"Armin."
***
I shoved the name away before it set itself too deep in my head. Now definitely wasn't the time to be sentimental, and getting my head in a worse space than it already was in was the last thing I wanted right now. With my jaw set tight and gaze directed down to the ground, I draw a blade and cut the piece of clothing in my hand into strips before pacing to Hange and kneeling in front of her.
Sheathing my blade with one hand and readying the makeshift bandage with the other, I ball up a smaller portion of the shirt and hold it out, her good eye looking down at it before she took it into her own hands. Pursing her lips and running her tongue over her teeth, one of her shaky hands raised it to her bad eye and pressed against it. She sucked in a pained breath as she did so, nose scrunched in a agony as I begin working the strip of cloth around her head to secure the ball of cloth in place without her having to hold it.
"I'm sorry," I murmur, every sudden movement of her body making me flinch in return, fearing I hurt her more than I intended. "I'm sorry."
"No, no," she whispered back, her voice strained. "Might be infected, it's not you. It's everything else," I shook my head, mustering up a tight lipped smile that lasted the fraction of a second.
"We'll get you sorted when we get back home, okay?" I say, voice quiet as I finish the wrap with a knot. She blew out a quivery breath, good eye opening with her eyebrow still furrowed a little. Her eye met mine, glossed with emotion. Sadness, pity, defeat. The sight itself made my heart clench and the emotion in her eye seemed to rub off on me.
Hange needed someone now more than she ever did, even if she didn't admit to it. I leaned forward, looping my arms under hers and stretching them across her back in a long embrace. Her entire body weight was suddenly on me, melting into me like she was waiting for something like this. My ear against her chest acted as an amplifier for her raging heart, her breathing was weak, her touch vulnerable. Her face was soon buried in my hair, her hands reaching across my own figure with soothing rubs up and down my back. We sat like that for a while, the rest of the squad all watching Reiner who was blindfolded and sitting as just a torso and a head, leaning against a house.
"You know," Hange began quietly, her body shaking with a dry chuckle as she pulled away. "Shorty is lucky to have you." A statement such as that was random in a place like this. Before I could even question it, she stood up and stepped around my kneeling self, demeanour changing to a more serious note the closer she got to the bearer of the armoured titan. Wordlessly, she crouched down and began rummaging through the pockets of his pants that were barely pants anymore. A short moment passed before she pulled out a small steel case, taking some long seconds to twist it around in her fingertips.
"So Reiner," her voice was cold. A lot colder than it was just moments before. I shift myself around, seating myself on the crate Hange had just risen from, seeing the bracelet from Levi peak out from under my sleeve. My fingers inched towards the emerald encrusted Scouts crest, eyes rising again to watch the interrogation Hange brought upon the enemy. "What exactly is this steel case? You'd have to be pretty desperate to carry around something like this. Suicide pills? A bomb, perhaps?" Her words were plain, void of anything. The steaming boy coughed before he could answer, the muscle on his face exposed, enveloped with a thin screen of steam.
"A letter," he whispers, voice raspy and weak.
"A letter? What kind of letter?" Hange questioned.
"A letter from Ymir. Please, you have to give it to Krista," he took his time with his words, making sure each and every syllable was enunciated with such accuracy.
"After we examine it first," Hange states firmly before standing up and pocketing the steel case. Her hand reached for a hilt, attaching a blade with malice in her eye. "Alright, I have a mountain of questions I'd like to ask you but your mouth seems to be as hard as armour." She ran a hand up the spine of her sword, eye following the long caress almost admiringly. "I wonder, will you tell me what we want to know?" Everyone looked at him, waiting.
"Nope," he muttered back making the brunette snicker.
"Thank you, that makes this job easier," she fell to one knee and forced to blade to his throat, the action catching me off guard. Jean scrambled to his feet, shouting for her to stop. The titan boys neck spilled blood, his breathing interrupted with wheezing and sputtering as he tried his best to avoid choking on his own blood.
"Are you sure about this?" Jean exclaimed hurriedly. "Isn't it possible that we could take his power away from him?" The ice in her eye seemed to melt, the sun reflecting some type of emotionless sheen across it.
