Hero
The idea of only having a door separating me from Jo is something that confuses me. Totally confused.
I suspected that this door was connected to another room, but I wasn't sure.
I spent at least two days staring at the door and wondering what was on the other side. I actually even opened it one evening when curiosity got the better of me, but the fact that there was a mini corridor and then another door confused me even more.
When I saw that Jo was right in the room next to mine, as crazy as it seemed, I started to seriously think that we had been given two connecting rooms.
I haven't the slightest idea why, but there it is.
As she said, after a few minutes of embarrassment when she realized that she had a room communicating with mine, all this could be useful for rehearse in peace.
Not a bad idea after all.
Strangely, the fact that we are practically strangers sharing two connecting rooms, doesn't seem to bother either of us. I feel comfortable with her. She's funny, always smiling and laughing heartily with me. This thing drives me crazy.
I feel a crazy chemistry between us and I could never have wanted so much!
We are a team and we can face everything together. I don't think it will be a problem.
We spent the evening laughing and joking about the worst nonsense we could think of.
Is there anything more liberating than feeling like yourself, all the time? I don't have to worry about what she thinks of me because I feel totally comfortable when we are together. It's a wonderful feeling!
I must admit that leaving her to go to her room was particularly difficult tonight.
That damn connecting door is staring at me like it's screaming "Open me, open me!"
But I can not.
She told me she had a phone call to make and preferred to have some privacy. I respect her choice.
I took the opportunity to call my sister Mercy and my mother. An endless round of phone calls, but it always makes me feel like I haven't even left London. It's reassuring, in a way, to know that everything is as I left it a few weeks ago.
I sigh as I sit down on the bed.
I hear Jo chatting and laughing, although I don't understand exactly what she says. She's probably on the phone with Mia. She call her often, at least that's what she told me. Or a friend or who knows who.
I shouldn't care, I know. Especially if it was a friend. A male friend.
My curiosity is simple.
We spend so much time together that the few moments we are on our own, I can't think about anything other than what Jo is doing.
It's strange, innit?
I shake my head as if to get this ridiculous thought out of my mind.
I take out my phone and absentmindedly look at the photos my friends have put on Instagram.
I'm getting tons of follows from unknown people. I know Anna put photos of me and Jo on her personal page to announce who will play Hardin and Tessa, but I didn't think I'd get all this attention right away.
I like it, it flatters me, but I have to admit it's a little scary.
It's a great responsibility to bring to life a fictional character but one to which so many people are connected, in one way or another. Hardin is a particular figure, full of contradictions and emotions that he cannot manage.
I am totally different from him. I don't have a traumatic past to overcome and I consider myself a fairly balanced person. I have my family and friends waiting for me in London. Friends who, among other things, haven't stopped writing or calling me since I've been here.
Sometimes Felix calls me every few hours just to tell me some bullshit that made him laugh.
I'm happy and I love the fact that they care about keeping me updated on everything, but as soon as filming starts, I will definitely have less time for them.
Photos of a party everyone went to yesterday apparently pop up in my feed.
I smile instinctively seeing Alex and Morgan goofing around with some girl.
Generally we always go out with our group of friends and there are so many of us, boys and girls. We've known each other forever. I could even say my whole life! When you happen to go to some club and meet new people, it's always something exciting.
No more noise can be heard from Jo's room.
I look at the door that separates me from her and sigh. I wish I was with her now.
I know, it's a stupid thought. We can't be together 24 hours a day, it would be crazy. However...
Maybe I'm dreaming but someone just knocked on the door.
I wait and hear the noise again.
I get out of bed while absentmindedly checking the time on the alarm clock on the bedside table.
It's 10.30pm.
Who could it be at this time?
The idea that my first thought went to her is even stranger.
"Hero, it's me" is almost a whisper and definitely comes from the connecting door.
Have I thought about opening it so many times that my wish finally came true?
I chuckle to myself and go to open it.
In front of me I find Jo, with her beloved red folder pressed to her chest.
Her hair is pulled back into a messy bun. Blond locks fall on her face, framing it as if it were a painting.
A beautiful painting.
She has a t-shirt that is definitely too big for her, which leaves one bare shoulder exposed. A pair of soft shorts make her legs look very long, even though compared to me she's so tiny. But also so, so fucking hot.
"Hey," she whispers.
My attention returns to her eyes.
She's beautiful, makeup-free and a little sleepy.
"Hey," I whisper back.
I don't even know why we're whispering actually.
"Anna called me a little while ago..." She hints at a smile but there is something about her that seems to make her nervous.
I nod. Here's who she was talking to earlier, mystery solved.
