think he thinks he is doing it for me but sometimes I wish he wouldn't. We need to be real with each other ."
"I understand that Tay. He just loves you so much and he was so broken when he thought you had died. Honest to god I am not sire how he would have gone on living without you. You are his world Tay."
"I know. And that is why it has been so hard." Taylor sniffed, rubbing away a stray tear with the corner of her Kansas City sweater she had been wearing. It was originally Travis' but she had kept it, enjoying the warm comfort it brought her as well as smelling exactly like him. It smelt like home.
Brittany stayed until Travis returned home from practice just after lunchtime, declaring that it was time for Bronze's daytime nap and that she needed to get back to Patrick.
"Thank you for coming today, it was so lovely to see you." Taylor smiled, kissing her lightly on each cheek as she waved the blonde woman out of the house.
"Of course, anytime Tay. Love you." She blew Taylor a kiss before strapping her kids into her car and setting back off for her house. Travis threw his practice bag by the floor, knowing he would only need it again for tomorrow. He came over to where she was standing, placing some of the cats and dog's toys that had been scattered across the house by the kids into their respective baskets and homes.
"How are you doing?" Travis asked coming up to give Taylor a hug.
"Fine. You gonna go have a shower?" Taylor asked and Travis nodded.
"Just gonna grab something to eat and then I'll go shower. She still coming round today?" Travis asked, Taylor knowing that Travis was alluding to Taylor's new therapist, who would be calling round to their house again that afternoon. Taylor coyly nodded, looking the other way. "How are you feeling about it?"
"Fine." Taylor replied, bluntly.
"Are you sure. You seem a bit tense." Travis probed. He hadn't asked questions before and look what happened. He was determined this time to be more proactive in helping Taylor through her sadness. But it only seemed to anger her.
"I am fine Travis." She never normally full named him, but she had just then. Travis looked down at his feet sheepishly before turning on his heels to go take a shower and tend to some emails to do with New Heights that Brandon had sent over to him whilst he had been at practice. Taylor sighed. She hadn't meant to upset Travis, but she couldn't carry on like everything was fine. Yes she was home from the hospital but it was if Travis seemed to have forgotten like she hadn't nearly died two weeks ago. Maybe it was just his way of coping, but Taylor couldn't deal with it. She heard the doorbell ring and Taylor knew who it would be.
It was something and someone who was necessary for her to move on. But just as painful at the same time
"So Taylor. How are we today?" The ginger haired woman asked, settling into the armchair across from Taylor, a notepad in her lap. Taylor hated this part. She felt like an experiment, with on lookers taking notes at her pitiful expense.
"I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine - I'm here." Taylor sighed. She didn't want to be there. but in reality she didn't know where she wanted to be. Taylor enjoyed being back at home, with her beautiful daughter by her side and Travis. But she felt as if she was some precious artefact that had been stolen from the museum and held hostage. She couldn't be touched for the fear of breaking. Was that such a bad thing. to show that you ere still broke, that you hadn't been fixe yet. Two weeks in hospital does not fix you. It pieces you back together, like sticky tape does to broken fairy lights. But those lights still won't shine. They make look fine, but they are still faulty.
"Is there something wrong with that?" The woman asked inquisitively.
"Absolutely. It's embarrassing. I do not want to be here." Taylor replied starkly. But she was forced to spit it all out. Coaxed like a pathetic caged animal to cough up her truths to the stranger sat across from her, staring her down into her soul as if she had known Taylor her whole life. She had no right, but she had intent. And Taylor wanted to get better so badly and so she let her do it.
"The real question is Taylor. Why did you do it?" The woman asked, but Taylor sat there in silence. If she didn't reply, maybe the woman would move along. Ask her another question. "It's not something I can answer for you. You have to answer it yourself."
"I got to the point where I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad."
"Why was it sad Taylor?" The woman asked confused, her eyebrows furrowed with concern.
"It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. But everyday I would wake up to a nightmare. I was a nightmare. Just being. Existing and breathing." it was heartbreaking, for all involved
"Killing oneself isn't inherently true. People don't just kill themselves. It is just pure and simple defeat. When somebody dies after a long illness, people always are the first to note how someone fought so hard. But when someone tries to kill themselves, because they simply cannot take things any longer, they chose to believe that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong."