"I don't think the conditions have been met," she turned back to Reiner, putting more pressure onto the blade and digging it further into his throat. "We don't know where Levi or any of the others are, and I don't think we have time to check on them. There's just no way to gauge how much strength these guys have left in them. I could send this guys head flying and I still wouldn't let my guard down," Reiner choked again, blood leaking from his lips and trailing down his chin, onto the blade held by the brunette.
"That's not like you," Jean murmured. "If you're content with leaving things unknown, how can we ever expect to defeat the titans? When will we ever know enough to face our enemies?"
"Jean," I whisper, though not loud enough for him to hear. He was right, this wasn't like Hange. Mercilessly killing someone just like that, or intending to, knowing full well they have the information we want, the information we need. We can use him, either as a source for details or a potential power bearer we can give to someone in need.
"Mikasa," Hange utters. "How much gas do you have?"
"Hardly any," Mikasa answers. "But I have enough to reach Eren and Armin."
"That's more than me. Go check on Eren and the others immediately, replenish your gas while you're there and get the injection from Levi if he's there. If you can't do that for whatever reason, fire a flare. That will be my signal to end Reiner," Hange's order were precise and straight to the point. This was a side of her I hated seeing, the murderous side of her. I tapped my own gas canisters, surprised when I realise I had just under a quarter left. I had burned through it fast, but I also had a lot more than I thought I did.
"Understood," the ebony haired girl murmurs before she took to the sky and disappeared from sight. Hange pulled the blade away from Reiner's neck, standing and looking in the direction Mikasa had vanished in.
"Hange, I-" Jean began before he was quickly cut off by the section commander.
"This was my decision, you only provided me data," she muttered. "The question is who? Who are we turning into a titan? There's Sasha who's injured, but no critically. Or is there a better candidate?" The whole lot of us fell silent. A long minute, and then another, all until a loud pop sounded from the other side of the district, in the direction Mikasa had disappeared in. A flare shell flew into the air; the signal to end Reiner. My heart picked up its pace, watching as Hange stepped towards the steaming boy before the quadrupedal titan from over the wall burst down the street and lunged for Hange. I launched from the crate, nothing in my gut anticipating anything bad happening soon, watching as Jean shot a hook and dove straight into Hange, narrowly missing the limb severing bite of the titan. Zion, Reece and the others all leapt out of the way, tumbling into heaps to the side with groans and grunts.
The kick up of dust got into my eyes, making me panic as I couldn't see properly. The dust settled down after a moment, the four legged titan staring at us for a brief moment with Reiner hanging from its lips, a platform of barrels and crates strapped to its back and a strange looking shirtless blonde man with a beard and titan markings similar to Eren's scratched into his face sitting on the platform. The titan markings could only mean one thing, he was the beast titan and his face was steaming. Levi had either gotten to him and somehow let him slip, or Levi failed altogether.
I prayed it wasn't the latter.
"Hange! They took Reiner!" Connie exclaimed, pulling a trigger on his own hilt with the intent of chasing after them as they all ran away.
"Connie! You don't need to chase after them! You barely have any gas left, you'll only get yourself killed," Hange's voice sounded vanquished. Beat up, tainted with failure. Her hands shook, soft clinking of her blades rattling against the hilts as her head slowly lowered and began to hang. I hadn't even realised the blades that had been drawn with my own hands, the sound of unsheathing not even being recalled in my head as I gazed down at the flawless steel held in my grip.
"Damn it!" Jean's fist beat at the ground as he laid sprawled across it, his tone taken by rage and disappointment. "It's my fault, I- I've done something terrible!"
"I thought I told you, this was my decision," Hange was far too calm for this particular situation, her back stayed facing us, arms still quivering with her initial reaction to attack our pursuers, shoulders rising and falling with each laboured breath she took. "Let's join up with Eren," were the last words she said before she sheathed her swords and turned on her heel, walking in the direction of the inner gate.
"Do you all have enough gas to make it back?" I ask aloud, eyes roaming over the people who all stood in my presence.
"Barely, I'll make it work though," Hange was quick to respond, detaching her blades from her hilts and lightly squeezing the triggers. All the others nodded, a small gesture that only proved their answer was the same. With a small breath, I furrowed my eyebrows and look at the sky, the trail of the flare just about faded away completely.
