ROSE
"He followed us back..." Perry whispered as he peeked out of the window the moment we had stepped inside Nikolai's mansion.
The twins were awake, but they were laying in their stroller while Nikolai was giving them all of his attention.
"He's coming here..." Perry was speaking in a hushed tone, but it quietly echoed in the hallway.
I took a peek out the window when I saw that Lev had parked his car by the entrance of the mansion and had stepped outside along with his cousin, Nina.
Nina was trying to calm him down, to slow him down because he looked a little like a lunatic as he was walking up the stairs.
"What do you want me to do?" Nikolai asked as his gaze was focused on the twins in their double stroller.
"Should I allow him inside? Should I keep him outside? What do you feel the most comfortable with right now?" He questioned as he gently rubbed a hand over the side of his jaw that was slightly bruised.
I felt like my heart was about to burst out of my chest because meeting Lev again set me into a state of unease.
If I was being honest, I felt afraid of him because I was terrified he would hurt me all over again.
I had not even gotten a chance to properly heal from him, to mentally and emotionally move on from him, those things took time.
"What should we do?" Perry asks, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.
"Perry, can you watch over the twins, and Nikolai, could you allow Lev to enter the house...?" I'll reply.
"Are you sure?" Nikolai turned towards me with a grimace on his face, however, at that precise moment, a knock was audible on the entrance.
"I'm unsure, but I don't want to take a father away from the twins." I explained.
I did not have a proper father figure in my life, and I did not want my children to grow up without one. I knew that Lev could be a proper dad.
But a proper partner? I didn't think so anymore.
"I just need a moment, I will be back." I add.
I headed towards the bathroom on the first floor, and locked myself inside one of them.
I approached the sink with a mirror above, turned on the water, and splashed some cold water into my face. I felt like I was burning up, but in reality I was feeling anxious.
was worried that I would take him back, despite everything he has done to me.
I did not want to be a person who did not have a backbone, I was once that kind of person, and I did not want to continue being a person who did not stand their ground.
If I took Lev back into my life, what would happen to my self-respect? Taking back a man who chose his wife, his wife.
After splashing water into my face, it helped me calm down as I looked at the mirror in front of me and I observed the reflection of myself.
My amber eyes had a tinge of bitterness within them because of him.
I stared at myself in the mirror as I remembered the promise I had made to Helios and Nadia.
The promise that they would never be a second choice.
Lev did not choose us, we had not been his first priority, and I had promised my children that they would never be somebody's second choice.
Yet, he has every right to be in our children's life because he's their father, I can't change his rights unless I fight for full custody.
The sound of the bathroom door opening startled the hell out of me, as I thought I had locked it.
It was the same young girl who always wears a white blindfold to conceal her eyes, the one that I had met at Kiara's funeral, and who's close to Nikolai.
The dark dress she was wearing stood out among the golden wallpaper of the bathroom. Her dress was long sleeved, covering up her arms as well as her neck because the dress had a turtleneck.
The young girl reminded me of Nikolai, who also seemed to cover a lot of his skin.
"Can I help you with something?" I questioned her in a gentle voice.
I had seen the young girl around a few times in the mansion, but she never bothers me, she always goes to Nikolai if she wants something, given that she seems to be very attached to him.
But I still didn't understand how she could see with the blindfold?
Could it be that the blindfold was a see through? Or did she get used to the mansion, to know every direction without using her sight?
The young girl seemed to carry around a notepad and a pen in her hands, as she wrote something down and showed it to me.
'Who is here?'
"The father of the twins, Lev Mikhaylov." I answered, at the same time I wondered how she could see what she had written.
'Is he the dad of Helios and Nadia?'
A smile appeared on my lips because I loved the bond between the young girl and the twins.
One day, Nikolai had wondered if he could show the girl the twins, and I agreed, but I was in the same room the first few times while the young girl played with the twins.
"Sadly, he is." I admit.
Lev might be a good father, but he was not the ideal partner, he was good to me in the beginning, but when he left me while I was heavily pregnant, he wrecked me.
'Did he do something?'
I was surprised she did not know because I thought Nikolai might have told her, but he tends to keep my secrets to himself.
"He was a married man, and he left us for his wife without any explanation." I told her as I dried my face with one of the clean towels which hung beside the sink.
I couldn't see the young girl's reaction, but I sense that something shifted within her as her knees almost gave in, and she almost fell onto the floor.
"Are you okay?" I asked out of concern as I threw the towel by the sink and hurried my way to her.
The moment my hand collided with her shoulder, the girl pushed me away out of fear as she began to hyperventilate, taking very short inhales.
I grew worried while taking a step back because the young girl had fallen to the bathroom floor, curled up in the corner, her legs pulled to her chest, because she seemed to have fallen into a state of panic.
I pulled out my phone, dialing Nikolai's number because her white blindfold had started to turn a dark red shade at the same time she had begun to cry.
