After spending some time on the road again for the remainder four shows of the year, I have to admit I am happy to once again be in our home, regardless of it being in New Jersey rather than LA.
I guess that's it then, we've officially decided to sell this property and find a larger place in New York. We don't want to be too far away but being in New Jersey rather than just close enough to arrive for the gatherings is a bit too much for us, I think. Ultimately, that's why I decided to say yes after talking with him about it over the past week. It's clear that we need to be a bit further, especially after the confrontation with his mother with Willa meeting Santa. I still regret no part of what I said, especially with Joe reassuring me that I was in the right to say whatever I needed. It just proved to me again that I wasn't wrong in my opinion, feelings, or what I ended up saying.
"Mama?"
I turn my head, seeing Willa on the camera, her eyes open as she lays in her crib, looking around.
Sighing, I gently get out of bed, not wanting to wake Joe up after the late night he had, driven us home from the airport while Willa and I had fallen asleep in the car. Entering Willa's room, I grin down at her, and she stands, letting me pick her up and put her on my hip before turning on the small lamp and going over to her changing table, changing her diaper before grabbing an outfit for the day and making my way downstairs, setting her down to play in the living room.
"Alexa, play Toddler Time."
"Playing Toddler Time."
The music starts and I make sure she's playing before making my way to the kitchen and starting the stove before scrambling two eggs, preparing some fruit, and making a couple of pancakes, shoving one into my mouth between tasks while ripping apart the other for her.
Once hers is done, I cook Joe and I a couple of eggs as well, plating them with some fruit just like Willa, Joe enters the kitchen groggy and surprised, stopping in his tracks at the sight of me.
"Good morning," I grin.
"Hi," he says, his voice raspy from sleep.
"I made eggs. Nothing else though."
He chuckles. "Perfect, babe."
"Willa! Eat?"
She runs in, smiling up at Joe and reaching up, having him lift her, give her a hug and kiss, and then place her in her highchair before sitting at the table with me, the three of us eating together though she doesn't eat her eggs.
I should have known, she only likes Joe's eggs.
Joe offers to clean up while Willa runs back into the living room, giving me second to take a deep breath.
"What do we need to do today?" Joe asks.
"Honestly, not much. Just laundry from the week we were gone."
He nods. "That shouldn't be too hard."
"Yeah, I'm gonna go start it now, what do we want to do?"
He shrugs. "Family day?"
"Family day," I smile, nodding once.
***
"Are you sure you want to go?" Joe asks, coming around the corner as I do Willa's hair.
"Yes, I want to see mostly everyone. I'm not going to prevent our daughter from seeing her aunts and uncles and cousins."
He chuckles, nodding. "I just wanted to make sure."
"So cute!" I tell Willa, letting her look in the mirror and giggle before putting her down, her first task being to run to her daddy and raise her arms.
"You look beautiful!" he tells her, kissing her cheek. "Muah!"
She giggles, looking at me and pointing. "Mama!"
"Mama looks absolutely stunning," Joe says, looking over to me and smirking.
I roll my eyes, patting his shoulder as I walk by and head down the stairs. "Kiss up."
"Daddy wants a good Christmas too," he says.
I laugh, looking back at him with my mouth dropped open.
"What?" he chuckles.
"Daddy better watch himself," I tell him, going down the rest of the stairs and making sure everything is in the bag.
"Ooo, I like that," he says.
"What?" I ask, raising my eyebrows at him.
He wiggles his eyebrows.
"Joseph Adam," I give him a look.
"I liked Daddy better."
"Dada!"
"What?" Joe asks, turning his head to her.
"Mama." She says, pointing at me again.
"Yeah, princess, mama looks good."
"Stop," I tell him, pushing him gently towards the mud room.
"I assume we have everything and we're ready?" Joe asks playfully.
"We're only staying for a couple of hours. We have cookies to make, lights to see, new PJs to wear, and a movie to watch!"
"Yes, ma'am!" Joe says, playfully running to Willa's door and swinging it open to put her inside, making her laugh.
I smile, climbing into the passenger seat of the car and waiting for him to get in before simply staring at him for a moment.
"What?" he asks, giving me a look.
