TW: Mentions of eating disorders
June 14th 2025
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
The gut awful sounds of gagging echoed through the guest bathroom of Jason and Kylie's house. Taylor played sprawled out on the floor, one hand resting on her clay forehead, the other on the rim of the toilet seat. She wasn't going to be sick again, she was sure of that. After a while of silence on the bathroom floor, Taylor dragged herself up to look at herself in the mirror. It wasn't her finest hour for looks. Her face was pale, and shallow. The purple eye bags were still there, if a little less prominent now that Luna was sleeping a little better than before. But nothing about her appliance screamed happy, reguvinated mother. It screamed fatigue, and sickness.
She splashed her face with cold water, attempting to remove any remenance of vomit from around her mouth or stray chunks from the hair draped around her face that has escaped her messy bun she had pulled it up into. They had come to Philadelphia to visit Jason, Kylie and the girls again before they jetted back to Kansas City in three weeks time. Travis would be missing Tight End University that year, something he had always planned to do since Taylor found out she was pregnant. Something she admired in Travis was that he was always three steps ahead of her. She didn't have to ask him to do things for her, he just did them. And that hadst changed since she had given birth. What Taylor hadn't banked on was how she would feel after giving birth. She had for sure expected it to be hard. Everyone warns you about the sleepless nights, the aches and pains because your body will never be the same after having a baby. But something she had not planned to happen was for the past to be brought swimming back up again.
The hateful comments about her body began to slither in since her interview with Jimmy Fallon on the Tonight Show just over two weeks ago. Looking back in hindsight, they had probably been there for a long time before. Before, she hadn't let it bother her. Everyone was going to make comments about her body, and when she was pregnant with Luna, if anyone commented on her being big or looking pregnant, she could at least say it was true this time and blame it on the baby. But now she had no one to blame but herself. Standing in front of the mirror, she pulled back the t-shirt she had been wearing to bed, observing the faint stretch mark on either side of her hips. nothing noticeable to the naked eye, but she knew they were there. But what was also there, were her ribs, beginning to sneak back through again, making their first appreance since 2015. Taylor stepped onto the scales in the bathroom, weighing up to see how much she would have to shame herself that day. The number was surprising, in a good way to her. But never in a good way in the long run. She made a note in her notes app, a locked one. One that Travis couldn't see without her Face ID. She certainly wasn't proud of keeping secrets from Travis, but this wasn't out of guilt. It was out of pure and utter shame. Shame for letting herself slip into these habits once again. But once you slip, you cannot stop. It is a slippery slope into darkness, unless someone is brave enough to see and help you out. Had Travis noticed yet?
"Tay?" She heard a voice groan from the bedroom. She froze, quickly locking the note in her phone, placing it back into the pocket of her pyjamas pants before emerging from the bathroom. She plastered on a fake smile, something that she was good at as she made her way back towards the space she had left in the bed. He wrapped his arms back around her, snaking them up around her ribs. "I missed you." He whispered, making her smile for real that time. He always knew how to do that, in the cutest way possible.
"I was only gone a few minutes." She laughed quietly.
"Are you feeling ok. You feel a little warm and for some reason I thought I could hear someone being sick." Travis remarked, feeling against her forehead which still had droplets of sweat clinging to it. She didn't know if it was the nausea or the fear of being found out. Not that she didn't want the help. She did, but she was too stuck and guilty to ask for any help. She didn't want to seem like a burden, the way Joe had made her feel in the end.
"Oh I was just coughing. I had some phlegm stuff stuck in my throat, that was what it was." Taylor lied, crossing her fingers that Travis believed her. Which luckily he did.
"It's probably something you caught off of one of the girls." Travis noted and Taylor nodded.
"Most likely. Kids are always picking up things from school or daycare. The flying probably didn't help either." Taylor hated lying to him, but she also knew that this was an essential burden, and price to pay. She had lost pretty much all of the baby weight, plus some more. not that Travis would ever realise. Not because he wasn't attentive, but because she had gotten really good at hiding it. She wore the right clothes and outfits. Said the right things, and ate just enough in his presence to make it all seem ok. But it all came crashing down that morning.
"Trav. Travis! Babe." Taylor shook Travis awake again. They had both fallen back asleep in each others arms, Taylor woken up not long after by Luna's cries. She had been a pretty good sleep so far, according to all of her friends and family who she had spoken to and Taylor knew that she would only ever wake up if she was wet or hungry. That morning it had been both. She had successfully changed her on the floor on the bathroom but the feeding part was trickier. Ever since her eating disorder had come back with a vengeance, breastfeeding had just become harder and harder. Her supply was erratic and Taylor found pumping to be easier to ensure that Luna was getting enough milk and she could see exactly what she was drinking. The problem was that Luna struggled to take a bottle from Taylor. She could smell the milk on Taylor and would instantly refuse the bottle. But Luna would grow frustrated that she couldn't feed fast enough or enough in general when Taylor and been breastfeeding recently.