"Alright, let's go," I mutter, the words meant for no one in particular as we all shot off into the air and headed straight for where the shell came from. I took the time to gather mental images of the district, black clouds of smoke slowly rising into the air as large flames reduced to scorching hot embers. Everything in sight was flawed majorly. Near the actual gate was a steaming curled up mass, likely the size of the Trost Headquarters, if not bigger. That steaming mass was the colossal titan, only confirming Bertholdt's defeat. And as we gained ground, the wind cooling my minor burns from the blast, I find multiple figures gathered on a roof right beside the wall.
Looking closely, I see Eren laying down on the edge of the roof, three unconscious people, one of them completely unrecognisable, another familiar face standing off to the side and Mikasa readying to drive her blade straight across a bloodied Levi's throat, who was restricted beneath her weight.
"Fuck, she's gonna kill him!" Hange exclaimed hurriedly before she flew down to them. I was right beside her, the brunette practically landing on top of her as her body lurched forward, my own landing being directly behind her as I restrain her arms from making any progress for the kill. The force Mikasa put into her swing was drastic, I underestimated her strength and just barely managed to keep it from going any further.
"Hange! Y/N!" Levi exclaimed, the brunette ripped Mikasa away from the raven, her arms getting ripped out of my grasp as I let go. The two tumbled backwards, putting distance between the two Ackerman's who were suddenly in a random dispute. I fall to a knee, an ache forming in my chest, the memory of Mikasa elbowing me just flashing through my head. A hand rose to my chest, clutching at the fabric that rested there as Levi sat up in his seat. It wasn't until now I realised what was really happening.
Two of the unconscious people that laid up here were Armin, whose skin was completely charred, and Erwin, whose organs were spilling out of his lower torso. The ache in my chest was the least of my concerns, head throbbing from my heartbeat that was instantly pounding in my head.
"What the fuck? What the fuck?" Those three words were the only words that seemed to come from my mouth. My gaze seemed to avoid everything but the people whose eyes were currently closed. The third figure was none other than a completely dismembered Bertholdt. That was it, the reason for the fight between Levi and Mikasa.
The choice of whose life was to be saved, and whose life was to be banished.
The air was thick, I was almost choking on nothing as the faint clicking of Levi assembling the syringe became the loudest thing I've ever heard. Who was he going to choose? How was he going to choose? His gaze was set on Erwin, the shallowest of breaths coming from his mouth in low, throaty huffs. Mikasa screamed, Hange doing everything in her power to keep her from advancing towards the raven haired captain.
"Mikasa! We still need Erwin!" Hange yelled back, the ebony haired girls eyes only gleaming as they spilled with salty tears. Her cries fell on deaf ears as Levi ignored them, his determination set on reviving Erwin and having him eat Bertholdt to gain his titan power.
"What the fuck?" I say again, my own eyes brimming with tears of their own. Erwin or Armin? The commander who was like a distant brother, or the young boy I had came to raise?
"The Survey Corps has nearly been wiped out! If the Commander dies too, humanity will lose its symbol! We can't allow the flames of hope to be extinguished within the walls!" Hange exclaimed.
"But Armin can do that too!" Mikasa cried in reply, and she was right. They were both right, which made this whole thing all the more difficult.
"Yes, Armin is an incredible talent! But our battle is nowhere near over yet!" Hange returned, her voice was on the verge of breaking as she tried her best to clearly explain the reasons. Tears rolled down my cheeks, was this seriously what we were facing right now? The hardest decision being forced onto Levi as he's made to pick, his demeanour screamed the need to inject Erwin, but a part of him had a sense of hesitance about it. "We need Erwin's experience and leadership to-" the brunette fought against Mikasa's attempt to break free, desperate grunts sounding from the both of them. "I have people, I wish I could bring back too. Hundreds of them. Ever since I joined the Survey Corps, every day has brought a new farewell. But you understand, don't you? Everyone you meet will be parted from you one day. I know it's difficult to accept, it's hard to stay sane living like that. It's painful, so painful, I know that. But even so, we need to move forward," and Hange wrapped her arms around Mikasa in a tight embrace, acting as both a restraint and an action of consolation.
Levi filled the syringe with some strange liquid from a bottle, taking a deep breath and turning to Erwin. I could barely look at him, I could barely look at any of them. I couldn't look at Erwin or Armin, Eren or Mikasa. I couldn't even stand seeing my own body in my peripheral, because being stuck in a predicament such as this felt wrong. It felt so fucking wrong, and the responsibility wasn't forced onto me. My presence here didn't feel welcomed, I felt as though I had no right being here. As though most of the people present for this stupid mess wasn't to be here at all.