"She told me that tomorrow, if it's okay with you, we could do a first read of the script with Jenn and her." She looks at me, still nervous. There's something bothering her but I can't figure out what it could be.
When we said goodbye after dinner, she was happy and smiling.
"Of course! Do you want to come in?" I move to leave her passage free.
"Oh, no!" She hurries to answer "I... Well, it's late and you'll want to sleep. I just wanted to tell you this and..." She takes a deep breath "I was trying to go over the scenes again"
She raves, gesticulating with her free hand, while the other grips the folder as if her life depends on it.
I look at her questioningly, trying to grasp what is bothering her.
After all, to give me such information, she could have simply sent me a message on her cell phone. Instead something brought her here to me. And I am infinitely grateful for whatever it was!
"Do you want us to try together?" I propose without thinking. I wasn't sleepy anyway and I really like the idea of spending more time with her. Too much perhaps.
She looks at me in silence for a few seconds. I can see her thinking about what to answer. She is evaluating the situation.
This girl is overthinker.
"I can hear your thoughts from here" I smile leaning against the door jamb crossing my arms.
She lets out a nervous laugh, looking at the ground.
She nervously tucks her hair behind her ears.
"I don't know why I'm suddenly so nervous about starting rehearsals!" She admits biting her lip.
When her gaze returns to mine, I am left breathless for a moment.
Can she be that beautiful?
"Come in, come on!" I motion for her to come into my room. I don't like that she's nervous and I would like to help her in some way.
And I would also know how.
Maybe with my head between her legs?
Unchaste thoughts crowd my mind.
I have to remind myself that we are colleagues.
Strictly professional relationship.
Yeah.
She follows me a little hesitantly, while taking a deep breath. The folder is always pressed against her chest, almost as if it were armor protecting her from something. I have no idea what though.
Me, maybe?
Naahh...
I sit on the bed while she looks around curiously.
"You really are much tidier than me!" Her gaze wanders over my closet and then towards the bathroom. I don't like having things lying around because then I have to waste time fixing them. I learned to put everything right immediately.
I chuckle as I settle into the bed, leaning back, legs crossed.
I continue to observe her as she inspects my room with her gaze.
She's gorgeous. This girl is truly a spectacle.
The more I spend time with her, the luckier I feel to have met her.
"Can I?" She looks at my bed and almost waits for permission to sit down.
I definitely got lost in thought!
"Yeah! Of course! Come here!" I move slightly but there is room for her too, without me actually doing anything.
She sits next to me and crosses her legs under her. She takes a deep breath before looking at me again.
"I desperately want to make a good impression with Anna and Jenny" she says in one breath "I can't sleep unless I have a clear idea of the key scenes of the film first."
She thus justifies, to me and more probably to herself, this irrepressible desire to rehearse the scenes that she certainly memorized better than me, despite the short notice she had.
I smile and nod.
"We are a team and we will face everything together. Everything." I want to remind her of this because mine are not just words, I mean them and I will prove it to her.
She nods quickly, remaining silent as she opens her folder, looking for a very specific piece of paper, apparently.
"I'm not scared of the idea of kissing you, let's be clear" she looks me straight in the eyes, taking me by surprise with this very direct admission.
I never thought she was afraid to kiss me.
Is she?
It almost seems so, despite her words saying the opposite.
"But at the same time, I would like to understand how to do it. They will definitely ask us to rehearse some important scene and I don't see which is more important than the one on the lake"
I listen to her carefully, turning my body towards her, to guarantee her maximum attention.
Does this mean she wants to kiss me? Now?
I take a deep breath to calm my thoughts.
Have I brushed my teeth yet?
Luckily yes!!!
"Do you want to try that scene?" I ask while she passes me a piece of paper.
I grab it while I curiously observe the colored notes written in the margin. This is definitely her handwriting.
"1. Approach slowly 2. Eyes to eyes. 3. Open your mouth slightly 4. Touch his lips." I read some of the notes aloud and her eyes widen in surprise.
"Damn!" She quickly takes the paper from my hands and leans towards me in panic, before I can read all the notes.
Too bad, it was fun!
"I gave you the wrong paper!!!"
She has become slightly red on the cheeks and is muttering something while gesticulating.
It makes me smile as I look at her amused.
"Eyes to eyes?" I make fun of her.
"Oh, stop it!" She pats me on the back and rolls her eyes.
This makes me laugh even more and this time she follows suit.
We find ourselves laughing for practically no reason, next to each other.
It happens often, actually. And I like it.
"Are you afraid of not knowing how to kiss someone anymore?" I smile teasingly, grabbing another piece of paper she hands me, as she quickly puts away the first one she gave me.
