Life is not just black and white.
Life is colourful, like a rainbow.
The sun is a part of it. Just like the rain.
You need both for the bow of colours to appear.
Alec
"Are you still having those dreams about Magnus?" Maia asked into the silence that filled the Ops at the late—or rather, very early—hour. Alec shifted his gaze away from the screens, which hadn't changed for a few hours, and shook his head.
"Not since Magnus returned."
"Why do you think that is?" she asked, tapping the end of the pen she held against her lower lip.
Alec shrugged, suppressing a yawn. He had three more hours to endure before he could finish his night shift.
"I don't know. But I'm glad they stopped."
Maia made an affirmative sound.
"And how do you feel about Magnus being back?"
Alec leaned back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest.
"I'm relieved that he's okay."
Maia pursed her lips, and Alec sensed that his answer hadn't pleased her.
"What?" he asked, with a sideways glance.
"That's not a proper answer."
Alec rolled his eyes.
"What else do you want me to say, Maia?"
Maia turned her chair toward him, mirroring his posture.
"Alec, it's obvious that Magnus still means something to you."
Alec returned his attention to the monitors in front of him.
"Of course he does," he replied after a moment's hesitation.
Maia snorted.
"As a friend," he added.
"So, you're just ignoring your feelings?"
Alec turned his head back to her and narrowed his eyes.
"What? No. What makes you think that?"
"Alec, you feel more than just friendship for him."
"And how do you figure that?"
Maia made a sound that sounded very much like a frustrated sigh.
"Magnus and I are just friends now. Nothing more," Alec emphasized.
"I think you're not aware of how often you've talked about Magnus in the last few years," Maia said, leaning forward to tap the pen against his chest. "You still have feelings for him."
Alec rolled his chair back a bit to escape the pen. Maia's words loosened the threads that had kept the hole closed that Magnus had left in his heart all those years ago. Guilt surged within him—guilt he had been trying to push away over these last few weeks, months, or rather, years.
More than once he had accused himself of not searching longer for Magnus. Would he have found him then? Had he given up too early? Those were questions he had asked himself a hundred times or more. He knew there was no real answer to them. Alec closed his eyes for a moment, grappling with the weight of his emotions as memories of a conversation with his mother surfaced within him.
"Alec, it's okay to let go," his mother said.
Alec whirled around to face her.
"No! He's out there. Somewhere. I can't and won't give up. I will find him."
A sad smile appeared on her face.
"Magnus has been gone for almost a year," she said.
Alec let out a desperate sound and sat down next to her on the sofa. Tears burned in his eyes. Should he really give up? Could he? He knew the chances of Magnus surviving alone out there were very slim. Alec hoped Magnus had managed to find refuge somewhere. He'd hoped so much that the omega had, even if it meant Magnus had chosen a path away from him.
Alec pressed the heel of his hand against his eyes, and a sob escaped him. He missed Magnus. So much that it tore him apart. Magnus had said he would come back, but he hadn't. The thought that Magnus didn't want to be his omega and left him because of it hurt deeply.
Alec clenched one hand into a fist and pushed the thoughts of that conversation with his mother aside, returning to the present in his mind. It had taken him ages to overcome the loss of Magnus. But now, all those painful memories and feelings he had tried to suppress, especially since Magnus' return, resurfaced, brought back by Maia's words. That made him angry, and he wasn't even sure if he should direct that anger at her or himself and where this anger came from.
"And what do you suggest I should do?" Alec asked, grabbing the pen from Maia. "Should I just give up my entire life for Magnus? Risk the happiness I have with John and just leave him? Should I go back to what Magnus and I had twelve years ago, without even knowing if it will work again?"
"I can't tell you what to do."
With an annoyed snort, he placed the pen back in its holder.
"Maia, then what's the point of this whole conversation?"
Maia looked down at her now empty hands, visibly contemplating whether she had gone too far with her questions.
"I care, I worry about you," she said softly.
Her words slightly calmed his angry emotions. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
"You don't need to, Maia," he said in a calmer tone. "Everything is fine."
Maia's gaze shot up, and Alec could clearly see the doubt in her eyes.
"Alec, you're my best friend. Of course, I worry, and I'm afraid that you're deceiving yourself and suppressing the truth."
Alec gave her a sincere smile. Over the years, a close friendship had developed between them, and Maia was the only one, aside from his siblings, to whom he confided personal matters or his feelings.
"I won't," he promised.
Maia tilted her head.
"It wouldn't be the first time. You know that."