"Captain," Eren's voice rung out, his hand latching onto Levi's ankle. My gaze stuck to the roof tiles, darker shades of the tile appearing as my tears dampened them for a few seconds before drying up again. "Have you heard of the ocean? It's like a gigantic lake, that stretches far beyond the horizon. Not only that, it's made out of salt water. That's what Armin said." Floch, who had been standing off to the side ever since we had arrived was quick to restrain Eren.
"Hey! Stop it already!" Floch exclaimed.
"He said someday we'd go and see the ocean on the other side of the walls. But that was a dream we had as little kids, one I had forgotten long ago!" Eren cried, his mouth spilling with blood. "All I had left inside me was hate, revenge for my mother, wiping out the titans. But Armin's is different! Fighting isn't all he has! He has dreams!" Levi's look faltered as I looked up at him. Reluctance, regret, doubt, pity. Every single negative emotion I could think of flurried through those eyes I think are the most beautiful things on Earth.
"Troops, clear the area! Erwin will turn into a titan and eat Bertholdt!" The raven exclaimed. The order was loud and clear, and everyone was quick to obey, Floch taking Eren away, Hange taking Mikasa and so on. Everyone acted on the order, except for me. My name was shouted from Zion and Reece as they all flew away, the two landing on a roof nearby, watching as I didn't move. I couldn't move, my limbs all ceased to obey commands my brain sent. The numbing tingling sensation that was spreading like wildfire through my body only further rejected the need to evacuate the area.
I still couldn't believe it. Armin or Erwin. My breathing was shaky, shallow, miserable. The same three words still ringing through my head. What the fuck? What the fuck? My throat hurt from the refused want to sob, eyes stinging from the barrier that kept tears from endlessly falling. I can't be mad. How can I be mad? There was nothing to be mad at, there was nothing to be anything at. Pity? Fury? Grief? Sorrow? The situation at hand seemed like the right one to feel these, but I can't. I couldn't.
"What the fuck what the fuck what the fu-" I took my head into my hands, the only movement I was capable to making now, fingers grasping on to my hair in distress. A soft clink sounded from nearby but I didn't raise my head to see where it came from. The feeling of fingers brushing across my cheek seemed to set my face on fire, the hand reaching under my chin as Levi lifted my face to look at him. Those eyes, those blue moon kissed pools of silver, peered down at me with swirls of sadness and regret raging through them. The soft look of his gaze only made a sob come from my throat, his lips pursing as his hands traveled down my back and gently pulling me towards him.
And I melted into him, feeling returning to my body as I feel myself shaking violently. I can't help the sobs that came from my throat as he buried his nose in my hair, lips whispering things I couldn't hear over the sound of my cries. The soothing caress of his hands rubbing up and down my back in a somewhat successful attempt to calm me down, the earthiness in his scent as I cried into his chest. Everything, everything about him was so comforting, and I could not be more grateful to have him.
"Please leave the area, Mon Amour," he murmured, pulling away. More zips sounded as the anchors of the gear pierced straight through the roof. Arms looped around mine, dragging my hands away from Levi as the boys urged me away.
"Come on, Sunshine. We need to go," and I nod with a swipe of my arm across my eyes, drying them from tears. I send Armin one last glance, the image of him staining my mind before it was blurred with threatening tears. Promptly turning away, I take a deep breath.
"I'm sorry," were the only words I could muster up before I pull a trigger and tail after the boys. In no time, we landed on a roof near the others who had all gathered and began watching from a distance. After landing, I collapse to the ground, my legs unable to work again. I felt so defeated, so selfish. And for what? In what world was this my fault? Did I have the right to feel so guilty over something I had close to no control over?
Reece and Zion said nothing, only seating themselves on either side of me and encasing me in an embracing cocoon, trapping me between their arms. They still said nothing as the ground trembled when the titan transformed, not moving to check the circumstances. They stayed silent as the screams of Bertholdt reached out towards us, failed attempts at verbal negotiation to save his life after he tried to take ours. Their embraces only tightened when the squad called out an unexpected name moments after the sickening crunch of skull and bones being crushed between giant teeth.
