Sunday morning. Farhan helplessly witnesses the stillness that hangs in the apartment's air, unable to act. A while has passed since Samrat is up yet they haven't exchanged a word. The clock chimes eight. Just then he hears the sound of footsteps approaching. Right away knowing it's Tanvi he approaches her before she can enter the room.
"Hi Farhan!" Tanvi smiles brightly . "We're all set for our weekend fun! Let's go! Sam kahan hai?"
Farhan shakes his head with a sigh. "He met Abhi kal... uske health review keliye."
Tanvi gives an understanding nod. "Oh no. Abhi se milkar woh humesha guilty feel karta hai."
"Yeah, I know... he's in a mood! Isliye maine usey disturb na ki. Main ussey kahun toh kya kahun?"
Farhan scratches his head. Tanvi walks past him into the room. "Main baat karti hu ussey!"
She finds Samrat staring at a wall lost in thoughts.
"Sam! Tu Akela baitha hai? Aaj Sunday hai aur hum isko game day bana rahe hain. Abhi, Sameera, Isha bhi aane wale. Tum bhi chalo na! Abhi tak pyjama mei ho... Chup kyun ho? Arey, Samrat..."
Samrat hears Tanvi's voice but his mind is elsewhere and can't respond. His childhood flashes before his eyes, his youth in the scenic Kashmir hills and his secret armed training in the hilly terrains of PoK. The ambitions of him and his Abbu were only nefarious. That was his childhood. Though he moved to Kashmir with a few of abbu's trusted men and kept their activities under wraps. He went to a local school, pretended he was a happy-go-lucky boy. Mamu Jaan who took care of him said he had to fulfill abbu's dreams, that was how he would earn his father's love. Boy, he was desperate!
He met with Abbu occasionally. His loneliness wasn't a hindrance as Mamu and his men kept him busy - put him through gruelling things - weapon training from a young age, martial arts training, and just getting used to the rough life in the mountains.
Abbu was responsible for some local riots in Kashmir but was never caught; as his son grew his ambitions also grew. His ties to the PoK meant he was planning for a much grander scale of operation. But in an unfortunate turn of events, he was caught.
Mamu-jaan devised a revenge plan which if went well, could also bring back abbu. Mamu wanted someone to infiltrate the armed forces.
Samrat recalls the day they decided his name. "Jahan" - as he was called by the mulk - no one was as smart and able. And thus began a long mission. It took a lot of planning; on a cautious note, he intercepted an aspirant named Samrat Singh Shekhawat of Jodhpur, Rajasthan, and claimed his identity. His mission was to free Abbu and create as much chaos as possible. What they did would probably not hurt the entirety of the enemy country, but if it landed a blow, that was all they wanted. That was what Mamu said.
Samrat recalls that's what his life had been... All his life he did things just to please Abbu. He cried when Abbu cried, rejoiced when Abbu rejoiced, thought he was doing right things while in reality they were wrong. Perhaps somewhere along the line he too had become like Abbu!
Now that he rethinks, his young self had been a carefree kid who was free from malice, someone who shuddered to hurt another soul. It took him a while to roughen up.
Another flash of a memory enters his mind. This one is like a ray of light in the darkness, of a woman undoubtedly his ammi, asking him to do good and become a role model for others.
"Khuda tumhara rakhwala banega, Zahid... Main tumhare sath rahun na rahun..."
"Ammi..."
Samrat murmurs aloud though aware he's not making any sense to anyone listening. This is the first time he had a glimpse of his mother. All these years he never asked Abbu where Ammi was. This memory is a shocker but also a guidance to what needs to be done. It's a reassurance that he's on the right path now.
Ammi had dreamed of him having a good life, doing others good. How did he end up with Haider, the man who's not his Abbu? Was he kidnapped?
Though he's desperate, why can't he recollect more of Ammi? And why is he recollecting now? His mind spins but it's easy to come to a conclusion of what needs to be done.
"Samrat!"
His thoughts cut off as Tanvi walks around his bed, her sneakers pitterpatting the cold floor, and pops in front of him. "Hello! Kya soch rahe ho? Ready ho jao... utho!"
Samrat finally glances at her with a pained half smile. "Tanvi tumhe gussa nahin aa raha kya? Tum mujh jaise insaan ko apna dost kaise maan sakti ho? Jisne apni haqeeqat apne team se chupai. Tum sab se chupai. Jo apne team keliye aur desh keliye khatra bana hua tha? Kaise..."
Tanvi frowns. She stretches to her full height with a small sigh. She bent down so she was at Samrat's eye level and there she only found profound pain. He now bites on his lip so hard; he draws blood, and there's a stray tear in the corner of his eye.
