Aurelia's POV
After hearing everything Aaron said, I called Nate over to my dorm. I don't know why I decided to do it but I broke up with him, giving him some shitty excuse about my studies.
"I need to focus on my studies, Nate. I can't do it if I'm in a relationship that takes up so much of my time."
"Well, if you need space I'll give it to you. Sweetheart, there's very little in the world I wouldn't do for you. Please just tell me what to do and I'll do it for you."
"I- I like someone else," I said.
His lips pressed together and he nodded and started walking away.
"If you ever need to talk, I'll listen. I hope you know that. I hope you're both happy, Aurelia." He said right before closing the door.
I collapsed onto my couch and cried. I didn't know what to think about Hawthorne. Or what to think about Nate. The way Hawthorne said everything seemed so real. Nate was amazing but all we did was make out or fuck, we never really talked about anything. There were a lot of times I thought that maybe I liked Hawthorne but I never wanted to act on them because I always thought he hated me. The way he's always spoken to me has been so hateful. Especially our last day in New York.
I heard a knock on my door about twenty minutes after Nate left. Could it be him? A small part of me wanted it to be him so I could end it in a better way.
I opened it to see Hawthorne standing there. He wanted to talk. Of course, he did. He came in and hugged me. That's weird. We've never hugged before. Not even that time when we won the best presentation award in our year. I pushed him away.
"What do you want, Hawthorne?"
"Hear me out for once. Please." He said, his voice breaking.
"Go ahead."
"Nate came over to my dorm, he told me that you broke up with him.... Gray, that's not what I wanted at all...
I need you to understand that I just couldn't keep it in anymore. If you don't feel the same way then that's fine but I have loved you for over a year. Ever since that time, you spilled that extremely hot bowl of soup on me and laughed as though it was the funniest thing ever... I- I never hated you, Aurelia.
You make me a better version of myself. You push me to be better at everything just so I can win. I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you about all of this before but I am a coward. I always have been when it comes to you. I never meant to fall for you. I just wanted to get to know you better but when I saw you laugh like that, it was like nothing I'd ever felt before. I set that stupid bet because I was too much of a coward to actually admit my feelings for you. I thought that maybe if I slept with you, the feelings would go away..... Maybe it wasn't really love, it was just lust and desire. But, Gray, everything reminds me of you... Everywhere I go, I wish you were with me.
I'm sorry that I ruined your relationship with him and I'm sorry if you don't think I'm better than him. I just know that I would love you better than he ever could... Better than anyone else ever could."
"Why would you tell me all this now?"
"I tried keeping it a secret, Gray. I hated seeing you with Nate. I hated the way he looked at you, the way you looked at him like you loved him. I just couldn't keep it in anymore. You already know the worst about me and I about you. If we can get over our past, we could have a good future."
Tears filled his green eyes and he sighed.
"I know that I have made it extremely difficult for you to love me but, God, Gray, I could love you so much better than anyone else could. If you could just give me a chance. You mean so much to me. So fucking much and I keep falling for you more and more every day. You're incredible. I don't say it enough but know that I mean it."
"If you felt that way about me then why did you go fuck so many people?"
He laughed, "That isn't true. I haven't slept with anyone in eight months. I just spent all my free time stalking you, trying to know more about you, or getting drunk at some party. I tried forgetting about you by going to some new girl but every time I just imagined it was you with me."
" What about the shit you said in New York?"
" I didn't mean it." He sighed. " I needed to make you hate me so I could at least try to move on but it didn't work... It never does."
"What are you trying to say?"
"God, Gray. You're so fucking stupid." He said, sighing.
"I fucking love you. I love you, Lia." He yelled.
I just stood there for a moment, processing those words as I looked at him dumbstruck. I leaned up and kissed him. He immediately kissed me back, his hand tangling in my hair and the other one on the back of my neck as he kissed me passionately. He bit my lip softly and I gasped, allowing his tongue to slip inside. His lips were soft and he tasted subtly like mint. We pulled away after about five minutes, both of us breathing heavily.
"My heart aches when you don't talk to me for a day, Aurelia. I- I want to hold you and feel you next to me. I want to explore the connection we have together. Do...do you feel it too? Do you want this as much as I do?"
"Hawthorne... I-"
"I basically had my tongue down your fucking throat, Aurelia. I think you can call me by my first name now." He said, laughing softly.
I looked at him. Shit. How do I tell him I forgot what his first name is?
He looked at me, his eyes searching for an answer but I didn't give him one.
