A bright light suddenly flashed on Taehyung's face, causing him to stir from his sleep. He squinted his eyes against the glare, gradually becoming aware of his surroundings. He found himself in his room, a book resting in his hand. With a sigh, he rubbed his eyes and sat up.
"Books always make me sleepy. How am I going to read this?" he mused aloud, glancing down at the book provided to him for learning about Islam. "And I even forgot to close the curtains," he muttered to himself, noticing the sunlight streaming in through the window. He ran a hand through his messy hair.
With a tired sigh, he looked outside the window. "Today is the day, my warrior, I'll close the gap between us", He said with a hint of a smile.
It had been a month, a day before Ramadan started, since he began his journey of learning about Islam. Mr. Saad introduced him to Mufti Usman who tried to help him understand Islam.
"I don't know how it's going to work, but let's do it, Taehyung. It's the only way to make her mine," he reminded himself, drawing in a deep breath and stretching his tired muscles
A sudden ringing interrupted Taehyung's thoughts, and he quickly scanned the bed to locate the source of the sound. Spotting his ringing phone, he reached over to check the caller ID, finding it was Ha-joon. Despite the early hour, Taehyung couldn't help but chuckle.
"Who else could call me this early other than this mother fucker", Taehyung cursed but then widened his eyes. However, his amusement quickly turned to alarm as he realized his own slip of the tongue. "SHIT.. oh no stop what the... f..fudge", Taehyung fumbled at his words trying to avoid cursing and failing badly.
"It's wrong, don't you know? How will you stop, buddy, if you're bad at it?" Taehyung scolded himself, recalling the lessons he had learned over the past month. smile crossed his face as he remembered Yazia's cute habit of swearing and then apologizing.
"What she says after it... As... Astag... firullah", Taehyung said remembering Yazia's words. "Yeah, Astagfirullah I'll not do it now, and don't let my warrior do it too." Lost in his thoughts, Taehyung's phone continued to ring persistently.
"He will never give up", Taehyung remarked with a wry smile, referring to Ha-Joon's relentless attempts to reach him. Finally, he answered the call, greeting Ha-Joon Hearing Taehyung Ha-Joon got confused.
"Hearing Taehyung's unexpected greeting, Ha-Joon was taken aback. "Who? What are you doing, Taehyung?" he asked, utterly bewildered by the sudden change in his friend's demeanor. "I'm going to become a Muslim today," Taehyung replied casually, leaving Ha-Joon stunned.
"Hey where did you go?", Taehyung asked hearing silence on the other line. "I... no you... are going to be Muslim? what do you mean by that?", Ha-Joon asked him in a high-pitched voice. "I was going to ask you where you disappeared, and you are telling me nonsense. Are you drunk?' Ha-Joon asked him in concern.
"Haram!! Ha-Joon haram... drinking is haram", Taehyung said shaking his head. "Who are you where is my Alcoholic unbearable friend you kidnapped him?", Ha-Joon asked him being dramatic but he was stunned.
"Are you finished?" Taehyung inquired, hearing the shocked tone in Ha-Joon's voice.
"Yeah," Ha-Joon replied, his voice still choked with surprise. "I've been busy with work and learning about Islam this month. The only place I've been besides the office is the mosque, wait... no I went to my warrior's house often too."
Taehyung explained his reasons, and Ha-Joon grew increasingly shocked. "Why are you doing all this?" Ha-Joon asked, his concern evident in his voice.
"For my love", Taehyung replied without hesitation, hearing a sigh from the other end of the line. "Are you sure you're doing this just for her? Does she really deserve this?" Ha-Joon questioned, expressing his concern for him.
"She deserves the world, and I'll give it to her", Taehyung said in an affirmed tone. "Are you really going to do this? It's not easy", Ha-Joon wanted to confirm.
"I do want to; it's the only way to make her mine. I can go to any length to have her", Ha-Joon chuckled at Taehyung's desperate words. "Are you the same Kim Taehyung I know?", He asked amused.
"I'm not. I'm a Taehyung who is lost, and the only light I see is her—my warrior," Taehyung's voice remained steady, but there was a hint of uncertainty. "Taehyung just think before doing anything, are you doing right?", Ha-Joon advised him, and Taehyung heard from one ear and out from the other.