"Armin?!" The name was piercing, it nearly felt forbidden to say it or even think it this soon after a decision such as the one Levi had to make. But their tones, optimistic, shocked, dare I say happy, even, only made me freeze up in the embrace of the boys. "Holy shit, Armin! Grab him, head up to the wall!" Jean's voice ripped through the streets, immediately followed by countless zips as they went towards the evacuated area. My breath hitched. Levi chose Armin? Looking up, mass clouds of steam rose to the air, the cries of the squad evident from a few houses over. I scrambled from the grasps of the boys, looking over the peak of the roof and seeing everyone gathering around the fresh steaming heap that was hanging over the side of the house the dispute happened on.
"He injected Armin," I whisper in near disbelief. How did I feel? Sad? Relieved? That would only mean Erwin was...
"They're heading up the wall now, let's go," Reece voiced and went to follow after them. Tapping my canister, I glance around, seeking out the presence of Hange and Levi. They were nowhere in sight, but something in me said they were okay. If my instinct said that, I could only trust it, and I trail after the others.
***
Hours had passed since the power of Bertholdt was acquired by Armin. Since the confirmed death of Erwin.
Setting up camp on top of the wall, tending to the injuries of anyone who had obtained wounds during the battle, looking over the district for anything of use. I had rid myself of my jacket, nursing Hange's eye properly with better tools and such while we waited for Armin to wake up. And he did, eventually, sitting up abruptly in his bedroll with the name of the very person he ate in his titan form just hours prior.
My eyes snapped to him, wide and shocked. My hands sought a bottle of water, having no success in finding it without the helping aid of my sight. I looked down for a moment, quickly finding it before rushing to his side and uncapping the bottle. He looked at it, taking it into his hands and downing nearly the whole lot of it.
"It hurts," Sasha groaned from beside him, still half unconscious. Armin was quick to move to her bedroll, examining her injuries with furrowed brows.
"Those are serious injuries, how did you-" the blonde muttered.
"Armin?" Eren called out in uncertainty as he ran along the wall towards us. Armin turned to look, the teal eyed boy only picking up his pace and increasing into a sprint before nearly tackling the blonde to the ground. "Welcome back," he whispered, voice breaking. A moment passed before an anchor cracked through the edge of the wall, the raven haired captain landing on the edge hastily. He had left the wall quickly after Armin's transformation, most of his time on the wall spent holding me in a tight embrace before he disappeared to scout the district out again with half the squad.
"So he's up," Levi says, walking towards us with his hand preparing a flare gun.
"What's going on? I don't remember any of this happening," Armin says hesitantly, eyes gazing up at Levi whose expression remained unchanging. But I knew him, there was a hurt in those irises I had seen once before; when Isabel and Farlan died years ago.
"Doubt you would," he returned quickly, pointing the gun upwards and setting the flare off. "Eren, tell him. And don't leave anything out," and Eren did. He explained everything from the time the inner gate was sealed after Bertholdt's transformation, all the way to when Armin was pulled from his titan form. Everyone stayed silent as the brunette spoke, even just sitting or standing still in case even that was too loud.
All was quiet after Eren finished explaining, poor Armin looked far too overwhelmed to even get a word out. I looked at the ground, the stone wall beneath our feet likely holding titans exactly like the one in Stohess. I suddenly found myself wondering just how many titans there were in these walls. Thousands? Tens of thousands? Millions, perhaps? The thought made me shiver.
"So, understand?" Levi asked.
"So you're telling me, the Survey Corps is now just the twelve of us here?" The blonde squeaked out.
"For now, yes," Jean answered. "It's been four hours since the battle ended, we spent it all looking for survivors but found none."
"So the gate to Shiganshina is sealed, you assume Reiner, the beast titan and one other have fled. You successfully captured Bertholdt, when both the Commander and I were on the brink of death, after a disagreement about who should receive the injection, I turned into a titan and ate Bertholdt," he looked like he was about to get sick, quickly uncapping the bottle he had in his hand and drinking whatever was left, almost like he was trying to get the taste out of his mouth. "Why did you choose me? Wouldn't anyone look at the situation and decide to bring the Commander back to life? Captain! Why did you give the injection to me?!" He exclaimed with a pleading tone. The raven glared down at Eren, kicking him lightly in the side.
