After several days of discussion with Joffrey, Tyrion managed to return my room. The few nights I spent with my sister made me feel better. We had not talked for a long time. And lying next to each other for the last 3 nights, we felt like we were back home.
That's the feeling in my room. When I see my bow and sword on the table, I feel like I'm home. I remember my first archery training with Jory, as well as the first blade my father gave me: a dagger that never leaves me. I called it "Winter" so I could say "Winter is coming" to my enemies. Very subtill, I know.
Despite my injuries, I do not hide. On the contrary, I want everyone to know. So, I act normally. Except that the route to my room has been changed so that I no longer have to pass in front of Joffrey's apartments.
I'd rather die than have this bully take me by surprise.
So, I decided to get closer to the people. This week, Sansa and I visited an orphanage. In a city like King's Landing, people are poor and many of these children do not have enough to feed themselves every day.
That's why we brought them supplies from the palace and lots of toys that royal children no longer need. Tommen and Myrcella are too old to play with small horses, they will not miss them.
I also plan to visit the Great Sept of Baelor next week to meet the people who are being treated there. Part of the job of the septas is to look after the war wounded and the dying ones who come knocking on their doors.
For the sick, children or beggars, meeting the queen is the greatest honor. If I can make their lives lighter for a moment, then I would visit them as often as possible.
All these actions come from me; they were my ideas. During the few days I spent away from Joffrey, I had time to realize that I never act on my own. I act either according to my father, Joffrey, or Baelish. To charm the king was his idea, after all.
It is time to make my own decisions. For me and for the kingdom.
♐︎
In the middle of the throne room, I admire the Iron Throne. Even if I expected it to be much bigger, it remains the universal symbol of power. Every person in the Red Keep dreams of being able to sit there one day. And I'm sure many of them sneaked in here at night to do it for a moment.
But I don't think that's really what I want. There are lots of «cons»: being constantly in danger, being hated by half of its subjects, having to manage the lords and their wars. But I don't have the luxury of choosing. So, I might as well do it right.
"Majesty" says a voice behind me.
A soft voice although sharp that I know too well.
"Majesty" I answer by turning to my interlocutor.
"You too are tempted by the lure of power."
"Oh... No... I'm just looking."
"That's how it starts. You end up getting lost in this game and forget what you really wanted."
At first, I am surprised, I just look at Cersei. As the months went by, I realized that the queen was very dark. She must have lost hope a long time ago.
"And what did you want?" I finally ask her.
"Love at first. And when I finally stopped believing in it, I wanted the power."
"You no longer believe in love? Yet you love. Your children...Jaime..."
"Sure. My children are my joy, I wouldn't have survived without them."
"Certainly..."
Cersei is aware of what happened. In addition to seeing my injuries, Joffrey must have bragged about it to her. Hurting someone is not enough for him, he must also talk about it everywhere around him.
"I'm sorry for what he did to you" she says to my great surprise.
"I appreciate it... Although it's not your doing."
"I'm afraid so. Joffrey was so nice... A ray of sunshine after the storm that had been my first pregnancy. Despite all the love I had for him, I never knew how to instill certain values in him. And he became what he is."
"A monster."
"I always thought it was punishment."
For what Jaime and she did, I guess. After all, that's what we said about Targaryens. Aegon the Conqueror was married to his two sisters and the unions between brother and sister, uncle and niece, cousins, never ceased. The people first condemned them for this but eventually accepted it.
These incestuous marriages have produced good kings as well as mad kings. So, Cersei must not hide her face: if Joffrey were Robert's, he would be much more stable.
"I want Meryn Trant executed" I suddenly let go, surprising myself.
"I don't have the power."
"I do."
"Joffrey will not let you execute a member of his guard, she warns me."
"He can't do anything worse to me than what he's already done."
I take a few seconds to catch my breath which had been racing.
"Every night when I close my eyes, I see Trant, not Joffrey. I can still feel his hands on my body."
"Diana... I totally understand what you..."
"I don't think you can. This man made himself guilty of high treason when he laid his hand on me."
"He was responding to Joffrey's orders. You cannot go against the king's will."
Cersei will not let me, I know. Corrupt men like Meryn Trant do not run the streets. Only, he did not only respect orders, but he also gave himself to heart.
"Joffrey did not hit me" I explain. "He just... All the bruises on my body that prevent me from sitting properly, it was Trant who inflicted them on me. In addition to all the other filthy things he did to me when Joffrey was... asleep..."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that one of the soldiers in charge of my protection took my life and deserves to die for it. If the king does not grant my request, I should do it myself."
With a decided step, I leave the room before Cersei can add anything.
♐︎
"Renly is dead."
"How?"
"Versions diverge but all seem to involve Catelyn Stark somehow."
"She wouldn't have done that. I know my mother."
"Some say it was Stannis himself who killed him when the negotiations went wrong."
Under the shock of the news, I say nothing and just finish my glass of wine. I had very few opportunities to talk to Renly before he fled King's Landing, but he was always a perfect gentleman with me. The fact that he raised an army to take the capital was, however, much less kind.
An army that will undoubtedly turn to Stannis. We must prepare for a siege in the coming weeks.
"What about the Tyrells?" I ask Tyrion. "Are they joining Stannis?"
"Littlefinger is still negotiating with them. This seems to be tilting in our favor."
If Baelish can rally the Tyrells to our cause, we'll have a chance to win.
Don't fall for me, I don't want Joffrey or the Lannisters to win. They're the enemy. But I also do not want Stannis on the throne, he appears to be an unpleasant and belligerent man.
Placing Robert's brother on the Iron Throne was my father's idea after he discovered that the three little golden lions were not Baratheon. Ned died for this, so I'd rather not join him.
"What will happen to my mother?"
"She fled. She must already be on her way to Winterfell."
Wise decision. Winterfell has been in Bran's hands for far too long. He and Rickon need their mother. So do I, actually. I wouldn't say no to the comfort of my bed, family dinners and sibling disputes.
Robb, who I miss enormously, is on the front lines. He must surely be preparing for a new battle against Tywin Lannister. Arya is missing, and the search leads nowhere, so I'm afraid we'll never find her. Sansa is condemned to wander in this damned castle and avoid crossing the path of Joffrey.
The two youngest are, as I have just explained, in Winterfell waiting for Catelyn's return. And Jon, our bastard brother, must be fighting some snow monster on the other side of the Wall.
It is a long time since we all believe in security.