"Bolo na, Tanvi, tumhe gussa nahi ata mujh par? Gussa nahi aaya kya jab Abhi ne mujhe pehchana? Jab tumhe pata chala main kaun tha? Tumhe yaad hai na, kaun tha main. Bhool toh nahi gayi? Toh tum yahan baith kar, mere sath baat kaise kar sakti ho? Mujhe apna dost kaise bula sakti ho? Tumhe gussa nahin a raha kya mujh par?"
"Gussa?" Tanvi takes a deep breath before speaking. "Gussa aaya tha bahut, Sam! Jisne humse aur humare Desh se gaddari karne ki koshish ki, bahut gussa aaya tha mujhe uss par! Jisne mere doston ko aur iss air base ko khatre mein dala, uska gala daba dena chahti thi main! Mere revolver ke andar ki sari goliyan uski bheje mein dal dena chahti thi main!"
Samrat presses his lips together suppressing a satisfied smile. Tanvi shakes her head.
"Lekin agar woh insaan apne aap ko der hone se pehle sudhare. Unhi doston ki madad karei... desh bhakt bane... ek imaandar officer bane, aur hard din apni galtiyon ka prayaschit kare... Har din behtar insaan banne ki koshish kare, toh main uska sath dungi na! Usko apna dost maanungi na! Jaise woh mujhe apna dost manta hai aur mere liye sab kuch karta hai! Waise hi..."
Samrat looks away, agitated by her explanation. She clicks her tongue.
"Can you please stop hurting yourself? Please! Mujhe samajh mein nahi aata, Sam. Hum sab ne tumhe maaf kiya. Abhi ne, Sameera ne, Farhan ne, Isha ne, maine, lekin tum apne aap ko maaf nahi kar pa rahe ho?"
Samrat rises from his bed at once, glaring at Tanvi. "Tum logon jaisa mahan nahi hu main! Nahi hu main koi mahan insaan! Yeh zindagi kaffara hai, lekin iska bojh saha na jata mujhse kabhi kabhi. Mar kyun nahi gaya main!? Nafrat hai mujhe apne aap se! Apne iss wajood se! Maine khud ko goli kyun na maari usi waqt jab Abbu ne mujhe paraaya kiya? Abhimanyu ne kyun nahi mari mujhe goli? Maar di hoti toh aaj yeh dard bhari zindagi jeeni nahin padti mujhe!"
Samrat turns away from Tanvi and looks at the sunlight streaming in from the window. It's so bright out there and his heart is in darkness. The soul crushing darkness is something he's used to but it's painful at the same time.
"Mera... Mera wajood hi kya hai? Kya hai meri zindagi? Ek dhoka? Main paida hi isliye hua tha taki... taki kisi darinde ki ghinauni saazish mein shamil ho sakoon. Uski har baat apne sar ankhon par loon, jaise woh Khuda ho. Junoon mein apna hosh kho baithun, pehchaan hi na paaun kya sahi hai, kya galat. Main kya hu, Tanvi? Maine jin usoolon par vishwas kiya tha. Wo usool hai kya? Mere gunah itne chote nahi ki maaf kiya jaye. Isliye... Nafrat hai mujhe apne apse... Bahut bahut zyada nafrat hai mujhe khud se-"
"Sam... Aisa kyun sochte ho? Woh tumhara ghuzra hua kal hai. Koi bhi insaan apne aap ko badalkar ek nayi shuruaat kar sakta hai." Tanvi speaks calmly despite the pain she feels. "And someone like you deserves to live a new life... He has the right to live."
"And I am telling you he deserves to die! In the worst way possible!"
Samrat whirls on Tanvi and they stare at each other, their faces mirroring opposite ideals but same pain. Farhan remains a mute spectator, though he shares their anguish.
"That's his punishment, don't you think..." Samrat says with a broken chuckle.
"Shut up, Samrat! Ugh!!"
Aggrieved and enraged, Tanvi leaves, brushing her eyes where there must be clearly tears. Farhan is at a loss for words. As he tries to speak, Samrat holds out a hand to stop him-
"Mujhe akele chod de, Farhan. Tanvi ko Sambhal. I think she's deeply hurt."
"Promise me you will be okay, okay?"
With those words, Farhan leaves the room. Samrat collapses on his bed with a grunt, trying to curb his intense hatred for himself. And gain some control over his emotions. "Ya Khuda ... Aisa kyun banaya tu ne mujhe... Kismat ka maara..."
***
AN: Ah wasn't that painful!? 😭 💔💔It gets better from the next one. I promise ❤️ and there will be fun scenes after the Valentines Party! 😊🌝
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