The three days that followed were quiet. Except for the crying and arguing between some people. The only sound I made was crying.
My phone was buzzing every two minutes. Twenty percent of the messages and calls were from Kai. I wanted to smash my phone. I repressed the urge. The only thing I've felt is sadness. I ran out of tears a few hours ago.
I ran out of thoughts yesterday. The concept of time is beginning to feel unreal.
Caroline cried for the first day. It feels like she's moved on already. She's been calling and emailing to make funeral arrangements. It's set for two weeks from now. January 5th. I didn't bother asking why she chose to make it two weeks away. She has her reasons and I'm too drained to hear them.
I think the planning was a distraction, though. If she hadn't distracted herself, she would be just as lost as I am.
She's only allowed a few people past the front door. She made them leave their condolences on the porch and not carry them in and tell her sorry every five minutes. I've refused to speak to them if they talk. I don't want to talk. I don't want to see anybody either which is why I've stayed in my room most of the time.
"Are you sure you don't want to get out for a while? You haven't left the house."
I ignore her and stare at the wall as I hug my pillow.
She's been nagging me about getting out for the past three hours.
I listen as the door closes behind her. I close my eyes again and force myself to go back to sleep to avoid thinking about this.
...
My pity party was over the minute she decided to go to the bar four days ago. It was her next distraction and it was impossible for me to keep her away from it. I didn't try and I feel a sense of guilt, but it's not my responsibility to watch her every minute.
She's laying face down on the couch. Her dress is practically a shirt at this point. She looks like a mess.
It's nine in the morning and she's plastered. I remember hearing her come in six hours ago. I don't know how to handle her.
I looked around at the empty bottles of alcohol that I've been meaning to pick up but haven't felt motivated enough to. It looks unlivable. I uncrossed my arm before tackling the task. There were several beer bottles on the table and a few wine bottles in the kitchen. The two empty vodka bottles on the floor by the couch are my next target. Before I can get to it, there's a knock on the door.
I walked to the front door, holding the bag tightly. I pulled it open. Stefan's eyes darted to the bag then back to me.
"Hey."
"Hi." I furrowed my brows. "What are you doing here?"
He took a breath, "I wanted to check on you and Caroline. She hasn't answered my calls or anything." He glanced at the bag again. "What is that?" He looked back at my face.
I stepped back and let him walk inside. "She hasn't answered you because she's spent the last four days drunk. This is just her mess that she left." I walked over to the last few bottles and put them in the bag. I left it by the couch in case she needed something to puke into. I turned to him, taking a few steps closer.
"What about you?"
I shrugged, "What about me?"
He stepped closer. "How do you feel?"
I shook my head, "I don't know. I feel a lot of things."
He waited for me to expand on it. I heard Caroline groan. I turned to her. She was rolling to her back. She moved her hands to her face. "It's too bright in here."
"Go to your room then."
She groaned again. "It's too far!"
I felt Stefan grab my hand. I watched as he let go of it then walked to Caroline. He helped her to her room. I took the opportunity to take the bag to the kitchen and put it by the back door. I walked to the living room. I sat my phone on the couch in front of me after fitting myself into the corner of the couch. I rested my chin on top of my knees and hugged my knees to my chest. I stared at my phone.
Stefan came back a few minutes later. He sat with me for the next two hours and we talked. It was enjoyable. I smiled a few times, which was new. The conversation got quiet. I took the opportunity to ask what was on my mind.
"Did you guys ever find Kai?"
He looked at the couch, staring for a few seconds. "He, um, actually showed up last night at Ric's." He looked at me. I felt my heart sink. "He was looking for Jo to do the merge. He almost did but then Luke, Liv's twin, stepped in place of her." He was quiet for a moment. "Kai won."
I felt nauseous. "Jo's okay. But Luke died. Kai killed him." I wanted to throw up.
"Yeah." His voice was quiet. "We tried to stop it but we couldn't. And we tried to get Kai, but we couldn't."
"And it's going to be impossible now. He won so he's the leader of the coven."
He didn't say anything. I pressed my forehead to the top of my knees and closed my eyes. It just keeps getting worse. My phone started ringing. I lifted my head and looked at the screen. Kai's name seemed bigger and brighter now that Stefan's staring at it too.
"Why... is he calling you?" I looked from my phone to Stefan. He was staring at me with confusion. There was anger in his eyes, but it didn't go beyond that. "Evelyn?"
I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing would come out. Thinking of excuses is much easier when I'm not being stared down by an intimidating person who could easily yell at me and make me feel horrible. "He's been calling me for the past week."
"Okay," He looked back down at the phone. "Why?" He looked at me again.
I couldn't think of an answer that would make him any less suspicious of what may be happening with Kai. I put my feet on the floor and grabbed my phone. I answered the call and put the phone to my ear.