"What is it Tay? Why are you crying?" He asked, sitting up in the bed and turning on the lamp perched on top of the nightstand next to him. He could hear her sobs in the darkness, catching a glimpse of the full extent as he turned over. He could see by her exposed breasts and the hungry rooting baby that she couldn't get Luna to latch again. It was something that was becoming more common and whilst he loved being able to feed Luna and spend one on one time with her, he realised that breast feeding had been something special between Luna and her mother. He knew how hard it was on Taylor that she couldn't comfort their daughter the way she used to.
"It's happened again. And I am really trying. There is milk in there, I can feel it. But it's just not enough. She is so hungry and I can't help her." She sobbed, clutching onto the infant who was fussing even more in her arms. Travis reached out an arm to comfort her and steady her shaking hands.
"Tay. Tay, listen to me beautiful. You can help her if you are upset like this. Why don't I go downstairs and get her a bottle from the fridge. I saw you put a couple in the big fridge in the kitchen when you pumped last night. She will be fine with that." He watched as her grip on the baby tightened, like she always did when Travis offered to help her with the baby. Ever since she had begun struggling with feeding, Travis had watched Taylor grow more and more clingy with the baby. Refusing any help from anyone, even Travis sometimes until she was utterly exhausted and would breakdown in his arms about how much of a failure she was. Whilst he would always remind her of her worth and never tire of reminding his beautiful girl how special she was, it was alarming how much she wasn't coping. It had all changed, in the blink of an eye. Ever since she had stepped back on stage again and performed on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. What had happened that night to cause everything to change?
"Would it make you feel better if I brought the milk up for you so that you can try and feed her again?" Travis asked, watching her nod sheepishly. He placed a light kiss on her forehead, stroking Luna's cheek softly before leaving the room to head downstairs to the kitchen. There he found a familiar presence.
"Oh, hey Ky. Sorry did the baby wake you up, she isn't the best house guest I Willa admit but I hope that won't stop you from inviting us over again." Travis chuckled, making a beeline for the fridge where he knew there were a couple of bottles of breastmilk. He found them almost straight away, grabbing a fairly full bottle and placing it in the bottle warmer. The beauty of coming to Jason and Kylie's place was that all the baby stiff was already there. Whilst Kylie was sworn that she was having no more babies, they still kept all of the baby stuff just inc case. It was now being used for Luna and meant that they could travel slightly lighter than expected. I suppose that's the beauty of having kids later on in your circle of friends and family.
"No don't worry. I was up at the crack of dawn anyway, I couldn't bear Jason's snoring any longer so I thought I would come down here and read my book for a bit with a cup of tea." Kylie noted, raising the mug of piping hot tea she had just made as she made her way past Travis to sit at one of the bar stools by the kitchen island. Travis placed the bottle in the bottle warmer, hitting go before turning back to Kylie to talk to her again.
"I see that Little Miss Kelce is running the house this morning. I thought Taylor was breastfeeding though." Kylie uttered, pointing towards the bottle in the bottle warmer.
"She is. Well she is trying." Travis sighed.
"What do you mean she is trying. Has she been struggling with it. I know with Wyatt it was difficult in the beginning." Kylie remarked, taking a sip of the mug of tea in front of her.
"Thats the weirdest thing about all of this. Tay never struggled to breastfeed before. It's as crazy how well her and Luna instantly bonded and just knew what to do. But now, it's as if that never happened. And she is become so clingy with her. A few weeks ago, Tay was fine to leave Luna with me whilst she went to have a shower or something like that. But now she refuses to leave her, even with me. It's like she doesn't trust me."
Kylie offered him a weak smile. "Is it a supply thing?" She asked and Travis nodded. "I thought so."
"How did you know?" Travis questioned, wondering if their troubles had really been that obvious to everyone.
"Trav, I have watched Taylor for the past couple of days and I think I have seen Bennett eat more food in a day than she does. If she doesn't eat enough, she can't produce enough. Simple mathematics I am afraid." Kylie noted sadly. It was all true, every last syllable.
"So you think she's not eating enough?"
"I know she is not eating enough. She looks sickly Trav and when we sat by the pool yesterday with the girls whilst you and Jase were working out, I thought the wind was going to blow her away. I think things have gone too far Trav."
Travis sighed, head in his hands. Of all of the possibilities he had thought through in his mind, this one had never popped up. And he was cursing himself that it hadn't. If it had, maybe she wouldn't have suffered for so long. Maybe he would have noticed sooner.