I shake my head, looking out the window now.
"No, no, no," he shakes his head, refusing to move the car.
I roll my eyes, looking at him. "You just look really good right now."
He raises his brows. "Yeah?"
I nod, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks.
"Are you blushing right now?" he asks, raising his brows.
"Yes," I giggle, covering my face with my hands.
"We're married and have a kid and you're blushing right now," he chuckles.
I grin at him, letting my embarrassment show, regardless of it making me uncomfortable.
He leans over, pressing his lips to mine. "I love you."
"I love you," I tell him.
Once arriving to Kevin's, we get out of the car, Joe grabbing Willa out of the backseat only for her to reach for me.
"Stay with dada, baby," I tell her.
"Mama," she says, reaching further.
I sigh, though a grin still sits on my lips as I grab her from him. As we walk inside, immediately greeted by Kevin, the aroma of garlic and chicken smacks my nostrils, instantaneously making my stomach twist into a knot.
I push it off the best I can, greeting everyone aside from Joe's parents who refuse to look at me.
"I need to walk outside," I whisper to Joe after a few moments.
He furrows his brows, taking Willa into his lap and whispering back. "Are you okay?"
I nod. "Yeah."
Quickly walking outside, I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm my stomach and prevent myself from vomiting. After a moment, I hear the door open and close again.
"What's wrong, baby?" Joe's voice instantly calms my body... though my stomach not so much.
"I don't know, I smelled the garlic when we walked in and my stomach got upset, I think I may just be nervous to be around your mom right now after the last time I saw her."
He nods. "I get that, do you wanna go? I can just tell them you're not feeling well."
"No, no, I don't want to leave already, we just got here. I just want to feel better."
He sighs, rubbing circles on my back. "Okay, alright. Willa's with my mom right now. She was reluctant but she saw Tini and Alena with her, so she walked over too."
"She was reluctant?"
"My mom called her, and she didn't want to at first," he admits.
I nod, leaning into him. "Did me standing up to her backfire? Are holidays going to be shit now?"
He chuckles, kissing my forehead. "No. I think my mom will come around eventually."
"That's what you said before."
He nods. "You're right. What the hell do I know?"
I laugh, kissing him. "Alright, let's go in there so it doesn't seem like I'm trying to avoid."
"Okay, but if you start to feel worse, please tell me."
I nod, kissing him. "I will, babe, I promise."
We head back inside, spending the next hour and a half trying to be present while I find myself struggling through the aroma, Willa walking over and reaching up for me.
"Princess, come to dada instead," Joe says, putting out his hands which she practically leaps into. "There we go."
"Mama!" she squeals excitedly, pointing at me.
"That is your mama," Joe nods.
"Mama," she repeats, reaching for me.
"Mama needs to pee, babe," I tell her, kissing her fingers gently and jogging out of the living room, my bladder feeling as though it'll explode.
After going to the restroom, I take a few deep breaths as I wash my hands, gulping down a lump in my throat before returning to the living room, only for Willa to reach out for me again.
"She's been so clingy to you here recently," Joe says, confused.
I nod, grabbing her and letting her cuddle into my chest. "I know, she's usually obsessed with you."
"Maybe she's not feeling the best," Dani says, sitting next to Kevin. "I know the girls get more cuddly with me when they're sick. They want Kev around but they wanna cuddle with mommy."
"I guess that's an option," Joe replies. "The weather changes probably haven't helped either."
I nod yet again. "Yeah, that's true."
"Maybe we should just head home, and let her rest?" Joe asks, sighing.
"Yeah, I mean we'll see you guys tomorrow, right? And if she's feeling up to it you said you have some stuff you wanna do just the three of you tonight," Kevin says.
Joe nods. "Yeah, we've got a few traditions we wanna put into play. We'll be over tomorrow for sure, though."
"Yeah, go ahead, go home. Let her rest, Addie are you feeling okay?"
I nod. "Yeah, yeah. I think I'm just over tired. I haven't been able to sleep much with her going through her little sleep regression and trying to get all the presents wrapped because Joe can't wrap to save his life."
"Not fair," Joe says.
