Rovan
(!) Profanity and child/sex abuse — not depicted only mentioned.
Trapped between the veil of consciousness and dreamscape, I found myself wandering through an empty field flowering with pink, white, and green. Some were as large as watermelons, and some were as small as a coat button, but their fragrance wafting through the air had me feeling as if I was bathing in expensive scented oils.
Again, I felt that overwhelming feeling of peace, but this time, there was no watcher listing my charges against me. This time, it was just me, the field, and the warm sunlight filtering through the rushing clouds above. At the same time, though, it felt as if there was a vitality thrumming through the field under my feet and up into my bones, like a heartbeat other than my own.
As I kept walking, I felt like I was following a trail, and the farther I went, the more the flowers seemed to tilt toward the direction I was walking.
Finally approaching a small opening among the growing flowers, I stopped short in my tracks. A wind stirred and gathered increasing strength until the flowers were forced to grow thicker and stronger against its force. They weaved and twisted around each other like large moldable tree trunks until slowly, the shape of a grand throne began to form. Only some of their petals were released into the wind creating an ethereal image of beauty and grace.
"Get on your knees and shield your eyes." It was a still voice coming from the rushing wind all around me.
I obeyed immediately, still trying to pretend that I was not at least a little bit afraid of what was going on. Honestly, I was trying to figure out how I was still standing in the midst of the wind, but it seemed to skirt around me as if intentionally protecting me from its undoubtable power.
My knees dug into the flattened blade of grass, and I shielded my eyes using my arms. Then he spoke.
"Son of man, you chose wisely."
I knew that the grandiose throne that formed was undoubtedly for the one speaking to me right now. His voice was calm, strengthened with authority and wisdom.
I felt breathless as I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling intense heat, undoubtedly from the bright light enveloping the man before me.
Trembling, I asked, "Who are you?"
"I have many names, but you've heard me by the title of Most High. All life flows from me."
In a second, every single hateful thought I had toward the believers and temples of the Templemen came back to my memory. I didn't particularly care for their god, but I didn't particularly care for any god. None of them ever answered my prayers, and when I realized how childish it was, I stopped. But there was something about the Templemen that made Dhernon harbor a specific hate.
Even now, I felt a battle begin to pull at me from the inside.
All I could do was ask through gritted teeth, "If that's true, why? Why now?"
There was a pause.
"Child, all the victories you had were because I allowed them. I allowed you to grow mighty among men, and I allowed you to do all these things because of your heart. Your heart never hardened beyond the point of no return." He said. "You may think it's because of your strength or the strength you gained from those unclean spirits. Even they fear my name, and they fled the second you allowed me into your life."
I frowned, failing to understand what he was saying and how that justified anything he did or allowed.
"Rovan, I am going to restore everything that's been taken from you. So long as you humble yourself and repent of your past, I will not punish you as I punished Moherav."
Somehow, I inwardly knew the name. Moherav was the Queen who so desperately hid her name from every living soul.
"She was an abomination born of man and fallen divine creatures without a soul, incapable of proper morality or human emotion. Everything these creatures do is for their own evil pleasures, and you were her particular obsession. Just like how she set her own adoptive family on fire as a child, she planned to drag you down to the fire of hades." He told me. "This I did not allow. For all of her crimes against me, I poured out my judgment on her."
I grit my teeth, "Then why did you allow everything else to happen?"
"There is so much you will learn as you go. For now, I have an assignment for you."
Questioning why I should go along with his words, I felt a push within me, reminding me that this person killed the queen without even needing to be there in the flesh. He humbled her and released me from her grip, and I owed him for that. If what he was speaking before about having helped me on the battlefield was true, I owed him a lot more than I could ever give him.
I wound up nodding, "A soldier does the will of his commander."
I just hoped this wouldn't bite me in the *ss later.
Having received my assignment, I felt the ground give out from under me, and the impulse of falling had me opening my eyes and gasping for air. I peered up at the curtains of the canopied bed of my room and pressed a hand to the mattress.
Usually, I'd have dreams of that same white rabbit running through the forest again and again. Every time, she'd escape me by a hair's width and leave me mourning the loss. At other times, it was Roselena herself running in her white dress, making me think that her death had been an illusion in my imagination. I much preferred today's dream.
The smell of flowers was long gone, and the warmth of light was replaced with the cold temperature of the approaching winter. I'd survived the freezing temperatures while in battle, so I was a bit muted to it. It still made my skin prickle as I pulled the covers off and sat on the edge of the bed.
Upon my orders, no one came up to assist me in the morning. It felt wrong to have anyone other than Roselena at my side, almost as if I were betraying her in some way. Though she wouldn't care. I doubted she harbored any affection for me even when she was alive. Now it didn't matter.