"You forgot... Didn't you?" He asked, his eyes starting to get moist. He sighed.
"You know what, I was wrong. You do belong with Nate. You have known me for nearly two years and you don't even know my name?
I was wrong, Aurelia. I am sorry that I ruined your perfect relationship with Nate and I'm sorry that I told you all of this. I shouldn't have. Please forgive me. You can go back to hating me. Do whatever you want. I can't love a person who doesn't even care enough to know my name. I hope you have a good night, Aurelia." He started walking towards the door.
"Hawthorne, I'm sorry."
"No, Gray. I'm sorry that I saw this for something it will never be. I will not stand here and pour my heart out to you and be your miserable little fool. I will not let you make a fucking mockery of me and my feelings for you. Goodnight." He walked out and closed the door.
I wanted to follow him out but what do I even say? I hurt him. I know I did. I walked out of my dorm about five minutes later and walked to Archer's dorm. I knocked on the door and he opened it, looking confused
"Aurelia, what are you doing here? It's late." He said.
"Yeah, I know but I need you to tell me what Hawthorne's first name is."
"Huh. Seriously, Aurelia? "
" I know it's stupid but please."
"It's Aaron." He said and I thanked him.
Aaron. That's a cute name. It suits him. I walked to his dorm and knocked on the door. He opened it, his eyes red and his cheeks stained with tears. I hated that I made him feel this way. He opened the door wider and let me in.
"I'm sorry," I said.
He looked at me but didn't say anything so I continued.
"Aaron, I never wanted to hurt you. I am genuinely sorry. I just forgot your first name because I keep calling you Hawthorne even in my head. Please."
He sighed and continued staring at me, expressionless.
"I do love you. I'm just forgetful and stupid. I never stop thinking about you and I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry I never saw the signs and I'm sorry that I dated someone while knowing you're the one I really wanted. I'm sorry I hurt you."
" I don't want your fucking sympathy, Gray. I'm not one of your boyfriends you can just fuck and then fix. The truth of who you are has shown me that it's better to love you in my imagination than ever love you for who you are."
" Who do you think I am?"
My voice was barely above a whisper. I couldn't recognize him. The look in his eyes was pure evil. The hatred in them. It was... scary.
" I think you're a miserable, lonely little slut. Since you broke up with your pathetic boyfriend, you need someone else to fuck. Someone else to listen to your bitchy whining. But, guess what, Aurelia? That person is not gonna be me. You are pathetic. You belong with pathetic people."
"Aaron, please. " Tears fell from my eyes as I tried to talk to him.
" Get out, Aurelia. Stop saying my name. Disappear from my fucking life. Just please leave." He yelled.
----------------
The mid-term exams were finally over and it's like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. After the two-week break, we got our results.
Aaron was first in the year. I was second. That was extremely surprising because I knew that I had really tried. But maybe a part of me wanted to do bad so I could lose that bet. He has been ignoring me since that night.
I went to Aaron's dorm in the evening, around 6. I knocked on his door and he opened it. He didn't say anything or do anything. He just looked at me.
"Hi, can I come in?" I asked.
He nodded and let me in.
"Congratulations," I said. I didn't really know what else to say.
He nodded but still didn't say anything.
"Aaron, I'm really sorry. I understand if you're mad at me but please forgive me. I never wanted to hurt you, I just thought that maybe if I hurt you, I could ignore my own feelings. You... won the bet."
"Yeah, whatever Aurelia, the only thing I want to do is hurt you exactly how much you've hurt me."
I nodded, " I get it. I really do but I never meant to do it. I hurt you and I know it and I'm sorry. But, I really do love you. The last three weeks have been hell for me. I wanted to come over here but I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if you'd even want to talk to me... Aaron, I just wanted to say that I love you. I love you."
I was breathing heavily as I looked up at him. He refused to meet my eyes.
I stood closer to him and he looked at me. His eyes trailing down to look at my lips. He cupped my face with his hands gently and he kissed me. My hands went to his hair as I pulled him in closer.
His kiss turned desperate as he moved his hand to my neck. I could feel his trembling hand move to my waist. His thumb stayed on my throat as his other fingers wrapped around the back of my neck, pulling me in closer.
"I can't. It's... too much." He said, trembling. He rested his forehead against mine.
"What?"
"I've waited...I've waited so long for this moment. I'm feeling too much, my love."
" Show me what you feel then," I said, smiling.
He grinned.
"I hate you. I fucking hate you so much." He said and then pulled me in to kiss me harder.
~~~~~