"Yeah... Yeah now I am going", Taehyung hung up without hearing any reply. As he stood there, his gaze wandered aimlessly around the room, his thoughts as turbulent as the storm brewing outside. "Am I doing right?" The question lingered in his mind, but Taehyung pushed it aside.
"Yeah obviously, I want her in my life for me she is my life, only her", Taehyung eased his doubts. Yazia's love or obsession does not let him think out of it.
Flashback
"You're my only hope, Yazia," he confessed quietly. "Thinking of you is what keeps me going through it all. You're like a guiding light in the darkness, reminding me that there's strength within."
Yazia felt her heart skip a beat; her breath caught in her throat as she absorbed the depth of his feelings. It's tempting. They both looked at each other in silence for a while. A faint smile tugged on Taehyung's lips. Yazia opened her mouth to say something but before she could say more her mother came in with a tray.
"Taehyung, your hot chocolate, and Saad's coffee take it and bring it to Saad", she told Taehyung handing him the tray. Taehyung took it and stood up.
"Yazia don't just sit here and show him the way to study", she instructed Yazia and Yazia stood up with a slightly irritated expression, trying her best to look annoyed. Not to show Taehyung but herself.
"Sure thing, Eomma", Yazia responded, forcing a cheerful tone as she began to walk toward the study without waiting for Taehyung to follow.
"I know he'll follow anyway, that's just who he is", Yazia thought to herself, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips, and as expected Taehyung started following her.
"This girl!! never going to change her behavior", Yazia's mother sighed at Yazia's almost rude behavior with Taehyung.
Yazia walked ahead silently, with Taehyung following behind as always. "This is Appa's study. You can go inside", she said, pointing at the door.
"Can you open it? I've got this in my hands", Taehyung requested, raising up the tray", Yazia sighed and opened the door, and walked away not looking back at him.
Taehyung looked at her figure till it disappeared. He shook his head with a faint smile. Taehyung entered the study, balancing the tray carefully in his hands greeted by the sight of Mr. Saad immersed in his work.
"Ah, Taehyung, thank you", Mr. Saad acknowledged warmly as Taehyung approached with the tray. "Set it down here, please."
Taehyung placed the tray on the desk, a small smile touching his lips as he glanced around the room. Despite the initial awkwardness, he felt a sense of belonging in this space. As he turned to leave, he heard Mr. Saad's voice calling out to him.
"Sit down, let's talk", Mr. Saad invited warmly, gesturing to the chair opposite him. "Thank you for having me, Uncle." Taehyung began, his voice steady. Gerif was still fresh in his heart.
"Don't thank me, Taehyung. Thank Allah, who has granted you this opportunity. He is the one who guides and supports us, holding us up even when we feel like we're falling." Taehyung listened to his words in curiosity.
"Is he the same Allah Yazia talked about, who is he?" Taehyung thought but didn't let out a word about his confusion. Mr. Saad read his confused expression and chuckled.
"You are confused?", He asked Taehyung making him come out of his thoughts. Taehyung stared at him lost. Taehyung blinked, caught off guard.
"It's okay to be confused, Taehyung", Mr. Saad continued gently. "You're new to all of this. Take your time. I'll introduce you to Mufti Usman, a dear friend of mine and a very knowledgeable man. He'll help answer your questions and guide you on this journey."
Taehyung nodded carefully. "First see how it works don't jump to anything, I'll never suggest you be a Muslim right away, learn it first understand it and you'll see the beauty of Islam." Taehyung thought for a while and nodded anyhow.
"It should be fast, I can't wait anymore", Taehyung thought in his mind. In Taehyung's heart, his intense love for Yazia overshadowed everything else. "In a month Ramadan is starting, I'll advise you to take this time and then if you are comfortable, you can revert before the first Ramadan and start the blessed month with a great blessing."
While he was drawn to the idea of embracing Islam, he couldn't deny the underlying motivation behind his decision. It wasn't a deep-rooted spiritual calling or a genuine desire for spiritual growth; instead, it was his feelings for Yazia.