Grief never changed, but this time, it dug into my skin especially deep. It worsened when I was in the midst of investigating the murder of the queen and Roselena. Of course, the queen's murder took precedence simply on the basis that she was a queen, but I didn't need to know any more than what I'd just learned in my sleep. The god of the Templemen had waged war, and I was his soldier now.
Only difference now was that I felt an odd sense of freedom. There were no screeching familiars in my head, no thirst for blood, and no easily excitable anger and wrath within me. I could still feel the undercurrent of bitterness against Dhernon within me, but it was much more controlled and calculated than it had been before.
I pulled on a white cotton shirt, brushing my knuckles over the thick scar that had once reminded me of the price I had to pay for my life. Now, it just reminded me that there was nothing for me to pay.
I didn't understand this god. I didn't understand why he allowed evil in the world or why he did the things he did, but I knew he was way more powerful than any of the mages I was forced to see everyday. Besides, I never claimed to be a good man. I'd killed and indulged in the bloodshed. Sometimes, I felt overwhelming guilt, especially when I murdered that child's mother.
I was so sure I had no redemption, but if this god was offering me restoration, I'd take that over what the queen and the mages of Dhernon had offered me.
Gripping my sword by the hilt, I sighed in defeat and resignation. At the end of the day, I was a soldier, and I'd rather be on the winning side of an inevitable war, even if it was as a traitor of the Dark Empire.
A knock sounded at the door and Joaquim walked in. I was strapping my sword to my belt when he began reporting his findings to me.
"Any news on Katar and her daughter?" I asked. They disappeared along with Roselena's body that night according to Vallar, the maidservant Roselena died saving.
Even in death, she was perfect. A d*mn hero. I wished she'd saved even a sliver of that bravery for herself.
He shook his head, "Not yet. I did send the invitation to the duke, but the mailboy said he found the estate abandoned."
I'd found the note the Duke gave me the day after the queen died. He told me he had connections that could help me take over Dhernon if I so wished, which was a dangerous thing to give the queen's resident hunting dog. He was willing to stake his life on it, and lucky for him, I was willing to stake my life on destroying the Dhernon nobility.
However, he evidently had no confidence that I would say yes and chose to disappear before I could find him.
"What of the rebelling citizens?" I asked. Ever since news of the queen's death at the hands of the Templemen god spread throughout all the kingdoms of Thelodia, the Bermillians became emboldened and began to set up altars anywhere they could.
I was sure they had been crowding around their altars nonstop since the news broke out a day after her death, which was around a week ago. Apparently, all they needed was a sign from one of their many gods to turn to the Templemen for guidance. Too bad I'd killed half of them.
Again, guilt twisted in my gut.
"The citizens have been stopped from gathering at their altars, but they don't seem deterred from praying. And we haven't even begun to introduce magic to the people, so we didn't have time to counteract it." He reported.
I walked to my wardrobe and picked out a coat, my hand brushing the white fabric of the dress Roselena had treasured so much. I found it carefully folded away under the pillow of her bed while investigating.
Joaquim pretended not to notice my actions, and as if prompted, he continued, "And I found the room of portraits. It has generations of Bermillian royal portraits, but there was a specific one I took care to hide for you."
I raised a brow and paused for a moment to address his previous concern. "Gather the lieutenants and high ranking nobles for a meeting. Use the special code. For now, instruct the soldiers in the cities to back down and let citizens do as they please."
Joaquim seemed to lack understanding as he stared at me with a dumb smile.
"The mages will take that as rebellion on your part. They may even suspect you for the queen's death again."
I shrugged. They were fully convinced that I was under the influence of their spell and could not prove otherwise. Everyone was too focused on the shouting prisoner to notice I had moved my hand off of my sword, and I didn't plan on letting that information escape me. The mere fact that they didn't know I had moved was further proof that I was free from my familiars, though I didn't know how.
Besides, the only thing I had to lose was my life. As I looked at the white dress in my wardrobe, I realized that nothing really mattered to me beyond revenge.
Closing the door of the wardrobe, I turned and looked at him, "And?"
I walked toward the door. "Where is the portrait?"
"I covered it and had it moved up here. There shouldn't be anyone in the area..."
I opened the door and looked at the large canvas that measured about 5 feet by 4 feet. We moved it into the room, leaned it against the wall next to the door, and finally uncovered it.
Taking a step back, I felt an ache spread through my chest once more. I stared at a young girl of maybe twelve or thirteen years that could very well be the sister of Roselena. The young girl had cool toned, dark skin, like one that would be the exact opposite of the Bermillian winters. She lacked the freckle above her left lip, and from this angle, I couldn't see if she had a freckle on the right of her chin.
I tilted my head. The bone structure was the same. The soft cheekbones and cute nose with a slight bump at the bridge I recognized as well, but the girl's eyes weren't as doe-like as Roselena's.
