*WARNING this chapter is really sad*
I am in the airplane flying towards London. I lied to Lando about my stepfather he will probably be there but I will try to avoid him. I am really nervous about meeting him. I don't know if I will run away when I see him, cry or punch him. I am both scared and angry and I don't know how he will react when he sees me. I will try to ingore him as much as I can. A flight attented stops next to me. <<Would you like something to eat ma'am?>> she asks me in a polite tone with a slight smile. <<A fruit salad if it's possible>> I say with a kind smile. I try not to laugh to her calling me ma'am, it made me feel like I am some kind of royalty or a really old person.
<<Right away ma'am>> she walks away and now I remember that I am flying under McLaren's name in business class and that is why I get anything that I ask. My fruit salad arrives and I eat it right away. I feel a sudden russ of tiredness surround me so I decide to take a nap.
[....]
I open my eyes and look outside the window. I am supprised to see that we are landing and that I have slept for so long. I haven't been to London for over a year now, it's weird to be back here. I grew up here, I met Lando here, my mom died here. My whole life was the UK until 3 years ago when everything with my stepfather happened and Lando took me to Monaco with him. I stand up and grab my things, I guess it's time. I step outside the airplane on the stairs. I open my phone and close the fly mode. The first message I have is from Lando saying call me when you land. I sigh, he is really worried about me.
I give him a call but he doesn't pick up. I start walking towards the luggage when my phone rings. I look at it and see that Lando is calling. I pick up and he immediately speaks, <<You landed?, are you okay?>> I chuckle and feel kinda sad at the same time of how worried he is. <<I just landed and I am getting my suitcases now>> I say as I hear him let out a sigh of relief. <<I will be fine Lando>> I try to hide the fact that I am worried too. <<I know, I know... sorry I just don't want anything to happen to you>> his voice lower and sweeter than usual. <<I promise you nothing is going to happen>> I am trying to reassure him.
<<Okay but if anything at all makes you feel uncomfortable call me>> he sounds a lot calmer now. <<I will but now tell me did you land on Abu Dhabi>> I change the subject. <<Yep>> he says. <<Your first win on the last race of the year?>> I believe he is going to win in every race but I know McLaren isn't at that level yet. <<Without you being my strategist no I don't think so>> he laughs at his words. <<Ahh come on I know you can do it without me>> I say. <<Yeah sure now I have to hang up I will call you later in the afternoon to check on you>> he says and it's then that I realize I am already walking out the airport with how long we have been talking. <<Okay goodbye>> I hang up and put my phone back in my purse.
A taxi is waiting for me. McLaren really have arranged everything for me. I put my things on the trunk and get inside. I tell the driver my address and he starts driving. I am staring out the window my mind hollow. I don't know what I should think of or if it's better to not think at all. These streets look too familiar and too strange at the same time. I feel so weird being back here where all my happy and sad years are. Flashbacks of my childhood start rolling in my mind. We drive past the park where me and Lando used to play all the time. Now we are driving past the cemetery where my mom is buried. <<Can you stop here for a little bit I won't be long>> I say and he pulls over.
I haven't visited my moms grave for so long that I feel bad. I walk towards her grave and sit next to it. I used to visit her when I was younger everyday after school but I was only having panick attacks so I stopped visiting her so often. It's almost been 2 years now that I haven't visited her and her grave looks dusty like no one visits her. Tears start rolling down my cheek. Maybe she wasn't the best mother but she is still my mother and I shouldn't have been so disrespectful. She was never there because she was working for me. She is the only family member I remember. My dad is buried in Spain and we never went there with my mom. I know I have some grandparents somewhere in Spain but my mom never talked about them so I never searched for them after her death.
<<I have to leave now but I promise mom I will be back to clean your grave and talk to you>>. I start walking away and get back in the taxi again. After some minutes we arrive at my house. I see my stepfathers car here and sigh. I really hoped he somehow vanished. The house belongs to me after my mom pasted away but I never had the guts to ask him to leave. My hands are shaking as I turn the key and unlock the door. I open the door slowly. As the door is fully open I see a blonde woman with a baby in her hands staring at me. <<Who are you?>> she asks me scared. <<I was going to ask the same thing>> I think I sound mad. <<I live here with my husband>> the woman says. <<At my house?>> I am really confused. <<Jack>> the woman yells. My whole body shivers at his name. My stepfather, he has a new wife and they are living under my house.