Taehyung nodded still his mind not liking to wait more. "If it means I need to wait for a month I'll do it, even if the wait is forever, I'll wait", Taehyung thought to himself.
"Let's hope for the best, Insha'Allah", Mr. Saad remarked, his voice carrying a note of optimism.
Flashback Ends
He got up getting ready for the day he was waiting eagerly.
«»
Mr. Saad was having breakfast cheerfully. He usually smiles always but today his smile was extra bright and cheerful. "Eat up my dear!! You need to take care of yourself", He placed some food on his wife's plate a third time.
"I am eating stop serving me again and again, I can't eat that much", she complained making Yazia and Ayzal chuckle. "Eomma don't complain Appa is just caring for you", Yazia playfully defended her father.
"You are not allowed to talk, Appa's warrior", Mr. Saad laughed at Mrs. Saad's words and jumped in to protect his daughter. "Why she can't talk. If my warrior will not protect me then who will?" He mused and they all were smiling and laughing.
"Appa seem happy today", Ayzal pointed out and Mr. Saad looked at them with a proud smile. "Honestly, I am waiting for the evening I'll give you all a surprise, Insha'Allah especially you Saima", he said making all of them curious.
He doesn't tell anyone about Taehyung learning about Islam and he is going to accept Islam today. He wanted it to be a surprise. In all of his happiness, there was a burden too. His friend's last wish and the pressure to fulfill it burdened him.
"I'll tell them today about the marriage after Taehyung accepts Islam, Insha'Allah." He thought to himself and looked at Yazia with an admiring gaze. She was his pride.
"What surprise Appa?" Ayzal asked him, and he just gave them a goody smile. "It's not fair Appa, will not tell your warrior too?" Yazia tried to push her luck but her father just shook his head. "Patience... My princess patience."
With a pout, Yazia looked away not getting succeed. "Who will say this girl acts cute too", Ayzal teased Yazia looking at her pout. Yazia glares at her.
"Women act cute when they trust someone and feel safe and your father is her comfort place", Mrs. Saad smiled looking at Yazia who hugged her father from the side. "Appa is the best man in the world, no one can take his place in my life."
"I'll find you someone who'll take care of you more than me", He said patting her head. Yazia pulled back and whined hearing him. "Appa..."
He chuckled looking at Yazia. "Ok.... I'll stop because I need to go somewhere", Yazia narrowed eyes. "You are not going to company?" He shook his head and stood up. "No, I have something important to do."
"You are skipping office too often these days", Yazia pointed out. "Because I know my daughter is there to deal with everything, " he said, kissing her forehead and moved to Ayzal and kissed her forehead too.
"Saima, prepare a special dinner tonight I am going to bring a surprise for you", he told his wife and she nodded with a smile on her left. "I don't know what your father is going to do!!" Mr. Saad smiled looking at the disappearing figure of Mr. Saad.
"Insha'Allah hopes for the best Eomma", Ayzal told her lessening her worry.
«»
Taehyung came out of his house and found Mr. Saad waiting for him outside in the car. He smiled and walked up to him and sat inside the car in the passenger seat.
"Asalamualaikum!! Uncle", Mr. Saad smiled at his attempt at greeting. "You learned so well Taehyung, your parents must be proud of you", Taehyung smiled sadly hearing about his parent's absences is still hurting him.
Noticing Taehyung's somber expression, Mr. Saad started the car and glanced at him with concern. "Did you go to visit them after the burial?" he inquired gently; Taehyung bit his lips looking down. "I... I didn't have the courage to face them", he admitted quietly.
"You should visit them, I know you feel guilty, but you'll feel better after visiting them. Don't punish yourself for something you were not in control. It's Allah's will you have no say in it", Mr. Saad's tone was soft and understanding. Taehyung nodded.
"Let's visit their graves after you revert to Islam, it's a big day for you should share it with them", Taehyung silently looked outside the window after a curt nod.
Mr. Saad knew he was hesitant so deciding to let the topic rest for the time being. "Are you ready?" he asked instead, redirecting the conversation to the matter at hand. "Am I ready?" The uncertainty lingered, but with a deep breath, he pushed aside his doubts and replied.