"What do you want?"
"You. Where are you?"
"I'm busy."
"Rules, Evelyn. You made them. Follow them."
I closed my eyes. "No. I told you I'm busy." I opened my eyes again.
"You've been ignoring me for a week!"
"For good reason!"
He scoffed. "I get that your life is fucked up right now, but we had a deal."
It finally struck me that I'm talking to a sociopath. "You actually don't get it."
"Your mom died. It sucks. Life goes on."
I furrowed my brows. "You're demented."
"Tell me where you are."
"No."
"Evelyn-"
I pulled the phone away from my face and ended the call. I looked at Stefan. "I think you should go."
He sat up. "What was that about? What was the deal, Evelyn, because it obviously wasn't what you said it was."
I gripped my phone tighter. "I don't have to tell you."
"Evelyn, he's dangerous."
"I can handle it."
"He's going to kill you if you piss him off."
"I don't care!"
"I do!"
I turned my body to face him. "Stop!"
"No!"
"I'm not helpless! Maybe I can't kill him, but I won't let him kill me! And even if he did kill me, you'll get over it! So will everyone else! I know what he's capable of but I also know that he won't kill me until he gets what he wants from me! You don't need to know what it is and you don't deserve to either! Kai and I aren't friends but it's better for me to be on his good side than have him want to murder me!"
"He's not some boyfriend that you can fix, Evelyn!"
"I never said he was!"
"You're defending him like he is!"
"I'm not defending him! I don't need to!"
"He's a psychotic murder who you're talking to! Of course you're defending him!"
"I don't have to deal with this," I stood up. I walked past him, going toward the doorway.
"The faster and further you run away from this the worse it will be for you."
I stopped and turned to face him. "I'm not running from this; I'm running from you. You're trying to control who I talk to and it's getting on my nerves."
He stood up, "I'm not trying to control anything."
"Yes, you are!"
He took a step closer, "I'm trying to save you from him, Ev!"
"I don't need to be saved! Especially not by you," I scoffed. I lifted my hand toward him only to drop it again.
He tilted his head. "Evelyn."
I took a step back, "You're not helping me and you're doing the exact opposite of saving me. I don't need this right now."
A hurt look transformed his features. "You don't need to put yourself through having a relationship with Kai."
I felt like my mind was running in circles. I feel like I'm talking to a toxic boyfriend. I put my hands up. "I'm not doing this with you." I turned away and started up the steps.
"Evelyn, you can't just ignore this!"
I pushed the door shut behind me as I walked into my room. I heard him catch it and force it open again. I groaned and turned to face him. "Go away! I don't want you here!"
"No! You need to hear what I have to say!"
"All you're saying is that I'm ruining my life and making bad decisions! This is the same fucking thing I told you when you were running off with Klaus! I begged you to stay, Stefan! Did you listen to me?!"
"That was a completely different situation!"
They are different. But he could've stayed and we could've done things differently. I felt like my head was about to explode. I tilted my head.
"You're only upset because you know I'm right."
Why did he have to say something so stupid? I felt like I could drive a stake through his heart and not have any remorse. I felt a laugh escape my throat. "You-" I moved my hands to my face and screamed internally.
"Evelyn."
I moved my hands and looked up to my face. "I don't need you to protect me or save me. I don't need you at all. You're making me feel a hundred times worse than I did before and you're also making me want to kill. Either you leave or I will."
"No. Neither of us are going anywhere because this conversation isn't over."
I raised my brows, "Conversation?! You think this is civilized?! You're preaching to me about a situation you can't even begin to understand! You're trying to make me think that you know what's best for me when you don't know a single thing about me!"
"You're grieving, you don't-"
"Shut up!"
His brows furrowed. He looked shocked almost. And I would believe it if I were stupid. But I'm not. I'm also not standing here and arguing with him about this anymore.
I walked past him. I rushed down the stairs. I pulled on my shoes and grabbed my keys. I ran through the rain to my car. The hard, icy rain was nothing compared to Stefan's words.
I drove away as fast as I could. Driving angry in these weather conditions is an extremely bad idea, but I don't care. I keep my foot on the gas. My phone is buzzing in the passenger seat, but I ignore it. My chest feels tight, and my breathing is fast. It feels like I'm being choked by the air around my throat. As I take the next turn, I'm faced with another car. I swerved to avoid them, centering myself on the road again. I slammed on my brakes to give myself a minute.
I looked over at my screen to see Stefan's name. As the ringing stopped, a text from Kai came through. Responding would mean actually talking to him. That's not what he wants. I turned my attention back to the road and started driving. I went slower this time. I drove to his apartment. I parked and got out. I left my phone in the car.