I laugh lightly, standing with Willa in my arms. "Either way, I'm okay. Thank you, though."
"Wait, you guys are leaving?" Nick asks, walking back into the room from the bathroom.
"Yeah, we think Willa's not feeling great and Addie's tired so," Joe says, gesturing to us.
"We, um," Nick says, walking over to Priyanka. "We actually had to tell everyone something. We were gonna wait till later but if you guys are leaving," he says, looking at her.
She nods, smiling.
"Yeah, no, what's up?" Joe asks, grinning.
I feel like I know what...
"We're having a baby!" Priyanka says excitedly.
Yep. There it is.
The room erupts in excitement for the two.
"I'm so happy for you guys," I tell them, hugging both of them and letting them react to everyone's excitement before they continue again.
"Surrogacy happened to be our way to have a little one but we're so excited and our surrogate... she's so sweet."
"So, when is the little one due?" Denise asks.
I bite my lip, having forgotten for only a moment that she was there.
"April," Nick smiles.
"Yeah," Pri nods excitedly.
After a few more moments of reveling in the excitement of a new Jonas baby entering the family, Joe and I exit the home, Joe buckling her into her seat as she starts crying for me.
"I'm just gonna sit in the back with her," I sigh after a moment, climbing into the backseat instead.
"You sure?" he asks.
I nod, grabbing Willa's hand. "Yeah, I'm sure."
Arriving home, we spend the rest of the day as planned, making cookies, going to look at lights, and finishing off the night in Christmas pajamas watching a movie.
I can't help but wonder, however, why my nose decided to be so sensitive to the smells at Kevin's house. It's never reacted that way before... well, except for when... no. No, I couldn't be. There is just no way-
"Baby, do you have a certain way you wanna set this up?" Joe asks, catching my attention at the presents he had brought out to be put underneath the tree.
"Oh, yeah, sorry," I tell him rushing over and helping him set up the area, making it look nice before the two of us go upstairs to our room, watching The Year Without a Santa Claus before falling asleep comfortably.
My mind begins to spin yet again the moment my eyes open, and I drift back into consciousness. Though thankfully Willa wakes up only a moment later, giving me a reason to get up instead of lying in my head.
"Babe, she's up," I tell Joe, gently shaking him awake.
He groans.
"It's time," I tell him.
He chuckles, kissing my shoulder as he gets up. "Let's go make memories." He says groggily.
"Can we make coffee first?" I ask.
He chuckles. "God, I love you."
I laugh lightly, rubbing my eyes. "You make coffee, I'll get her."
"Deal," he nods, making his way downstairs while I open Willa's bedroom door.
"Merry Christmas princess!" I tell her softly, yet excitedly.
She grins, reaching up for me. "Mama!"
"Hi, my girl," I smile, lifting her and giving her a few soft kisses on her temple. "Good morning. Let's change your diaper."
After changing her, I take her downstairs and straight to the kitchen, distracting her from seeing the living room as Joe and I take a few sips of coffee before he takes her from me, leading the way into the living room and trying to get her excited.
As we sit opening presents just the three of us, I find myself fighting to ignore the uncomfortable state I'm in, my stomach twisting and cramping, nauseous for whatever reason. I'm sure it's just stress, I mean, we have a lot going on and now Nick and Pri are gonna have a baby which means work will probably be put on hold for a while which will make Joe stir crazy no doubt. But.. the increased sensitivity to smell and I've been having to pee like... a lot... and that lightheaded incident I had the day we went to see Santa... and those others I didn't tell him about. Is it possible that I actually am pregnant again?
"Baby."
Joe's hand on my knee snaps me from my thoughts, my eyes focusing on his face now.
"I'm sorry."
His face twists into a concerned expression, Willa on his lap playing with one of her new toys.
"Why are you sorry?"
I sigh. "I'm not even paying attention to her, I'm awful."
"No," he shakes his head. "No, you paid attention the entire time she was opening gifts. But you just dazed there for a minute. Are you okay?"
I take a breath. "I need to go do something upstairs and then I'll be fine."
He gives me a confused look.
"Is that okay?" I ask him softly.
His face softens at my worry. "Baby you do whatever you need to do."