Travis had finished with all of his emails and work that he needed to get done for that day and he knew that Luna was fast asleep napping and wouldn't wake up for an hour or so. She was normally very good at staying on time with her schedule when it came to napping, taking after her dad in the sleep department. He wasn't sure when Taylor's therapy session would be over but he hadn't been banking on nearly walking in on them. He heard voices coming from their living room and noticed, from around the corner of the staircase, a tall ginger haired woman of a similar age and look to Tree sitting across from a figure on the couch that he instantly recognised to be Taylor. Who else could it have been.
And then he heard her speaking. So eloquently it was heartbreaking. Those words came straight from her soul and it broke him to hear exactly how she was feeling. He was glad she could talk about it, but he wished whole heartedly he could get her to speak to him, like she could speak to her.
"It was like murder - my own premeditated murder. Because the person that made the attempt to kill my body, was not me! It wasn't me." He could hear her crying, watching as the woman passed the box of tissues on the coffee table, normally reserved for cleaning up baby sick and spit up, towards her. She accepted one graciously.
"And I am just so scared that Travis thinks this is where it all ends. Like, he is so happy and don't get me wrong so am I. I am unbelievably happy to be back in the warmth of his arms again, and that I can begin to feel that warmth again but-"
"But what."
"I just." She sniffed back tears, struggling to continue on for much longer. "I just don't want to make him sad again. I have made so many people sad, and angry. A whole load of emotions. I want to get better and I am but I am not sure what Travis is expecting. Things cannot just suddenly return back to how they were a while ago. I think it's going to take a long time for me to feel like myself again. To get used to not having this constant aching feeling that life is so hard to live." I killed him to hear her say that. She was too scared to tell him exactly how she felt because she was afraid it would make him upset.
"It will get better, I promise you it will. And Travis, give him some time. He is trying to adjust to it all too. I guess he had longer to cope in the outside world compared to you. And men, well, they don't always do the best job of telling us or really showing us how they feel. Talk to him Taylor. Talk to him about this like you talked to me. He will understand it, you just need to tell him. He can't help you if you don't tell him how."
Those final words resonated with Taylor. The woman was right. She had been sat there for days, happy to be home but wondering when the happiness would run out and things would go back to the way they had been. Another slippery slope, falling back into darkness like she was an addict. She was addicted to the sadness. It was her own personal drug, a brand of herion but without the e.
"You are doing really well Taylor. You may not think you are but I am so proud of you. I will see you soon ok." Taylor smiled, hugging the woman awkwardly but with warmth and grace, seeing her out of the front door and into her car, making sure she was safely off of the property before securing the gates shut again. As she turned back around, she saw Travis stood there, tears collecting int he corners of his eyes. He hadn't been cutting onions, he had been listening. For how long, she did not know, because there seemed to be no passing of time in those therapy sessions. Everything blended into one, and time stood still.
"You heard?" Taylor asked, but she didn't even need to wait for his response. She knew he had been listening.
"Why couldn't you talk to me Tay?" Travis asked, letting her come over to where he was standing.
"Because I knew it would upset you." Taylor replied shyly. Travis chocked back his tears, bringing her into a tight hug.
"I would rather you made me cry for an eternity than feel that way again. I will always want to know how you feel. And I promise from now on, I will stop trying to be so happy all of the time. I was only putting it on to try and make you feel better and I know now that I was a silly thing for me to do."
"No!" Taylor stopped him in his rant, placing a delicate hand on his cheek, catching a falling teardrop against the tip of her thumb. "You wanted to make me feel better and I cannot be mad at you for that. I just didn't want you thinking that me being sad was me not getting better. I am, it's just going to take some time."
Travis nodded. "I know, and we will make it through this together."
And they would. The three of them together would slowly but surely make their way through the darkness, because there was light at the end of the tunnel, and the digging to the surface was finally beginning to be fruitful. Things were looking up for the pair of them, and the sun was beginning to rise....
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Soo I guess that there was some sadness in here but it ended on a happy note. I couldn't just go from death and sadness to straight up happiness. I had to give some context to how Taylor is feeling because those feelings are deep and complex and don't just simply go away. Hope you enjoyed this chapter and aren't feeling too sad. I don't think I can afford to be sending out anymore care packages of tissues to my readers after all of the crying from these recent chapters 😭