August 21st 2025
Kansas City, Missouri
"Hey you." Travis smiled, coming into the hospital room with Luna on his hip, the bouquet made up of sunflowers and daisies in the other free hand. He placed a kiss lightly on her lips, feeling how dry and cracked they had become from the stark grey air of the hospital room she had been cooped up in for over a week. It was later on in the afternoon and visiting times were officially over, but the hospital had made an exception for them. Well an exception for Taylor after Tree had shouted down the phone at them. The hospitals in Kansas City weren't exactly equipped for high celebrity clientele like the bigger cities of New York City, Los Angeles and Chicago but they had made the best of it and so far, nothing major had been leaked to the press. Of course they knew she was in hospital, they had photographic evidence and proof of it sadly but nobody but them and the doctors knew the reason why she was there. And that was how it was going to stay. They had decided together that whilst Taylor always liked to be open and honest with her fans, this was something too far and much too personal to be shared with the whole entire world. Maybe one day she would write a song about it, but not now.
"How are you feeling?" Travis asked, taking a seat next to Taylor's bed and placing Luna on his lap.
"I'm ok, very tired but they say that's to be expected." Taylor yawned, rolling over as much as she was able to do so in the cramped uncomfortable hospital bed. It felt more like a prison, with her blankets tangled around her like a straight jacket. She had been surprised when she had woken up that they hadn't put her in one. But apparently they were outdated and barbaric.
"Yeah, the doctor said as we came in that the physchiatrist came by again today. Did she have anything new to say?"
"Not really other than that she thinks I can continue my therapy from home from now on." She stated, knowing that this would make Travis happy. Not that he had wanted to admit it at first, but he had been completely lost without Taylor by his side. It wasn't like when she was away in New York City on a work trip, or travelling the world on tour and he just couldn't be with her for whatever reason it was. She was in Kansas City, mere miles away from him, and yet his bed still felt empty without her in it. It was stone cold and pristine; no signs of life as if she had never even been there.
"Thats amazing baby, I cannot wait to have you home with me." Travis replied, taking her hand in his. But as he shared a sweet moment with the love of his life, it is interrupted, by a small hand hitting Travis' away from Taylor. They both laughed, looking at Luna who had a scowl on her cute little face at the thought of not being included in their conversation. "Oh and someone else too I guess, huh Lulu."
Taylor looked over at them both, laughing quietly to herself as she watched Travis make funny faces at Luna, making her giggle uncontrollably. This is what she would have missed out on, had she not survived. She was glad she had now, but it took her almost dying to realise that her life was worth living. That there were amazing things in her live, and people.
"Can.. can I please hold her Trav?" Taylor asked sheepishly, not daring to look him in the eyes. His smile dropped as he looked at her saddened disposition.
"She is your daughter too Tay, there is no need to ask me." Travis moved Luna about in his arms, passing her slowly over to Taylor. Luna instantly sighed in contentment, placing a small hand on Taylor's cheek as she nestled into her chest. Taylor felt like crying, the feeling of having her little girl back in her arms again was a feeling she would never forget. It felt as if she had been born again, and was being placed on her chest for the first time back in New York all those months ago. She would never believe herself if she had been told back then what she knew now.
"I missed her so much." Taylor whispered, kissing the top of Luna's head. She pulled at the top of Taylor's tank top and Travis looked over at Taylor.
"Umm yeah, she is probably hungry by now. I did give her a feed earlier but she has been fussy all day. All week actually, this is the calmest I have seen her in a while. I have some formula milk in the bag I can use. There isn't much breastmilk left at home so I am trying to preserve it as much as possible."
Taylor ignored Travis' rambling, proceeding to pull down her top and let Luna chose what she wanted to do. The baby immediately latched on and fed, it felt sore at first as she hadn't done it in a while but before long both of them got the hang of it again, and found themselves back in the same routine they used to have.
"I have been pumping whilst I have been here to try and keep my supply up. Of course, it's not the same as what it used to be and I think we will have to use some formula milk soon to top her up if her appetite is anything like yours is." Taylor replied, making Travis laugh in the process. They continue to talk as Luna ate, discussing their plans for when Taylor would get out of hospital and the first things they would do. Taylor had decided that she wasn't going to hide. She had done that with Joe and then with Travis, each time wise than the last and every time something going wrong. Whilst she wasn't going to go straight from the hospital to headlining another sell out musical tour, she was going to attempt as hard as she could to regain the strength to live a normal life again. As much of a normal life as she could.
"Trav?' Taylor piped up when she noticed that Luna was passed out, fast asleep on her chest, her mouth wide open as she slept, looking exactly like her dad.