"Yes, I am ready", he stated to Yazia's father. "It's all for her, and I am ready to give my all just to have her presence beside me", Taehyung thought to himself with a sense of ease thinking he'd be a step closer to her, there was an unease too, being not strong enough it died down under his excitement.
"May Allah help you and guide you on your every step", Mr. Saad wished for him and stopped the car in front of the Masjid.
"You'll go back with me to my house. I told your Auntie I have a surprise for her she'll be over the moon learning about you", Mr. Saad mused happily thinking about his wife's excitement.
"I'll Uncle. I love spending time at your house there is a strange peace I never found at my own home, especially after... Mom and Dad died it's empty." Taehyung was admitting his honest feelings.
"My peace is there, my Yazia is there", He thought a big smile made its way to his face.
"You are part of our family don't hesitate to come whenever you like, your aunt really loves you a lot", Mr. Saad, as always gently told him making him feel comforted.
«»
Taehyung sat across from Mufti Usman, a sense of anticipation filling the air. It had been a month of learning about Islam under the guidance of the Mufti, ever since Yazia's father introduced them. He did gusal the way Mufti Usman told him, wearing clean clothes.
"Taehyung, are you ready to accept Islam?" Mufti Usman inquired, a warm smile gracing his lips. Taehyung nodded in response; his mind filled with a singular thought.
"I will do anything for you, my warrior, just for you."
Taehyung thought fervently in his heart, his thoughts consumed by Yazia. At that moment, he realized that his sole reason for reverting to Islam was her, and he was willing to do whatever it took to be with her.
Taehyung nodded his head. Throughout the past month, he had immersed himself in learning about Islam, but more than anything, it was just the thought of Yazia.
"I've taught you everything I could in this short span, and I hope you've been able to understand what you've learned this whole month," Mufti Usman said kindly.
"Yes, I've learned a lot", Taehyung replied softly, his voice filled with hesitation. "But there's still so much I don't understand." He said being honest for the last time.
Mufti Usman's expression softened with understanding as he placed a reassuring hand on Taehyung's shoulder. "Learning is a journey", he said gently.
"May Allah guide you on this journey, Taehyung". Mr. Saad said, placing a hand on Taehyung's shoulder. "And may your faith bring you peace and strength." Taehyung smiled at his kind words.
"Taehyung, are you forced by anyone to accept Islam?" Mufti Usman asked, Taehyung shook his head. "No, I'm not. I'm doing it of my own free will", Taehyung responded. Mr. Saad had a smile on his face. He was delighted to see this blissful moment.
After his friend's death, Taehyung became precious to him. On top of Taehyung's ability to get inside people's hearts effortlessly. He got a lot closer to him in this past month.
"Let's recite Shahada", Mufti Usman told him, and Taehyung felt his heart beating fast in his chest. A strange feeling surrounded him.
"Am I doing right?" that thought lingered back of his mind. He ignored it, Taehyung's mind was clouded by his obsession, blinding him. He was consumed by his obsession, unable to see beyond the object of his desire, even if it meant sacrificing his own beliefs or embracing beliefs he didn't fully understand.
"Taehyung, repeat after me. It's the same one I taught you. hope you remember what it means", Mufti Usman reassured him, Taehyung nodded and with a lost look while explaining what he learned.
"I know that there is no God but Allah and prophet Mohammad ﷺ is the last messenger of Allah." Both of them smiled looking how adorable he looked talking about Islam.
"Do you believe it? Do you believe in One God who has no partner, no son, no father, no wife, and nothing is comparable unto Him? And do you believe that Muhammad ﷺ is the last and final Messenger of God to this world, after whom there will be no new Messenger or Prophet?"
Mufti Usman's gentle yet firm voice lingered in the air, seeking Taehyung's affirmation of faith. Taehyung heard his words, his mind drifting to thoughts of Yazia.
"If that's all needed to get close to her, then I do", Taehyung mused silently, his heart conflicted yet determined. "If she believes that, then I have no problem believing what she believes. For her."
With a sense of resolve, Taehyung lifted his gaze to meet Mufti Usman's, the weight of his decision settling upon him. "I do", he uttered softly, the words carrying a significance he couldn't fully grasp.