Alec rested his arms on the desk in front of him and ran his hands over his face. A heavy sigh escaped him.
"Maia, I'm married to John."
"But are you truly happy with him?"
He turned his head, a frown now on Maia's forehead.
"Why do you doubt that?"
"I'm not sure." The alpha shrugged helplessly and audibly sighed. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't doubt."
"I am happy with him," Alec said.
He ignored the strange feeling that swelled in his chest at his words, making it harder for him to breathe.
Maia reached out and placed her hand on his shoulder.
"I just want to prevent you from hurting yourself just because you're acting out of some kind of duty."
"I'm not," he insisted, still ignoring the strange feeling in his chest.
A smile danced on Maia's lips.
"Then everything is fine."
Alec wanted to respond, but before he could articulate his thoughts, someone entered the Ops.
"Dad?"
Alec spun his chair around. Jarin stood in the doorway, holding a stuffed animal tightly with one hand while rubbing his eyes with the other.
"Jarin, why aren't you in bed?" Alec asked, surprised. "It's three in the morning."
"I had a bad dream," his son replied with a yawn, clutching his stuffed animal tightly against his chest. "And I couldn't fall back asleep, so I wanted to look at the stars."
Alec blinked.
"The stars?" he asked in confusion.
"I've never seen the stars, and the other kids at school said you can see them at night in the gardens."
Alec stood up and crouched in front of Jarin. "I'd love to show them to you, but it's cloudy outside right now. You won't be able to see any stars."
Jarin made a disappointed sound.
"I'll show you the stars as soon as an opportunity arises. But for now, it's back to bed."
"Can't I stay with you?" Jarin asked.
Alec suppressed a sigh. "Jarin, I have to work, and you need to go to bed."
His son hung his head, and Alec was sure he heard a soft sniffle. He threw a helpless look over his shoulder at Maia.
"Go with your son, Alec. If anything comes up, I'll call for you."
"Thank you, Maia."
Alec stood up and ruffled his son's hair.
"Come on, big guy. I'll take you back to bed."
He was relieved to see Jarin's face brighten at his words. Together, they headed to the living quarters. Halfway there, Jarin grabbed his hand, and Alec smiled down at him.
"Do you want to tell me about the dream?" he asked.
Jarin shook his head.
"You can tell me, you know", Alec tried once more.
Again, his son shook his head, and Alec didn't press further. The dream must not have been too bad, he thought.
Quietly, so as not to wake Cahya, they entered the twins' rooms. Jarin hopped into his bed, and Alec tucked him in again.
"Will you tell me a story?" Jarin asked.
"I..."
"Please," his son pleaded.
Alec sighed softly.
"Alright. One story, and then it's back to sleep."
Jarin nodded contentedly, and Alec sat on his son's bed. Before he could start, Cahya woke up.
"Jarin, what's going on?" she asked, still half-asleep. Her gaze flickered over to them. "Dad?"
"Your brother just had a bad dream," Alec explained. "Sorry for waking you."
"Dad's going to tell me a story," Jarin said, full of anticipation. Cahya's eyes widened at the words.
"You can tell stories?" she asked, full of wonder.
Alec shrugged. "Well, I was once your age, and my mother often told stories to me and my siblings when we couldn't sleep."
"Can I listen too?"
Alec nodded, smiling.
"Of course."
What Alec hadn't expected was for Cahya to jump out of her bed and crawl under the covers with her brother.
"Dad, sit between us," Cahya requested, tapping on the free space she left between herself and Jarin. Alec looked between his children, unsure of how to react. Two pairs of pleading eyes stared at him, and Alec couldn't help but comply with their request. Quickly, he took off his boots and took his place between them. Cahya and Jarin snuggled up to him from both sides. A feeling of joy and gratitude overwhelmed him, and Alec had to clear his throat to find his voice again.
"So, uhm... Where should I begin?"
"At the beginning," Jarin giggled, making his sister laugh.
"Exactly," Alec grinned, then cleared his throat once more. "Once upon a time..."
"That's how stories always start," Jarin whispered.
"Hush," Cahya hissed sternly.
Alec chuckled and shook his head.
"Do you want to hear a story or not?"
"Sorry, Dad," Jarin whispered.
"Once upon a time, the colours of the world started to quarrel. All claimed they were the best, the most important, the most useful, the favorite.
Green said, "Clearly I am the most important... I am the sign of life and of hope; I was chosen for grass, trees and leaves, without me, all animals would die; look over the countryside and you will see that I am in the majority."