"Writing down the steps helps me visualize the scene." She nervously tucks a lock of hair behind her ear, looking anywhere but at me.
Yes, she's definitely embarrassed.
"And does the idea of kissing me make you nervous?" I look at her carefully, looking for an answer on her face rather than on what she will tell me.
She sighs and looks at an indefinite point in front of her.
"That's not what I'm worried about. I've kissed boys in movies before, it's just..." She sighs again, not finishing the sentence.
Her eyes return to mine and I get lost, like every time.
There's something about her that makes me feel good. I like it a lot, maybe too much, spending time in her company. It doesn't matter what we do, it's enough that she's here next to me and I always have a smile on my face.
Crazy guy!
If I think that generally I don't always smile, unless for something really funny, this situation is really strange!
"Hey..." I whisper, delicately fixing another lock of hair that has escaped her control.
I feel her suddenly stiffen and I stop too, my hand still on her face.
I want to calm her down, not agitate her or, even worse, scare her.
She looks at me with these amazing blue, almost gray eyes. They are a spectacular color! Her gaze is deep, intense and leaves me breathless.
Just at the idea of kissing her, it makes me naturally wet my lips, as if I'm anticipating the moment in my head.
Her gaze focuses on my mouth and she does exactly the same thing, wetting her lips.
She clears her throat suddenly, as I lose contact with her skin, as if I've been shocked, letting my hand fall between us.
"Well, it won't be that different kissing you, will it?" She stammers.
"Other than what?" I look at her questioningly, feeling like I've missed some detail. I was too busy watching her.
"It will be the same as how I kissed other guys!" She gesticulates in front of her and is funny, so nervous. I've never seen her like this in these days we've spent together and it's sweet to see her so panicked. I know it may seem absurd but I like discovering new sides of her.
I smile, remaining silent for a moment, thinking about how to respond.
"Oh, don't make funny jokes huh!" She points a finger at me and I burst out laughing.
"I actually wasn't thinking about anything!" I raise my hands in defense as I continue to laugh.
She shakes her head and then laughs with me.
It's all a bit surreal but I hope I can make her feel calmer in some way.
"Okay..." She nervously fixes her hair again and takes a deep breath "So if you want to try..." She points to the paper I still have in my hand.
I nod even though I don't really understand if she wants to kiss me or not sincerely.
I get up away from the bed, under her attentive gaze.
"Shall we pretend that the bed is the pier?" I point towards her, still sitting cross-legged on the mattress.
"So you're drowning in the lake right now?" she looks at me sideways and we both burst out laughing, again.
I like the dynamic that is created between us every time.
"I can swim, you know?" I pretend I'm trying to stay afloat in a hypothetical lake.
She keeps laughing in amusement and I don't know how we'll do it if we keep laughing like this, but I don't mind at all.
Let's start acting, concentrating as much as possible.
Method acting = I'm Hardin right now and this is Tessa. Whatever happens now, we are not Hero and Jo.
I kneel in front of the bed as she sits with her legs off the mattress.
"Pretend to take me, to get into the water" she reads the script absently before placing it next to her.
I nod and move closer.
Being between her legs would be a very distracting position if I didn't think I was Hardin right now.
Of course, it's certainly a position that he likes a lot too.
I think I just found common ground with my character.
When people ask me what he and I have in common, I might say, "We definitely like being between Tessa/Jo's legs."
It makes me laugh to think of the shocked faces our interviewers might have. It would be fun though!
"Hardin?" My Tessa calls me to order.
Whenever we rehearse a scene, we never call each other by our real names, so as not to lose concentration. It's a small detail that makes the difference!
I nod and touch her legs with my hands. Now that she's sitting down, it's as if she doesn't even have shorts on, covered by the huge t-shirt she's wearing.
She's even more gorgeous!
We have never touched each other until now, other than a few pats on the back when we joke and laugh together.
It's time to establish connection and boundaries at the same time. This seems like the right opportunity to me.
I see her hold her breath as I touch her legs. I increase my grip while continuing to look her in the eyes. Neither looks away. I slide her over me, as if she was actually going to go into the water and we both find ourselves on the carpet next to the bed. Close, very close. She sits on her knees, facing me.
Let's stay like this, eye to eye.
Exactly as she wrote in her notes. I want to smile but I hold back, staying in character.
"I thought we were just friends," she whispers, looking at me intently.
I feel my heart pounding inside my chest, it picks up speed and the thoughts get confused in my head.
"We could never just be friends," I whisper, looking at her lips.
How true could this statement be, not only for Hardin, but also for me?