I called him and told him to come to the bathroom on the first floor, as a few moments later, he showed up.
"What's going on?" He closed the door behind him, he glanced at the young girl curled up in the corner.
He kneeled beside her as he tried to soothe her, but it was in vain, she did not respond, she only trembled and sobbed harder while the red smudge on her white blindfold was growing.
"I don't know, she suddenly entered the bathroom, and began asking who had arrived, which was Lev." I explained.
"Tell me exactly what she asked," He responds, taking off his coat, revealing his black turtle-neck as he places his coat gently on her shoulders.
"She asked me about Lev, and it got to the point where she questioned if he did something to me, and I told her that he had left me and the twins for his wife, Ana."
A flicker of understanding passed through his eyes, like he understood why she had become a complete wreck in mere minutes.
"Let me handle it from here, she only needs a few moments to calm down."
"But he is already in the living room along with Nina, while Perry is with the twins in your bedroom." He adds, but his gaze was fixed on her.
"Okay," Is the only word I managed to mutter.
I left the bathroom in a hurry, feeling a little bit like crap because the young girl got into a panic attack after I had said something.
I headed out of the bathroom, and into the hallway, until I reached the living room, which was something out of the royal palace as Nikolai seemed to love the golden color as well as Victorian era.
Lev was seated on the couch with his hands propped on his face, which meant that he was extremely tense and stressed.
His cousin, Nina, was leaning against the wall behind the couch, as my best friend was nowhere in sight since he was in my bedroom with the twins.
The older man was dressed in a black-button down shirt as his muscles were stretched out. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled to his elbows, exposing a few visible veins which began from his forearm and over his knuckles.
The moment I entered the living room, his gaze immediately drifted to me. I walked over to the couch across from him, sitting down so that I was facing him.
From my position, I could take a closer look at his face as I noticed he had grown a thicker stubble since the last time we saw each other, that had been a month ago.
Though, the feelings of anxiety did not go away, especially when his dark blue eyes intensely were looking at me, like he was soaking in every part of me.
Lev glanced behind his shoulder at Nina, asking for privacy as she exited the living room, leaving us alone in the spacious room.
"What do you want?" I asked him, short and simple.
"You," He answers.
"I want you back."
"Don't you think it is too late for that?" I asked, sitting with a straightened posture because I had this fear inside me, if I relaxed just a little bit, I would give in to him.
"Is there a way for us to get back together?" His voice sounded hopeful yet empty.
"As of now? No." I replied as he ran a hand through his dark stubble, he did that each time he was stressed out.
The wounds he had left me were still fresh in my mind and heart because it was only a month ago when he had left us for his wife.
"Can I ask you a question?" I directed my words to him as he gave a slight nod.
"Why did you leave us for her?" It was hard getting that one sentence out of me, but I managed.
He began explaining in great detail everything that happened, when he left for his business trip to Venice, Italy.
There he met his wife during the trip as he demanded a divorce from her, but his wife begged him for two weeks to come with her to Gran Canaria because she was dying. He ended up following his wife to the tropical island, where they once had their honeymoon, and he stayed with his wife for a month until the day she died.
I was sitting and listening to him, but instead of feeling at ease by his explanation why he had left us, I felt dreadful, I felt like he was digging deeper into my wounds.
They were never properly healed to begin with, but I felt like I had a wound in the middle of my chest, and he was holding the knife, stabbing me repeatedly.
Lev had been explaining himself, but I could not listen to him any longer, as I cut him off.
"Why were you still married to her?" We held eye-contact with each other even when I wanted to drift my gaze away from him.
"I was only married to her to protect her because of a deal me and her father had made. After Layla's death, she was kidnapped by a Mexican cartel because they had an ongoing war with her father. She was...raped and abused for weeks, until her father rescued her. We made a deal that she would be protected by me until we caught the cartel which did those things to her." He explained, but he slightly clenched his jaw at the mention of her.
"But I had been in the process of a divorce ever since we caught the cartel, and it was around the time when we slept together for the first time in my office." He adds.
"Why did you not tell me? Why could you not tell me the truth? Why did you have to be so cruel towards me?" The questions kept pouring out of my mouth.
This was the last time I could get answers from him, why should I hold myself back?
"There are no excuses or explanations which could condemn my actions. There's nothing that I could say or do to make it all better. But back then... I did not trust you enough, I did not trust you enough for you to stay by my side when you found out the truth. I thought you would leave me if I explained, but I was wrong."
"I'm sorry, Rose. I'm so sorry for leaving your side." He was asking for my forgiveness.
"I should have never left you, I should have stayed by your side, taken care of you and the twins." He mumbles, but I noticed a glimpse of hope in his eyes, that it maybe it was not too late for us.
"Lev... I do not want a person who throws me aside the moment his wife needs him."