"It's gonna be a few minutes."
"That's okay," he nods.
"Okay," I reply softly, getting up and going upstairs, the nausea rising at the anxiety. Entering the bathroom, I swing the cabinet doors open under the sink, reaching for the pink box at the back of the shelf and pulling it out.
Good thing I have to pee again.
Peeing in a disposable cup I also had under the sink, I take the test, placing it face down on the counter and sitting on the edge of the bathtub as I wait.
What if I am? What if there's another baby in my belly right now? Oh my god, we'd have two under two. Unless I'm early enough on that it would be after Willa's birthday. Then we'd be fine. But still, that's a lot to handle at once, Willa's still so young. But I'm the one who decided we didn't need to use protection and if we got pregnant we got pregnant. But now it might be happening and I'm nervous it's too soon. But do you think it's too soon because of you or because you're worried about what everyone will think? Being honest with myself it's definitely the second option. But what will Joe think? Will he be mad? Excited? Nervous? I don't know what to expect. He's such a good dad and I am so happy with the mom that I've become, I have no issue with another- omg Willa. How is Willa going to react if this comes back positive? Is she going to be okay? Is she going to think we don't love her anymore? How is this going to work? Has it been five minutes? I don't know how long it's been. I didn't set a timer. Fuck. I'll just look anyway, I guess.
Grabbing the test with shaky hands, I take a deep breath, close my eyes, flip the test over, and slowly open them.
Oh my god.
A gasp of air jets from my lungs as I feel tears well in my eyes, making them burn slightly.
I'm pregnant. We're gonna have another baby. Willa's gonna be a big sister. Joe's gonna be able to be a dad to a newborn again... I get a second chance to do things right this time. To be honest with how I'm feeling postpartum right from the start.
My hand gently lands on my stomach, my thumb rubbing back and forth on my shirt a few times.
But that doesn't change the fact that I didn't do it right with Willa. What if I fuck it up and Joe and I don't make it this time? What if I'm meant to be a mommy of one and not anymore and this ruins my being a good mom? I need to tell Joe.
Making my way out of the bathroom, I make it halfway down the stairs before calling out.
"Hey babe," I call out nervously.
"Yeah, baby what's up?" he says, standing as I reach the bottom of the steps, my eyes locked down on the pregnancy test in my hands.
Silence.
"Is that..." he starts.
I gulp, raising my head to lock eyes with him. "I'm pregnant."
"You... You're pregnant. We're gonna have another baby."
I nod, gulping down the lump in my throat. "Yeah."
His face relaxes, walking over and letting his hands gently rub my arms. "How are you feeling about this?"
I let out a small huff, surprised on his focus. "I just told you I'm pregnant and you wanna know how I'm feeling?"
He nods. "Of course, I want to know how you're feeling. The last time you were pregnant was so hard on you and things have changed but thoughts can creep back."
I sigh, refusing to look at him. "One of my first thoughts when I saw it was what if I'm only meant to be a mom of one and I fuck it up."
"Hey," he whispers, tilting my head upward. "You are going to be an amazing mommy to our second just like you are to our first. Got that?"
I nod. "Yeah. I think so."
"Mama."
I look down, Willa wiggling her way between the two of us and lifting her arms to me.
"Hi baby," I grin, picking her up and hugging her as she wraps her arms around my neck, holding on tight.
Joe gasps. "Oh my god, that makes so much sense."
I give him a look. "What?"
"When Dani got pregnant with Tini, Alena all of a sudden got so clingy with her and wanted to be with her all the time and wanted to be held and then a few weeks later Dani found out she was pregnant and they told her that kids can sense stuff like that and it made Alena act a little different. That's exactly what Willa's been doing. I totally forgot."
"That makes a lot of sense," I say slowly.
He chuckles. "We're having another baby."
I bite my lip, a smile spreading across my lips. "We're gonna have another baby."
"Willa, you're gonna be a big sister," Joe tells her.
I kiss her head, taking a deep breath. "Merry Christmas to us."
Joe chuckles. "Merry Christmas indeed."
***
*gasp*
who would have thought?
did you guess it? ;)
all my love,
shan:)