"I'll do whatever it takes for her", Taehyung thought. "If becoming Muslim means, I can be with her, then I'll do it."
The idea of becoming Muslim just to be with Yazia seemed like a small sacrifice compared to how much he wanted to be with her. He was trying to calm the inner conflict he felt at that moment.
"Let's get started then", Mufti Usman replied, his tone gentle yet decisive.
"Ash-hadu an"
Mufti Usman's voice echoed in the room.
"Ash-hadu an"
Taehyung repeated, his voice barely above a whisper, the weight of the moment settling heavily upon him.
"La ilaha illa Allah"
As Taehyung repeated the words after him, the rhythm of his heart quickened, the intensity of the moment palpable in the air. He felt those words heavy on his tongue.
"Wa ash-hadu anna Muhammadan Rasulu-Allah"
Taehyung's voice quivered slightly as he completed the Shahada.
A strange restlessness gripped his heart, unsettling him in a way he couldn't quite understand. He released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.
"Jazak Allah!! you are a Muslim now", Mufti Usman announced and Mr. Saad hugged Taehyung. Taehyung fell into a daze not comprehending what was happening around. As Mr. Saad enveloped him in a warm embrace, Taehyung felt the weight of the moment pressing down on him.
Yet, amidst the congratulations and well-wishes, he couldn't shake the feeling of disquiet that consumed him. It was as if something were tugging at his soul, urging him to question, to doubt, to seek answers.
Taehyung remained in a daze, unable to fully comprehend the significance of his newfound faith. As the tears trickled down his cheeks, Mr. Saad pulled away and looked at Taehyung Tears streaming down his eyes.
"Why are you crying?" He asked in concern. At his question Taehyung touched his cheeks feeling tears." I... I don't know", Taehyung stammered, his voice trembling with emotion. "It's just... everything feels so overwhelming right now."
"It's just joy, you'll remember this feeling forever", Mufti Usman said his words made Taehyung wonder. "Is it really tears of joy?" He asked himself.
"It is, I am happy I can finally be a step close to my love, my Warrior", Taehyung convinced himself.
"I feel at ease." Deep down, he knew that he was trying to convince himself of something that he didn't truly feel.
"Taehyung you can change your name if you want, it's not necessary if you have an appropriate meaning, you can use it. Do you have any name you want to have?" Mufti Usman asked him in an understanding tone.
Taehyung pondered for a moment, his mind drifting to the memories tied to his name. After a brief pause, he shook his head.
"Can I not change it? My father gave me this name, and... I want to keep it", Taehyung admitted hesitantly, his voice was uncertain. Not knowing will be able to keep his name.
He can change but he just wanted to keep it because his father gave him this name dearly, held a special place in his heart, and after his father died connection to his past and a reminder of the love, he had lost. He feels guilty towards his parents.
"Yes, you can keep it, it's not forced on you it's your own choice." Taehyung felt relief hearing Mufti's words. The thing he appreciates about being Muslim is that everyone is kind. "But am I kind enough like them?" Taehyung thought feeling unease.
Taehyung somehow convinced his mind and got distracted by all the information he was getting from Mufti Usman. he found himself captivated by the teachings of Islam. Yet, amidst the depth of knowledge being shared, his thoughts kept drifting back to Yazia.
"I feel closer to her now", Taehyung mused inwardly, a flicker of excitement stirring within him. "I can marry her now; she can't complain that I'm not Muslim."
His thoughts never let him focus the thoughts about Yazia were both a distraction and guidance depending on how the situation was perceived.
In the evening both Mr. Saad and Taehyung got out and walked towards the car. "I can drive if you say", Taehyung offered but Mr. Saad shook his head and sat inside in the driver's seat. Taehyung followed him.
Mr. Saad silently drove the car. Taehyung was in his thoughts. Feeling conflicted and tries his best to calm his conscience down. After what felt like an eternity, the car came to a stop. Taehyung blinked, snapping out of his thoughts to find himself confronted by the solemn sight of the graveyard stretching out before him.
A shiver ran down his spine at the thought of what lay ahead, and he turned to Mr. Saad, his eyes betraying a mixture of fear and longing. "Go, Taehyung. You need this. Give them the happy news. I'll be waiting here", Mr. Saad encouraged him, his voice gentle yet firm. Taehyung swallowed hard, feeling the tremors coursing through his body.
