As usual, I'm open for corrections and questions :) step into my message if you want to chat !
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The day after that, is surprisingly peaceful and I wake up to pastel colors basking the room. The exhaustion is gone, I only feel the warm sheets, not even my head hurts. I don't remember coming to bed though, imagine Milo carrying me to bed in the dead of the night. I wonder if he cleaned the broken glass in the study.
I can't find my limbs right away, because I'm all tangled up with him. His chest encompasses my back, arm supporting my head under the pillow. His other has snaked under my armpit to clutch my collarbone and his leg has risen to settle in between my own. I don't think it's on purpose seeing how bad of a sleeper he is.
But there is something wet on my neck, flowing down my throat, maybe that's what woke me up instead. The last time it was tears, but the sticky feeling feels like drool when I swipe at it. Nasty. My thighs and sweatpants feel dry though, I guess he had something to do with it.
« Dude, nasty. » My voice slightly cracks, I blame it on the early morning. I wipe my wet hand on his arm, try to pry his leg from mine. Now that I'm awake I can definitely feel the sweat starting. Between the heavy sheets and Milo barely letting me breathe, the bed has turned into a furnace.
« Not dude, Milo. » His grunts come with a growl that I know carries no aggression. He turns me around and I only have time to put my hand up in a weak attempt to create some distance between us. My palm settles on his chest, strong and thick. I curl to push my hips away from his.
I soon feel fingers, long and rugged wiping away the rest of his sticky drool. It's warm and I have to suppress a shiver at the calluses against the soft of my skin. When they press into where my neck and shoulder meet, Milo pushes before his palm buries into my hair. My nose immediately crunches with disgust into a snarl.
I think of Max and his disgusting habits, push a finger into my mouth coating it with saliva. Milo seems oblivious, finger still threading my hair when I raise my hand to his face and push a wet finger into his ear. I smirk at the sheer disbelief on his face, at his eyes, until then barely open when they widen with surprise, with upmost discomfort.
Milo gets over me lazily, limbs over me while I lay on my side unmoving, I can't help but to laugh quietly at his face. It should feel predatory but I see the smile on his face in the soft light, I see the happiness despite just waking up in his eyes. My body shivers from the cold air now that he has taken the sheet with him, pooling at his ankles.
I see his bare chest better now, bellybutton stretching across his stomach when he crouches, forearms flexing when he pushes his hands down on the mattress on each side of my head. Maybe it's the light that catches on his abs, maybe it's the veins running down his bulging biceps. My stomach warms up anyway, but my neck doesn't. It's just him this time, or maybe it's just me.
My smile leaves when my Milo crouches further and his face descends almost inevitably. Though he may know exactly how my body reacts to him, it doesn't mean he should act accordingly, it doesn't mean I'll let him. Milo descend on his elbows, face unreadable and I feel the panic building up. With my head on the side I can't quite tell how close he is until I feel his shallow breath raise the fuzz on my face.
My eyes close when a warm hand traces my backbone from hips to my shoulder blades and settles there, hot and soothing. I have to push my tongue to the roof of my mouth to silence a groan, threatening to leave my mouth. But they snap open when I feel his skin onto mine, his nose just barely grazing mine and his eyes are too clear, too calm once again.
But with his long fingers stretched on my back and his palm gently following my shoulders blades it isn't scary. I manage to push but a hand up anyway, push under his chin to get his face away. I do so gently and slowly and he lets me. His face follows the direction of my hand and I barely have to use any strength. When it's far enough for comfort and my hand lowers, Milo's face follows again, this time nuzzling into my fingers and when his eyes close, I look at his jaw.
I look at his at his strong neck and my gaze falls to his shoulders. My thighs clench involuntarily and he groans. It's low and quiet, almost a whimper and my own lungs shake in echo. His face descends again, slow and careful, gaze on my on own. It's inviting yet powerful, I can't help to turn my head away, to retract my hand to the safety of my chest. The hand on my back continues to go up and down my naked spine, almost too softly.
If he's hurt Milo doesn't show it, continues anyway and soon his whole body hovers like a heavy blanket, hot blooded in the cold room. His face disappears from my vision and I feel the shadow on his lips on my temple. I feel his warm breath on my cheek, feel my hair raise with each breath. Once again it's like I feel more with him, like he does during the night. I look at his sweatpants, thighs spread to balance his weight and the trail of darker hair fleeting under the grey band. Unholy.