I didn't bother running through the rain. My clothes and hair are soaked by the time I make it to the door. I rung out my clothes, twisting them in my hands to drain some of the water. My clothes clung to my body still. I made my way up to his door. I knocked and waited for him to answer.
He pulled the door open. He looked angry. His eyes traveled up my body, finding my eyes. "Why the hell did you argue with me if you were going to come anyway?"
I rushed forward and grabbed his face in my hands, kissing him. He put his hands on my waist and pulled me with him past the front door. I kicked the door shut. He moved his hands to my shirt. He stopped kissing me and pulled his head back.
"What changed your mind?"
"Shut up," I muttered. I took a step back. "Take your clothes off."
Seconds later we were both naked and in his bed. He kissed my neck, biting down roughly. I moaned and moved my hand to his cock. It was difficult to hold with one hand. I kept my other hand at the side of his neck. I pumped him a few times, pulling a moan from his lips. I guided his cock to my pussy. I moved my hand to my stomach as he pushed into me quickly. Our moans collided, echoing through the room. I moved my hands to his chest.
He started fucking me quickly, not letting me adjust to his cock. "Kai, please," I begged.
He grunted as he thrusted into me, his entire cock filling and stretching me. I gasped and dug my nails into his skin. He lifted his head and stared down at me. He looked from my lips to my eyes. "Stop acting like you're not enjoying this and start acting like the slut I know you are." A moan slipped past my lips. He smirked, "Good girl."
I felt my morals slowly draining from my body. He kissed my lips softly before sliding out of me then pounding into me again. I shut my eyes tightly and a loud moan made its way past my lips as he hit the spot that made me want to cum.
He slid his tongue along my jawline. His lips hovered over my ear. "Right there, baby?"
"Mhm," I moaned.
He moved his hand to my boob. I felt his tongue flick my nipple, making me shiver. He started fucking me slowly, slower than I could ever imagine. He placed a trail of kisses from my collar bone leading down my sternum. I moved my hand to the back of his head, threading my fingers through his hair.
My walls closed around his cock, squeezing him. His head rested on my shoulder as a moan slipped past his lips. "Do that again, baby."
I followed his word, clenching around him. I felt his cock throb in me, making me gasp. He lifted his head and slid his arms under me. He grabbed onto my shoulders. He started fucking me. The breath that was in my lungs was no longer there. He rubbed against my clit with each thrust.
My head was spinning with pleasure. Pure ecstasy was coursing through my body. The start of an orgasm was already gone. I felt too lost at the feeling of him inside of me to warn him. My back arched and my body caved to his.
He rested his head against mine as he stilled suddenly. The sounds that were pulled from my throat were almost impossible for a human to make. A string of profanity fell from his lips, mixing with his orgasm inducing noises. His fingers dug into my shoulders. The mix of pain and pleasure was earth shattering.
After a few minutes of letting reality catch up to us, he pulled away from me and laid next to me. I didn't open my eyes. I tried to catch my breath.
"You never answered the question."
I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at him. "Why should I?"
He laughed breathily. "Fine." He looked at me. "I was just curious."
I looked at the ceiling. I could feel his eyes on the side of my face. "When you called Stefan was next to me. We started arguing and it turned into a huge fight. I couldn't be around him anymore. I just needed to blow off some steam."
"What were you arguing about?"
I looked at him. "You. He was mad because I'm talking to you. He thinks we're in a relationship."
"But we are. It may be sexual but it's still a relationship."
"He doesn't need to know that. After that he started telling me that he's trying to save me and protect me."
He smiled, "How adorable."
I rolled my eyes and looked at the ceiling. "He's just mad that I'm not obsessed with him."
"But you are."
I furrowed my brows, "How would you know?" I looked at him. "All you care about is putting your dick inside me. You don't know how I feel about him."
"So, tell me."
"Why? It's not like you care."
"So? You're not leaving anytime soon, and all of our conversations can't be about sex."
"Why do you want to know so bad?"
"Because I know that if you don't talk about it you'll probably take your anger out on me. It's annoying when you do that by the way."
"Fine, but if I tell you something then you have to tell me something."
"Whatever."
"And it has to be something other than something surface level."
He rolled to his side and lifted his head, propping his head on his hand. "Fine." He stared down at me. The intensity of his stare made me freeze for a moment.
"I'm not obsessed with him. I also don't hate him. I think I might still be a little in love with him. But I'm not sure. Before you called, our conversation was fine. Everything was fine." He moved his hand next to my face. He started tracing my jaw. His eyes followed his finger as the featherlight touch of his fingertips led down my neck to my chest. It took a second for me to gather the words, too lost in the sensation of his touch. "After you called though, he completely lost it. It was... unsettling to say the least. He said some things that he shouldn't have said, especially not now."