One thing was for sure though. The Bermillian royals were known for their beautiful, dark skin, and though Roselena's was not as dark as her mother's, her beauty was undeniable. At least to me.
"The resemblance is there." I nodded. I now understood why my mother made this her last request, and I also understood why the Duke was willing to risk his life to get her off my hands.
Joaquim sighed, "I looked through his estate and found a log of the family registry. As it turns out, the Valis Duchey was a distant relative to the Bermillian royal family, but, uh, he was illegitimate and the only heir."
He shrugged to himself as he reached into his pocket. "I guess they erased Valis off of their family registry. He had documentation that maintained Valis in connection to the king."
He handed a parchment paper to me, and I tilted my head, " Was that all you found?"
Joaquim sighed, "I didn't exactly have the time to peruse thoroughly because the high mages have been on my tail since the queen died."
I rubbed my eyes and frowned. He held his hands up as if to give himself the opportunity to continue.
"The name on the back of this canvas does say Rainara and the copy of the family registry says that Rainara is the late Princess of Bermillia. Apparently, she died before she hit fifteen years old along with the kingdoms first born son."
My eyes narrowed at that news and shook my head. I highly doubted the princess died that young considering that I had seen her carbon copy walking around. Which begged the question of where this first born son was.
"What year did she die?"
He frowned, "Uh, not sure."
"Prepare Blue. I want to see the place myself."
"Are you sure this is a wise use of your time? The kingdom is in shambles and the high mages are struggling to keep control over Dhernon."
I paused to stare at him for a second. "I don't see why that's my problem."
Joaquim seemed flabbergasted as if I had just slapped him across the face.
"Rovan, we've worked too hard to let everything go. You're a king!"
I wasn't a king. At first, I thought I could be, but after everything that's happened over the last month, I knew I was no king. I was a soldier. I was best at fighting wars, and I was highly likely to die in the midst of one.
"Prepare the avostha, now."
I saw the look of discontent on his expression, and I knew he wasn't going to drop it.
"Look, I get it. You lost everyone in your life. Your mother is gone, and your sister is off somewhere with a stranger's baby." He seemed to hesitate. "And Roselena died in a horrible way."
He seemed to pause to see my reaction, which was likely a passive, blank expression. In reality, I felt my chest tighten at the mere mention of Roselena. Mourning her loss was the hardest part of this, but I held it in because she deserved more than some pathetic man she didn't care for blubbering over her. Not when I treated her so horribly with the excuse of doing it for her own good.
It was that guilt that made it so insufferable. She was inherently good, and I was... Well, I was spawned from a bad root in my family.
That's why I threw myself into finding her body that conveniently disappeared along with my head maid and her daughter.
But as I stared at him, I was able to catch the way his eyes flickered away the moment he mentioned her. I didn't say a word about it, just observed silently as he continued with his speech.
"You still have me by your side. We started this together, right? This is your perfect chance to take over the growing empire."
Joaquim was a victim just like I was. Just like every other soldier and citizen of the empire, so I knew how desperate he felt. So desperate to make it even if it was at the expense of everyone around him.
(!) I couldn't blame him too much as he stared at me hopefully. He was never tied down and forced to watch as a string of young girls and boys were corralled into the Dhernon palaces. He didn't watch the queen pour blood into her wineglass and wonder whose child fell victim to her again. I was sure he didn't know that she called the wicked creatures wreaking havoc in the towns, cities, and forests of Dhernon her "cute" little siblings; nor did he know that she and the other high mages stood around laughing and getting off on the people's misery and suffering during their orgies.
The memory made me sick. Everything she forced me to watch from the moment she had her grasp around my life was meant to take my innocence away little by little. To desensitize me and hope that I'd develop the appetite for the debauchery she so loved.
More than anything, I was livid. I never claimed to be a good man. I knew about all of their crimes against the land of Thelodia and did nothing like a coward... it made me the worst kind of man. The fact that I wanted revenge only after she took what I cared about said more than enough about me. I was well aware of it.
Now I had nothing to lose, and I would be d*mned if I didn't at least try to take Dhernon down.
When I didn't say anything, he just sighed and swore under his breath before doing as he was told.
I folded my arms and replayed the specific instructions I was given in my head.
Wage war on Dhernon. I will provide you with the means to defeat your enemies. I will be lifted up in your life, my child, and you will know who I am. I will be your reward.
In my bones, I knew I'd be crazy to wage war on Dhernon, but in my heart, I already had. I didn't have the manpower, the weaponry, or the resources to start a war against an Empire. But I did know that a divided house could not stand, and if I'd learned anything in my time with the queen, it was manipulation and intimidation.
I would use their own tactics to bring them down even if it meant I went down with them.