Could she and I ever be just friends?
Maybe.
I just know that the idea of being able to kiss her excites me and I like it at the same time.
I don't think I've thought about anything else since I saw her enter the hotel a few days ago.
But I don't know if she wants to seriously try that part of the scene too. I don't want to force her to do something that will make her feel too nervous right now.
She comes closer to me, remaining a very short distance from my lips.
I'm not going to move if she doesn't.
Her eyes get lost in mine again, very close.
Her breath merges with mine and I feel my skin tickling and quivering with the desire I have to eliminate the distance between us.
I mean, between Hardin and Tessa, obviously.
She leans in just enough to touch my lips and a rush of adrenaline runs through me everywhere.
I touch her cheek with my hand delicately, unable to keep my hands in place.
Jo leans into me, touching my chest, as if she's about to fall.
We are alone, in my room.
There is no one else other than our slightly labored breathing.
We could kiss. Kissing for real.
Her bright eyes bring me back to reality.
She's looking at me without saying a word. She scrutinizes me, investigates my possible reaction.
I can't help but get lost in her, observing her in turn.
Jo clears her throat, looking down, "How am I going to stay afloat?"
I blink quickly, trying to figure out what the question is right now. My brain is completely haywire.
We didn't kiss but it's as if we did. I can't explain the feeling, but it's like that.
"You're tall, I'll probably have to keep moving to stay on the surface" she continues, trying to explain herself.
I can't give her an answer. All I can think about is that I would like to kiss her and feel her lips, soft and delicate, on mine.
She pulls away, breaking the contact of her hands on my chest.
I shake my head trying to regain control.
I quickly fix my hair by passing my hand over it several times, in a gesture that I always do when I'm a little agitated.
"I... You can lean on me" I can't formulate a more sensible sentence than this.
"You'll be practically naked" she points out to me and I think for a moment about the scene we should shoot. This time I'm serious about it.
"I doubt they'll let me go into the lake naked!" A smile appears on both of our faces.
Jo nervously fixes her hair, moving stray strands out of her face.
Everything she does, I can't seem to help but watch.
After this almost kiss then, I want something more. I really want to kiss her like Hero though, not like Hardin.
I know, you don't mix work with private life. I know.
I sigh and run a hand through my hair again.
It's damn hard to think rationally with her here in front of me.
"We can set some boundaries, if that's okay with you. I want to make sure we're both comfortable when we touch each other." She looks at me attentively again, trying to decipher any of my expressions.
She wants to make sure I'm comfortable.
I would do anything with her. All!
More comfortable than that...
But obviously this is something I'll keep to myself, she doesn't have to know. A statement like that would seem very unprofessional. And we are colleagues. Period.
Right?
Whatever crush I'm having about my colleague will remain something only I will know.
If she knew how I was starting to feel for her, it would be counterproductive and would seriously embarrass her!
That's absolutely not what I want.
You can fall in love with someone, there's nothing wrong with that. The important thing is to understand when you have a chance and when it is totally out of the question. In this case, it is definitely out of the question.
She is totally a different category from me. It's out of my league.
"Ok, then let's see..." I settle down better on the carpet "I don't have any problems if you touch my chest" I take her hands and place them on me.
I see her swallow as she nods, nervous again.
Maybe it would be appropriate to avoid any contact at this moment, but I can't help it.
"The neck?" She brings her hands up to rest on my skin and I nod. We stay like this for a few seconds, looking into each other's eyes. I have shivers all over. Every inch of skin that touches me catches fire.
"Okay. Perfect." She sighs, fixing her hair again. "I understand"
I don't think I've ever seen her so nervous before.
"You?" I look at her waiting for her to tell me what I can or can't do.
This intrigues me a lot.
"I... what?" She seems to snap out of her thoughts as she refocuses on me.
The situation makes me smile and I bite my lips remembering the kiss we almost had a moment ago.
"How do you feel at ease?" I'll rephrase the question.
" You can..." she sighs "You can touch my neck, I have no problem"
I nod and think of other parts of her body that I would like to touch.
I'll need a cold shower afterwards. Definitely so cold.
"The hips?" I'm thinking that when we get in the water, I'll have to hold her up somehow to keep her from thinking about staying afloat all the time.
She looks down at her hips and thinks about it.
"Uh, yeah?" She swallows again.
Is it possible that all this makes her so nervous?
"Okay, so no hips?" I take it from her reaction.
"Try it!" She tells me after a few moments of hesitation.
Try it? What?
I look at her questioningly and she acts in my place. She takes my hands and places them on her hips. I don't tighten my grip but remain there, as if in a light and casual caress.