He had the nerves to start a new family under my house, under the roof he stole my mother and run away and then came back begging her to take him back. <<What?>> he says as I see him walking toward us. He freezes when he sees me. I let out a chuckle as I feel the anger feeling me. <<You can stay here until you find a new house to live>> my words make him look mad and the woman looks a lot more confused. <<Come on Amanda you wouldn't kick your stepfather out>> he says with a grin. <<Oh yes I would and don't you dare to call me by my middle name again>> my voice is loud. He knows the only people I allow calling me by my middle name is Lando and my mom. It's the name my dad picked and the name Lando loved the most.
<<Oh and please explain to your wife who you really are she must be confused>> I walk in the house and close the door. <<When did you grow up and learnt to talk back sweetheart>> he says as he touches my arm. <<Dare to touch me again and your face will be one with the wall>> I say as I shove him back. I drag my suitcase towards the stairs. <<You should be thankful I didn't report you to the police after everything you did to me and my mother>> I start getting up the stairs to my room. It's locked so I have to find the key that I hid before leaving. I unlock the door and get inside everything is still the same. I sit on the bed and look around. As I start getting lost in my thoughts my phone rings. I pick up and it's Lando.
<<Did you arrive at your house yet?>> he sounds like he is outside. <<Yep I am in my room>> I say in a low tone. <<Are you alone in the house?>> he asks me still worried. <<No apparently he has a new wife now and a baby>> I say with a laugh. <<Yo what?>> he says loud. <<Yeah but we will talk about this another time, I really want to go clean my mothers grave>> I don't want to talk about it now. <<Okay but will you be fine alone at the cemetery?>> he sounds too worried. <<Yeah I went there and earlier, I haven't visited her for a while and no one else cleaned her grave>> my voice sad now because I am the only person that cares about her and I haven't been there for quit some time now.
<<Okay I will call you tomorrow>> he says. <<Goodbye>> I say to him again and he hangs up. I can here my stepfather and his wife arguing downstairs. I hope this woman doesn't go through what my mom went. I start walking down the stairs, I can hear him yell <<That's why I didn't tell you>>. They are in the kitchen and when I walk in he goes to hit her. I run in the middle and grab his hand. <<Keep your hands to yourself before I shove them right up you ass>> I don't recognize me anymore, I didn't knew I had so much anger inside me. <<You like hitting woman and abusing them you find it fun but it won't be fun to you when I end your life, when all the world will learn what you are doing and you will be fired from work, your new wife will leave you and you will be nothing but trash just like you made me, my mother and hell knows how many other women feel>> I take a deep breath.
<<You should be thankful I never said anything but if I ever see you hitting another woman believe me your life will end right there you bastarad>> I turn and look at the woman that is crying. I give her a hug and lead her to sit down. My stepfather is still speechless. I give her my card. <<This is my number if anything happens call me I will be back in a little bit but I have a work to do>>. She nods and takes my card.
[...]
I am at my moms grave cleaning it up. I finally finished cleaning it and I place some white tulips on it mine and moms favourite. <<Hey mom I am back>> I look around. <<I grew up a lot more now, I am sorry I didn't visit you but I haven't been in London for so long, I don't like it here after everything that happened but now I start feeling better>> I smile to myself. <<I changed, I hope you were here to see it but it's okay, I have a boyfriend now Charles and Lando is still my best friend.... he helped me a lot and if I didn't have him I don't know what I would do>> I stop talking for a little bit. <<I might be getting a promotion soon and be Lando's main strategist, I am happy now I really am. A lot things might be missing from my life but I am happy and I am finding myself again I->> Tears start forming. <<I still feel empty but I guess we can't have everything.... I never got the chance to talk to you like that when you were alive and tell you my feelings but I am happy I am doing it now>> I burst out crying my breathing gettinng heavier.
My phone rings again and with no suprise it's Lando. <<Sorry for calling again but I want to make sure you are fine>> he says. <<I am okay>> my voice shaking. I don't like lying to him but I don't want him to be worried. <<You sure you are okay?>> he asks me again. <<Yes Lando>> I say relieved he didn't understand I am crying. <<Okay goodbye>> he says and hangs up. I start crying again. <<See mom he is the best and I am scared that I will loose him just like I lost dad and you. I can't breath anymore I am having a panick attack.
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I was on a trip last saturday and didn't post. I will end this chapter here but the next one will be a cloudy chapter again.