"I do not care if she was dying or not, but put yourself in my position. What if you were heavily pregnant, you were in your most vulnerable period during the pregnancy because you were going to become a mother in a matter of days or weeks, but then I decided to leave you to be with my spouse because I was still married and had obligations to her?"
"Would you take me back?" I add.
Lev grew silent out of shame, he knew that if he was in my position he would never take me back, he would kill me.
"Lev, do you think that I'm trash that you can throw away whenever you want, and then come and pick up whenever you like? Do you think that little of me?" I asked.
"Rose-"
"What do you want from me? I'm only a twenty-two-year-old woman who wants what's best for her kids and herself, if that means that you won't be a part of my life, then so be it."
"I-"
"I won't separate my children from their father, because I know you can be a good dad, you were one to your daughter, but you and me are done."
"Do you really mean that?" He questioned, as I allowed him to finish his sentence this time.
"I meant every word I said. I do not trust you anymore, but do I still love you? Yes. But even the love which I have for you is not strong enough for me to take you back. If I took you back, what kind of example would I set for the twins? Their mother who allows their father to walk in and out of their lives, my children would end up like me, searching for a relationship with others which they did not have with their parents."
Lev lowered his eyes to the floor, he leaned forward, his elbows on his thighs as his gaze was almost vacant like each of my words were draining his life.
"Lev, I don't want to become my mother's daughter, I don't want to be like my mother who stayed with my father even when he cheated on her, disrespected and trampled all over her dignity, which ended up ruining her children. I would never wish for my children to have the same fate that I did."
He kept quiet, his gaze was vacant, yet he stared at me with admiration.
The sound of footsteps descending the stairs caught our attention. Perry made his way down the stairs, taking gentle steps as he held onto my daughter, who was wailing her heart out.
"I checked her diaper and stuff, but I think she's hungry." Perry explains once he descended the stairs with Nadia in his arms.
But he was also holding onto a pillow, which was a pillow I used whenever I breastfeed the twins.
He handed me the pillow, and I placed the comfortable pillow into my lap.
My best friend placed my daughter on the dark gray pillow as she had not stopped wailing.
Perry left the room to give me some privacy, heading back up to my bedroom, where Helios was sleeping.
I started to remove the nursing bra, exposing my breast, and brought Nadia towards my nipple.
She latched into my nipple while I wiped a few tears from her red cheeks, she seemed to have cried a lot.
When I looked at my babies, all I could feel was this unconditional love for them. They had been somebody who had saved my life because if they had not been born, I might have taken my life because of Lev.
Though, there were days when I felt guilty as I wondered if I was a good mother for them, because I was afraid to hurt them.
Nadia pressed her tiny hands against my skin as she latched onto my nipple. Lev had been watching us the entire time, his gaze was gentle, he even looked helpless.
"What's her name?" He asked, as he did not know his daughter's name yet.
I cleared my throat because it was a painful situation as he did not even know his daughter's name since he had not been at her birth.
"Nadia, I named her because it means hope." I answered, glancing down at my daughter, whose head was filled with locks of dark hair.
"And what's our son's name?"
"Helios, but we call him Elio."
"When were they born?"
"On the 1st of December." I mumbled, gently running a few fingers through my daughter's dark hair, which resembles Lev's hair.
"I stole your car from the garage, I drove for hours on a highway, until I had run out of gas and my water had even broken, I was in the middle of nowhere. If it wasn't for Nikolai, the twins would have most likely been..." My words trailed off as I did not have the courage to say the dark thought out loud.
"Jesus," He curses, along with a few other words in Russian as the guilt washed over his facial expression.
Nadia had withdrawn from my nipple as she seemed content because she had been fed.
I took her into my arms, gently patting her on the back until she burped, and I could almost let out a smile because I could almost hear a satisfied sigh coming from her.
Afterward, I lay her back on the pillow as I put on the nursing bra along with my shirt.
"Do you want to hold her?" My question stunned him as silence grew between us for a few moments again.
"Yes." He responded, taking a sharp breath in.
Lev stood up from the couch and took a seat beside me as I carefully lifted our daughter and handed her to him.
At first, he held onto our daughter like she was a foreign object like he was afraid he would break her in his arms, but she started to wail as she was not comfortable with new people, even if the person was her father who she had never met.
"Hey..." Lev whispered, his voice calm and gentle, even I was surprised to see this side of him.
Nadia slowly stopped wailing as she listened to her dad's voice, almost like she recognized his voice.
If she did, it must have been from the womb because Lev always placed his lips against my stomach when I was pregnant, and talked to the twins, he did that every single night.
Lev gave out a genuine smile to her, and after a few moments, she smiled back at him. My heart melted at the father-daughter bond, he would be a good father to the twins.
Lev looked away from us, in the other direction, but he lifted one hand to his face, wiping away a tear.
"Will you allow me to be in their lives?" He asked, his voice strained as his head was in the other direction towards the windows.
"Why would I keep the twins away from you? You are their dad."
"Thank you." Is all he needed to tell me.