"It all makes sense now. I always thought it was just some sort of postpartum anxiety or depression. the doctors had Warne due to look out for the signs. But with Tay's past, it seems so much more real and possible." He heard the bottle warmer beep, indicating it was finished and so Travis walked back over to retrieve the precious gold. Kylie came over to pat him on the back lovingly.
"Hey. Don't be hard on yourself. She is family, it is all of our responsibility to notice and help out. It may not be anything serious but just talk to her Trav. I promise you everything will all seem so much clearer. "
He thanked Kylie, leaving her in the family room as he climbed the stairs with the warmed bottle of milk ready for Luna to feed. There however was no need fr the bottle as when Travis returned a mere ten minutes later, Taylor had somehow managed to get Luna to latch on and feed contently. He could see her body physically relaxing, the first time in a while he hadn't seen her uptight and anxious around Luna, or him.
"She calmed down?" travis asked warmly, placing the warmed bottle down on the nightstand to crawl into the bed next to her. Taylor nodded.
"It took a little while but she managed to latch on. I guess there must be just enough milk for her this morning."
"Tay." Travis started, and from the tone of his voice, Taylor already knew what he was going to say. She could feel it, deep within in her protruding bones. "I, I know what's going on."
"What do you mean, nothing is going on. I'm fine, we are fine." Taylor lied. She thought that if she gaslit Travis enough, he would leave her alone. She wanted help. God did she want help. But he would be so ashamed, she just couldn't bring herself to tell him. Not yet anyway.
"Babe don't lie to me. I know you aren't eating again." He said bluntly, watching as her guard began to fall. The walls had been penetrated and the castle was now slowly starting to crumble down. He watched as tears grew in the corners of her eyes and he grabbed her, pulling her softly against his chest.
"It's come back Trav." Taylor sobbed into his chest. "I tried so so hard but I just couldn't do it any longer. I'm sorry."
"Shush, shush. Its ok. It's going to be ok." He reassured her, stroking her hair softly as she continued to sob into his chest. He let her cry it all out before he dared to ask her any more questions.
"When did all of this start?" He asked, taking Luna from Taylor to burp her over his shoulder.
"I think it was always there, but after the tonight Show interview. I saw." He watched her hesitate before continuing. "I saw what people were saying."
"But we never listen to what the people say Tay. Our number one rule has always been to never listen to the outside noise." Travis said, placing Luna into her dock a dot that they had in the bed between them. Taylor couldn't even look at him, content to stare down at their daughter. Their perfect little girl with her piercing blue eyes and the cutest little dimpled cheeks, rosy from just feeding.
"I tried Trav. I really did. I didn't want to let them get to me like they used to but I guess it's just a force of habit. And once you start, you just can't stop."
He placed a finger under her chin, raising it to look into her eyes. They were beautiful, even when masked in the pain of sadness. The same colour as their little girl's
"Tay. You are so beautiful. And I could never love you anymore than I already do now. No matter whether you are thin or not, it does not matter to me. Your body to grew this little girl for nine months. You are the reason she is here, and that is a price I will never be able to repay, but I will spend every waking day of my life trying to show you and prove to you how much I love you."
She nodded, smiling up at him. "I love you too. So so much."
They laid in bed for a little while longer, Travis taking a momentary break to change Luna's diaper. They often would flip a coin for who had to change her diaper, and for some apparent reason, Travis often seemed to lose. When he returned he saw Taylor rooting through their suitcases for an outfit to wear that day, and an outfit for Luna. She decided on a floral maxi dress with puffy long sleeves for herself and an adorable little white summer dress for Luna who was already fitting into her 3-6 months wardrobe. He passed Luna over to Taylor to get her dressed whilst he took a shower and got ready in the guest bathroom.
"There are my beautiful girls." He gushed, emerging from the bathroom twenty minutes later, dressed in a pair of blue shorts and white t-shirt.
"So I was thinking.. maybe we should go out one night together. Just for dinner or something like that. Get away from all of the chaos here. We haven't had an evening just to ourselves in a while." Travis suggested. He could see Taylor's reluctance as she grasped a little tighter onto their daughter. "Luna will be fine with my mom and Kylie. I'm sure they would pull our arms off to spend more time with her."
Taylor sighed, rocking Luna back and forth in her arms as she came over to where Travis was standing near the large window.
"Ok."
"Ok?" Travis replied and Taylor nodded her head. He hugged her into his side, sighing in relief that maybe things were looking up. Maybe this would be the end of the sadness, and the start of their happy new life.
AUTHORS NOTE: Will the happiness continue ???