Blue interrupted, "You only think about the earth, but consider the sky and the sea ... It is the water that is the basis of life and it is drawn up by the clouds from the deep sea; the sky gives space and peace and serenity, without my peace, you would all be nothing."
Yellow chuckled, "You are all so serious ...
I bring laughter, gaiety, and warmth into the world, the sun, the moon and the stars are all yellow; every time you look at a sunflower, the whole world starts to smile,
without me there would be no fun."
Orange started next to blow her trumpet ...
"I am the colour of health and strength, I may be scarce, but I am precious for I serve the needs of human life, I carry the most important vitamins; think of carrots, pumpkins, oranges, and mangoes, I don't hang around all the time, but when I do, I fill the sky at sunrise or sunset, my beauty is so striking that no one gives another thought to any of you."
Red could stand it no longer so he shouted out, "I am the ruler of all of you! I am blood ... life's blood! I am the colour of danger and of bravery, I am willing to fight for a cause, I bring fire into the blood; without me, the earth would be as empty as the moon, I am the colour of passion and of love, the red rose, the poinsettia and the poppy."
Purple rose up to his full height. He was very tall and spoke with great pomp, "I am the colour of royalty and power, kings, chiefs, and bishops have always chosen me for I am the sign of authority and wisdom, people do not question me! They listen and obey."
Finally Indigo spoke, much more quietly than all the others, but with just as much determination, "Think of me. I am the colour of silence, you hardly notice me, but without me you all become superficial; I represent thought and reflection, twilight and deep water, you need me for balance and contrast, for prayer and inner peace."
And so the colours went on boasting, each convinced of his or her own superiority. Their quarreling became louder and louder. Suddenly there was a startling flash of bright lightning! Thunder rolled and boomed! Rain started to pour down relentlessly. The colours crouched down in fear, drawing close to one another for comfort. In the midst of the clamor, Rain began to speak ...
"You foolish colours, fighting amongst yourselves, each trying to dominate the rest; don't you know that you were each made for a special purpose, unique and different? Join hands with one another and come to me."
Doing as they were told, the colours united and joined hands. The rain continued, "From now on, whenever it rains, you will together paint the entire sky in a spectrum of colors. People will feel peace and strength when they see you together. You will give hope to people for their future and be a symbol of happiness to them as a rainbow."
Alec fell silent and looked down at his pups. Both had their eyes closed, sleeping soundly in his arms. He smiled. Tears stung his eyes, and he quickly blinked them away. It was an indescribable feeling to know that two people had placed so much trust in him in such a short time.
A soft harrumph diverted his attention from his children. Alec's gaze shot to the door. Magnus stood there, arms crossed, leaning against the door frame. A smile adorned his lips.
"How long have you been standing there?" Alec whispered, so as not to wake the pups.
"For a few minutes," the omega replied. "A cute story."
"My mother used to tell it to us often when we were younger," Alec explained with a bashful smile. He gently freed himself from his pups, stood up carefully, and put on his boots. "We loved that story as children."
A gentle expression spread across Magnus' face. Then he asked, "What happened?"
"Jarin came to the Ops after having a nightmare."
Worry darkened Magnus' face.
"Yes, he's been having them quite often lately. But he won't tell me what he's dreaming about."
Alec looked at the bed. "He wouldn't tell me either."
Jarin murmured something in his sleep and Alec immediately fell silent. Magnus signaled him to follow.
"Do you think Cahya knows anything?" Alec asked after they left the room. Magnus shook his head.
"I already asked her."
Alec pursed his lips thoughtfully.
"I'll ask Jarin again when the opportunity arises. Maybe I can persuade him to tell me something."
Magnus sighed, long and soft.
"That would be really helpful."
Alec reached for the omega's hand and squeezed it.
"Hey, we'll figure out what's bothering him."
Magnus gave him a grateful smile and nodded. "I hope so."
Alec withdrew his hand. He immediately missed the touch, but he resisted the urge to take Magnus' hand again.
"I have to go back. I'm still on duty."
"Oh, okay," Magnus said, and Alec saw him trying to suppress a yawn. "You should go back to sleep."
Magnus wrinkled his nose and said with a hint of a grin, "Yes, Captain."
A warm feeling surged through Alec's stomach at the words, and he felt his cheeks warming. It reminded him too much of the past... Quickly, he turned his head to the side so that Magnus couldn't see.
A silence spread between them, so oppressive and consuming that one could have heard a pin drop.
"Alec, I..." Magnus interrupted the silence, and Alec peeked at him. A slight blush adorned Magnus' cheeks. He used to address Alec by his rank only when flirting with him. Was he doing it now, Alec wondered.