"Tch, I told you to tell him everything," he scolds. "So you should know your two friends didn't see things that way. They actually went after me with their blades," I could practically hear the eyeroll in his voice.
"We'll accept any punishment you give us," Eren says.
"Your insubordination will of course be punished. But this goes far beyond military discipline," Hange puts forward. Eren and Mikasa lowered their gazes to the ground in acceptance.
"Of course," Eren mutters.
"That said, in the end, it was I who chose you," Levi continues, averting his gaze towards the district. "No, I chose this time and place for Erwin's death."
"But I don't understand, there's no way you could just let the Commander die. If Commander Erwin is gone, then, we- what do we do now?" Armin's question went unanswered for a moment. Brilliant question, yet no answer. The next in line for the role of commander was none other than Hange, so does she take the position?
"I also think we should've given the injection to Erwin," Hange says, earning countless stares from across the circle. "But Erwin himself entrusted that decision to Levi, and Levi chose you. There's nothing more to say, except that on your shoulders rests the life of Erwin and the power of the titans. That is why you live now, no matter what anyone else says. And we'll be expecting you to contribute even more to humanity, Armin."
"I- I'm supposed to be the Commander's replacement?!" Armin's voice was trembling, regret and fear brimming in his tone. "That's absurd!"
"Don't misunderstand," Levi says. "You could never replace Erwin. But, it is true you have a power no human has, got that? Don't make us regret that. Not me," the raven's hands ruffled Eren and Mikasa's hair, both of which were seated in front of him. "Not them, not any of them. Not even yourself, make regrets impossible. That is your mission."
"Ugh, shut up," Sasha groaned, half asleep and a shadow fell over the ravens face. Hange let out a laugh, instantly lightening up the mood.
"No one's a match for Sasha. Well, as Erwin's successor as Commander of the Survey Corps, we're in the same boat," Hange sighs, eyes pinned on Armin. "That just means the both of us need to prepare for whatever comes next." The blonde nodded, his gaze directing down to the ground.
"Okay," the word was said simply, an acceptance amidst his tone. Hange then started to get to her feet, stretching when she stood up straight.
"Well then, if you're alright Armin, I say we get going. Eren, Mikasa, Levi and I will complete the survey. Y/N, tagging along?" She asked, her eyes finding mine. I shook my head, sending her a tightlipped smile as a response.
"Nah, we'll be fine. You guys go ahead," I urge. She nodded once, her gaze soon darting from me to the others.
"The rest of you, keep watch from all sides of the Shiganshina district wall. Eren, you haven't lost the key have you?" She asked and Eren's hand reached up to his chest, tightening his shirt in his hand and clutching the key beneath it.
"No, it's right here," and soon after the four of them departed. Everyone dispersed, leaving for their posts for however long they were gone for, leaving only Armin, Sasha and I alone.
"Rest up, we have a long trip back to Rose when the others get back," I say to Armin, light snores already escaping from the lips of Sasha who had fallen back to sleep. He was reluctant with his nod, pursing his lips before laying back down in his bedroll. I let out a sigh, looking out over the district. It had been years since I had looked over the district before today. It had been years since any of us had looked over the district. It didn't feel real, everything that happened today felt like a bad dream. Blood, fire, sweat and tears, all of it stuck to me only proving my head wrong.
It was all real, and I had plenty of time to let it sink in, whether I wanted it to or not.
***
The ride home was agonising. The silence was dreadful, not even a singular titan on our way back to Rose to get our minds off anything. Eren had returned with three books, all supposedly filled to the brim with information behind the existence of titans. I didn't ask about them, the atmosphere dull and thick as we all went back to the outer town in search of our horses.
My heart was in my throat as I searched for Sin, putting my lips together and whistling for his arrival. A loud whinny sounding from far across the town only provoking another whistle, all until he galloped into the street we were all standing in. Another whinny as he nearly bowled me over at the sight of me, my own arms wrapping around his neck in an embrace he was likely confused about.
Sasha, Connie, Jean and the boys all stayed at the Trost Headquarters after a welcoming audience all cheered at our arrival. Numbers drastically reduced, but we returned victorious, gaining back what we had lost. None of us had the energy to speak to anyone as we were all applauded, walking through the streets of Trost. Most of the squad departed from us with an exhausted farewell, leaving only Eren, Mikasa, Levi, Hange and I to return through Rose ourselves, but not before I asked them to bring Sarj back with them after I had left him with Pyxis who fortunately adores the pup.