"Yes. What is it my love?" Travis asked, looking over at her groggily. It was beginning to get later into the evening and in truth he hadn't slept properly for days. Not since it all happened what with Luna not sleeping and him hanging onto threads hoping that she would be ok and would make it through all of this.
"I need to tell you something..."
"You know you can tell me anything Tay, and I will always listen." Travis reached a hand out to her which she graciously accepted. She took a deep breath in, looking up at the ceiling before regaining enough composure to start the monologue.
"I need to tell you about the last time I committed suicide." Travis couldn't quite believe his ears. The last time... so there had been a first time. And this hadn't been it. He remained silent, not wanting to scare her off and make her not want to tell her story. He left the field and floor open to her, at her disposal.
"It was back when I was with Joe.. towards the end of our relationship. In hindsight, looking back I, I don't really know why I didn't turn and run there and then. But I was a coward, who claimed that she was a lion. I had just lost another baby, another pathetic attempt of trying to further the human race and maybe start a family had been washed down the toilet bowl, along with my hope. I had lost all hope in becoming a mother, at least naturally but I hoped that maybe what me and Joe had was special, and maybe we could make our way through this. There were other ways to have a family. He thought so too. But I had been thinking about surrogacy and IVF. He had been thinking about other women... and that is when I first thought about ending things."
Travis felt the rage and fury rise within his very soul and being. Taylor had been at her lowest point, and Joe hadn't even cared. He hadn't cared about the woman he claimed to love so deeply. Travis didn't know how Taylor kept herself so composed on The Tortured Poets Department. If it had been him, he would have dropped so many diss tracks they would have had to cancel him. But maybe that's why Taylor didn't do it. One day the truth would all come spilling out, and Taylor would be the good guy. She had to paint herself in that light, even if it did pain her to do so right now. He didn't express his anger explicitly, although he knew that Taylor was most probably aware that he was pissed.
"I felt so low Trav, maybe worse than I had now. I didn't know what to do. And when Joe found out what I had tried to do, he thought I was weak. And an attention seeker. That I couldn't bear to see him depressed and that I always had to get one up on him. It was never like that, but he made me feel so small. So helpless. And I couldn't bear to keep living like a timid old field mouse. But Joe had made me believe that no one was going to love me at my lowest points, except for him. And because there inevitably would be more low points in my life, my best and really only option was to stay with him. I know now that it was silly and it was foolish."
"I don't think that you were silly, or foolish. I think that you were in love, and that is not a crime. You shouldn't have to feel ashamed that you loved someone hard. It's one of the many reasons why I love you so much." He leant down to kiss the bare knuckles of Taylor's hand that was still entwined in his.
"And that is why I love you too Travis. All of this has confirmed that you are the one for me. Every other guy I have been with would have run from all of this. But you can love me at my absolute best and my lowest and worst. And that will be my forever." Taylor smiled, passing Luna back over to Travis. "I think she needs changing."
"Oh really, so you just pass her over to me." Travis said, rolling his eyes at her. Taylor placed a hand on her heart in a mocked hurt tone.
"I am in a very fragile position Travis. I can't be doing anything too strenuous."
"Yeah right. You know it's just because she has done a poo and this baby seems to only do explosive poos." Travis mentioned, placing Luna down on the end of the bed, grabbing the diaper bag from the chair so he could take out all father supplies he would need. Sure enough, there was an explosion, as if an unexploded World War II bomb had gone off in her diaper. "Seriously, good god." Travis gagged. It had to be one of the worst ones he had changed in a long while.
"Oh the dramatics." Taylor laughed, rolling her eyes in disbelief. "Always saving the best presents for daddy aren't you my Lulu." Taylor smiled, rubbing the baby's squishy belly as Travis cleaned up the avalanche of poo and putting her into a clean diaper and new onesie that had little black polka dots all over it and a cute little bunny ear hat to keep her warm now that it was becoming later.
"Did the doctor say when you could be discharged?" Travis asked, as he settled luna back into her pram, sensing she was going down for another quick Power Nap after all of the excitement of that afternoon.
"I think either tomorrow or the day after. It really depends on their rounds tomorrow morning and what everything is looking like. I still have a long way to go and I am still feeling super shitty but this has all made it so real for me, seeing what it is I would have missed. I live for her Travis, I will do it for every single day for the rets of my life. Until we are both growing old and grey together."
'You know, I'm gonna look so sexy grey." Travis winked and Taylor chuckled.
"Oh I know you will. I'll be a wrinkly old granny and you'll still be up there for sexiest man of the year with your salt and peppered grey beard."
Sitting there together was the first sign of life Travis had seen in Taylor for weeks that had been genuine, and he was hoping that this was a sign for a fresh start. For all of them...
AUTHORS NOTE: So Taylor is alive and well and this is the end of the sadness. There will be mentions of this throughout this part but no more large chunks of angst and sadness for now.