"Hmm," his voice was soft and low.
"What?"
He looked at my face again. "Your life. It sounds like hell."
"It's not that bad."
He raised his eyebrows, "Seriously?"
"Yeah, I mean, it only got bad once I got back."
"From school. Harvard. Where you're paying them to teach you things you won't remember."
"Okay, it sounds horrible but there are good things that come from it."
"Like?" He looked back down at his hand as he traced shapes on my skin.
"Like my roommate. He's a good friend. There are also parties with free beer."
"You're a party girl?" He looked at my face, pausing his fingers.
"No. I just go to them. Ryan makes me go."
He smiled, "And how many people have you slept with at these parties?"
I felt his hand inching down my body. I moved my hand to his. I lifted it higher up my body. "I told you more than one thing. You're deflecting."
"What do you want to know?" He laid his hand flat on my stomach.
I thought for a minute. "What was it like in the prison world? Before Damon and Bonnie."
A look crossed his face that I didn't recognize. He sighed and looked at his hand. "It was quiet." He tapped his finger against my skin. "I had an entire world to myself for 18 years. For the first two years I looked for a way out. After that I realized there was no way. I did everything to keep myself busy. I learned how to play guitar and how to fly a plane." He looked at my face again.
"But you didn't completely give up hope or you would've... killed yourself."
There was a fleeting change in his expression. "Every time I tried, I came back to life."
I felt my heart skip. "You... Every time?"
"Mhm." He looked away from me again, averting his gaze to his hand. "76 times."
I felt a lump in my throat. I want to cry for him. I wanted to say something else, but no words would come out of my mouth. I couldn't possibly say anything to help him.
"Now do you understand why I'll do everything to stay out of the prison world?" He looked at my face again. "If my father finds me again, he will put me back in one. He would've, anyway, if I hadn't done the merge. You already know about the merge though because Stefan told you."
I can understand why he did it. "I would've done the same thing," I admitted guiltily. "I-" I took a breath. "I tried to, um... I tried to kill myself a few times. It was a few years ago. Before that I was cutting myself. I know you're a bad guy and everything, but I don't think anyone should ever go through something like that."
He stared at me for a moment, searching my face. He won't find anything except empathy and understanding. He lifted his hand off of me.
Humanity. I found the humanity he's suppressed. Part of me wants to find more within him but I know I shouldn't. He's been vulnerable to me about something that's almost impossible to speak about. You would only tell someone you trust something like this.
He laid back down and moved his hands to his chest. He stared at the ceiling. His brows were furrowed and there was a look of contemplation on his face.
I let him simmer in his thoughts for a moment. I shouldn't be getting close to him. Not in this way. This isn't what I'm here for. I came to have sex with him. Now I'm leaving with a deeper understanding of the villain in Damon and Bonnie's story.
I lifted up and moved to straddle him. I swung my leg over his waist and moved my hands to his face. I leaned down and kissed him. He put his hands on my waist, gripping me tightly. I slid my hands to rest just below his ears. I pulled back from the kiss and stared down at him.
"You didn't have to tell me that."
He looked at my lips. "You asked." He looked into my eyes.
"Yes, but you told me more than you could've."
"You told me more than one thing."
I furrowed my brows. "You could've told me something else."
"Just shut up and take it."
I smiled, feeling the dirty thoughts creeping into my mind.
He moved his hands to my arms. "I've turned you into a freak."
"How do you know I wasn't before I met you?"
He smiled, "Really?"
I nodded. I looked at his lips. "Just ask Ryan. We have thin walls." I looked into his eyes.
He looked surprised. "Really?"
"You seem shocked."
"I'm processing." He slid his hands to my forearms. "You're telling me that I could've been rough this entire time."
I looked at his lips. "You should've asked."
"Would you have answered?"
I looked into his eyes. I smiled in response. I leaned down and kissed him softly. I stopped kissing him, keeping my lips close to his. I opened my eyes and looked into his. "I need to leave before I'm hunted down."
He whined and squeezed my arms. "But this is so much fun."
I slid my hands to his chest. "I have things to do."
"Your clothes are wet. You can't leave in wet clothes." I started to move off of him. He wrapped his arms around me and rolled me to my back, laying on top of me. He stared into my eyes. "Stay here until they're dry."
"I can't just walk around here naked."
He looked at my lips and smiled. "I'd actually prefer that."
I laughed, "No."
"You can wear my clothes."
I pressed my hands flat against his chest. "You just want to have sex."
"If I say we won't have sex, will you stay?"
"Will you be lying?"
He shook his head once. "No. I would never lie to you."
I stared at him, trying not to give in. "Fine."
He kissed me deeply. I moaned, sliding my hand to the side of his neck.