I'll lose my mind at this rate.
Is it possible that I'm getting turned on just by touching her hips?
"You're going to have to hold my hips when we're in the water!" She exclaims, voicing exactly my same thought.
I smile looking at her amused.
"Why are you laughing?" She frowns slightly but it's her curiosity.
I'm starting to understand her facial expressions.
"I had the same thought as you, you made me smile because of it"
She bites her lip and nods, looking down.
"And, You know..."She clears her throat "Are there any areas of your body you don't want me to touch?" She asks getting serious again. Very professional. As I should be at this moment too, but instead the hormones are making me completely stupid.
I shake my head "Nothing off limits. I feel comfortable with you."
And please touch me. Touch me everywhere, Jo.
She sighs running a hand through her hair, while I do exactly the same thing.
We both burst out laughing as we realize that we have unconsciously copied each other's gestures.
Everything is getting stranger and stranger. I feel connected to her. The chemistry between us is there and it's crazy!
"Uh, my feet..." It surprises me.
I look at her questioningly and this leads her to want to explain herself better.
"I'm very ticklish, so I'd say my feet are off limits for me," she smiles.
She's moved that tuft of hair behind her ears so many times that her hairstyle is now a total mess.
I lean towards her and this time I fix her hair.
She is surprised and stiffens slightly.
"And what about kisses instead?" I ask, lowering my voice, almost to a whisper. I know very well that this topic needs to be addressed.
"I, well... Kissing is fine. Great!" She stammers "The kisses are excellent I would say. Super! Yeah, great!"
I smile watching her panic and I want to kiss her seriously, more and more.
"Great!" I repeat to tease her. "Super!"
She smiles and runs a hand over her face in embarrassment.
"I'm nervous, can you tell?"
"Nooo, really?" I chuckle.
She pats me on the back and bursts out laughing with me.
Then she stops, takes a deep breath and closes her eyes.
When she reopens them she seems to have regained control of what she wants to say "Kisses are fine, just don't put your tongue in them. It's too intimate and I'd like to avoid it!"
It seems to me that all this is already quite intimate, but I won't say it out loud.
"I agree!" I reply straight away.
If we deepened the kiss, I would definitely no longer connect my brain. I wouldn't even be Hardin anymore but Hero, without a shadow of a doubt.
"Those are different kisses, nothing to do with acting!" I agree with her.
She nods and then fixes her gaze somewhere in the room.
I turn to try to figure out what coast she's looking at, but there's nothing in particular.
"Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed?" She asks me curiously out of nowhere.
I actually never thought about it.
Eyes open perhaps?
It depends on the situation.
I never noticed it.
With her I certainly wouldn't want to lose any detail, as if to keep it inside my mind forever.
I shake my head "I think Hardin would prefer his eyes open. Keeping everything under control, even a kiss that usually makes you lose your mind!" I gloss over the question and answer only from Hardin's perspective, not mine.
"It seems plausible to me" she nods, thinking again of who knows what.
We stay like that for a few seconds, still on the floor on the carpet, facing each other, before she suddenly gets up.
"Well, okay... So... I guess we can go to bed now!" She yawns, covering her mouth with her hand.
She's nervous again and you can tell she wants to escape as quickly as possible.
I would really like her to stay here, in bed with me.
Not doing who knows what, just sleeping.
I've never slept with a girl, to be honest. It would be the first time.
"Do you want to stay here and sleep?" The question comes to me straight away, without having connected my brain.
She looks at me questioningly.
"My room is just 10 steps from yours!" She smiles tilting her head.
"I know" I close my eyes smiling. I have to think of something logical and believable.
"I thought sleeping together would help us connect, don't you think? It's like trusting each other since we haven't known each other for long." Is it credible enough? I would not know.
She seems to mean it though. She looks at me carefully and evaluates what I told her.
She smiles and shakes her head "For tonight, it's better if I go to sleep in my room"
For tonight. She didn't say it was a bullshit idea. She said 'For tonight'.
"If you want, we can keep the connecting door open. It will be a bit like being at home together like this!" She proposes.
Her idea seems much more acceptable than mine, honestly.
I nod, running a hand through my hair.
I had a shitty idea, but I'm not thinking with my fucking head right now!
Definitely not with my head!
Not after we almost kissed.
Yes, okay, we were acting but it was something unique!
I still feel upset!
Yeah, it's better if we don't sleep together!
"Goodnight Hero!" She leans over and leaves a kiss on my cheek.
I feel my skin burning like fire.
I burn inside like an atomic explosion.
No, we can't be friends either.
Hardin was right!