"I'm going back to bed," Magnus concluded his sentence, taking a step backward. Then another. He waved to Alec and hurried with quick steps into his room before Alec could say anything.
For a moment, Alec stood in the hallway, staring at the door behind which Magnus had disappeared. He had absolutely no idea what to make of the situation. Frustrated, he ran a hand over his face. The feeling in his stomach was still there and wouldn't go away, no matter how hard he tried to dispel it.
What puzzled Alec the most, however, was that his alpha was pleading him to follow the omega.
Alec shoved his hands into his pockets and made his way back to Ops with almost grim steps.
Magnus
Five days later, Magnus still felt guilty for unintentionally flirting with Alec. He hadn't intended to speak those words aloud; they just slipped out before he could stop them. Magnus sighed. He had hardly seen the alpha in the past few days. A new wave of illnesses had swept through the infirmary. Tessa, John and he had had their hands full trying not to drown under the onslaught. A third of the beds were now occupied, and it seemed like the worst was not yet over. Most patients suffered from chills, high fever, and some struggled with coughing, chest pain, and difficulty breathing. Magnus didn't need to be a doctor to know that they were the beginnings of pneumonia.
The worst part was that the number of the sick was steadily increasing every day, albeit slowly.
The day had been long and exhausting, and Magnus longed for a few moments of peace. On standby for the rest of the evening and night, he could only hope for a few quiet hours. Instead of returning to his living quarters, Magnus opted for a walk through the gardens. With his children at Maryse and Luke's, Magnus took advantage of the opportunity to be alone. Opening the door to the dome protecting the lush gardens from the toxic outside world, he was welcomed by a sea of colours—various shades of green, red, yellow, orange, blue, and white. To his right, plump tomatoes hung from tall stakes, and leafy greens of varying maturity grew in another bed directly behind. Rows of carrots stood in line, their green, feathery crowns proudly reaching upward. Juicy strawberries peeked out from under dark green leaves, tempting Magnus to steal a few, although he resisted. It was always a wonder to him how the gardeners managed to grow these fruits even in winter.
Magnus strolled along the many beds, inhaling the various scents that always filled the air in this part of the garden. The weather had warmed up in the last few days, with rain falling on the dome instead of snow. Magnus paid it no mind, settled on a nearby bench, and unwrapped the small snack he had brought from the kitchen. Content to be alone, he enjoyed his dinner.
It took a moment for him to realize someone else was present. Faint voices reached him, and Magnus looked around. He couldn't spot anyone but hesitated to make his presence known. Except for the harvesters collecting ripe fruits in the mornings, the fruit and vegetable garden was usually deserted most of the day.
He remembered how he and Alec used to take advantage of this when they wanted a few hours undisturbed.
Finishing the last bite of his sandwich, Magnus was about to leave the garden, when the voices grew louder.
"... I'm sorry, John," Alec's voice reached Magnus through the tall plants surrounding him. "I was really hoping it would work this time."
There was no immediate answer and Magnus could clearly hear that John was crying. Magnus didn't want to eavesdrop on the conversation between Alec and his omega and considered leaving the garden, but his feet seemed rooted in place. Curiosity and decency battled within him, and curiosity won for the moment.
"It's okay, Alec. It just wasn't meant to be."
"No, it's not okay. I don't understand why it's not working," Alec expressed his frustration and disappointment.
Magnus covered his mouth to stifle the sound forming in his throat at Alec's words. Guilt surged within him. John and Alec not having children was his fault, driven by his selfishness in not wanting to break the bond with Alec.
Magnus knew that alphas and omegas could conceive children without an existing bond. However, it was highly unlikely that nature would allow an alpha already bonded to one omega to have children with another omega. The past weeks had flown by, and Magnus hadn't taken the time to learn more about why the alpha mark he still wore hadn't disappeared. Now, he felt remorseful for not taking any action. He shouldn't stand in the way of Alec's happiness. It wasn't his intention.
As quietly as possible, Magnus left his sheltered spot and hurried back to the bunker. It was time to seek Tessa's help. Perhaps she knew why the bond with Alec hadn't broken despite the long separation. He should have approached her immediately upon learning of Alec's marriage. Magnus sighed softly. He sensed that he could no longer keep this secret to himself.
***
The story Alec tells his pups in this fanfiction, 'THE STORY OF THE RAINBOW,' isn't something I came up with. I stumbled upon it while researching for this Malec fanfiction, and it's actually from a tale by Anne Hope, published in 1978.