"I'll take these two to the Capital, will you guys be fine?" Hange asked, running a hand over her hair. Levi looked at her with a cocked eyebrow.
"It's nearly sunset, take a break at Headquarters before you go," he said. I nod in agreement, it had been a long day. Far too long, but she shook her head.
"These two are due for insubordination punishments, would rather get it all over with as soon as possible," she returned. I furrowed my brows, she was right but they were better off resting now. "No arguing, go home and get some sleep. We've all earned it." Neither of us argued, clicking our tongues before a fork split the road and we were all split apart once more, leaving only Levi and I. There were so many things I wanted to say, from the fork in the road all the way back home, the trip was short. Nothing in me could muster up the courage to ask anything. What made him change his mind? What happened in the basement? What was in those books?
But I didn't ask; I refused to. From the time we had put our horses into their stalls to when we went our separate ways in the stone cold buildings, we both remained silent. The first thing I did when I walked into my room was go straight to the shower, my skin felt revolting. Dust, dirt, rubble and blood all clung to the sweat that had set on my skin, hair knotted from all the gear use and the blast. But no matter how much I scrubbed, how raw I scoured my skin, I couldn't wash away the guilt I had.
Turning off the shower when I felt as clean as I possibly could, I knew Levi needed someone to console him, whether he admit it or not. He had just lost a good friend, a brother, even. I was hurt by the people we had lost today too, I couldn't even begin to think about how his head was feeling right about now. So I threw on a button up shirt and some shorts over some undergarments before leaving my office and trekking through the halls. They were dim, cold. Empty. But the journey was short, it always was. I soon stood in front of his office door, pushing through it and staying light on my feet. The main office was dark, the only light coming from the the last ray of sun that reached over the horizon outside the window and the candlelight that reached from beneath the bedroom door.
Tiptoeing over to it, the door clicks open as I twist the knob, and Levi's figure sat as still as a statue on his bed, back facing me. He hadn't showered, his cloak still draped over his shoulders as his head hung in defeat. My heart clenched at the sight, my feet moving around the door and closing it behind me. Pacing quietly to the bed, it shifted beneath the weight of my knees as I use them to situate myself behind him. I reach across him, unclipping his cloak as he stayed still. I didn't dare speak, this wasn't a silence that was to be broken by me, even if it were permitted.
My hands worked around the cloak, eyes glued to the dark green fabric as I folded it neatly and set it to the side. I sighed quietly, the sadness basically rolled off him in waves, so I press myself against his back, wrapping my arms over his shoulders and burying my nose in his neck. Pressing a feather light kiss to his neck before resting my head against his again, I hear his mouth open to break the deafening silence.
"Mon Coeur, aren't you tired?" He whispered, even such breathy words seemed to break. I shook my head in his neck, the gesture deeming itself a good enough answer. His feelings were more important to me right now, he was my priority. He didn't speak after that, my lips pursed in pity as he stayed wrapped in my arms.
"Are you injured, Lee?" I murmur, my voice barely audible. His head shook ever so slightly, a gentle gesture I was content with. He stayed there in my arms, my face in his neck for as long as he needed. The room was quiet, if any crickets were calling outside they weren't to be heard. It was just me and him. Just us.
"This may be incredibly selfish of me to ask, Sunshine," he began quietly making me tilt my head up slightly. He leaned back in my grip a little, turning his head so his eyes could catch a glimpse of my face. "And the idea of it repulsed me to a point, but..." I furrowed my eyebrows, struggling to decipher what he was trying to say.
He twisted in my grip, pushing me as my back met the covers and he hovered over me gently. He leaned down and pressed a slow, wispy kiss on my lips before pulling away slightly and angled his head downwards. His lips left a feathery trail down the side of my neck, his breath sending ripples down my spine. His hands playing with the hem of my shirt, the slightest contact between his fingers and my hips setting my skin on fire. He pulled back, fingers resting just under my shirt, thumbs stroking up and down my waist. His eyes were closed as his face hovered above mine, hair brushing against my face so slightly it tickled.
"I need a distraction, and I've been craving you. My weaknesses, my flaws, me as a whole, will you take me tonight as I am?"
***
🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭
AISHITERUUUUUUUUUUUUU
jazz<3