"Uhn...uhn...uhn..." Sébastien panted as he pressed himself over and over into his bedding. Doing anything to find an ounce of relief as his need for Colette had grown ever increasingly since she left him alone in his study earlier tonight.
He dragged the length of himself along the woolen blanket, imagining a warm, tight place. Pleasure shot through him that had him shaking as he knelt over the bedding of hay.
He knew he would find no relief on his own but he couldn't help himself. She wanted him. He made her wet for him. An enticing thrill went through his body at the thought.
"Uhnnn..." he moaned, thrusting again. He should probably count himself lucky that their kiss did not happen though. Gods knew he probably would have lost all sense of control and taken her in that chair. It would have been so easy to turn her around and bend her forward before hiking up her skirts and plunging himself into her. The image had him rubbing himself faster across the blanket. Completion lingered at the base of his groin. Unfortunately, it never made it further than that. He never came. Not since Celeste.
"No." He growled into his shoulder, batting away the horrid thought of what would happen to Colette if his urges won. He couldn't have her. He knew in his heart it was wrong. She didn't deserve death. He did.
The sad thought had him softening and he turned over onto his backside. He was sprawled out naked on the floor of the watchtower. He welcomed the crisp, night air to settle against his raging hot body.
Niel had been right to plead with him not to follow through with that evening. Sometimes the old man could read him better than himself.
What was Colette doing now? He stared at the domed, brick and mortar ceiling. Was she able to find sleep? Had she... investigated her burden. The thought had him rising again. He needed to sleep and begrudgingly rolled over onto his side. Nothing could be done right now. Nothing will ever be done between them. He would make absolute sure of that.
...
Niel chastened Sébastien that morning during breakfast in his study. The old man strangled him with his eyes. Sébastien took the affront obediently, sitting with his paws stacked on one another in his lap. His foot shook restlessly but other than that he did not retort back any until the butler finished writing his sentence.
Never again. Never again will you be alone with her. You must distance yourself. Do not fall prey to your urges. Let her go.
Sébastien snarled softly, the first indication of his feeling toward the command.
"I'm aware of that and I will take diligent action to avoid being alone with her again. I cannot promise we will not happen upon each other's paths but I know we can do no more than exchange friendly greetings. I don't want to cause any harm towards her. She doesn't deserve to be wrapped up in my burden. The sooner she leaves the better. For both of us." For her he thought, sullenly. He would remain in this castle, longing to return to life outside. To be with her.
He flexed his claws and sighed heavily. "How is her father? Is he well enough to travel yet? Did you send the design I gave you for the chair to the blacksmith? Any word yet from him?"
Niel nodded, bending down to write again. It was a long minute before he put down the quil.
Her fathers wounds have healed over with soft scar tissue. He should be able to endure traveling if not today then tomorrow. The blacksmith has sent word back on the time of your chairs arrival. Tomorrow evening it will be delivered along with a large cart and mare you ordered. It is a kind thing that you have done for Colette's father. He will remember this for the rest of his life.
Sébastien nodded solemnly. He would visit the old man.
The castle felt lighter today, Sébastien noted as he walked towards Colette's fathers bed chamber. The sun spilled in from the tall windows and illuminated the damp hall with bright, white light. The air felt less suffocating. Perhaps it was this new found reason to do better. Even though his body screamed at him not to let her go.
He was halfway down the hall when the door to Colette's fathers chamber opened and Colette walked out. She was dressed in a simple blue gown over ivory skirts and her hair was braided down her shoulder. The long tail hung past her chest at her waist. He never realized just how long her hair was.
She hadn't noticed him but as soon as her eyes met him he stopped in his tracks, locked on her gaze. There were too many emotions swimming along her eyes and he felt the weight of each and everyone of them.
Warriness. Desire. Regret. Sympathy. Absolution.
He felt the air between them hum with unspoken words. He started towards her and she towards him.
"Col- " he began to say her name as she neared him but she continued right past. Her shoulder barely brushed his as she walked by him. It felt like someone dropped a hundred pound boulder on his chest as he watched her walk away.
He watched her disappear around the corner of the hall and felt as if she died. He smoothed his hands down his mane. He felt his breath hitch as a cool wave of panic went through him.
Breathe. Inhale. Exhale.
It was clear what happened last night would stay in the past. She would not give into whatever desire she felt towards him yesterday evening. And that was... fine. It would make it easier for him to do the same. Atleast, he hoped he thought warrily.