"I... I..." His voice faltered, his gaze drifting back to the vast expanse of graves laid out before him. But before he could utter another word, Mr. Saad's reassuring words cut through his hesitation like a lifeline.
"Taehyung, your parents must be waiting for you", Mr. Saad reminded him, his words a gentle nudge of encouragement. With a deep breath to steady himself, Taehyung nodded.
With hesitant steps, he walked inside. Mr. Saad had a sad smile looking him go. He knew Taehyung needed a push to face it and he needed to face this for closure.
Taehyung stood before his parents' graves, the weight of his emotions bearing down on him like a heavy blanket. He stared at the headstones in silence, unsure of where to begin. "There was a time I used to be blunt, saying everything to you both", he murmured softly, a sad chuckle escaping his lips. "Now, I am hesitant."
A deep sigh escaped him as he wrestled with the jumble of thoughts swirling in his mind. "What should I say?" He wondered aloud, his voice barely above a whisper. With a heavy heart, he sank to his knees in front of their graves, his fingers tracing the engraved letters of their names.
Tears welled up in his eyes, blurring his vision finally broke free. Unable to contain his grief any longer, Taehyung let the tears flow freely, his silent sobs echoing through the stillness of the graveyard.
"I am sorry, Mom. And I am truly sorry, Dad. I was not a good child", Taehyung choked out between sobs, his words heavy with remorse.
Tears streamed down his cheeks, he released the grief he had been holding inside for so long. "I should have listened to you. I should have behaved responsibly like you always told me."
Regret washed over him in waves, a painful reminder of all the missed opportunities and the moments he had taken for granted. He bowed his head in shame, his heart heavy with the weight of his mistakes. "I lost you, and I wasn't able to bring you peace when you were alive", he whispered brokenly, his voice barely audible.
The weight of his mistakes pressed down on him like a crushing burden, leaving him gasping for air amidst the sea of his own regrets. He had failed them in life, and now, in death, he was left with nothing, but the bitter sting of remorse and the ache of a heart filled with unspoken apologies.
Crying out his apologies, Taehyung felt the weight of his grief begins to ease, bit by bit. As the last of his sobs subsided, Taehyung found himself enveloped in a quiet stillness, the gentle rustle of leaves overhead and the soft whisper of the wind offering a comforting embrace. Breathing deeply.
"Am I making you bored?" Taehyung sniffed, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. "Sorry, I'll try not to cry then." Taking a deep breath to compose himself, he straightened his posture, determined to shift the mood. "Let me tell you some good news", he said, his voice still wavering slightly with emotion.
"I am a Muslim now", Taehyung said but felt a pang in his heart. "But I'll be honest with you both. I'm not sure what I'm doing. The only reason I took this step is because of her, Yazia", Taehyung's words were reflecting his unease.
"Dad, I never told you, but yes, I love your friend's daughter", Taehyung continued, his voice trembling with emotion. "Love doesn't even begin to describe what I feel for her."
He sat there in silence, the only sound the gentle rustle of leaves in the breeze, knowing that there would be no response from the two people he longed to share his secrets with buried feet under the ground.
"I feel restless, I don't know why. I don't feel the peace Uncle Saad always had nor the solace I always Saw in Auntie Saima's eyes." Taehyung was confessing his confusion.
"I know one thing, I started this, and I'll do it sincerely. I am a Muslim now and I'll fulfill my every duty sincerely and try my best", with a deep breath, Taehyung let out all his worries and guilt, laying bare his heart to his departed parents. he whispered,
"Only for my Yazia—My Warrior."
———————————————————————————————————————
"Intention matters. Sometimes we do the right things with the wrong intentions."
ʕ'•ᴥ•'ʔ
Hope!! you guys are doing well I am okay too and better than before. I'll update regularly till Eid!! with a special chapter on Eid maybe I am planning it!! I am energetic now your comments and support make me motivated!! I am praying for you all!!
Vote and comment a lot I feel like writing more when I saw your comments!!
From V
*:･ﾟ✧