My body jerks when his lips gently push onto my temple, this time fully but still as gently. It takes me a second to focus back on him, to remember where I am before I turn to push him away. But his hand on my back pushes against me, it pushes until I'm back into position and I feel his breath on my ear, warm and wet, then his tongue.
I cringe and push him away with all my strength with a groan of disgust. All the while Milo laughs, delighted at his little prank, but I don't miss the affection in his eyes. His laugh is low and slow, more breathing than sound and I can't help but to laugh with him while I try to wipe my ear.
« Disgusting. » I grumble under him and while the sound stopped, his shoulders still shake in the morning light. Milo moves up and leaves for the bathroom with a wide smile on his face that he tries to hide with a hand but I don't miss it while I still try to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling. Disgusting. I still look at his back when Milo moves away, until he passes the threshold.
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When I leave the bathroom after a hot shower that did nothing to settle the nerves, I find Milo waiting on bed, legs planted firmly on the ground, already fully dressed. I glance down at my sweatpants and socked feet, are we going out now ? It feels too soon after yesterday and my stomach crushes with the fact that he might leave me alone.
I look up when I feel Milo move, see him push his phone in his jacket's pocket, I didn't even notice he had it out. He lays back, elbows on the mattress behind him and I see my own outside clothes ready by his side. I can't help but to fill my lungs, when did I stop breathing ? I walk towards the clothes, past him and hope he doesn't notice my calming nerves.
I push a first crewneck over my head, hear Milo typing on his phone again. When I push a sweater over it, I glance at his phone with caution. It's full of emojis again, non on Milo's side of course, it must be the alpha to be. But when I lean to switch my sweatpants for a warmer pair of jeans the typing stops and so do I.
I glance up at him, thumbs hooked into my pants and he chokes out a weird noise, mix of a grumble and a groan, turns to look at the bathroom door instead of me. I don't comment, because earlier I was the same, because I shouldn't push now. Or pull, whatever. When I'm fully dressed Milo stands in a rush and moves to the door. I follow unconsciously, until I stand by his side.
He has his right hand on the door knob, ready to turn it, yet he doesn't. No, Milo glances down at me, left hand out and open towards me. I don't mean to reject him, not that way. But this is different, I don't reach out because this he doesn't need me, he just wants it. I hope he can't see my frown behind the benny and the thick scarf, because I don't do this to hurt him, I do it to protect myself.
Milo pushes gloves to my chest when I don't react and the way he leaves leads to believe maybe it was just that. The way his feet drag on the ground the slightest bit, shows me it wasn't. I put them on before I push my gloved hands down my pockets. The cold outside air manages the engulf anyhow, biting at the bands of skin still exposed at my ankles and wrists.
I thought it was getting warmer but today may be an exception, though the sun warms my back, I can see the thinnest fog rise from my scarf. This time Milo leads the way, heading straight for the tree line. I follow him, only a few steps behind thanks to my matching strides, glad we're about the same size. We reach the first naked trees, except for their fresh growing buds.
Milo's jacket feels a lot like his own bark when the light its his small crevices and his breath raises more smoke than mine. But he moves without a sound, his head turning to me every few seconds even though I'm sure he could tell if I had stopped. It feels like he doesn't need to look, like he knows this forest like the back of his hand. Yet when he moves seemingly carefree, without disturbing any branch or root, he feels like part of the woods himself.
The more I look at him and the more Milo feels more like a force of nature than a person, more like a natural disaster than a monster. Not that I would tell him that. Only when I see him slow down do I notice that it's because I've slowed down myself, I stop and turn my head to catch a ray of sunlight instead of his eyes when turns to look back. It's strange. I wonder if he'll be different in the summer.
When I look back down Milo has fully stopped and jerks his head to forest. I've only been together for a few months but it feels like a long time already, more time than I've ever spend with someone. It's expected when Milo is always glued to my side, or me, shackled to his. Will this ever feel like everyday? I push my toes to the ground and lightly jog to him.
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I'm back :) I've been sick and strangely always tired which is why I haven't been writing as much. Work has also been hectic, so there's that. I can't promise regular updates but I definitely won't give up on this !
Also, we're getting into the part where I have to be careful, where I want to be careful as to how I write and picture the relationship between Marshall and Milo. So writing the past chapters has been taking twice as long :D
Anyway, stay hydrated and take care.